Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for you help the answer will always be no. Ask for what you need.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Self Love
Hand In Hand Is The Only Way To Land
Before walking this path I would freely tell people, I wasn’t a “group” person. I had always had a few close friends, but rarely did I even go out with them more than one or two at a time. I kept things small. Intimate. And, back then I couldn’t tell you why, but I knew that I felt uncomfortable in groups, in fact, many times I felt more alone in a group than I did when I was actually alone. I kept to myself back then, I would share some things with friends or family, but the dark stuff, the big stuff, I carried alone. I felt like I didn’t want to burden anyone else, but I also felt like, even though they might be friends, that I might be judged or thought of as weak if I let the truth out about who I was and what I was going through. As a result, I suffered a lot at my own hand, and I suffered a lot alone.
When I made a commitment to get better, it was suggested I join a group. I shivered. Panic shot through me at the thought of not only walking into a room of strangers but that I would be asked to share myself at a time that was my darkest, something I hadn’t even been doing with those I considered close. I was told that I didn’t have to take this journey alone, that there were many others who had walked this road before me, and who, like me, where also starting their journey. I was encouraged to reach out and get to know those who I identified with. As scary as that was at first, as I had a fear that people were collecting information about me and my private life, as crazy as that sounds now, I had some major trust issues to work through, but as I reached out my hand and said hello, that fear started to leave me. What happened was, when I opened up and shared my true self with those around me, they tended to do the same, whether it was new friends or old, that honesty closed the gap I had always felt between me and everyone around me. And, I started to become a “group” person, in fact, today, over 13 years later, I love those groups, and even if I don’t know anyone in it, I know we all sit there for a common purpose and we all share our truths because it helps us to get better and it helps those who may be just starting their journey and need to hear themselves in our stories, and, that it gets better.
Life will always do it’s thing, we have no control over what comes our way, but we can arm ourselves with a team of people who love and support us, so when things do hit the fan you’ve got as many helping hands as you may need. And the trick is to use them! For the support to work you have to reach out for those hands, and, take them. It doesn’t magically happen just by thinking about it. We are not mind-readers, ask for what you want and need. But also remember, that doesn’t mean that everyone is always able to be what you want and need exactly when you need it, so that’s why it’s important to build up that group, that network or extended family, so when you do fall, you’ve got those extra set of hands to help you back up.
It took me falling down as far as I did to realize that I didn’t have to fall that far, I could have reached out for the hands that were already around me, and even though they might not have understood exactly what I was going through, they would have understood I needed that hand, and I could have saved myself a lot of pain and misery.
No one walks their road alone, unless you choose to, but we’re not meant to, our lives, and the people in them come to us for a reason, and together we are stronger and capable of anything. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to keep to yourself or do you share what’s really going on for you? If you don’t share, what stops you? Have you shared in the past? What was the result? If it was good, why have you stopped? If it wasn’t good, why do you think that was? Did you reach out for help from the wrong person? Did you not share your total truth? Did you expect too much? What can you do differently next time for a better result? SLAYER, I could not have the life I have today without the support of others. And not only do they help me when I need a hand, but I get to do the same for them, which again helps me, it’s just how it works.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Tell the person you were before that you love them.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Believe in your ability to create change.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You become what you believe.
SLAY on!
I See It When I Believe It
Before getting well, I was often heard saying the opposite, “I’ll believe that when I see it,” which was almost always followed by an eye roll. I had a very skeptical mind that always went to the negative. I looked for the negative so that’s what I saw. I believed that’s what I deserved because I believed I was a bad person and I was ashamed of how I was living my life. Even when good things did come, I thought something negative would follow it to balance things out, robbing me of the enjoyment of that good. It never occurred to me to look for the good, or even that it was there before I stepped on this path.
When I made a commitment to get better I was encouraged to look for the good. I was in the darkest place I had ever been, so the thought that there was anything in my life that could be labeled good seemed far-fetched, but I was reminded that I was standing in a place of willingness, willingness to find a solution and get better, that alone was something good, and, that was something I could hang onto to start. Looking back, that was a lot of good, it took a lot of courage to come forward and share my true self, true pain and true thoughts and feelings, but I knew my life depended on it, so I gathered up all the courage I could to step forward. As I continued my journey I was constantly challenged to find the good, and to believe in it. Some days it was difficult to find it and I had to hold on to the simple facts that I had made it on this journey so far and that was positive, that I had love and support in my life and I was still alive. I had to break it down to those simple facts some days just to get by. But with most things, the more we do them the easier they become, and the more I started to look for the good and positive things in my life the more I found. I wrote them down at first, and some days still do, to remind myself so that if I came up against negative thinking I could pull that list out of my pocket and read them to myself. Just the act of reading or saying those things out loud could sometimes change my thinking. I also was encouraged to reach out to others when I was having a negative day, and not to talk about how bad I felt, but to ask them how their day was. That act also, many times, turned my thinking around, and most of all, got my thinking outside of myself. For me, the root of my troubles centered in my mind, my thinking, my thoughts wanted to keep me in the dark and isolated from everyone, so by doing things that took me out of my own thoughts or the negative thinking I had become accustomed to, my thinking started to change and so did my perception of the world around me.
