Good morning SLAYER! Decisions become easier when you no longer aim to please the world.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Mental Health
Don’t Let Anyone Hold You Hostage In Your Past
There comes a time in our journey when we realize that some people will try to keep us tied to who we used to be.
They may not do it out of malice, but out of their own comfort or insecurity. They might not be ready to see the version of us that’s growing, changing, and stepping into the light.
But here’s the truth:
Who you were is not who you are today.
When I started working on myself, making better choices, and stepping into my authentic self, I noticed something:
Some people clung to the old version of me.
The version they were used to.
The one that made them feel more comfortable, or even superior.
At first, I tried to prove them wrong.
I tried to explain, to show them through my words and actions that I had changed.
I exhausted myself trying to pull them into the present with me.
But eventually, I realized—
That’s not my job.
Your growth isn’t for other people to validate.
Your evolution isn’t up for debate.
You don’t have to prove to anyone how far you’ve come.
Show, Don’t Tell
People will either catch up or they won’t.
Some will need time to adjust to the new you.
That’s okay.
You don’t need to convince them.
Live your truth.
Let your actions speak louder than words.
If they’re holding you hostage in your past, it says more about them than it does about you.
Their inability to see your growth comes from their own fear or insecurity.
It’s not your burden to carry.
Your Growth Is For You
As you continue to step into the person you’re becoming, remember:
It’s not your job to wait for others to catch up.
It’s your job to keep growing, keep evolving, and keep showing up for yourself.
Some people will see your light and rise with you.
Others will stay stuck in the version of you that makes them comfortable.
Let them.
You don’t have to dim your light or shrink back into old patterns to make others feel safe.
Keep Moving Forward
You’ve worked too hard to stay stuck.
Don’t let anyone’s outdated view of you keep you from stepping into your full potential.
You’re not here to live in the past.
You’re here to thrive in the present and build a future you’re proud of.
SLAY OF THE DAY
Are you letting someone hold you hostage in your past?
Why?
How does it feel to carry their expectations?
Are you ready to stand tall in your growth?
Write down one step you can take today to honor who you are becoming.
Take it.
Your story deserves to keep moving forward.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Have you ever felt held back by someone’s outdated view of you?
How did you handle it?
What’s one action you can take today to stand tall in your growth?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.
And if you know someone who needs this reminder—send it their way.
We rise when we lift each other.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! What’s behind your walls?
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Do You Build Up Walls To Protect Your Disease?
When I was living in my disease I built up walls. I thought I was building them up to protect me from all of you. From the big bad cruel world that was out to get me. But what I was really doing was building walls to protect my disease so I could stay sick. I didn’t want to stay sick, but that’s what’s tricky about mental illness, it controls our thoughts and actions without us even knowing it, making us think what we’re doing is our idea, when it’s really not, or in our best interest. Those walls that I built to protect me, only protected me from getting well, and behind those walls I kept getting sicker.
When I think back to those years I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and bad habits and decisions that did harm to my overall mental, spiritual and physical health, my decline was so seamless I didn’t even notice it until I felt overwhelmed by it. I had been setting up my own decent into darkness for years and years, and as each year passed, I built up more and more walls to keep me from connecting from those people, places and things that could have had a positive influence on me. I didn’t want a positive anything in my life, even though I thought I did, but truthfully as the years went on I didn’t feel I deserved it, so I set myself up to fail, to fall deeper and deeper into the dark until I almost wasn’t able to find my way out. I would have been offended back then if someone had said I had disease, much less that I had been protecting it, but that is the truth of what was going on, and I am responsible for my part and acknowledging my disease was the first step in taking my life back.
We all can build walls to protect us from things we think are there to harm us. But how many of us have built them to protect us from getting help, or better, and we’re actually protecting our disease and keeping ourselves sick because that is what we know and think where we’re supposed to be? What are our walls protecting exactly? Only we can be rigorously honest and ask ourselves that truth.
