Celebrate

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Whatever is good for your soul, do that.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Self Respect

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Dress like you’re going somewhere better later.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dress Up

Good News Is Contagious – Pass It On

I was speaking with a friend yesterday who shared some good news with me. She had been going through a tough time lately and so it was great to hear something unexpected and positive had happened and it brightened my day to hear her good news. Good news is contagious that way. When we hear of something good happening for someone we care about it like it’s also happened to us, that good shines on us as well. Good news has a ripple effect, it spreads out from the person sharing to through to all of those who it’s shared with, and yet, there are times when we hesitate to share our good news in fear of being judged or the excitement not reciprocated, which is an indication that we might not have chosen the right people to have in our life, or, the ones to share in our good news. We should always share our good news, and should not hesitate to, our good news should always be celebrated, and because it feels good to all it is shared it, it seems selfish to not share it.

When I was living in the dark I hesitated sharing anything good, first off, because I didn’t believe I deserved anything good, and second, because I didn’t trust that anyone would be happy for me. That trust issue was my issue, because I was walking around with so much shame and guilt, I thought people could see who I really was and wouldn’t be happy for me, or would be jealous that something good had happened to a piece of garbage like me, so I held it back, or would share it but would follow it up with something to downplay it so it didn’t sound as good. I never let myself fully enjoy the good, or allow others to fully enjoy it with me.

When I sought help and was on my road of recovery I learned to appreciate the good, to look for it, and I got to work getting over my fear of sharing it with the people in my life. First I had to start believing I was worthy of the good and that others weren’t looking at me enviously for getting something I didn’t deserve. I had to also look at the people who I had chosen to have in my life, were they true friends who did want the best for me, and was I a true friend to them? I had to get honest with not only who the people were in my life but why they were in my life, and, did they have a place in my new life now that I was living rigorously honest. Most of the people I had chosen remained and it was changed behavior on my part that let them in and began to share with them what was truly going on in my life, and that included sharing good news. I began to see how sharing my good news brightened someone else’s day, and may have given them hope in their own life, and I noticed that when someone did the same with me that it brightened my day as well, and, I learned to celebrate along with them instead of thinking that they may have gotten something that I wanted for myself. It was about learning to think in a new way, that allowed me to see the good in my own life and feel grateful but also do the same with others. Their good news didn’t take anything away from me, in fact it gave me something I could use to lift my own spirits and continue on in my own journey.

Never be afraid to share your good news, if you’ve chosen the right people in your life, they will be just as excited to hear it as you were, and they’ll cheer you on as that good cheer will be shared with them in their life. We can spread positive energy through each other and it becomes like a light beam that connects us all, and when someone needs that light it may illuminate their path and create their own good news to come. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your good news when you have it? How do you do this? What is the result? How do you feel when you share your good news? How does it effect those around you? When someone shares their good news with you, how does it effect you? Do you feel that positive energy from someone else’s good news? Does it brighten your day or spirits? Anytime we share something positive with those around us, it sends out light to those we share it with, which not only lights up their day but brightens ours as well. Send out your beams of light when you share your good news and watch it light everyone up. That’s good news… pass it on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Slay

Good morning SLAYER! Celebrate how far you’ve come today.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay See More Of

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day of your life is a special occasion and a reason to celebrate.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate Each New Day

Celebrate Instead Of Isolate

The holiday season is here and it’s a time that may not be all that jolly for everyone. I know for myself, before I started my journey on my current path, I dreaded all holidays. It was a time that made me feel like hiding or escaping and I felt pressured to have a good time and live up to not only my expectations but those around me. I just wanted to isolate, stick my head in the sand and wait for them to be over. Even in writing how I used to feel, I can feel my anxiety rising. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way today.

