growth mindset

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

For most of my life, I believed I was unlovable.

Not just hard to love—unworthy of it.

I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself, so when someone claimed to love me, I didn’t trust it. If someone’s love felt genuine, it made me uncomfortable. I feared they’d eventually discover the “ugly truth,” so I kept one foot out the door—just in case. Even after I began to learn how to love myself, I still accepted love that was far below what I knew I deserved.

Because deep down, I didn’t believe I could ever have the kind of love I truly wanted.

That belief kept me stuck in relationships that weren’t healthy. They weren’t safe. And they weren’t loving. But it was only through experiencing pure love—one grounded in mutual respect, connection, and emotional honesty—that I finally learned what I truly deserved.

And more importantly, I believed I could have it.

Love Begins Within

It’s hard to receive real love when you don’t feel it for yourself.

Sure, there are times we begin to heal through the way someone else sees us. But more often than not, if we don’t believe we’re worthy, we’ll sabotage anything good that comes our way.

To let love in, love has to live inside us first.

If fear, shame, or self-hatred are taking up residence, there’s no room for love to grow. Love doesn’t thrive where it’s unwelcome. But when we begin to care for ourselves, nurture our hearts, and see our worth, love becomes a natural extension of that inner work.

It becomes the lens we filter everything through.

If what we say, do, or allow in our lives doesn’t align with love—it has to go.

What We Accept Reflects What We Believe

When we truly love ourselves, we become more compassionate toward others. Our energy shifts from scarcity to abundance. From needing love to sharing it.

And the more love we put out, the more love finds us.

That kind of love? It’s not desperate or dependent. It’s full. It’s expansive. It shows up with open hands, not clenched fists. And when it arrives, we can receive it—not because we’re perfect, but because we’ve finally stopped questioning whether we deserve it.

You do.

You Are Love

There are many paths to love.

Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to find our way back to it. Other times, we’re inspired by love we witness in others. But the more we cultivate and share love, the more it grows—and the more it sustains us when life gets hard.

Because love is more powerful than fear, shame, or anything trying to hold us back.

You are love at your core. That has always been true—even if you forgot for a while.

Feed that love. Honor it. Share it with someone who needs it today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you love yourself? Why or why not?

  • If you do, what do you love most about yourself?

  • If not, what beliefs stand in your way?

  • What’s one small, loving thing you can do for yourself today?

  • What kind of love are you accepting right now—and is it aligned with what you deserve?

Start by naming one reason you’re lovable. Hold it in your heart. Add to it every day until you believe it.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helped you finally believe you were worthy of real love?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s settling for less than they deserve, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder of who we truly are.

See With Your Eyes, Hear With Your Ears

I used to live with blinders on.
Not the kind you wear—but the kind you believe.

I only saw what I wanted to see. I filtered everything through my pain, my fear, and the false narratives I told myself over and over again. If I thought I was a bad person, I looked for proof. If I believed I was unlovable, I focused on every moment that could validate that. If I thought life was unfair, I zeroed in on all the ways I’d been wronged.

I wasn’t seeing the truth—I was seeing my trauma.
And I was listening through it too.

A Filtered Life Isn’t a Full Life

When we don’t see with our eyes and hear with our ears—when we see and hear through the noise of our past or our pain—we miss what’s right in front of us. We convince ourselves of stories that may not be true. We act on distorted feelings. And slowly, we begin to disconnect from reality, from the people around us, and from ourselves.

That’s where I was before I began this path.

My perspective was warped. My sense of truth was tangled in denial and self-destruction. But I couldn’t live that way anymore. And when I started my recovery journey, the very first thing I had to do was get honest—with myself, and with the world around me.

The Moment I Took the Blinders Off

Truth didn’t come all at once—it came in pieces.
Each time I stripped away a lie I had believed, the world became clearer. Each time I sat in the discomfort of a moment instead of running from it, I reclaimed a little more power. I learned how to be present, how to focus on what was right in front of me, and how to listen with compassion.

That’s when I stopped reacting and started responding.

Because here’s what I know now:
We can’t live fully if we’re not looking and listening fully.

The Danger of Disengaging

It’s easy to get lost in our distractions—our phones, our playlists, our screens. But when we do that, we cut ourselves off from the life happening around us.
We ignore truth.
We disconnect from others.
We retreat into the stories we already believe.

But life isn’t meant to be background noise.
It’s meant to be lived, seen, heard, and felt.
And the only way we can do that is by taking off the blinders.

Choose to Show Up

When we truly see and hear what’s happening around us, something shifts. We become part of the world again. We stop reacting through old patterns and start participating in real connection. We begin to move with clarity and intention.

