Self Love

Don’t React, Respond

My life before was one full of reactions. I reacted to everything around me and I reacted in record time. It’s like I thought I was going to get bonus points for reacting the fastest. As a result, many times, people got hurt or my rapid fast reaction was one from misunderstanding or my own warped sense of perspective. It never occurred to me to pause and actually take in what was being said or done, or, ask questions if I thought I may be a misunderstanding, it was all about reacting as soon as possible.

I was taught early on, when I began walking this path, that I wasn’t going to get any bonus points for reacting the fastest, in fact, all I was ever going to get was hurt feelings, mine or the other person’s, for making a quick judgment instead of thinking things through. I was encouraged to practice pausing, to taking a moment, or maybe 10, to ensure I wasn’t just reacting to what I think I heard, or assumed I knew without investigating further. This was truly something I had to practice. As I set out to try this new method I realized how much of a hair-triggered tongue I really had, it’s like I had an itch and the moment someone was saying or doing something I was already figuring out how I was going to react before they had even completed what they were doing, and then, many times, I would replay my reaction in my head and critiqued how I could have made it better or faster. Never once did I take into consideration how the other person may feel to have that kind of energy I hurled at them, many times, I was completely out of line.

We’ve heard the saying, that we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it, and walking this path I have seen incredible examples of people responding to horrible shocking things with dignity and grace. I too have at times, have responded in a way that in the past would have only exacerbated things, but have responded in a way that smoothed things over and even brought some new understanding, a miracle in itself. But we are capable of such things, all of us, if we put some thought into what comes out of your mouth before we open it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a saint, there are times that fast tongue of mine does get away from me and the words just start flying out, but it’s rare now, and I know that if that does happen and I am in the wrong that I can apologize for it and make a pledge to amend that behavior for next time, because now that I have been living this better way of life, those quick reactions don’t just hurt the other person, they also hurt me, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that.

There will always be those situations or people who get under our skin or irk us, but it’s important to take a moment and respond in the appropriate way, not just react. Not only will those around us thank us, but we’ll thank ourselves for conducting ourselves with dignity and respect, even if those around us aren’t capable of doing the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to react to things or respond? What’s an example of a time you reacted when you should have responded? What was the result? What’s an example of a time you responded when it would have been easier to have reacted? What was the result? Have you always taken a pause before responding or this new or learned behavior? How or what prompted you to make that change? How has this benefited you? How has it benefited those around you? How do you feel the effects of that change personally? When we are able to think before we act we are better able to honor ourselves in our response, and many times, not only make a difficult situation, but always not make a situation worse, sometimes even changing the outcome completely by our favorable response. It is not about what is said and done to us, it’s about being the example of how to interact in a way that shows respect, to others, but most of all, to ourselves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you speak your truth with compassion, your words have more power.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Gently

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Couldn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE today, well, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!

Telling The Truth In A Way It Can Be Heard

I have never been accused of being subtle. My mind works at a fast pace and my mouth is just as fast, and at times, even faster, and can belt out quick comments or opinions as I move about my day. As I’ve walked along this path I have made a conscious effort to use a filter of compassion and understanding on my mouth, but sometimes the unfiltered truth comes out as I’m running out the door, or late because of someone else’s actions or out of my own frustration, and someone gets hurt. What I say typically is the truth, or the truth as I see it, but can probably be said in a softer and gentler way. It seems that the unfiltered truth often gets used on those I love the most, perhaps my immediate response to something I have already had a discussion about or think they should know. But what I should always know is that my words can hurt, and when I feel that rush of hitting my limit of the softer and gentler way, that’s likely when I should double-down on finding that filter instead of just letting the words fly out of my mouth.

Most people are open to hearing the truth, if it’s said in a way that they can receive it. People don’t hear us when we make them wrong. People don’t hear us when when we attack their weakness. People don’t hear us if we’re if we’re telling the truth by making ourselves sound better, or when we assume they don’t understand what we mean. They will typically always hear us when we speak from the heart. That in itself can be the challenge.

Patience is something I work on every day. I have gotten a lot better with it, but when my brain gets it’s gallop going and it’s heading toward the finish line, patience can fly right out the window, and anyone that slows me down or gets in my way sometimes gets trampled on. It’s in those times I need to speak the way I would want to be spoken to. Even if I may be in the right with the truth I am saying, I need to make sure I am carefully choosing my words and the delivery of how I’m saying it or I can be just as wrong. In fact, many times, the moment someone feels spoken down to, criticized or judged they will likely shut you out, and no amount of truth will be getting in once that happens.