Before walking this path I was constantly hiding, even in plain sight. I could isolate anywhere, in a room of ten people or a stadium of people, it didn’t matter, if I felt uncomfortable, which was most of the time, I would find a way to distance myself from those around me. I thought it kept me safe, but all it did was keep me feeling lonely. What I didn’t know back then is that my disease, that negative self-talk that ran constantly in my head, wanted me to isolate so it could have it’s way with me, because if the voices in my head were the only voices I was hearing, I was going to believe what they were saying, and I did. Going into the holiday season felt like I was running a gauntlet of high pressured uncomfortable gatherings. The only way I could get through them back then was to numb myself, with whatever I could, even if it was dessert table and a tray of cupcakes, whatever it took to get outside of myself to get by. But that only worked while I was there, in the moment, then the sadness would kick in, that bullshit committee in my head would start up and I would beat myself up for not being “normal” and able to join in and have a good time. But, is everyone really having a good time? Probably not. And that brings me to the next hurdle I had to overcome, perception. Again, my head wants to tell me that everyone loves the holidays and all of the events of the season and everyone has a great time and finds it easy to socialize and engage with those around them. Now, I know today that isn’t true, and I’m sure you’re out there shaking your head too, but back when I was specializing in isolation my head told me the latter, and I believed it. There goes that anxiety spike again. The truth is that most people get anxious at gatherings and events and everyone is doing their best to look and sound like their not, and once I allowed myself to see that and believe that, my anxiousness became acceptable to me and I began to look for those people like myself, who seemed a bit awkward, and made a commitment to talk to them. Just like outside those gatherings, it’s all about finding your tribe and support group, and when you take off the “weirdo” glasses you think you’re wearing and look through your own eyes and the truth, you see that there are others, like yourself, who may be struggling out there. That’s when things started to change. I also used a back up system. I had my support team, those group of people who understood me and my challenges, and I would let them know I was venturing out for some holiday cheer, I would be accountable, and when I felt overwhelmed I would excuse myself and call and text someone on my team, then I didn’t feel like I was walking in alone, unarmed. When I let my team know I was nervous I would get messages back checking in or encouraging me to jump in there and participate, that made a huge difference to start, to know I had support. That support and my willingness to break out of my isolation was the key to learning to connect with people and actually starting to enjoy the holiday season by being in the moment rather than trying to live up to what I thought, or someone else thought, it should be. And for those gatherings that may not be healthiest place, having that support team in your pocket not only makes attending those functions easier, but also gives you some great conversation and connecting with that support on the ride home.

The holidays come ever year, whether we like it or not, so why not like it, maybe not all of it, but find the parts you like, or a willing to be open to liking, gather your support team and don’t head out there alone. Also, find a way to give back on those days that are most challenging. I have always found when I give back I find relief in my own anxiety or depression as the act of giving gets me out of my own head and allows me to see the good through others. So, if you find that you are finding this season particularly challenging, think about what you can do to make someone else’s day brighter, even if it’s just by picking up the phone. We all have the power to change our perception of the month ahead, why not find a magic in it that makes us want to celebrate instead of isolate. Change always starts with willingness. Be willing to find something to celebrate this holiday season. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find the holiday season difficult? Why is that? Do you tend to isolate over the holidays? How does that make you feel? Does that help with your feelings about the holidays? Does it make it worse? What can you do to isolate less? How can you find some joy and magic in the holidays? Is there any part of the holidays you do enjoy? Can you add something of yourself or something you love to the holidays? What is that? Many people have trouble getting through the holidays, you are not alone, find and hook in with your support team, stay connected with them as you navigate through the holidays season, and, look for those little things you might enjoy, even just for yourself, those little things may just blossom into a personal appreciation and holiday spirit.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s no such thing as an unimportant day.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate It All

Celebrate Life, Especially In Death

It was one year ago today that my Uncle lost his battle with cancer, and two days ago I learned of the sudden passing of a dear friend. In both cases, these men exuded light and love. They were always helping those in need, or those they felt could use some of their light. They laughed, they made others laugh, and they shared themselves, they’re true selves, with those around them. It’s always sad to say goodbye, and, so often, it takes time to even accept that such a bright soul is no longer here, although they are never far. Kevin, who passed a few days ago, has been ever present in my last few days, I’ve seen signs of him in many moments and when I do it always makes me smile and warms my heart. And, it’s a reminder that we never truly lose those we love, they stay with us, popping in and out when we may need a reminder they’re there, or, to keep us smiling. It also reminds me that even in death, we need to celebrate life. Both men did so much for others, there is much to celebrate, and in knowing both men, that is what they would have wanted, not for us to be sad and for our hearts to ache, but to laugh and remember all the good things we shared, the funny moments, the warm thoughts and times of understanding. It is in times like these that things always seem to come into the right perspective.

But, why do we often wait for a big event, or loss, to celebrate life? We should be celebrating every day, with ourselves, and those we love. In fact, we should be actively looking for each moment to celebrate who we are, who we love and how far we’ve come. Now, I don’t mean we should looking to celebrate so much that we stop doing what we need to do, but even just recognizing something, acknowledging something or honoring something, or someone, is enough to keep the celebration going. We can be so hard on ourselves and can get in a cycle of seeking out those things we’ve done wrong, or could have done better, and many times it can be difficult to look for what we’ve done right, or better, and yes, it is great to always strive to do better, but it’s just as important to acknowledge how well we’ve done, or are doing. And, remembering to celebrate those people in our lives who help us, and remind, us to celebrate ourselves, and in turn, celebrate them.