Let go of the need to be right.
Let go of the comfort of the old narrative.
And open yourself to what is actually real, here, now.

Because your truth lives in the present.
All you have to do is look. And listen.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Are you seeing and hearing the truth—or just what you’ve trained yourself to expect?

  • Do you move through life fully engaged, or are you walking with emotional blinders on?

  • What truths might you be avoiding? What stories do you replay that might not be real?

  • How does this affect your relationships? Your inner peace?

  • When’s the last time you truly paused, took in your surroundings, and responded instead of reacting?

Challenge yourself to listen differently.
Look deeper.
And live fully.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something you’ve learned to see clearly—once you stopped seeing it through the lens of your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might be stuck in an old story, send this to them.
Sometimes, truth is what sets us free—but only when we choose to see it.

You Can Choose Peace

I didn’t know I could choose peace.

When I was living in the dark, peace wasn’t even a concept I believed in. My mind was in constant chaos—racing with thoughts, shame, regret, and fear. I felt like a prisoner in my own head. The noise never stopped. And because I believed I was broken, I thought I deserved the torment.

I wore the label of “victim” like it was a fact, not realizing that the most painful parts of my story were being written by the choices I was making every day. But here’s the truth I wish I’d known sooner:
Peace isn’t something that just shows up one day. Peace is something we choose.

Peace Starts with a Choice

When I finally admitted I needed help, it was like the door cracked open just enough to let in a sliver of light. That sliver? It was peace. Just a little. Just enough. But it was mine. And it showed me what was possible.

I began to see others who had found peace after chaos. People who had lived in the dark and come out the other side. People who had chosen peace—and in doing so, had chosen themselves. That became my inspiration. And from that moment on, I made a commitment to do the work to find my own.

Rebuilding a Life Around Peace

It wasn’t instant. Peace takes practice. It took a lot of honesty. A lot of humility. I had to stop pretending I was fine and get real about how I felt and what I needed. I had to clear out the chaos—the people, patterns, and beliefs that kept me in turmoil—and make room for something better.

I said yes to new things. I kept my heart open. I focused on love, support, and self-care. And as I leaned more into peace, I started to want it. Crave it. Protect it. That’s the thing about peace—once you taste it, you start building your life around it.

Today, I find peace in many ways—through nature, through connection, through honesty, through stillness. I don’t wait for peace to find me anymore. I go and get it. Every single day.

You Are Worth the Work

Peace is possible. But peace requires effort. It asks us to let go of the lies, face the truth, and show up for ourselves—even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s how we earn it. That’s how we grow into it. And that’s how we become it.

Peace is not perfection. Peace is knowing you’re doing your best. Peace is forgiving yourself.
Peace is choosing love over shame—and presence over panic.

You may not feel it right now. But I promise you, it’s within reach.
You have more power than you think. And you are allowed to use that power to choose peace today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you believe you’re allowed to have peace—or are you still punishing yourself?

  • Where do you currently find peace, even in small ways?

  • What’s blocking you from feeling peace more often?

  • Are you still surrounding yourself with things (or people) that fuel your chaos?

  • What is one thing you can remove from your life today that is stealing your peace?

  • And what’s one thing you can add to cultivate more of it?

You are not your past.
You are your progress.
And you are worthy of peace.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve created peace in your life—even when it felt impossible?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who feels stuck in the chaos, send this to them.
Sometimes, we all need a reminder that peace is possible—and that we’re allowed to choose it.

I Will Not Kick Myself When I’m Down

There was a time when I didn’t just fall down—I helped push myself further. The moment I was down, I would pile on the blame, the guilt, the shame. I thought that was what I deserved. That somehow the worse I felt, the more I could atone for my failures. But the truth is: kicking ourselves when we’re down doesn’t build us back up. It keeps us buried.

The Trap of Unrealistic Expectations

I held impossible expectations for myself. If I didn’t meet them perfectly (and let’s be honest, they were designed to be unmeetable), I used that as proof that I was a failure. That cycle of aiming too high, falling short, and self-destructing was its own form of punishment. And it kept me stuck in the belief that I wasn’t good enough.

Even when good things did happen, I didn’t trust them. I feared they’d be taken away. I feared I would mess them up. I feared someone would find out I didn’t deserve them. That mindset didn’t protect me—it prevented me from ever feeling joy, ease, or peace.

Ground Zero and the Climb Back Up

When I found recovery, I was at rock bottom. Spiritually bankrupt. Emotionally drained. I couldn’t get any lower. And still, the instinct to blame and shame myself was there. But slowly, step by step, I started doing something different. Instead of kicking myself, I started caring for myself.