We may be right, but it’s not just about being right, it’s about telling the truth in the right way, in a way that can be heard, and a way that you would want to hear it. It’s then, that a conversation can take place, and progress is able to happen in that area. Also, making sure that we’re not holding back our truth until we just can’t anymore and it just come blurting out. Saying it in the moment, or when it’s appropriate, and not just appropriate for us. When we hold back the truth that frustration, resentment or anger can grow and when it finally lands on our lips it can come across much harsher than it was every meant to be, so making sure we are speaking up when we should, so that fire doesn’t burn both of you later on. Work on speaking from your heart, and thinking of the other person as a part of yourself, from that place the truth is often a lot easier to digest. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to be quite direct when speaking our truth? Do you speak your truth in the moment or wait until you can’t hold it in anymore? What is the result of that? How can you improve or shorten the time it takes for you to express your truth? Are people generally open to hearing your truth? If yes, why do you think that is? If no, why do you think that is? What can you do to change your delivery so people may be more receptive to the truth? How do you like to hear the truth? Do you like to hear the truth? Take into consideration how you best receive the truth and work on sending out the truth that way, there may always be someone who isn’t receptive to hearing it, but when we are able to to say it in a way that they don’t feel attacked, they may be better able to recieve what you say.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life is happening, right now, outside your screen.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Phone

Close Your Device And Open Your Mind

We live in a time where we are obsessed with our devices. We use them to connect and stay in touch, we use them to stay on top of current events, we use them to document our lives, and we use them to numb ourselves and tune out from our day-to-day lives. Too often we replace people time with screen time. We miss moments, right in front of us, to have meaningful exchanges with others, to help someone in need or to share who we are with those around us. We use our devices many times without realizing we’re doing it, we habitually pick them up and start scrolling through stories, photos or media shutting off our brains and falling into a trance as we gaze at the images passing through our screens, many of us so addicted that we seem incapable of turning them off in meetings, church, movie theaters, while driving, well, for anything. But what suffers when don’t keep ourselves, and our devices, in check? In my experience, everything.

Don’t get me wrong. I use my devices to do many useful things, but I do make sure I am giving myself, and my brain, time away from them. One of my favorite times of the day is when I turn my phone off and hike or  exercise. It is one of my most productive times of the day and always has been. It’s time that my fingers stop doing the work and my mind kicks into gear. That’s when I’m at my most creative, and where many ideas, including State Of Slay™ have been born. Often times I figure things out that I had not been able to find a solution for earlier in the day, I get new ideas, I find inspiration and I think about what I am most grateful for. Very few of that same brain activity happens if I’m scrolling through my phone or computer. Sure, I can get ideas or find inspiration in what I see, but it’s that time away from my screens where my mind really gets fired up. And that goes for the relationships in my life as well. Because I’ve moved many times and traveled a lot for work, my devices easily keep me connected to those I love, but nothing compares to that one on one time with that those people, something I feel we’re loosing in society as a whole. Yes it’s faster to send a text or leave a voice mail, but it’s that human interaction that leads to deeper friendships and relationships, and, possibly collaborations or understandings that only come from time spent together. Those moments are what make us feel alive, make us feel wanted, loved, a part of and connected to those around us. We as a society seem to be feeling lonelier, maybe if we all made a little more of an effort to spend time with others instead of our devices that loneliness may dissipate, or go away all together.

It’s easy to get distracted by our devices, they’re designed to keep us engaged, but what if we kept ourselves engaged in life and those around us and instead of worrying about how many ‘likes’ we have, or what the latest gossip or news story is, why don’t we focus on what we like in life and choose to put our time and energy into those people, places and things, our hearts, and our minds, will thank us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to focus more on your devices and screens than in life around you? What is the result of that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do to take time away from your devices today and engage with life? Do you limit the amount of screen time you get every day? If yes, how has that improved your life? If not, how do think it will impact your life? Do you feel anxious when you don’t have your device with you or don’t have it on? Why do you think that is? What can you do SLAYER to focus each day on the relationships you have in your life, the ideas, inspirations or ideas you may have that never get the chance to be explored or fully realized because you’re attention keeps getting pulled back to your screen. Turn off your devices today and turn on your mind, you may be surprised what’s in there waiting for you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Always remember that your current situation is not your final destination, remind yourself why you started and keep heading in the direction that honors that.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Why

Remeber Your Why, Remember The Magic

We often can get so focused on achieving our goals or going after the next thing or relationship that when we have it we don’t appreciate it in the moment. We work hard to change, nurture relationships with others and push ourselves to go after what we want, what we find magic in, and then when we get there we’re already thinking about what comes next, or forget that the relationship or promotion or whatever it may be comes with day-to-day work to keep and maintain it, and ultimately, to have it grow. When we find ourselves in that rut it’s important to remind ourselves of the magic that person, place or thing had for us that pushed us to go after it in the first place.

