let go

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let go of people who dull your shine, poison your spirit and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Right Person

Does Feeling Bad Feel Comfortable?

When I was living in the dark, I wasn’t happy there, but it was what I knew, and where I felt comfortable. I was torn between being in love with my sadness and wanting to let it go. I didn’t know how to let it go, and I also was afraid to, because my identity had become my sadness, like a black cloak I pulled tightly around me. That cloak got heavier and heavier as the years went on, so much so it became hard to breathe from the weight of it, but I stayed there, and I kept wearing it until the weight of it became too much for me to stand and it brought me to my knees. I’m grateful I was able to reach that point. I am grateful I made it that long. That I found the strength in me to finally lift that heavy cloak off of me and leave it behind. I almost wasn’t able to. And I think the danger of that for me is why it needed to be that heavy, so that I always remember how dark and heavy that place was, and how difficult it was for me to get out.

Sometimes we stay where we shouldn’t because it’s all we’ve ever known, or, it’s what we think we deserve, even when we may realize that we should go, we can stay stuck thinking it’s better to live in a place that we’re familiar with rather than stepping out to unknown territory. We keep ourselves locked away, or sick, and find people who feed into that sickness so we can feel okay for being there, even possibly be encouraged to stay by those with us, as it feeds into their sickness as well. It takes a lot of courage to reach for the light, to change the way we’ve been living, how we’re living and who we’re living with. But we have to believe we deserve more, or better, or something different from what we’ve had to live as our authentic selves and discover what our true potential is. Because when we live in the dark, when we hide in those places that may make us feel safe, but are places we shouldn’t be in, we lose a part of ourselves, and the longer we stay there the more we lose. We step down on those places in our heart that are meant to shine, those parts of us we’re meant to share with the world, and ourselves, we suffocate our true selves and we slowly die there, and even though it can be terrifying to let go and trust that we’re not meant to live a life in the shadows, what we gain when we do is worth every moment of fear we have to walk through to get us there. And the more we we push past that fear to find our happiness, the less we’ll put up with anything, or anyone, that causes us to feel bad, and as we do, that dark place becomes less comfortable.

We have the power to change the place we live in our hearts, we can choose to live in a place that makes us feel bad, or one that gives us joy, one that let’s our heart shine, even if the place of sadness is all we’ve known, we can still see out our own place of happy. It does take some work, and some trust that you can get to that place, but as someone who found her way to her own I can tell you, it is possible, and once you’re there the possibilities become limitless. Go find your happy place and find it within you to believe you deserve it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does feeling bad feel comfortable? Why? Have you always lived in that place? If you haven’t, how have you found yourself there? Why haven’t you left? If you have, do you want to find a better place for yourself, a happier place, a healthier place to live? What does that place look like to you SLAYER? Can you imagine it? Where can you find that place? If you can’t imagine it, if you could make it up, being realistic about it, what does it look like, feel like, where is it? Can you find it? Can you work toward it? How? What steps can you take? SLAYER we are more than what has happened to us, we are more than what we’ve been told we deserve, or who we’ve been told we are, only we get to decide that, us, so take some time and think about where you are, why you’re there, and where you want to go, because you can go there, you just have to believe you can and get to work on getting there. I believe in you SLAYER, now it’s your turn to believe in yourself, and believe you deserve more than finding a comfortable place in your sadness.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You don’t have to fight every battle. You don’t have to respond to every critic.. You don’t have to be offended by what others say. You can simply walk away.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Argument

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your negative thoughts may be the only thing holding you back from becoming who you are meant to be. Look for the good in everything, and let go anything that stands in your way.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Positive Thoughts

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To heal a wound you have to learn to stop touching it.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Next Chapter

Pain Is Inevitable, Misery Is A Choice

I talk a lot about letting things go and acceptance here at State Of Slay, I also talk about being accountable for your actions. Inevitably we will experience pain in our lives. Life does it dance and sometimes we fall and skin our knee. But it’s up to us whether we get back up again or remain on the ground focusing on the pain of what has happened. We have a lot more power than we think we do when we get knocked down. We may not be able to stop the blow, but we can determine how we move on from there. Or, if we move on. Sometimes we get stuck in that place of hurt, of being a victim, or because we think we belong there. We don’t. You always have the power to stop the misery that comes from the initial pain, and you definitely have the power from preventing it again.

