State Of Slay

You Don’t Have To Ride The Truck All The Way To The Dump

The first time I heard someone say this I was in a pretty bad place, the lowest of lows, I felt like I not only was already at the dump, but rolling around in the garbage, I was ready to get out, but I compared myself to others who were also on a downward spiral and made sure I always had someone to compare myself with who had sunk lower than I was to justify me staying on that truck, at least I wasn’t as bad as they were I would think, and I continue doing what I was doing. The saying is true, we have a choice, in any given situation, to get out of that situation at any time if it’s not serving us, just because we’ve always done it that way, we had agreed to do it, or couldn’t figure out another option doesn’t mean we have to stick it out to the bitter end as it destroys us in the process. If it doesn’t feel right, if it is harming you, if it just isn’t the right place for you to be, right now, get off the truck, that’s the only obligation you have, to see things through for yourself, not that that truck gets to it’s final destination with us on board.

We can make a lot of excuses for not getting the help we need, or not reaching out, or, just doing the right thing for ourselves, we may even start to hang out with people who are far worse than we are just so we don’t look so bad, not noticing that we’re slowly slipping down, lower and lower, but have cleverly used the smokescreen of lower companions to shield us from the truth that we’re in trouble. Why is it so hard for us to ask for help? Or to get ourselves to take it? Or, to just make better choices for ourselves? A lot of times it boils down to pride, ego, and perspective, we sometimes choose to see what we want to see instead of what’s really going on. We also sometimes are so good at pulling the wool over our own eyes that we haven’t even noticed the slow dissension into the garbage we currently find ourselves. We get to stop the way we’ve been living at any time. We have that power. It’s our choice. So why continue to suffer if you don’t have to?

If you think it’s what you deserve than it goes back to finding self-love, learning to honor and appreciate who you are and finding better choices that bring you out of the darkness and at one with your purpose and your spirit. If it’s about not knowing what the better choices are, it’s about finding some outside help, maybe a friend or mentor, or perhaps a counselor of some kind to help and guide you onto a better path of empowerment. For me it took both, it took a good group of people who had been where I was and who were also on the same path I was on, and counselling, I needed all the help I could get, I had to start from scratch and re-examine all the decisions and choices that I was making because the ones I was making nearly brought me to a place of extinction. I had to get humble and I had to be willing to try new things, to bring me out of the shadows and into the light. I had to trust. And, I had to take action. The first action I had to take was to get off the truck, that was my first action in living a positive life.

You have the power to change the direction your life is going, if it no longer serves you, or never did, get off the truck. Find the resources available to you to help you make a change for the better, an investment in yourself, and a life you deserve. Only you can do this for yourself, no one else can do it for you. It may take every bit of fight you have left to make that initial change, but it’s worth it, because that one decision can set the course of a chain of events that might just save your life, or, set you off on a journey beyond your wildest dreams to a life you may have thought was out of reach. You can have it SLAYER, but how much longer are you going to ride that truck until you get off and go get it?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you still living a life that no longer serves you? Have you always done what’s expected of you no matter how you feel about it? How has this damaged you? Have you always done the opposite of what’s expected of you just to defy the expectations? What has this take from you? What if you made decisions purely on what was right and healthy for you? How do you think that would feel? What’s stopping you from doing that? SLAYER, you, you are the only one who is stopping you. Step out of your own way and start working with yourself to be your better self, to get a better life, to be the person you’ve always wanted to be. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you are at war with yourself, or trying to distract yourself from life, you will always cause collateral damage to you and those around you.  Learn to live in peace and harmony with yourself and you will find peace and harmony around you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace 1

Are You Addicted To Excitement?

Does the thought of your life being calm, quiet, and drama-free make your skin crawl? Does it send a chill down your spine? Does a stress-free existence sound like a four-letter word?
You may be addicted to excitement.

For many people, the idea of living a peaceful life is so repelling or frightening they create problems and chaos to feel alive—but at what cost?

