celebrate you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every time you judge someone you reveal a part of yourself that needs healing.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Judge Others

Blame-Saying Is Game-Playing

Before walking this path I spent a lot of my time pointing out the faults of others. I figured I knew how to fix everyone else’s lives, even though mine was falling a part, and like a runaway train heading toward a tunnel of death. But to talk to me, I know better. You were all doing it wrong, or could do it better, and if you’d just listen to me, you’d straighten things out. It’s funny to me, looking back, because I’m sure many people in my life were thinking the same about my life, and they probably had some sound advice, but I would never listen to it, because it was all of you who had the problem, not me. What I didn’t realize at the time is that I was doing that to take the heat off myself. I spent so much time pointing out the faults of others, I didn’t have time to look at my own, and even if I did have time, it was much easier to point out yours than actually look at the issues that were making me, and keeping me, sick. It’s easy to get caught looking at the faults of others, it can start so subtly and can easily turn perverse as we give ourselves self-granted permission to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects.

For me, the sicker I got the more I focused on those around me to find relief my the inner struggle, but the more I focused you, the more my disease grew because my attention was elsewhere, it was a smokescreen that allowed me to get sicker, and the sicker I got, the more focused I became on fixing everyone else.

Today, I know that I need to keep the spotlight on myself, and if my mind wanders and starts to look at the fault of others, I know I need to turn that focus back on myself because there is something I’m avoiding or trying to dodge. When we don’t want to deal with something, or are trying to avoid a feeling, we often will look out to outside things to distract us, or hope it passes, but what we should be doing is facing it head on, looking into why we’re trying to avoid it, and what the root of it is. It goes back to self-respect, honoring who we are and what we need, taking the time to get to know who we really are, it’s only then that we can figure out why we do the things we do and why we may be avoiding certain feelings or emotions. We are on a life long journey with ourselves, it’s up to us to explore, love and learn who we are, and to celebrate ourselves in a healthy and positive way. Playing games with ourselves keeps us stuck, keeps us sick, and can make us sicker if we continue to look around everywhere but inside ourselves. Stop passing blame onto others, judging those around you and avoiding the true issue. What is causing you to avoid who you really are? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you focus on others when you don’t want to deal with your own issues or feelings? How do you do that? Why do you do that? Write an example of when you’ve done that. What was the result? Have people told you to mind your own business? Should you have? Did you after you were told to? Or do you persist and keep meddling in their lives? How do you feel when someone gives you unwanted advice about your life? Do you appreciate it? Or get angry or annoyed? We have no right to judge others, our lives, each of us, is what we’re responsible for, as is everyone else. The more we take that focus off of us and direct that at others, the more we’re in danger of letting our disease, or the darkness, take over while we’re distracted and looking somewhere else, which is exactly what it wants. Once it convinces us to look outside of ourselves it can do what it wants, and if we’re so focused on everyone else, we’re in danger of loosing ourselves. No matter how difficult something may be to face, it doesn’t compare to the pain that is building within ourselves as we try to ignore it and distract ourselves from the real issue at hand, we are giving that pain permission to grow and slowly take over. It’s time to take that permission back, and get in touch with our true selves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Why Fit In When You Were Meant To Stand Out

When I was younger, all I wanted was to blend in. To disappear into the background, unnoticed, safe from prying eyes. The thought of standing out filled me with anxiety. What if people saw what I saw? What if they really saw me? I spent years hiding behind a mask, trying to fit into roles that made me feel acceptable. Even as an actor, I found comfort in playing characters—if someone disliked them, at least it wasn’t the real me.

But the real transformation happened when I stripped away those layers and stood there with nothing to hide behind. Vulnerable. Exposed. For a long time, I felt like there was nothing there but a gaping void.

The work of discovering and embracing my true self wasn’t easy. It took courage to not just like the real me, but to love and celebrate her. And it all began with saying yes—to experiences, to challenges, and to moments that stretched me outside of my comfort zone.