I had to rewire my brain to stop looking at every misstep as proof of failure. I had to learn that failure is part of learning. And more importantly, I had to love myself through it. I started asking: What can this moment teach me? That changed everything.

Reframing Failure as Growth

Because failure isn’t failure if it teaches you something.

That shift in perspective allowed me to see mistakes not as dead ends, but as detours with lessons. Sometimes they pointed me toward a better path. Sometimes they showed me where I still had growing to do. And sometimes they helped me realize I was never really off-track—I was just learning in real time.

Yes, there were disappointments. Yes, I still felt frustration. But instead of spiraling into shame, I started practicing self-reflection with compassion. That’s how we grow. That’s how we keep going.

A Better Way Forward

So if you’re in a tough season, be honest with yourself: Are you making it harder by turning on yourself?

You may have goals and dreams that didn’t unfold how you imagined. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. It means you’re on the journey. And maybe—just maybe—that so-called failure is actually pointing you toward what you were meant to do all along.

Let go of the punishment. Pick up the lesson. Love yourself when it’s hardest to do so. That’s where the real power lives.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you tend to beat yourself up when things don’t go your way?
  2. What expectations are you holding yourself to that may be unrealistic?
  3. Can you think of a recent mistake that actually taught you something important?
  4. How does self-compassion feel different from self-criticism?
  5. What’s one way you can support yourself today, even if it feels uncomfortable?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Show yourself grace when you fall
  • Learn from the lesson
  • Acknowledge your humanity
  • You get to choose how you respond

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you break the cycle of beating yourself up? How do you practice self-love on your hardest days?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the shame spiral, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Results vs. Rewards

Before I started this journey, I was very rewards-oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return—or at the very least, an acknowledgment of my good deed. And if I didn’t get that, I’d hold onto one heck of a resentment. I wouldn’t say anything about it until I could throw a zinger at them later—a quick-witted one-liner meant to sting.

I was good at those, too. I even prided myself on them.

I thought if I did the right thing, the universe owed me something good in return. But it rarely worked that way. Because when you go into a situation with an expectation, you’re not going in with a pure heart—or the right frame of mind.

Doing It for the Right Reasons

I’ve talked about this before: we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it—and don’t expect anything in return.

Oh, that’s right. That’s the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period.

It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure. It’s the only way not to be let down when your expectations aren’t met.

When I’m having a challenging day—or I’m just plain grumpy—it happens. I’ll do something nice for someone without them knowing. It could be paying for someone’s coffee or putting money in a meter that’s about to expire. It might be something bigger. But the point is, I do it without expecting a reward.

But here’s the twist: we do get something in return. A result. And a result is far more important than a reward.

Esteemable Acts Build Self-Esteem

Sure, it’s nice to get a reward. I think we can all agree. But if that’s your sole purpose for doing something, you’re going to be disappointed—often.

It’s the result of doing something that truly matters. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are.

I had to learn this when I made the choice to get better. I had to make a conscious decision to practice it each day.

It felt strange at first—to do something nice without the other person knowing. I was told that if they found out, it didn’t count and I’d have to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret.

I used the same cleverness I once used to manipulate people to figure out how to do something kind without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And the more I looked for those moments, the more I found them.

The result? My mind stayed positive because I was looking for positive things to do. And that kept me living in the light. No reward could do that for me. A reward might shine a light on me temporarily, but it wouldn’t keep the light on in my life day after day.

Choosing the Path of Growth

We live in a world that’s very reward-oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something.

But we SLAYERS are better than that.

We’re about growth, learning, and striving to do better. What we want are results.

Results that help us build a strong foundation. Results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them.

Esteemable acts build self-esteem. They help us shed the feeling of being “less-than” or deficient. They quiet those negative voices because we’re not just doing what’s best for us—we’re also considering those around us.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you do things and expect a reward? What happens if you don’t get one, or aren’t acknowledged for your good deed?

Do you feel negatively toward that person? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them—without expecting anything in return?

I challenge you, SLAYER, to do three good things for three different people this week without them knowing. If they find out, it doesn’t count, and you’ll need to find something else.

Write down how you feel after doing them. Then write down how you feel compared to before you did them.

Keep going, SLAYER. When we look for the good, we find the good.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’re committing to this week—just because?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to keep growing.

And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them.
Sometimes, the best rewards come from giving freely.

You Can’t Change The Past, But You Can Change How It Affects You

There is no going back.