It’s common for those who have lived in an unpredictable environment to continue creating unpredictability after they’ve left it. They mimic the feelings of their past and link them to the feeling of being alive because that’s what they’ve known. It can also stem from low self-esteem and ego running wild—that nasty combo I know all too well from my own past.

That feeling of not deserving the good, of the good never being enough. A vicious cycle of damage, adding unnecessary wreckage, and a constant desire to find the next big thing worthy of unrealistic expectations. But here’s the truth: it’s doing ourselves harm, or putting a band-aid over a wound that can’t be healed by outside things. That wound will never heal because we never allow it to—it’s what we’ve chosen to give us purpose. And without it, what would our purpose be?

Redefining Purpose

What if we made our purpose living a life full of love and beautiful, healthy things? And by beautiful, healthy things, I mean those that are right for us—not what our family, friends, or colleagues think they should be. We get to decide.

It took work for me to find a way to be comfortable without drama or a “big” adrenaline rush. I thought I needed it to feel alive—an event, shopping spree, a night out, or just being part of something. But what I didn’t realize was I needed to feel a part of my own life, and I didn’t.

I felt like life was a runaway train, and I didn’t even have a ticket. Even when it slowed enough for me to catch up, I was left standing on the platform, suitcase in hand, watching it leave again. I didn’t know where the train was going—I just wanted to escape myself and the messes I’d created trying to feel purpose or that rush of excitement.

Linking Fear to Excitement

Many of us link fear to excitement. Creating circumstances that trigger fear gives us that same rush, that jolt we associate with being alive.
We procrastinate to feel stress, pick unhealthy relationships, lie, cheat, or steal—not because of poor decisions but because we’re looking for that “hit” of excitement. Some even put themselves in dangerous situations to feed this addiction.

But it doesn’t serve us. It doesn’t help us. Ultimately, it damages our lives.

The first step to finding a healthier way to live is to identify what we’re doing—and why. Often it’s rooted in abandonment issues, growing up in chaotic homes, or our own past struggles. Whatever the source, once you’ve named it, you can start making healthier choices.

Practicing Contrary Action

For me, it took a lot of contrary action. Doing the opposite of what I wanted—or had been doing. Learning to be comfortable in the discomfort of not feeding off drama. Breathing through the moments when I wanted to stir things up, create trouble, or plan an escape. Learning just to be.

And to trust and love myself, accepting that I was enough.

Yes, it’s wonderful to have things to look forward to. But not when they replace living your life or fill a void that’s really an inside job. Only you can fill that void—and it won’t come from outside things.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Do you feel like your life has no meaning without drama or excitement?

  • If you removed those things, what would you be left with?

  • How could you fill your life up without using those distractions?

  • What are more loving ways you could nourish yourself?

  • What can you work on within yourself to feel less alone, abandoned, or left out?

  • Really look at your life—what do you have, and who are you?

  • What do you know to be true?

Start building from there. If there are things you don’t like, change them—but change them for you. Make changes that honor and show yourself that you love yourself. That you will never abandon you.

SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself creating drama or chasing excitement just to feel alive?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s ready to embrace calm and break free from chaos, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you celebrate your true spirit, what makes you truly you, you create your own light, not only for you, but for those around you.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate

Celebrate Your True Spirit

For most of my life I lived behind a mask, a cardboard cutout of who I thought you wanted me to be, and I say cardboard because it always felt flimsy, like if it got wet it would buckle, and as time when on it seemed to get ragged from overuse, it seemed to give way to the broken woman who held it up with white knuckles because she was clinging to it with all her might. My spirit was broken, was pushed so far down under the muck and sludge I had thrown on top of it that I wasn’t sure it was even there, never-mind celebrate it. It took a lot of work to finally let it back out and to shine. I realized as I was working my way back from a pit of darkness that I needed to celebrate my spirit along the way, celebrate that I was a survivor, celebrate that drive in me to get better, to do better, and really appreciate the spirit in me that makes me who I am, at the core. Now, on a bad day I can beat up that spirit, I’m grateful that I don’t have as many of those today, because today I protect that spirit, I honor it, and do what I can to nourish it, to let it shine for all to see, because my journey has taught me, when I do, great things happen, and when I do I can encourage others to do the same. But, if you’re not quite there yet, or maybe never where, how to do we learn to celebrate our spirit and who we are as individuals?