Embracing the Weird and Wonderful

As I started saying yes more often, my quirks surfaced. The playful, silly side I’d suppressed began to shine. I realized that being called “weird” was actually a compliment. Weird meant I was no longer trying to mold myself into what others expected. I was me—unapologetically.

Now, I seek out the other “weirdos” on my path. They inspire me, because they’re living authentically, just like I strive to do. Their light is a reminder that authenticity is beautiful and magnetic.

Think about it: why settle for being a copy of someone else? When we dim our true selves to fit in, we lose trust—not just in others, but in ourselves. Trust grows when we embrace our truth, when we stand confidently in who we are.

The Power of Authenticity

When we live authentically, we will stand out. Our light shines brighter. It attracts others who are also ready to step into their truth. It gives them permission to do the same.

Authenticity creates connection. It breaks down barriers. And it gives us a sense of belonging—not because we’re fitting into someone else’s mold, but because we’ve finally found our people.

You have something special to offer the world. Don’t hide it. Step out of the shadows. Let us see you—the real you. Because when you do, you’ll inspire others to do the same. And that’s how we all rise together.

SLAY Reflection

Here’s your chance to reflect and take action, SLAYER:

  • S: What masks are you wearing to fit in?

  • L: How would it feel to let those masks go and embrace your true self?

  • A: What’s one small step you can take today to let your light shine?

  • Y: Who inspires you with their authenticity, and how can you draw from their courage?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’re hiding that you’re ready to embrace?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to show up as their true self, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ve done better than you realize. You’ve helped more than you know. You’re closer than you think. Find your purpose and get out there and be your best you!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Awesome

Hey! I’m Talking To You

I think it’s time for a pep talk and let go of all the preconceived about who you are and who you should be. YOU SHOULD BE YOU!

It’s easy to get lost in the social media black hole, or the messages put out by advertisers, about who we’re supposed to be, what we’re supposed to look like, and what we’re supposed to watch and listen to. Those things are very persuasive, and so can the people in our lives. If we’re not putting pressure on ourselves, others can put pressure on us to be what is expected of us. Many of us feel like failures when we don’t measure up to these ideas and parameters. But, if that’s not who you are, and not what you want to do, don’t do it. We are not here to please others, we are here to learn who we are and what our own unique purpose is, and we’re not going to find that living a life for someone else, or, by trying to fit into an unattainable mold we see presented to us as the norm. Who the heck wants to be the norm anyways? Be you.

When I speak to young adults it’s hard to listen to them tell me that they don’t feel good enough, or to hear them beat themselves up because they are not like the other kids. I say good! Don’t be like the other kids. But, it’s easy for me to say that now after 12 ½ years of work on myself, and learning to love myself for who I am and what I stand for. When I was a young adult I hated myself, even as an adult I hated myself, and the last thing I wanted to do was to stand out because I worried that you might ask me a lot of questions, questions I didn’t want to answer because I thought if you knew the answers, you wouldn’t like me. So, I understand. But, what I continue to share with anyone who will listen is, what sets you apart makes you special. Unique. Whole. Beautiful. Bold. Strong. And one badass. Love who you are. Embrace who you are. Celebrate who you are. And, if there is something that you don’t like, something that you think is getting in the way of being your best self, then take action to change it. But only do it for you.

It’s about finding acceptance, even in the dark places, of our true selves. In fact, especially loving the dark places because that is where we are most vulnerable. Those are also the place from where we should share ourselves, it’s those places that connect us to others like ourselves and give us strength as we use those places for good, and we take those places back and make them our own. Never be ashamed of who you are and where you’ve come from. It is what has made you into who you are today. And who you are today is awesome. And if you’re not feeling your awesomeness go out and take some action to find it. But I want you to know, that I already see it. It’s in you, let it shine.

