honesty

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You can lie to everyone else but you can never really lie to yourself.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Promise Yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The hardest prison to escape is your mind.

New Blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Controls Your Life

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Fill your heart with your own love and positivity, then, share it with someone else.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Green Support You

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Everything we see is our perspective, not necessarily the truth.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Choose Wisely

Perspective: It’s Not All About You

We don’t typically see things how they are, we see things as we are, and we all have a different perspective depending on what we want or were expecting to happen. Ask a group of people to recount witnessing the same incident and you’ll get as many versions as there are people. We tend to look at things through our own lens and that can cause conflict with those around us.

When I was living in the dark everything was all about me. Even when I was doing something for someone else, it was still all about me. I always wanted something in return, even if it was just the recognition for doing it. In my own perspective back then, that wasn’t true, but when I was able to look back with honesty, I had to admit that all of my motivations for doing anything back then were self-centered and self-seeking. I also walked into many situations with the intention, whether intentional or not, and making that situation about me. Even when I would say or think that the last thing I wanted was to stand out or be the center of attention, I would still manipulate the situation so that it became about me, even quietly behind the scenes. And, in those occasions when I knowingly was walking in and wanting it to be all about me and I didn’t get what I wanted, it typically resulted in some bad behavior on my part. And, even in those situations, I could always justify that bad behavior in my mind, or stuff it down like it didn’t happen, or I was deserving of it. Well, it did happen, and I wasn’t deserving.

As I got better that behavior stopped, and because of the tools I was learning to use I was able to spot my old behavior as it was rearing it’s ugly head, and spotting it in myself also gave me the perspective to see it in others and have a better understanding of why things can get derailed into different directions. The holidays is the perfect example. So many times it becomes about everyone else’s expectations or agendas that we lose the true meaning of the holidays, and instead of it being a time of good cheer, of celebrating with friends and family, it becomes about other things that are selfishly motivated. It’s important to remember what the point of each gathering or event is, and work to keep yourself in line with that, to share in the joy of the purpose of why you are there without trying to steer that event or gathering into a purpose that suits your own needs or fits your expectations. You’re purpose is to add to the purpose of the gathering or event and put your own needs and wants aside. A quick way to get out of your own motives is to ask yourself how you can be of service where you are. How can you help or make, wherever you are, better and more enjoyable, what can you add to a situation and not take away from it? Take a step back, remove yourself from what you see and see it for what it is. When we are able to take ourselves out of the equation the perspective becomes clearer and then when we step back in we are better able to be a part of something, and it’s intended purpose, without pulling the focus to us.

It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, office politics or family dynamics of a situation, but it’s important for your own peace of mind and overall mental health to not involve ourselves in situations that we shouldn’t, or not step on someone else’s toes to look better in the eyes of those around you. Keep yourself right-sized and a part of the solution, not the one causing the chaos. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find it difficult to see things from a different perspective other than your own? How has this gotten you into trouble in the past? Do you find you are able to look at things through an objective perspective or can you only see things through your own point of view or intentions? Do you, whether intentionally or not, attempt to make situations about your and your objectives? Give an example. When we are able to let go of ego and look at every situation as one where we can be of service, many times it puts us in the right frame of mind and gets us out of self. It is important to keep our own expectations and agenda out of the mix when there is generally a greater purpose, and if we are able to stay out of the way of that purpose and even help with it, we are in the right place using the right perspective.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We have what we seek, it has been there all the time, and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Time What Really Matters

From Victim To Victor

Before walking this path I thought of myself as of victim. I felt I was a victim of those around and me and a victim of life. I truly believed that everything and everyone was conspiring to get me. And, my disease told me that I deserved it. I used the victim label like a get out of jail card, I used it to excuse myself from bad behavior or for not taking action where I should and could have. There was a lot I could have done over the years to help myself, but not as long as I could only see myself as a victim. Even when I made the choice to get better I still believed I was a victim, but my path of healing was about to reveal to me that I had been a victim, most of all, to myself.

Stepping into a new way of life and interacting with new people who were battling the same issues as I was, I noticed that these people were not victims, they were fighters, survivors, warriors and victors. It was inspiring, but I still had to be willing to let go of the victimhood that I had used to shield myself from the responsibilities of my own actions. If I was going to find victory in this new way of life I had to let go of being a victim. Shedding that label was scary, as letting it go and not identifying myself as victim meant that I had to take responsibility for my part in the activities and events that lead me to my personal bottom. That was a lot to face up to. When I was able to be rigorously honest with myself, there was very little that I had been a victim to, most everything I had labeled as something I had no part in was absolutely false, my part was all over those things I wanted to make others responsible for. With the exception of our childhood, when we’re young and do not have the ability to make choices, we play some role in most of everything that happens in our lives. There are those instances we do fall victim to a crime or unwittingly get involved in something, but for the most part, even if it’s just engaging with someone or something I shouldn’t have, I played a part in it, or, at the very least, I still had a choice of how I react to what was happening around me. I was no victim, I contributed to much of my heartache and even, at times, purposely led myself down a path to get hurt or betrayal because I thought I deserved it. That victim cloak I draped over myself was mostly made up of excuses to not take ownership of my actions and to a life that I was ashamed of. I certainly had mental health issues working against me, but had I been honest and had the courage to share my truth those issues, as I’ve learned on the path I walk now, are not insurmountable. When I finally took responsibility for my part in all that led me to a place of incomprehensible demoralization, in that moment, I stopped being a victim and became a victor. It took much more work than that to really take ownership of it, but that was the first step, admitting where I had played a part in my own demise.