1) As Shakespeare said…”This above all: to thine own self be true.” Never dull your shine for anyone. Be your true self, all we have to offer to set us apart from each other is our own uniqueness, and we are all unique. We may have similar interests or ideas but we all have our own twist of seeing the world and executing those ideas, so share your perspective, share your unique voice, as I always say, let your freak flag fly! No one wants a carbon copy of someone else, or someone pretending to be someone else, know who you are and be proud of that. And if you don’t know who you are and what you stand for ask yourself, invest in yourself, and head down the road of self-discovery, it’s the richest road you can travel on. Always be your true self.

2) Be Good To Yourself. Give back to yourself, nourish yourself, mind, body and spirit. Make sure you’re getting what you need to be your best self, invest in yourself. It’s easy to put ourselves last when life gets busy, but you can’t pour anything from an empty cup, fill yours up first before you start giving to others. Whatever makes your heart shine, make sure you’re giving yourself some of that every day, even if it’s just rocking out to your favorite song in the shower, whatever makes you smile from the inside out, do that, and do that often.

3) Have Fun. Don’t forget to have fun. There are many things in life that aren’t that much fun, but I am of the firm belief that we can really make most things fun, some are more fun than others, but again, it’s a matter of perspective, and, if there is something that is most definitely not fun, make sure you’ve got a plan in place for some fun after, I use that one a lot. Life should be fun, so schedule some in between those things that you have to do, and even better, see if you can’t make those more fun too.

4) Embrace Your Flaws. First off, we all have them, second, are they really flaws, or you just placing an unkind label on something you’re just not fond of, or perhaps think should be or look a certain way. I’ve talked about turning our flaws into flawsome in the past, and it’s something that really let’s our spirit shine. There’s so much pressure and negativity in the world, why not stop adding to what’s already there by thinking and speaking negatively to ourselves? Embrace who you are, flaws and all, and see if you can’t change some, if not all of them, into flawsomeness.

5) Go After What You Want. Know what you want and go for it. You are the only one stopping you. You’re not always going to get what you want, but you tried, and the act of trying may take you to where you’re supposed to be. But, you won’t get there if you don’t know, or don’t even get started. Trust that you are drawn to where you’re path is supposed to lead you and then take action. And don’t be afraid to tell people what you want. When you speak up and share your ideas and goals others may join you, or may have a suggestion of how you can achieve that goal. Speak up, be confident, and be proud of who you are and where you want to go.

We all get knocked down in life, some harder than others, but no one gets a free ride. It’s about getting back up and celebrating who you are, who you truly are, at the very center of your being, of letting that light in you shine bright sharing it with those around you, but also with yourself. Be good to you, celebrate you, love you, when you do you start to receive that love back in all that you do.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate your spirit? If not why? If you do, how do you celebrate your spirit? Are you struggling to celebrate your spirit today? What do you think is stopping you? If someone where to describe your true you, how would you want them to describe you? What words would you like them to use? What’s stopping you from describing yourself with these same words. Start SLAYER. Write down 5 things you love about who you are. Write down 5 words each day this week, never repeating the same words twice. At the end of the week, celebrate you and all of the ways that make you, and your spirit, uniquely and beautifully you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What if you simply devoted more time to loving yourself?

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Yourself

Stop Judging Yourself And Start Loving Yourself

We would never put up with someone else saying the things we say to ourselves. Why we do judge ourselves so harshly? I used to be guilty of self-judgment, and still can be, hating myself for not living up to an unattainable standard. Making sure that I set those standards so high I could never reach them, ensuring that I always had a reason to hate myself and talk down to myself. It took a lot of work to stop doing that on a regular basis, but once I started to love and accept myself I stopped accepting that negative self-talk that used to be my daily narrative. If we don’t believe in ourselves, it’s difficult for others to believe in us, the work starts with us, and it’s work that’s worth it. Let’s start with, why do we judge ourselves?