For some of us, our sicknesses have become our identity, it’s what connects us to others who will not judge us, because those we spend our time with our just as sick, or perhaps sicker. We keep ourselves tethered to people and things that keep us just out of reach of the help we may need, or even a positive voice that may shed some light on our path. For me, I had been doing that for so long, it was absolutely terrifying to step out into the light, to feel exposed and unsure of the next step, but it also felt liberating to no longer feel tied down and ashamed the place I found myself, and, in doing so, I found a little bit of hope that I could move forward from that place and it wasn’t my destiny to stay stuck there. The truth is, we are never stuck, unless we allow ourselves to be, there is always hope, there is always help, and there is always a way out, but we’ll never find those things hiding behind our walls all by ourselves.
Tear down those walls you may have built, or, at least look around them, to find the light you need to light your path. Stop protecting what harms you and start fighting for yourself and where you are supposed to be, a place that allows you to be your best self, reaching your full potential and your dreams of what you could become. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you build walls to protect yourself? From what? From whom? Is it possible you are protecting your disease, or sickness, bad habits or fears that keep you away from connecting with people who may love and support you? Why do you think you do this? When did you start doing this? What can you do to stop doing this? How does it harm you to do this? Find the courage SLAYER, to reach out, to connect with those like yourself, with those who have overcome obstacles of their own and who may offer you a hand to pull you out from behind those walls you’ve built for yourself.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Fighting Your Own Battle
Most of us have heard the phrase: Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. It’s a gentle reminder to extend grace to others. But here’s the truth that hits a little deeper: Sometimes we do know what battle someone is facing—and we’re still trying to fight our own.
It’s hard enough to stay present in our own struggle. Add in someone else’s chaos, triggers, or unresolved pain, and suddenly your progress feels shaky, your peace interrupted, your healing…unraveled.
I Had to Learn to Fight for Myself First
For years, I didn’t know how to fight my own battle. I carried old wounds, outdated beliefs, and habits that didn’t serve me—but they were familiar. They felt like truth.
Over time, I found my stride. I learned to live with my battle in a way that felt healthy, loving, and sustainable. But the journey wasn’t smooth. I assumed that because I was working so hard to grow, change, and heal…everyone else was too.
Spoiler alert: They weren’t.
That assumption pulled me down more than once. I had to stop seeing people for their potential and start meeting them exactly where they were. It wasn’t my job to rescue anyone or walk their path for them.
I had to protect my own peace—not because I was better, but because I was responsible for keeping myself well. And that meant accepting that not everyone is ready to do their work. Not everyone wants to. Not everyone knows how. And that’s not my battle to fight.
Other People’s Battles Are Not Yours to Lose
There will be people in your life who trigger things you thought you’d healed. It might not even make sense in the moment. But their words, tone, or behavior can hit a nerve connected to a wound from long ago.
Or maybe they remind you of yourself—an older version of you, or a part of you you’re still trying to change. And instead of compassion, you find yourself feeling judgmental or impatient.
When that happens, pause. Ask yourself:
Is this really about them—or is it about something unhealed in me?
We can’t control how others show up. But we can decide how much power we give them. If you’re agitated, it’s your responsibility to ask why.
That doesn’t mean blaming yourself. It means getting curious about your own reactions.
If someone’s behavior is affecting your peace and you can’t fix the issue—walk away. Let it go. Preserve your space. Protect your peace.
Focus on Your Fight
Your path is yours. So is your pace.
You’re allowed to heal slowly. You’re allowed to outgrow what you’ve outlived. You’re allowed to say, “I love you, but I’m focusing on me right now.”
And you’re also allowed to ask:
Why does this bother me? What is this trying to teach me?
You can’t fight someone else’s battle. They can’t fight yours. And trying to do so only distracts you from your own healing.
You’ve worked too hard to let someone else’s war pull you back into old patterns.
So stay the course. Fight clean. Protect your energy. Stay on your path.
You’re not just fighting—you’re winning. One healthy boundary at a time.
SLAY Reflection
Ask yourself:
- Are you letting someone else’s energy throw you off track?
- Do you take on other people’s battles to avoid your own?
- What triggers you—and what does that trigger reveal about your healing?
- Can you separate what’s yours from what’s not yours to carry?
- What boundary can you set today to protect your peace?
S – L – A – Y
S: See what’s truly yours to carry.
L: Listen to what your agitation is telling you.