Life teaches us things, or it’s meant to, if we are quick learners we only have to go through it once before we make a change to stop it from happening again, but there are many of us, myself included, who may need several times at bat before finally hitting that home run and moving on. I used to sit in my misery not knowing how to get out of it. I would harbor resentments for those involved, and myself for letting myself get or stay there, and just stay stuck, not knowing how to get out from under the pile of hurt I was finding myself in, and many times, not wanting to get out because staying in that place was a way to punish myself. We are not meant to stay in the place. We are meant to move on, to learn, make peace with what was done, make peace with our part, because yes, as I mention a lot, we typically have one, and move on. Let it go. Now, some things are easier to let go of than others, most of the time the ones that aren’t easy are the ones that are triggering something from our past. Something we haven’t dealt with or have been able to find peace around. This may have been the reason the pain happened in the first place, as a red flag that you are meant to deal with an issue from the past. When I hurt, I always ask myself, is this because of what has happened in the present, or is this something bubbling up from my past I still need to work on letting go? A lot of the time our feelings are tethered to experiences and feelings from our past, things we’ve buried deep, or refuse to let go of. Those will keep popping up in our present lives, often reeking havoc on relationships we have today. As I always say, what is the root of the matter? Where does it stem from? There are usually answers there, and ultimately a solution.

Finding the answers to those questions will usually help you to move on faster, to let your pain go, or to at least give it the amount of weight it deserves, without piling on more for optimum effect. I always go back to, what are the facts? The facts don’t lie. Our feelings can trick us, they often have far-reaching tentacles that reach far back in our lives, and can skew the truth of what the matter really is, but if we focus on the facts, they will usually point us in the right direction. Once we have the facts we can usually expedite a solution to let it go, much faster than when our feelings get into the mix. But our feelings can indicate what’s really going on. So don’t count them out entirely, just don’t use them as a barometer of what actually happened.

Acceptance is the key to most of our problems when we are feeling disturbed or hurt. Learn from what happened, make a note of what you could have done better, or what you learned, and let it go. If you choose to hang on, you’re only torturing yourself and causing yourself unnecessary pain, set yourself free and make a commitment to yourself to do better next time. After all, it’s pain that helps us grow the most, so look at it as just that, growth, and turn a seemingly negative experience into something you can use for the good. That’s how we do it SLAYER! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you experience pain or get hurt do you sit in that hurt or work to move on? If you sit in it, why do you do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do to move on? What holds you back from doing so? How can you overcome that? Holding on to past hurt doesn’t serve you, it only holds you back, learn from the past and use that to make better choices moving forward. No one gets it right all the time, we are here to learn, so look for the lesson, and humbling look at your own actions, and let it go. You have the power to stop your own misery today, right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Forgiveness does not change the past, but it brightens your future.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Forgiveness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Not every battle can be won. Not every battle is your battle to fight. The only battle that is worth fighting is the battle in your mind that tells you it’s your right to be right, even when the battle has nothing to do with you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Distraction

Just Part Of The Passing Parade

I used to engage with everything that I came my way. I would get into pointless arguments, make sure my opinion was known, explain to someone the ‘right’ way to do something, basically insert myself into each situation that crossed my path. I felt I had to. It was what was right. What I didn’t realize until I got healthier was that the reasons I was doing it was to feed my sickness, whether to make myself superior, to feel anger, to prove that all people were ‘idiots’ so I didn’t feel so bad when I lied to them, manipulated them, or even stole from them. I was never engaging with anyone to be helpful, or to be of service, well, if I was it was to get something in return. But most of the time it was to feed my ego because I felt less-than. Those little altercations where like a hit of a drug, for a moment, right after, I would get a high…and then it would wear off and I’d go looking for the next hit. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to let go of those old behaviors that I realized what those behaviors where doing to me.

Everyday we cross paths with a lot of people. And we cross paths with them for many different reasons. Nothing happens by chance. And there are those out there that seek out trouble, they were like me, and they’re looking for a fight, or a moment to feel better than whomever they encounter. I know now that they are just part of the passing parade. I don’t have to engage with each float, clown, and marching band that comes my way. I can stay on the sidewalk and just watch them go by. Because today I have nothing to prove. Today my mental health is what is my priority, and engaging with the passing parade is not good for my mind. Sure, if someone needs help I will jump in to be of service, and I will initiate a conversation with someone to hopefully brighten their day, but the rest of those hooligans, they can keep marching on by. Don’t get my wrong, sometimes it is tempting, they always make it look so enticing, and, on a bad day, I may even start to dip my toe in those murky waters, but it never feels good, I don’t get that hit or high anymore like I did, if I do, it’s very fast, and the awful feelings are quick to rush in and wash that high away. And, I’m glad they do, I’ve worked very hard to find my serenity, or peace of mind, because where I came from was so far off from that place, so far, I didn’t even know it was possible to find it. But trust me, it is. Just stay off that parade route.

I also use the parade analogy for the thoughts in my head. That negative self-talk, or bullshit committee as I like to call them, love to chime in, especially when I’m in H.A.L.T., hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, boy their voices get loud, but instead of engaging with them, I let them pass, sometimes I’ll even catch myself saying, “thank you for sharing, but you can take that someplace else.” Because the truth is, they are like a passing parade, they will just pass by if you let them, they might try to come back, but as long as you don’t acknowledge them, they keep walking.