I know today that I have the power to see what I want to see. I can take any day, any situation, and make it positive or negative, it’s all in how I look at it, or what I choose to take away. When I believe I deserve the good, when I believe I have good in my life, I see it, and not only do I see it, I feel it and share it with others. It becomes like a magnet, and that energy I give out brings back the same energy. But it starts with me believing. As a recovered “victim of life” that makes me feel pretty powerful.
If you believe it, you’ll see it. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to see things from a negative perspective? Why do you think that is? Have you always been that way? If not, what changed? If you have, why do you think that is? Have you tried to find the positive in your life? How has that gone? Have you found it? Have you lost it? How? What if you made a commitment to look for the good, the positive, in your day today? Write down all of the things you find, and put it in your pocket for a rainy day. Practice doing this every day until you start to notice the positive on your own. Life is really what we make it, and when we believe it, we can see it.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! To live a beautiful life we must lose the fear of being wrong.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Expectations are just resentments waiting to happen.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Don’t Blame A Clown For Acting Like A Clown If You Keep Going To The Circus
I’ve been there. I mean, clowns are one thing—but for me, the pattern showed up in the people I kept allowing back into my life.
Before I began walking this healing path, I lived with a lot of magical thinking. I believed that if I hoped hard enough, people or situations would just… change. And each time they didn’t, I was left hurt, disappointed, and confused. Still, I’d go back—again and again—expecting a different outcome.
For a while, I told myself it was about giving people the benefit of the doubt. But if I’m being honest, some of it was rooted in a narrative I was used to telling: that I couldn’t trust people, that others would always let me down, that I was the victim. A lot of it, though, was simply expecting someone to show up differently than they ever had before—despite all the evidence to the contrary.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
When We Hope Instead of Accept
Even after I started healing, I still found myself getting hurt in these same dynamics. The difference was, I had more awareness. I knew I couldn’t expect people to be who I wanted them to be. But because I was changing, because I was growing and showing up differently, I’d start to think—maybe they are too.
Spoiler: They weren’t.
At least not in the way I hoped. They were still who they had always been. And I was still getting hurt.
People show us who they are. We’re the ones who often refuse to believe them. We soften the truth, sugarcoat their behavior, make excuses. But deep down, we know what’s real. We just don’t always want to accept it.
Expecting Different From What’s Always Been
We can’t expect different from someone who’s always shown us the same. Yes, people can change—I have changed—but we can’t expect it. We can share how something made us feel. We can suggest a different way of communicating. But at the end of the day, some people will always return to their default patterns. And that may not change—no matter how much we grow.
The only thing we can control is us:
- Our boundaries
- Our expectations
- Our willingness to engage
We can’t keep going back to the same well and be surprised when it’s still empty. Eventually, it’s not about them. It’s about why we keep going back.
Lead by Example—And Accept What Is
The most powerful way to inspire change is by living it.
When we shift how we communicate, how we hold boundaries, how we show up—we naturally invite others to do the same. But even then, they may not follow. And we have to be okay with that.
Because we’re only responsible for our own energy. We can’t change someone else. We can only change how we engage with them—or choose not to.
This lesson didn’t sink in for me right away. I returned to the same dynamics more than once, hoping this time it would be different. Hoping the same people would finally see me, show up for me, offer something they’d never offered before.
And each time, I left disappointed.
Eventually, the mirror flipped. The problem wasn’t just them—it was me continuing to hope for something that had never been there.
The Truth Isn’t Always Harsh—But It Is Honest
It’s not always easy to accept the truth about someone, especially if that truth means letting go of what we wish they could be.
Accepting someone for who they are doesn’t mean you hate them. It doesn’t even mean they’re a bad person. It just means they aren’t capable of offering you what you need.
And that might mean setting boundaries. It might mean pulling back. Or it might mean walking away entirely.
The truth is: you can’t blame the clown for acting like a clown if you keep showing up at the circus.
You have the power to exit the tent.
Take people for who they are—not who you hope they’ll become—and honor yourself by accepting that truth.
SLAY Reflection: Your Turn to Get Honest
Take a moment to reflect with these questions:
- Do you find yourself going back to the same people, expecting different results?
- Is there someone in your life you’re still hoping will change, despite a long pattern of behavior?
- What are you really seeking from them—support, love, validation? Have they ever truly given it?
- What boundaries could you set to protect your peace, even if they don’t change?
- What would it look like to stop hoping—and start accepting?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one situation or relationship you’ve kept returning to, hoping it would change—and what finally helped you step away?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.And if you know someone who’s stuck in a cycle of disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you have clarity of intention, the universe conspires with you to make it happen.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