No rewinding. No editing. No alternate ending where we made the perfect choice every time. The past is fixed. It happened. And for a long time, I let mine define me.

Before I began this healing journey, I used my past as proof that I was a victim. I told those stories in ways that supported that narrative. Sometimes I wanted sympathy. Sometimes I wanted validation. Sometimes I wanted an excuse for behavior I knew was not aligned with who I truly wanted to be.

And here is the truth I eventually had to face.

In many of those situations, I had a role. Sometimes a small one. Sometimes a big one. But denying that kept me stuck. It kept me repeating patterns. It kept me living in yesterday instead of building today.

The moment I committed to honesty, especially with myself, everything began to shift.

Owning Your Story Changes Its Power

Taking responsibility is not about blame. It is about freedom.

When I stopped pointing outward and started looking inward, I began to see patterns. Choices I had made. People I had allowed into my life. Boundaries I had not set. Truths I had ignored.

At first, that realization was uncomfortable. I had built an identity around being wronged. Letting go of that identity felt like losing something familiar.

But what I gained was far greater.

Clarity. Growth. Self respect. And the ability to change.

Once you see your patterns, you can interrupt them.

And that is where transformation begins.

The Past Only Has The Power You Give It

I used to carry shame, anger, and frustration everywhere I went. Those emotions colored how I saw myself and others. They influenced my reactions. They shaped my expectations.

But when I started living more honestly, those emotions began to loosen their grip.

I learned to ask different questions:

What did I learn?
What would I do differently now?
What boundaries do I need moving forward?
What forgiveness is necessary for peace?

Sometimes forgiveness was for someone else. Sometimes it was for myself. Often it was both.

And slowly, the past stopped feeling like a prison and started feeling like a teacher.

Patterns Become Signals Instead Of Traps

One of the biggest gifts of reflection is recognition.

When you understand your patterns, familiar situations begin to feel different. You notice warning signs earlier. You pause before reacting. You make decisions with awareness instead of autopilot.

Early on, I often did not know what the “right” response was. So I learned something important.

Pause.

Life is not a game show. There is no prize for responding fastest. Taking time to think, to ask questions, or to seek guidance is not weakness. It is wisdom.

And with practice, better decisions become more natural.

That is growth in action.

Changing Today Rewrites Tomorrow

You cannot rewrite the past, but you absolutely shape what comes next.

When we act with honesty, integrity, and awareness, the weight of past mistakes lightens. They stop defining us because we are no longer repeating them.

We admit when we are wrong. We make amends when possible. We learn. We adjust. We grow.

And suddenly, the past becomes context instead of identity.

That shift is powerful.

It creates space for self respect. Confidence. Peace.

Healing Requires Compassion Too

Responsibility does not mean harsh self judgment.

Some experiences truly were outside our control. Some situations were painful, unfair, or confusing. Acknowledging that is part of healing too.

The key is balance.

Accountability where we had choice. Compassion where we did not.

Both are necessary for emotional freedom.

And both allow us to move forward without dragging the past behind us.

You Are Allowed To Outgrow Who You Were

This might be the most important part.

You are not required to remain the person you were during your hardest seasons.

Growth means evolution. Awareness means change. Healing means forward movement.

Your past informs you.

It does not imprison you.

And every day offers a chance to choose differently.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: When you think about your past, what emotions come up most strongly?

L: What patterns or choices do you now recognize that you could approach differently today?

A: Where might forgiveness, either for yourself or someone else, create more peace in your life?

Y: What is one small action you can take today that reflects who you are becoming rather than who you were?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How have you learned to reinterpret your past so it supports your growth instead of holding you back?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who needs permission to move forward without being defined by yesterday, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Falling Down Is Part Of The Process

When we step into a new chapter—filled with intention, purpose, and growth—we often expect things to go smoothly. We’re showing up, doing the work, making better choices… shouldn’t that mean we’re past the hard parts?

Not quite.

Falling down is part of the process. Always has been. Always will be.

I’ve learned more from my falls than I ever have from my wins. Those stumbles gave me new tools, revealed blind spots, and taught me that even when there isn’t a clear solution, I’m strong enough to get back up again.

Falling isn’t failure—it’s feedback.

Setbacks Aren’t Stop Signs

It’s easy to feel discouraged when things don’t go the way we hoped.

When you’re working so hard to be better, live authentically, and move forward, setbacks can feel personal. It’s frustrating. It’s deflating. But here’s the truth: setbacks don’t mean you’re off track—they mean you’re on it.

Every fall is an opportunity to pause, reflect, and ask:

  • What did this moment teach me?