A: Act by protecting your peace, even if it means walking away.
Y: Yield to your own path—it’s where your healing lives.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever found yourself fighting someone else’s battle instead of your own?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay in their own lane, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Giving Love To Get Love
We often hear that love is meant to be unconditional—yet many of us struggle to live that truth. Giving love can feel risky. What if it’s not returned? What if it’s overlooked? But here’s the hard truth: when we give love with the expectation of getting it back, we cancel out the purity of the love we are offering.
Love that comes with strings attached isn’t love at all—it’s manipulation in disguise.
The Motives Behind Our Love
If you’ve ever caught yourself giving love to gain approval, recognition, or affection, you’re not alone. Many of us fall into people-pleasing or approval-seeking patterns without realizing it. But true love is not a transaction.
When you give love only to get it back, you’re no longer operating from the heart. You’re playing a game of give-and-take that diminishes both your sense of worth and the authenticity of the connection. Love is love, period. Anything else is a tactic—not truth.
Learning to Check Your Heart
I’ve been there. I’ve given love with the secret hope of getting something in return: validation, security, even power. It took honesty and accountability for me to see that this wasn’t really love—it was ego.
Early in my recovery, I was told something that stopped me in my tracks: “Don’t give love if you expect anything in return.” At first, that sounded impossible. How could I give without hoping for even a little acknowledgment? But the more I practiced it, the more I understood: love without expectation is the only love that strengthens both the giver and the receiver.
And here’s the surprising part—when love did come back to me, it felt even more powerful. Because I knew it wasn’t coerced or earned—it was freely given, just as mine was.
The Freedom of Pure Love
We all have motives. That doesn’t automatically make our love wrong. But when love becomes a tool for control—when it’s about getting rather than giving—it loses its meaning. It won’t fill the void we’re trying to fix.
The truth is, love doesn’t need to be returned to be valuable. Every time you give love without expectation, you affirm your own worth. You remind yourself that your heart is strong enough to love without conditions. And when love does return, it’s not a reward—it’s a gift.
SLAY Reflection
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Do you give love without expecting it in return—or do you secretly hope for something back?
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When you’ve given love with motives, how did it feel different from giving freely?
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What happens to your sense of self when you love without conditions?
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Can you recall a time you received love that was given without expectation? How did it impact you?
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How can you begin practicing unconditional love today, even in small ways?
S – Stop and check your intentions before giving love.
L – Let go of the scorecard. Love isn’t a tally sheet.
A – Accept that love is enough on its own.
Y – Yield to the freedom that comes from giving without strings.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself giving love to get something back? What shifted when you began to love without expectation?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
Be The Attitude You Want To Be Around
We’ve all felt it—that lift you get from someone’s positive energy. The kind of vibe that makes a room feel warmer, lighter, better. We seek it out, gravitate toward it, and sometimes, we depend on it. But here’s a truth that changed everything for me:
Instead of waiting to be around the energy you want, be it.
Don’t get me wrong—we need good people in our lives. Community, support, and encouragement are vital. But real change happens when you stop outsourcing your attitude—and start showing up as the person you wish you could find.
I Wasn’t Always That Person
When I was deep in my darkness, I avoided positive people. They annoyed me. I didn’t trust their joy. I assumed it was fake. And, if I’m being honest, I didn’t want them to see the way I was living.
But beneath all that judgment was jealousy.
I admired them. I just didn’t believe I could ever be like them.
Recovery taught me otherwise.
It showed me that joy can be genuine. That light isn’t fake—it’s earned. And I could earn it, too.
So I made a promise to myself: I would become the person I wanted to be around.
Not overnight. But one day at a time.
Give What You Wish to Get
In the beginning, I didn’t feel like I had much to offer. I was still shaky, still figuring it out. But someone reminded me:
Even if you’re just a few steps in, you’ve got something to share.
Because someone else is just starting out. And to them, you might look like a mile ahead.
So I showed up. I told the truth. I dropped the act and chose transparency. And little by little, I built trust in myself by being accountable, being honest, and shifting from asking, “What can I get?” to “What can I give?”
And I found that even on my worst days, if I could help someone else, it helped me too.