As I remember those I have lost, and all the reasons to celebrate them, it also celebrates who I am and how fortunate I have been to have had these two beautiful souls in my life. Both made my heart bigger, and I can still feel it expand when I think of them, so instead of filling my heart with sorrow, I will fill it with love and gratitude that both of these men showed me how to live life with grace and love and both showed me a version of myself I love and can celebrate today, and each and every day. Celebrate your best self today, and even your lesser self, because when we celebrate all of who we are we get better, and we learn to grow from that place, we learn to love all of our parts and that love may show others how to love theirs. Celebrate life, and the life of those who have left us, it is through our continued celebrating that their light keeps shining in our lives and allows our light to shine brighter. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate yourself, even in the difficult times? If yes, how do you celebrate? If not, why not? When you’ve lost a loved one, are you able to celebrate them and who they were? Are you able to see who you were to them? Are you able to celebrate that, and see yourself through their eyes? How do you show appreciation for who you are and what you’ve been through? Can you do more? What? Do you celebrate the people in your life? How? Can you do more? We often think people know how we feel, and they may, but it never gets old to hear that appreciation, and you never know when you may not get the opportunity to share it again. Celebrate yourself, and those around you, each day, and watch the light within, and around you, get brighter.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Large things are made up of many small things. Celebrate the small things.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate Life

Every Little Thing Should Be Celebrated

We often save our celebrations for big events, or accomplishments, but what about those every day victories that get us to those big celebrations? Every day is worth celebrating, heck, most of us have made it through some pretty treacherous waters to get where we are right now, I know I have, and yet, sometimes we forget to celebrate how far we’ve come, how our day-to-day choices, decisions, or our overall mindset has changed for the better. We tend to focus on those big changes or life events instead of those little shifts each day. Many times we dismiss our hard work, or downplay what we have accomplished, never acknowledging ourselves for a job well done. It takes a lot to even recognize we need a change many times, let alone actually making them.

When I made the decision to change my life for the better most of what I had been doing to get by, and the way I had been living my life, had to be changed. That seemed really daunting, and scary. I, in the past, was someone who didn’t like change, and at times, when things were changing around me, beyond my control, I had turned to behaviors that ultimately harmed myself to cope with the feeling that my life was out of control. So, to set forth knowing I was embarking on an unknown path that was going to require me to change almost everything took some courage, but I had to trust I had been led to the path ahead for a reason and I had to trust that those I was walking with were going to help me and walk with me into this foreign land. I was encouraged to celebrate the little things, which, for me, back then, weren’t little, but even just the fact that I woke up, that I put a new routine in place that was in support of good mental health and a spiritual practice, and that I had stopped leaning on old habits that were harming me just to get by. Each day was a celebration because I had made it through, I had come from a place of wanting to die each day, so just waking up and looking forward to the day ahead was always something to celebrate, even if it was a difficult day, it was still better than where I had come from. But focusing on the victories, small or large, helped me to keep going, and it started to build my self-esteem. It also gave me a connection to others who were on a similar path, and I learned to celebrate their victories as well, sometimes even more than my own, because I knew how hard they were working and how tough the road could be. I learned compassion through taking an interest in others, and encouraging them to keep going as I celebrated along with them. Life started to look different, and instead of it being a series of horrible events, or punishment, it became full of celebrations, for me, and those around me.

We often set parameters in our lives for what we think is worthy of celebrating, and often we set those parameters higher for ourselves than those around us. What if we looked for all the ways we can celebrate ourselves today? What if we focused on our wins and not our losses? Why don’t we look at all the ways we deserve to be celebrated today, and share that joy with others as they celebrate themselves, or, perhaps, inspire them to celebrate their own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate the smaller moments in your life, acknowledging how far you’ve come or how hard you’ve worked? If yes, how do you do that? If no, why not? Do you set the bar high for what you deem important enough to celebrate? What is worthy of celebration in your life? When was the last time you celebrated you? How can you do that more? What can you celebrate in your life today? How can you do that? Each time we walk through something we struggle with, each time we make a positive change in our life, or a positive thought replaces a negative one, each time we step out of our comfort zone and reach for something new we should celebrate. Maybe there’s a celebration just for reading this today and considering it, it starts with one small step, but that step could change the rest of your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you