There are those of us who are addicted to the chase. Addicted to the next great thing, and are never satisfied once we get it. We build it up in our heads to be something more than it could ever be so once we get it we’re let down or unsatisfied by the reality of what it actually is. I know for myself, I used to be guilty of this. It was like I looked at everything from a child’s perspective, always making it out to be much more than it really was. My expectations were never based in reality, and there was no way anything was every going to reach the level of what I thought it was going to be. As a result I was always let down or feeling empty, and many times thought I had failed, even though I had exactly what I had wanted or worked for because it always felt empty.

It’s important to base our expectations in reality, to go after our hopes and dreams, and allow ourselves to hold some magic around them, but make sure that we’re not setting ourselves up to be disappointed by delusions of grandeur that we build up in our heads. And, even if we keep our expectations in check, to make sure we remember why we wanted what we have in the first place, and appreciating where we are and what we’ve achieved. And remembering that all that we achieve takes a lot of work, and it takes that work to make it work. Many times we’re too quick to throw in the towel when we realize that what we’ve fought so hard for isn’t going to maintain itself or run itself, it takes daily maintenance to keep things running smoothly, and to move things forward to the next level.

We all have the right to dream about what we would like for ourselves, and it’s alright to find some magic around those things, but make sure you keep those dreams and goals in check and not let them get so grandiose that they can never live up to what you’ve built up in your mind. Remember your why and keep that magic that propelled you to start in the first place, and maintain those things as you roll up your sleeves and get to work on what you’ve worked so hard for. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to build up things in your mind that they never reach your expectations? How do you do this? Give an example. Do you let your expectations ruin your enjoyment of what you accomplish? Once you attain what you’ve worked for, are you able to remember your why and keep the magic of what you thought the accomplishment would give you? Are you willing to do the work to keep that magic going? Are you always looking for the next thing and once you get what you want move on to something else forgetting where you just were? Why do you think you do this? How you can you prevent yourself from doing it the next time? It is our nature, SLAYER, to keep striving for more, but it’s important to appreciate what we’ve worked for and accomplished, to remember your why for doing it in the first place and not get discouraged when it requires some work to keep the magic going. Take a moment to pause today, and find the magic in your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! People with great passion make the impossible happen.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Passion

Don’t Follow Your Passion, Bring It With You

Before walking this path I was only focused on my passion. I knew what I was passionate about and almost all of my energy went to that, everything else fell by the wayside. I thought I had to focus only on what my passion for it to be enough, and I also used my passion to hide from the outside world. My passion was everything, and because I made it so, all the other areas in my life suffered, and, I was missing opportunities to try new things, or to head down new avenues because I was so hyper-focused on what I already knew. What I didn’t know is that my passion isn’t just something I love, it’s in me, it’s what makes me come alive and I can bring my passion into everything I do. It wasn’t until I learned that my passion really set my soul on fire.

When I was living in the dark I had a very narrow view of the world, and my life. I wouldn’t let in new things, I was stubborn and set in my ways, only allowing what I thought was right in and not allowing myself to investigate anything further. The minute something new was presented to me I shot it down, I would tell myself that I already knew it wasn’t going to work, or it wasn’t going to be good, or what I wanted to do, and as a result I stayed stuck, and continued to hide in my passion. That way of living was very lonely. And, if I wasn’t able to dive into my passion as I liked in each moment, I felt like I had failed, having nothing else to turn to. I had put all my eggs in one basket and if there was no basket I was lost.

When I set out to find a better way of life I realized what I had been doing. Living for my passion only kept me sick, kept me hidden and didn’t allow me to grow into who I was meant to be. As I learned more and more about myself I learned that my passion is who I am, not what I am, or what I chose to aim my energies at, my passion is that fire that burns inside of me that I can bring with me into any situation, relationship or new venture, and, by knowing that I open myself to all kinds of new ventures I didn’t even know existed before, or never would have considered. That alone fires up my passion. I know today that not one thing is my passion, I can bring it into anything I’m doing and by keeping an open mind and an open heart, I continue to find new passions along this path.

It’s easy to get stuck in one way of thinking, and it’s easy to hide in what your passion may be, but what are you missing around you while you’re doing that? What else may be out there you can also be passionate about, or who? There is so much each day we can bring our passion into and allow ourselves and others to see who we are and what we have to offer, and, we may just learn something about ourselves along the way, and those around us. Our passion can inspire others, it can bring passion to others and it can spark the passion already in you to greater heights. I used to think that I had to focus my passion on one thing, thinking it might be spread to thin to have multiple places to send that passion, and what I know today is that when I bring my passion to everything I do, not only do those things get better, my passion gets stronger and invites others to show their passion too. Show us your passion in everything you do and let it bring you closer to what and who you love. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you bring your passion into everything you do or limit it to what you focus on? If you do limit it, why do you think you do this? Do you use your passion to hide from the outside world? If yes, why? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? What if you allowed the world to see your passion through all that you do? What if you shared it with others? What if you allowed us to see who you are through your passion? Always bring your passion with you into everything situation, it may just lead you to the place your are truly meant to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you