Sometimes, two bad days colliding can spark one good one.
Attitude Is Energy
Gratitude was a big part of this shift. When I started focusing on what I had instead of what I lacked, everything changed.
Even the hard things didn’t feel impossible anymore—because I wasn’t tackling them alone. I learned to ask for help. That was huge for me.
Asking for help didn’t make me weak. It made me real.
And in asking, I often gave someone else the gift of showing up. We got closer. We built something.
Because we all need help sometimes.
Become the Energy You Admire
Think about the attitudes you’re drawn to. What do you admire in others? What kind of energy lifts you up?
Now ask yourself:
What if that’s already inside of me?
What if the very thing you’re craving is something you’re meant to cultivate and share?
Start there. Be that. You might just find your truest self waiting on the other side.
SLAY Reflection
Ask yourself:
- What attitude or energy am I most drawn to?
- Do I embody that energy—or just chase it in others?
- What’s stopping me from becoming that kind of person?
- How can I use gratitude and service to shift my own energy?
- What’s one small step I can take today to be the vibe I want to be around?
S – L – A – Y
S: See the energy you admire in others.
L: Listen to how your own attitude shows up.
A: Act in alignment with the energy you want to attract.
Y: Yield to your inner strength—it’s always been there.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s the attitude you want to be around—and how are you choosing to embody it in your own life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s working on becoming their best self, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
The Person Who Doesn’t Value You Is Blocking You From The One Who Will
Why do we stay?
Why do we stay when we’re not appreciated, understood, supported, or loved?
Why do we hold on when someone doesn’t see our value—or worse, tries to diminish it?
There are reasons.
And then there are excuses.
But the truth is this: when we stay in places where we’re not seen, there’s no room for someone who will see us.
When You Don’t See Your Own Value
Before I stepped onto this path, I never considered whether someone valued me—or if I truly valued them. I brought people into my life based on what I needed in the moment. I thought I cared, and maybe I did. But I didn’t value them as whole, spiritual beings—because I didn’t value myself.
I didn’t think I was worthy.
Not of love.
Not of kindness.
Not of real connection.
So I stayed where I wasn’t valued because, deep down, I didn’t believe I deserved to be.
Healing Changes Everything
That changed when I made the decision to get well.
Through recovery, I worked on self-love, self-worth, and self-respect. And with every honest step I took, I began to see my own value—and I started seeking people who could see it, too.
It’s easy to find yourself in a relationship or friendship where your light slowly dims. Where you stop being seen. Where you’re asked to make yourself smaller to make someone else feel big.
But the real question is:
Have you stopped showing your true self? Have you dulled your light to fit in?
Letting Go to Let the Right Ones In
We don’t have to make ourselves smaller to be loved.
If something feels off… if your needs aren’t heard… if blame is being placed on you again and again—it’s time to pause and take a real, honest look.
When someone sees your worth, you’ll know.
There will be respect, support, and a genuine desire to help you grow.
You can’t be open to receive that love if you’re holding on to someone who doesn’t value you.
Let go. Create space. Open your heart.
You might just make room for the greatest love of your life.
SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise
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Do you feel valued in your relationships?
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If not, why are you still staying?
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What value do you see in yourself today? What value are you ignoring?
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Describe yourself in 5 words. What do they reveal about your truth?
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Who in your life truly sees and supports you—and who doesn’t?
You hold the key to who you allow into your life.
Only open the door for those who see your light—and help it shine even brighter.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve reclaimed your worth and made room for better in your life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s holding on to a relationship that’s dimming their light, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder: we’re worth more.
Forgive Your Monsters, Don’t Let Them Take Anymore, They’ve Taken Enough
There are monsters that live in our past. Some still haunt our present. They take from us. Our joy. Our confidence. Our peace. But here’s the truth:
They only keep taking if we keep letting them.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean making excuses. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It means cutting the cord. Reclaiming your power. Choosing not to carry someone else’s damage on your back any longer.
You Can Forgive Without Forgetting
When I started to heal, I was told I needed to get honest—rigorously honest. That included facing the monsters I had let into my life. And yes, some were people who had deeply wronged me. Others were habits, patterns, or situations I kept returning to even when they hurt.