Never let anything get in the way of being your best self. Know that what you have to offer is special, and no one else’s. You may come in a different kind of package, but the gifts inside are pure magic. Share those gifts with those out there who may appreciate them, who may need them, or just to show yourself how magical you are. Only you can say what’s right for you, so own who you are and go out and show us all. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find you get stuck thinking you should be or look a certain way? Why? Where are you getting these messages? Do you think they’re healthy? Do you think you’re setting yourself up to fail by setting unreal expectations for yourself? Why do you think you do this? What is a more loving way to encourage yourself to change? What don’t you want to change? List 5 things you like about yourself. Of those 5 things, what can you use to share with others who can use those things? Share them SLAYER, share you, and never doubt that what makes you makes you special. Love who you are, all of you, and live out loud, expressing your true self for all to see. Shine bright SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Can’t Compare

Even though I am writing each day.  talking about loving your authentic self, owning who you are and celebrating that, and I do that, I found myself recently, while I was working out, admiring someone else’s figure and wondering why I don’t look like that. I stopped myself and had to give myself a pep talk. Why do we as human beings compare ourselves with those around us, or those we see in the media, or on social media? Each of us is unique, and in terms of our bodies, we are all built differently, our skeletal systems, muscle mass, metabolisms, it makes no sense to compare ourselves with anyone, we’re not all playing with the same equipment. After my little pep talk mid-workout I had to laugh at myself, thinking, you know better, but we all do it at some point, and the trick is to change our thinking and appreciate who are we, what we’ve been through, how hard we work, and for the many ways we are all blessed. So, how do we do that if we’re stuck in comparison mode? Here are a few ways to get you back on the road of self-appreciation and self-love.

1) Focus on your victories. As much as we live in a culture of always wanting more, and wanting it bigger and faster, we need to focus on our own successes, what we’ve accomplished and overcome to get to where we are today. When we focus on our own personal wins we don’t tend to compare ourselves to the other people around us, we may have people in our lives who inspire us, or push us to the next level of being our best selves, that’s healthy, but you can’t compare apples and oranges, none of us are exactly the same, so focus on you and what others are doing becomes less significant in our lives.

2) Focus on the bigger things in life. It can be easy to caught up in wanting material things, but those things don’t give back to us. When we focus on giving back, on love, on empathy towards others, on humility, and being part of a community we tend to compare ourselves less to those around us. Make sure your time is spent on things that matter most, not just things to puff up your ego or to collect as trophies.

3) Appreciate others instead of competing against them. We live in a competitive world, and a little healthy competition can be good, but not when it becomes the sole purpose for you doing anything, and winning becomes your most important goal. Learn to work with others, compliment them when they do well, and work together as a team, when we build relationships and a community around us we don’t find the need to compete for the spotlight and to always be the best.

4) No one is perfect. I’ve talked about this before. We’re all here to learn. We all make mistakes…that’s how we learn. If we’re not making mistakes we’re not learning, we’re not growing, we’re not pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone to move on to where we’re supposed to be, we’re staying stuck. Every triumph comes with obstacles, so no one is getting a free ride over you. When we look at others through this perspective it helps us find compassion for them, and us, and it helps us connect with them instead of looking at them like they’re our competition.

5) You’re only competing against yourself. Really, at the end of the day, you are your only competition. You are the only one if playing with the exact same circumstances, tools, and parameters as you. Only you can compete against you. Let that be your motivation, your guide, your push, to be a better you than you were yesterday.

When we focus on ourselves, what we can be doing to broaden our world, to challenge ourselves and to give back we lose the need to compare ourselves to others and to put ourselves down for not being something we can never be, someone else. Celebrate who you are and were you’ve come from, and, set some attainable goals to challenge yourself and be your best you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you constantly compare yourself to others? What about those people do you admire, or envy? Why do you think you can’t have a version of those things for yourself? We can never be someone else or have their exact life, and even if we could we’d probably find it wasn’t as rosy as we made it out to be in our minds, so of those things you admire, what can you do to find those or work on those in your life? How’s that self-love coming along SLAYER? Making progress? Or still struggling? Write down 5 things you admire about yourself, that you cannot buy. Write down 5 things you overcame last year that you are proud of. Now make a list of 5 things you would like to overcome this year. Get to work SLAYER, it’s all within your reach.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You Wobble You’re In The Right Place