What is it about our human nature that makes us turn on ourselves? It’s easy in the culture of social media for us to compare who we are to what we’re seeing, but as I’ve written about before, we should never judge our insides to someone else’s outsides, or their outsides at all for that matter. I’ve shared in the past that when I was at my lowest low, when I had given up on myself and didn’t want to be here anymore, I still got dressed, put on a happy face and walked out the door fooling most people, and there were people who told me they envied me during that time, not knowing what my internal struggle was, and I would laugh to myself and think, you have no idea what’s really going on, and truthfully, most people have an internal struggle going on of some kind that we know nothing about, so why would you compare yourself to someone who may be only showing you what they want you to see? We live an a time of filters and editing and well, unrealistic expectations, based on what we see online and in the media, and trust me, as someone who works in entertainment, even we don’t look like the images of perfection that get put out there, we get a lot of help, by experts who are paid to make us look a certain way, and even then there are filters and lighting. So, when I say to not judge yourself based on these images, I’m telling you, there is a lot of wizardly magic that goes on behind the scenes to make things look pretty. Just be you, be proud of that, and stand tall. And, if there is something you truly are not happy with, something that you can work on or change, go ahead and do that, work for it, make it a goal and take action if it makes you feel good about you. Speaking of action, let’s get into some action.

1) Where Do Your Judgments Come From? When you look at yourself, or think about yourself, what do you see or think? Do you feel love, or shame? Have you always felt this way, or was there a time or event that made you change? Where there people in your life who validated these judgments or negative thoughts? Or maybe, placed them there to begin with? Think about what got you here, how it began, what in you or your environment fueled your judgment? As I always say, get out your detective hat, and find out the facts and the root of your judgment. Once you have that, you have something to work with. And, even if you don’t know, it’s about consciously making a decision to turn that negative self-talk and judgment around, to talk to yourself in a loving and forgiving way. No one is perfect, no one, even the people you think who are, so give yourself a break SLAYER, we’re all learning and growing, and trying to be the best us we can.

2) Find Your Own Self Love. I know, this one can be tough, but I know it can be done because I’ve done it, and I hated myself so much I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror when I brushed my teeth, so, I have faith you can find it to. Start by making a list of 5 things you like about yourself. Carry that list with you and when you start to judge yourself, read that list out loud, then smile. I did that for a few months when I started on this path, it always put things in perspective, and as my self-love started to grow so did my list. Start looking for the good instead of the bad.

3) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes. We all make them. If we’re not making them we’re not taking chances, so really, it’s a good thing that we’re making them. We learn from mistakes, we grow, and it may just give us the answers we’re looking for. When things “go wrong” we then know not to do that again, and sometimes we will anyway, but eventually we’ll stop, and we’ll move on to something else. But it’s about trying, and learning from those tries, and allowing yourself to not get it right, and maybe even celebrating when you don’t because it means you’re allowing yourself to try new things, or maybe old things, in a different way. Mistakes open the door to discoveries.

4) Treat Yourself Like You Treat Others. We typically treat others better than we treat ourselves, and we judge them less, if we are judging them more harshly that’s usually a pretty good indicator though that we’re needing to address things in our own lives, we often will attack someone else for the things we dislike in ourselves, but, usually we tend to see everyone else with rosier glasses than see ourselves. A lot of times we find it easier to forgive others’ flaws because it’s not us, or because we’re only seeing their outside, so we figure anything we’re picking up on is just them having an off day, we make excuses for them, and maybe it’s because we love them, but, shouldn’t we cut ourselves the same breaks because we love ourselves? Yes, we should. When you catch yourself behaving badly towards yourself, think about how you treat others in your life, and ask yourself if you would be as harsh to them? Also ask yourself why? Those same reasons apply to you.

5) Step Out To Look In. When you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk , step outside of yourself and observe what’s going on. Don’t engage in it, just observe what you are saying and how it makes you feel. Let it pass by you. Watch it go. When you don’t engage and passively observe it, you don’t get emotionally involved and defensive, that’s when the truth can come to the surface. And when you know the truth, you stop telling yourself lies because they no longer make sense. And, you stop believing them.