What I realized? I had played a part in letting some of those monsters in.
Whether it was staying in toxic relationships, seeking validation in the wrong places, or betraying myself to avoid being alone—I had to own my side of the story.
That doesn’t excuse the harm. But it gave me the clarity I needed to say: enough. And the strength to walk away.
You Are Not Powerless Unless You Say You Are
Monsters thrive in silence. In secrecy. In shame.
They feed off the energy we give them—even if it’s hate, resentment, or pain.
But we have a choice.
You can take that pain and turn it into wisdom. You can use your past to protect your future. You can decide that today, right now, you will no longer allow what broke you to define you.
Forgiveness is not a gift to them. It’s a gift to you. It’s how you say:
“You no longer get to live rent-free in my mind.”
The Monsters Don’t Disappear, But Their Power Can
For many of us, the past still whispers. The memories still echo. That’s okay.
The goal isn’t to erase it. The goal is to disarm it.
To say:
- I see what happened.
- I know how it shaped me.
- And I am choosing to rise anyway.
That is real power.
You can carry the lesson without reliving the nightmare. You can remember without re-opening the wound. You can forgive the monster and protect the warrior you’re becoming.
Take Your Power Back
If your monsters still show up in your thoughts, your choices, your relationships—ask yourself why. What are they still taking? And more importantly, what are you ready to take back?
You don’t need to justify their behavior to forgive them.
You just need to stop letting them lead your life.
Forgive what you can. Accept what you must. And then: leave the rest.
There is no space in this new chapter for what tried to destroy you.
You are the author now. And your story gets to look different.
Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.
SLAY Reflection
- Who or what still holds power over your peace?
- In what ways have you given your energy to the past?
- How might forgiveness free you, not them?
- What lessons can you carry without carrying the pain?
- What boundary or action will help you reclaim your power today?
S – Stop giving power to the past
L – Look at your part with honesty, not blame
A – Accept what you can’t change, change what you can
Y – Yield to growth and move forward free
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What have you learned by forgiving someone who hurt you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck in their pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
If You Don’t Bend, You’ll Break
I used to think being stubborn made me strong.
I wore my “wood-head” nickname like a badge of honor, proud that no one could get me to change my mind once it was made up. I believed my rigidity protected me.
But what it really did was keep me stuck.
I was unyielding, closed off, and resistant to change. And eventually, I broke.
I hit the floor, empty and out of options. My stubbornness wasn’t strength—it was a wall between me and growth, between me and peace.
Turning Stubbornness into Strength
When I finally made the choice to walk a better path, I realized I could channel that same stubbornness into something good.
I learned to use it to push through the tough days, to hold myself accountable, and to keep moving forward even when old behaviors tried to pull me back.
Instead of fighting against myself, I started fighting for myself.
The Power of Flexibility
Life is always changing, tossing curveballs our way. If we cling to what’s familiar, we stay stuck. But when we’re willing to bend, to try a new direction, we create space for something better.
Flexibility doesn’t mean giving up your values—it means recognizing when it’s worth letting go, shifting perspective, or simply approaching something with a fresh mind.
It’s about learning to move with grace and openness, discovering that the “new way” might just be the better way.
Breaking Free from the Safe Zone
Being stubborn felt safe. It gave me a sense of control. But it also kept me from experiencing new opportunities, relationships, and growth.
Have you ever pretended to “try” something new, just to prove it wouldn’t work? I did that too. But I’ve learned that true trying means approaching with a positive, open heart, willing to embrace whatever outcome arises.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise
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Are you stuck in your ways of how things should be done? Why do you think you are?
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What do you think will happen if things aren’t done your way?
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Is this something that threatens your well-being, or just your comfort zone?
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Can you think of a time when you tried something new, and the result was a positive surprise? How did that feel?
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This week, I challenge you to bend—try something new, or approach something familiar in a different way.
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Write them down. See how many new things you can add to your list, and then reflect on the results.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ll try differently this week?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to be flexible and open to new possibilities.
And if you know someone stuck in their old ways, send this to them.
Sometimes, a nudge is all it takes to start bending in the right direction.
SLAY on.