Today I know I am a victor, I have been victorious over many things, for many years. I will no longer allow myself to be a victim and I will take responsibility for my actions and my part in things. When we admit our part and see where we contributed to our own misery and wrongdoing we take our power back, or perhaps gain it for the first time, that power gives us the fuel to take part in our own recovery, in the ownership of our actions, and reactions, and allows us to find and learn a better way of life. For those of us who have made the move to victor we know the strength we have found in that, and we encourage those who have not yet crossed over to join us as we walk in victory together on this new path and the road beyond. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as a victim? Why is that? Have you played any part in what causes you to think of yourself as a victim? Even if it’s just your reaction to it? How have you played the victim in your own past? Have you used that to gain sympathy or to manipulate in the past? Do you still do that? Why? How does that hurt you? Have others tried to place a victim label on you? Why do you think that is? Are you willing to look at your part in the events that lead you to believe you are a victim? How can you take your power back? We are strong men and women who cannot be defeated unless we allow it, we can overcome anything we put our minds to, and we can use the strength of those around us to help us when we feel weak, or unsure what the next step may be. Find your strength, hold on to us as you make that step from victim to victor and soar.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Maybe it’s not about fixing something that is broken, maybe it’s about creating something better.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set A Prisoner Free

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Suicide doesn’t take the pain away, it passes it to someone else.

If you need someone to talk about Your pain, please reach out to someone. Suicide Prevention Resources

State Of Slay Yellow Care

Suicide Prevention- No Shame

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. A day that is particularly important to me. As a survivor it is a reminder of the place I came from, and the importance of ending the stigma that mental health issues are something to hide and be ashamed of. My shame of my disease kept me silent, and that silence nearly cost me my life. Approximately 1 and 5 adults experience mental illness in any given year in the United States. 1 in 5. Think about that. Anywhere you go, when you look around, 1 and 5 of those people you see are experiencing or have experienced some form of mental illness. So, why are we so afraid to talk about it? Why is there shame around something that so many us all share?

I know for myself I was afraid of being labeled “crazy,” of possibly being in an institution, whether a real threat or imagined, I was afraid of people looking at me differently, of possibly being medicated, something that frightened me as I had seen the side-effects of certain medications in my life having a negative effect, and, I was afraid of being seen as broken, or damaged. Those were the fears that kept me from reaching out and getting the help I needed. I was ashamed at how I was living my life, and my ego and pride stopped me for many years from finding the humility and courage to ask for help. It was someone who shared his story with me, who recognized what I was struggling with, and opened his heart to me about his journey that opened the door for my recovery. I appreciated his courage to share himself with me in that way, and his courage to seek treatment. I could see how his life was today and how he had changed, but I wasn’t quite ready in that moment to identify myself as having the same mental illness. Lucky for me, that story planted a seed, and a few months later, that seed had started to grow, and I realized that I did recognized myself in his story from what it had been like for him. It was the first time I felt like it was safe to tell someone the truth about the place I found myself in, the daily struggle just to get through each day and my constant hope that I would just die in my sleep and make the pain go away. But, in reality, I didn’t want to die, I just, on my own, didn’t know how to make the pain stop, but by asking for help I later found many people who did.

The key to my recovery, and my life today, was my ability to be honest with myself, and those who could help me. I found, that when I did reach out for help that there was an abundance of it, and a community of people who understood what I was going through who rallied around me in support. I learned that what I thought was something to be ashamed of was something that connected me to that community, and to many people who were already in my life who understood my struggle, and that connection meant I wasn’t alone. No one in my life turned away from me. There were certainly those who understood more than others, but those who did not asked questions and attempted to understand. Today, having nearly double digit recovery from my attempt, I am grateful to be here, to have the life I have today, and to be able to share my journey with others who may need to hear that there is hope, there is hope.

The more we talk about something the more it loses it’s power over us, the more that shame we may carry disappears and the more it give others permission to be honest about themselves. Everyone needs help sometime, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out your hand and asking for help. The day I tried to end my pain, I remember regretting what I had done, and when I talk with other survivors, I typically hear the same from them, I was lucky that I was given a second chance, but many do not get that chance, and I wonder how many regretted what they had done after they had done it, probably many.

I am here today to share my story, share my hope, share my light for the person that may be sitting in the dark, there is help all around you, there truly is, sometimes it may not be where you think it is, or where you think it should be, but it’s there. Share you truth and open your heart to finding the help you need, never be ashamed of the place you are right now, because where you are right now may just be where you need to be to get to the place you are meant to be, a place where you can be proud of who are you and who you are, and a place where your courage may just inspire someone else to find theirs. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your truth with those around you, or those you trust, or keep your feelings inside? If you don’t share your truth, why don’t you? Do you try? What stops you? Have you shared your truth in the past? What was the result? If it wasn’t a good result, is it possible you may have shared your truth with the wrong person or persons? Who can you share your truth with? There is no shame in needing help.

If you are not sure who or how to reach out, here are a list a resources you can trust. Suicide Help Resources

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you