Once you stop judging yourself and start encouraging yourself to live a full and expansive life you open the door to a bigger world, you open yourself up to new relationships and experiences, and you attract others into your life who are also on the same path. We all have bad days when the negative chatter gets loud in our heads, but that’s when we practice self-care and stick to the facts, those things we know to be true, we are beautiful, incredible people who are growing and learning and taking chances because we are operating from a place of love, not judgment. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you judge yourself harshly? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop judging yourself so harshly? Do you want to stop judging yourself so harshly? If not, why not? How does it benefit you? How does it hurt you? What are 5 loving things you can do for yourself this week? Write then down SLAYER and do them, see if start to lessen the grip on our own judgment.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Pain Can Be A Good Thing

Crazy concept right? How can pain be good? In my case it turned out to be. It took being in the excruciating pain I was in for me finally to surrender and ask for help. Now, I wish I had surrendered long before I did, I realize now how much self-inflicted pain I caused myself, but, it took that amount of pain, for that amount of time, for me to finally say enough. And for that, I am grateful. Pain is a big indicator that something is wrong, either with us, or the circumstances we are in. It’s a red flag that something is wrong. I do not believe we are meant to live in pain, but many times it’s what finally gets us to a place where we’re open to change, and in those cases, pain is good.

It seems like we go through much of our lives trying to avoid pain, so much so that some of us disengage from life to avoid it, and there are others out there who seem to run to it head on, leaving a path of destruction behind them, including, sometimes, themselves. The trick is to use pain to our advantage, as an indicator that something is wrong, and to allow it encourage us to make changes, or to reflect on our own decisions and actions that have gotten us to a place of pain. When we are in pain it’s time to put on that detective hat again and find out the facts. What is really going on? What is causing our pain? Why are we feeling pain? What can we do to stop the pain? Remember, we are in control of how we feel, and if something is wrong, it’s time to investigate why and then take action to make it better. Finding yourself in pain can also help you recognize what you want in life, and what your needs are. Pain can shine a light on needs that might not be met, so, there is another area to look at, what are your needs and are they being met? If they’re not, how do you change that? It’s also time to look at whether the pain you’re feeling is real or if it’s fear-based. We can suffer so much pain at our own hands and it can be all just worrying and fear we’ve created in our heads. Again, what are the facts? Have you created unnecessary pain in your life because of worrying about things you have no control over? And finally pain can bring us closer to others, or help us build a community around us. I know it did for me. Because I reached out and connected with others who were also in pain, or had been where I was, I started to build a new circle of friends who not only understood my pain, but had some suggestions of how to stop it, from that I learned how to be a better friend and how to get out of the painful cycle I was in.

Like most things, it’s all a matter of perspective, and pain is no different. Use the pain you may be feeling to your advantage, use it to get yourself to a better place, one in which you can thrive and continue to expand your world. When we are open to change, and open to looking, truthfully, at our own actions, we are in a position to stop the cycle that may have led us down a painful road. Take charge of your pain and take the time to learn about yourself so that you can make better choices down the road, and maybe, stop being so fearful of the pain that pops up in your life in the future, looking at it as an opportunity to examine the pain in your life and to take action to leave it behind.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hide or run away from pain or painful situations in your life? Do you see by looking at the pain and dealing with hit head on it can be used to make positive changes in your life? How can you change your attitude toward pain to look at it as more of a tool rather than something to hide from? Or, do you invite pain into your life willingly? Do you purposely cause yourself pain? Why? Does this seem like healthy behavior? What can you do to change that behavior? SLAYER, challenge yourself to think of pain differently, use it to your advantage and see how much of a happier and healthier life you have. We all will experience pain, it’s how we react to it that makes us SLAYERS. Pick up your sword be brave and face it, be strong to change it, and be humble enough to ask for help when you need it. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your story is important. Your voice matters. Your dreams count. You were born to make an impact. Follow your passion, and discover your purpose.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Why

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The meaning of life is to find our gift, your purpose is to give it away.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fearless (1)