I like to challenge myself, I like to push and see how far I can go, I’ve never been one to stay where I am and make the safe decision or hide in my comfort zone, I guess you could say I’m a little dare-devil, obvious by the scrapes I’m still nursing from my wipe out in Mexico over Christmas, I’m not reckless, I used to be, but I do like to see how far I can go past where I think I can. I was in a yoga class recently and we were in a balancing pose, a tricky pose, and a pose that can be pushed to challenge yourself, and the instructor said, “if you wobble you’re in the right place,” meaning, you’re challenging yourself, because it’s not about just standing there looking pretty in a place that is safe for you, it’s about anchoring yourself in your foundation and then seeing how far you can go, or maybe trying it from a slightly different position. This struck me as the perfect metaphor for the top of the year. As we start a new year I challenge you SLAYERS to wobble, to get out of your comfort zones, the places you know you are safe, where you know what’s going to happen, I challenge you to dig deep, find a solid footing and then stretch out, twist, turn, shake…and wobble.

Challenging ourselves can be scary, but if we start to change our attitude or perspective on those challenges and start to embrace and look forward to them, you’ll find as you start to challenge yourself more that you’ll gain more confidence in yourself and what you are able to do. So what if you fall? We all fall, that’s how we learn, so go for it and you may just surprise yourself. And when you do succeed, and perhaps the victory at first is just in trying, celebrate that, celebrate you, even if it’s just with a smile to yourself, you’ve won, and remember that the next time an opportunity comes up to let yourself shine. For many of us we can feel alone, or isolated, but when you start to challenge yourself and try new things you meet new people, it just happens, and typically these people have similar interests to your own, that’s probably how you’ve met new people in the past, and when you open yourself up to meeting new people your world gets bigger, it gets brighter, and your challenges become less scary because you start to share them with others, or maybe we all tackle some of them together. Something else that happens when we meet new people and we start to challenge ourselves outside of our comfort zone is that we start to expand our interests, we are exposed to new things, new ideas, new activities with new people which causes us to ask questions, to research and to join in and participate in life. Overcoming those little wobbles as we grow and expand our lives gives us opportunities to rise to the occasion, which helps us grow and it’s through adversity or hardship that learn and become who we are meant to be.

Life is going to do it’s thing, it’s always throwing curve balls at us, but we are less likely to get knocked down if we find comfortability in the wobble, because if we’ve been challenging ourselves a little wobble here and there isn’t going to throw us or knock us down, we’ll know that no matter what the outcome we will come out stronger and better for having gone through it, life’s little wobbles won’t seem so big and scary because we’re challenging ourselves every day, so next time you find yourself in an opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone, do it, and if you find you’re wobbling, smile, because that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you walk through life in your comfort zone? Do you try to stay there where it’s safe? Why do you do that? Are you happy there? Truly happy? Has your comfort zone gotten you to where you want to be? What if you took a step out? What if you challenged yourself to go beyond where you have before? What if you tried something new? Or tried it a different way? I challenge you SLAYER to push yourself, to let yourself wobble and trust that you’re going to be OK, trust that it’s in the wobble where you will learn, were you will gain confidence, where you will get stronger. Write down 5 examples where you pulled back when you should have pushed further, and then write down how you will push further the next time. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you celebrate your true spirit, what makes you truly you, you create your own light, not only for you, but for those around you.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate

