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Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Forgive yourself as many times as it takes to find peace.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Forgive Yourself Didn't Know

You Can Forgive Yourself Now

When I was newly on my path I was asked to write down all the people that had harmed me, I, being in victim mode at the time, vigorously got to work, this was my chance, I thought, to point out how I had been wronged and getting it all down on paper was going to justify the place where I had found myself. When I was done I read it out loud, feeling good about my list and all of those on it, now the truth was going to come out I thought. When I was done the question was asked of me, why aren’t you on the list? The comment was made, you should be at the top of your list, you did the most damage to yourself. That hit me like a ton of bricks. What? Had this person not just heard my list of dastardly people who had all such horrible things to me? What did I have to do with that? Well, as it turns out, a lot. I had spent so much time playing the victim that I had totally lost sight that I played a role in most of what I was angrily carrying around. In fact, unless we are children, or the victim of a random crime, we always have a part. Taking responsibility for that part seemed like a daunting task.

For me, I had to tackle it as a fact-finding mission. What were the patterns of my past? And, boy where they there. When I saw it all on paper it was very obvious where my behavior was wrong time and time again. But instead of beating myself up for it, I had to learn to forgive myself and move on. It was pointed out to me that for most of my wrongdoing I did not know better, and for the times I did, I was doing the best I could at that time, not to make excuses for my behavior, but to find a way to not resent myself for it. We all can only do what we can with the tools we have, and if we don’t have the right tools, or any, we can’t fault ourselves for past decisions. Even if we do have the right tools, that doesn’t always mean we’ll use them, or use them in the right way. This is where forgiveness comes into play. Learning to forgive yourself is an integral part of self-love, of having healthy relationships in your life and to stop repeating the past. When we learn from our past, forgive ourselves for what may have gone wrong, we can let it go and move past it. And when we love ourselves we stop doing things and associating with people who don’t honor that love. Forgiveness is the key to all of those things we want and when we don’t understand why we don’t.

Learning to forgive ourselves may be the most difficult thing we do, especially for those of us that have carried that guilt and self-hatred around like a badge of honor. Let it go, let it all go and forgive yourself, and make part of that forgiveness a living amends to yourself by not repeating the past, by learning from those mistakes or events that you carried guilt around for, vow to work to not repeat those same mistakes, and even if you do, use that as a learning moment and move on. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, allow yourself to make them and forgive yourself for the ones of your past. In doing so, you will open the door to your own freedom. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you harbor a lot of shame, guilt or self-hatred towards yourself for your past? If so, how do you do this? How does this harm you? Why do you do this? Do you point fingers at others and have a difficult time seeing your part in these relationships or events? Why do you think that is? What if you looked for your part? When we look at our past it allows us to see the patterns of our behaviors, to see where we keep making the same choices that are getting us results we don’t want. Use those old mistakes as a learning tool and forgive yourself for the choices of your past, turning those old tools that did not work into ones that do.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You did what you knew how to do at the time, when you know better, you do better.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Green Better Not Bitter

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Everything you don’t know is something you can learn.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Master Peace

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you let go you make space for something better.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pink Starting Today

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be willing to do, willing to create a positive result.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Willingness Opens The Door

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You owe yourself the same love you so freely give to others.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Name Yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! To be human is to feel broken sometimes, but loving all those broken pieces is it’s own kind of beautiful.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Kill Your Sadness

Happy Where You Are

When I was living in the darkness I thought I needed certain things to be happy. I had a list, and because I hadn’t obtained everything on that list I felt justified in my unhappiness. I used that list as an excuse to sit in my anger and depression and felt entitled to have the things I thought were going to make me happy, feeling like not having them was a denial from life to have the life I thought I should have. What I didn’t see was that I had always held the key to my own happiness, and, it had nothing to do with those things on that list.

In the past happiness had always meant, career, people, places and things. But those things were empty without self-love and peace in my heart. No matter how much stuff I could accumulate, or what prestige I could garner from my career or chosen partner, I always felt empty and alone, and, many times expected whatever I had to be taken away. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I started to realize that none of those things were going to give me the happiness that I had to find in myself, but, how was I going to find that happiness when I had spent my life chasing the wrong things? I leaned on those I saw who had found that happiness. I had been advised to find people who had what I wanted, and I don’t mean to take it, or pretend to be like them, but to align myself with those people who had found what I was looking for and ask them how they had done it. Joining a support group helped me to expand this new circle of friends who were seeking what I was, or had found it, and it allowed me to follow by example to find that happiness for myself.

I had to break everything down and start all over. It seemed daunting at first, but I was encouraged to only do what I could each day. So I started to build from the foundation up, knowing that the foundation was the most important part, I did not try to rush the process, but allowed myself to listen, grow and learn who I was and what was truly going to fill my heart with love. It turns out it wasn’t people, places, things, or my career, sure, I enjoyed those things and worked hard, but without any of them I had to find my own happiness from the inside. I started with loving acts toward myself, focusing on my gratitude each day and what I liked about myself, to start that list was very small, sometimes only one word, but it grew over time as my love for myself grew. I started to say yes to things, trying new things with new people, and I began to feel connected like I had never felt before. Also, by being accountable for my actions I noticed my self-esteem was getting stronger, and, I started to like myself. The more I practiced showing myself love and practicing self-care the more that that like turned to love, something I didn’t think was possible. At the beginning of my journey I was physically not able to say I love you out loud when looking at myself in the mirror, and now all of my acts were based in the newfound love I had found for myself.

Today I still don’t have all of those things that used to be on my list that I thought I needed to be happy, some of them have appeared, but I realize that I never needed those things to find happiness, happiness is something I found and created in myself and no matter where I am I can take that with me. My life today is very full, and full of love, and there isn’t a list that is contingent on my happiness, I’m happy right where I am, I share this to show you that it’s possible, you too can find that place for yourself, or realize you’re already there, just search for it inside your heart. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a list that you believe is the key to your happiness? What is on that list? Why do you believe that those items on your list can make you happy. Have any of those things truly made you happy on their own when you don’t feel happy where you are? What can you do today that shows yourself that you are loved? What are you grateful for in your life today? What do you like or love about yourself? Of those things you might not like or love, how can you find some kindness and love toward yourself and those things? What can you do today to show yourself love? Get on the self-love way of living, find others who are doing the same and support and encourage one another. When you surround yourself with love it is easier to see the love in yourself, and, you may just find some happiness right where you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It takes time to get familiar with new thoughts and situations, don’t let it stop you from changing.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Little Steps