As we navigate through each day, we have a choice, we can do what’s best for our own peace of mind, or we can try to win every battle that comes our way that we actually can’t win. Because we lose each time we engage in something we are not meant to be engaging with. Each of those battles chips away at our self-love, and it keeps us in a cycle of being sick. When we are well, loving and honoring ourselves, we don’t feel the need to engage with the passing parade, we notice it, and then let it pass on by, so if that parade passing in front of you is too hard to let go, that’s a sign of some work to be done SLAYER, and time to put on that investigative hat and find out why you feel so compelled to fight a battle you cannot win, a battle that is really with yourself, and not the people in that parade, because the only battle you can win, is the battle that goes on within yourself, and once you know the facts of why you feel you need to go to battle, you’ve found your armor, and that armor will protect you from anything that crosses your path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel compelled to interact with anyone and everyone that crosses your path? Why? What if you didn’t? What do you think will happen? Do you get caught up in other people’s drama, and fights, at the detriment of your own mental health? Why do you think you do this? When you feel compelled to do this, are these times when you may be in H.A.L.T.? Are you looking to make yourself feel better? Are you looking to make yourself feel bad? What are you looking for? Why do you think you’re looking for it? What if you stopped? What if you didn’t engage with these people? What if you took a deep breath and walked away. Took your power back and did what was right for you. Noticed when these fights were fights that cannot be won, or, the expense was too great to your own person. What if you chose to not get involved unless it directly affected you? What if you chose to look for ways to give back and be of service instead of engaging with those who only want to inflict pain, or put you down? Why don’t you do that SLAYER. Let the passing parade go by and focus on those people who may need your help, need a hand, or just might need a smile. You’ll see how that affects those distractions that pass you by, they become much less distracting, and much more of just some noise in the distance.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

When Someone Inserts Their Sickness Into Your Life

We’ve all been there. Minding our business. Doing the best we can. Just trying to get by. When BAM, someone sucker punches us with something totally out of left field. Accusing us of things that aren’t true, or based in facts, claiming falsehoods, pointing fingers at us. I used to get angry. Vehemently defend myself. Engage with that person. Now I see it for what it is. Someone else’s sickness, or disease, seeping into my life. It doesn’t make it right, but it doesn’t mean I need to get sucked in to their drama and issues.

Most of the time when someone lashes out at us, accuses us of things that aren’t true, or bends the truth, it’s a sign that they are in distress. They are struggling with their own battle and instead of recognizing or looking at what may be causing their behavior, they look for a scapegoat to aim their frustrations on. They may not even know they’re doing it. But, when any of us has a problem, if we’re irritated, angry, jealous, fixated on someone else instead of looking within, that is our problem, and solely our problem to fix, unless someone has acted out toward us, it’s up to us to find out what the root of the issues are that we’re trying to mask by making it someone else’s problem.

I used to engage in this behavior a lot. Because back, before I was on this path, I always made myself the victim. In my eyes, everyone else had it easier than I did, and everyone was against me. And I was spiteful, oh yeah I was. If I felt you had wronged me I certainly didn’t want to see good things happening for you, and I spent a lot of energy finding out if they were, and then figuring out how to diminish your good fortune.

I don’t live like that today. Gratefully so. I am genuinely happy when good things happen for other people, even the people who may have wronged me. Because what I am responsible is my side of the street. And if I am doing what I can, to the best of my ability in each given moment, then I should be OK, regardless of what anyone else thinks I should be doing. No one else has a right to tell me I’m doing me wrong, because no one else knows me as well as me. Now, I certainly have people in my life who, when I’m not acting like I typically do, will call me out on my behavior, and I welcome that, I do the same for those I love and care about, we keep each other in check, but ultimately, no one else walks in my shoes each day, so no one can really know what it’s like to be me.

When someone inserts their sickness into my life it can be shocking, it typically seems to come out of nowhere. Because, for the most part, that other person has been sitting with their pain for long enough that it finally has to come out, and then there it is, right in your face. But it’s not my job to fix them. It is my job to share my truth, my side of things, and if the situation is right, perhaps suggest a conversation about it if one can be had in a respectful and productive way, otherwise, I will excuse myself from the situation entirely because I know it’s a situation I cannot win, it’s not set up to be played fair, it’s only meant to tear me down.

I understand, coming from a place where I practiced this behavior often, but today I live my life in the light, I am always open to have someone join me there, but will not step back into the darkness of my past and let my old behaviors take control and pull me down in the dark. I’ve worked far too hard to allow myself to do that. When someone inserts their sickness into your life, let it go. Make clear your side, make clear your intentions, but don’t engage with a fighter who has rigged the game in their favor. You have nothing to prove. You have nothing to gain. You only need to be you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: If someone comes at you with accusations do you immediately come out fighting? Why do you feel you need to do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What if you didn’t? What if you took a breath and thought about what might really be going on? Why the other person has chosen to come after you? And what their pattern of behavior has been with you up until this point? What their pattern of behavior has been with others up until this point. Start to paint a bigger picture than that moment. Once we take our ego out of it, and not take it personally, often we are able to see what is really going on, and typically what is really going on, has nothing to do with us. Stay on your side of the street, and keep it clean.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you