Celebrate Your True Spirit

For most of my life I lived behind a mask, a cardboard cutout of who I thought you wanted me to be, and I say cardboard because it always felt flimsy, like if it got wet it would buckle, and as time when on it seemed to get ragged from overuse, it seemed to give way to the broken woman who held it up with white knuckles because she was clinging to it with all her might. My spirit was broken, was pushed so far down under the muck and sludge I had thrown on top of it that I wasn’t sure it was even there, never-mind celebrate it. It took a lot of work to finally let it back out and to shine. I realized as I was working my way back from a pit of darkness that I needed to celebrate my spirit along the way, celebrate that I was a survivor, celebrate that drive in me to get better, to do better, and really appreciate the spirit in me that makes me who I am, at the core. Now, on a bad day I can beat up that spirit, I’m grateful that I don’t have as many of those today, because today I protect that spirit, I honor it, and do what I can to nourish it, to let it shine for all to see, because my journey has taught me, when I do, great things happen, and when I do I can encourage others to do the same. But, if you’re not quite there yet, or maybe never where, how to do we learn to celebrate our spirit and who we are as individuals?

1) As Shakespeare said…”This above all: to thine own self be true.” Never dull your shine for anyone. Be your true self, all we have to offer to set us apart from each other is our own uniqueness, and we are all unique. We may have similar interests or ideas but we all have our own twist of seeing the world and executing those ideas, so share your perspective, share your unique voice, as I always say, let your freak flag fly! No one wants a carbon copy of someone else, or someone pretending to be someone else, know who you are and be proud of that. And if you don’t know who you are and what you stand for ask yourself, invest in yourself, and head down the road of self-discovery, it’s the richest road you can travel on. Always be your true self.

2) Be Good To Yourself. Give back to yourself, nourish yourself, mind, body and spirit. Make sure you’re getting what you need to be your best self, invest in yourself. It’s easy to put ourselves last when life gets busy, but you can’t pour anything from an empty cup, fill yours up first before you start giving to others. Whatever makes your heart shine, make sure you’re giving yourself some of that every day, even if it’s just rocking out to your favorite song in the shower, whatever makes you smile from the inside out, do that, and do that often.

3) Have Fun. Don’t forget to have fun. There are many things in life that aren’t that much fun, but I am of the firm belief that we can really make most things fun, some are more fun than others, but again, it’s a matter of perspective, and, if there is something that is most definitely not fun, make sure you’ve got a plan in place for some fun after, I use that one a lot. Life should be fun, so schedule some in between those things that you have to do, and even better, see if you can’t make those more fun too.

4) Embrace Your Flaws. First off, we all have them, second, are they really flaws, or you just placing an unkind label on something you’re just not fond of, or perhaps think should be or look a certain way. I’ve talked about turning our flaws into flawsome in the past, and it’s something that really let’s our spirit shine. There’s so much pressure and negativity in the world, why not stop adding to what’s already there by thinking and speaking negatively to ourselves? Embrace who you are, flaws and all, and see if you can’t change some, if not all of them, into flawsomeness.

5) Go After What You Want. Know what you want and go for it. You are the only one stopping you. You’re not always going to get what you want, but you tried, and the act of trying may take you to where you’re supposed to be. But, you won’t get there if you don’t know, or don’t even get started. Trust that you are drawn to where you’re path is supposed to lead you and then take action. And don’t be afraid to tell people what you want. When you speak up and share your ideas and goals others may join you, or may have a suggestion of how you can achieve that goal. Speak up, be confident, and be proud of who you are and where you want to go.

We all get knocked down in life, some harder than others, but no one gets a free ride. It’s about getting back up and celebrating who you are, who you truly are, at the very center of your being, of letting that light in you shine bright sharing it with those around you, but also with yourself. Be good to you, celebrate you, love you, when you do you start to receive that love back in all that you do.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate your spirit? If not why? If you do, how do you celebrate your spirit? Are you struggling to celebrate your spirit today? What do you think is stopping you? If someone where to describe your true you, how would you want them to describe you? What words would you like them to use? What’s stopping you from describing yourself with these same words. Start SLAYER. Write down 5 things you love about who you are. Write down 5 words each day this week, never repeating the same words twice. At the end of the week, celebrate you and all of the ways that make you, and your spirit, uniquely and beautifully you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you