  • What was my part in it?

  • What new tool or insight can I take forward from here?

If everything went perfectly all the time, we wouldn’t learn much. We wouldn’t build strength. And we definitely wouldn’t develop the resilience we need for long-term growth.

Every Fall Is Just Information

Let’s take the drama out of the fall.

Not every stumble is a crisis. Not every setback is a disaster. Sometimes it’s just a signpost that says: Not this way. Try another.

When we start to look at our missteps as information—not identity—we take back our power.

A fall doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means something needed your attention.

Maybe you weren’t doing what you needed to do.
Maybe you missed a red flag.
Maybe the lesson was simply about learning how to stand back up.

Whatever the reason, the fall isn’t the end. It’s just part of the path.

Falling Forward with Intention

Some of the most painful moments in my life were the result of my own choices—or lack of action. But with each one, I had a decision to make: let the fall define me, or let it refine me.

If we ignore what the fall is trying to teach us, it’s likely we’ll end up back in that same spot—only this time it’ll hurt more, because we’ll know better.

But if we take the time to reflect, gather what we need, and move forward differently, we turn what was once a painful experience into a stepping stone toward something better.

Keep Showing Up

The key isn’t avoiding every fall. That’s impossible. The key is learning how to rise, gather the lesson, and keep moving.

No matter how hard you fall, you can get back up.
No matter how lost you feel, you can find your way again.

Eventually, you’ll recognize the patterns. You’ll learn where the pitfalls are. And you’ll start to navigate the path with more confidence.

Falling doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing.
And growth is never a straight line—it’s a beautifully messy journey.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect together, SLAYER:

  • S: What’s your usual reaction when you fall—do you give up or get curious?

  • L: Can you recall a setback that led to growth or a better decision later on?

  • A: How can you start viewing setbacks as information rather than personal failure?

  • Y: What’s one fall you can reframe today as a stepping stone instead of a stopping point?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you fell, and what did it teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who feels defeated by a recent fall, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Self-Righteous Anger

We’ve all been there.

That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.

You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.

That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

 

Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility

If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.

You decide:

  • Who you engage with

  • How far you let them in

  • What boundaries you set

There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.

This blog connects back to so many past entries:

  • People Picker – choosing aligned connections

  • Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs

  • Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”

  • Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance

It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.

When We Engage to Feel Superior

Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.

Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.

Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.

And it didn’t work.

Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership

When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.

Ask yourself:

  • Could I have avoided this situation?

  • Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?

  • Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?

A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.

Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:

  • Disappointment

  • Resentment

  • Frustration

  • Anger

That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.

Break the Cycle with Compassion

The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.

We avoid self-righteous anger by:

  • Engaging with people who align with us

  • Setting boundaries with those who don’t

  • Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong

  • Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow

  • Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves

And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.

Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.

Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy

Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.

And reactions are usually about us, not them.

As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.

So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.

Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?

  1. Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
    Why do you think you do that?

  2. Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
    What do you think it’s really covering up?

  3. How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
    What’s the cost?

  4. What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
    How could you protect your peace instead?

  5. What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
    Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Don’t Play Victim To The Circumstances You Created

Let’s get real for a moment.

We don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes we act on impulse. Sometimes we ignore red flags. And sometimes, even with every sign pointing us in a better direction, we choose to go the other way—and then cry foul when things fall apart.

But here’s the truth: if we knowingly put ourselves in a bad situation, we don’t get to play the victim when the outcome isn’t what we hoped for.

That might sound harsh, but it’s a lesson many of us—myself included—have had to learn the hard way.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Owning Our Choices

Back when I was living in the dark, I made a lot of questionable choices. And truthfully, I often knew they weren’t the right ones. But I made them anyway. Why? Because deep down I believed I didn’t deserve good things. I believed I was broken. So I acted in ways that reinforced that belief—sabotaging myself, then turning around and asking why the world was so unfair.

What I was really doing was manipulating the narrative to fit the story I had already decided about myself:
I’m a bad person. Bad things happen to me. I deserve it.

It was a cycle of self-sabotage. And every time it backfired—as I knew it would—I’d call out for sympathy. And when that didn’t come fast enough or in the way I wanted? I felt even more victimized.

Sound familiar?

A New Way Forward

Everything changed when I started believing I was worthy of love—and that I deserved good things. When I embraced self-worth, my decision-making shifted. I started making choices that supported the life I wanted, not the one I feared I was stuck in.

Were those decisions always easy? No. But they were rooted in truth. In integrity. In strength.

When we know better and choose better, we don’t need to cry out for sympathy—we stand in our power. We hold ourselves accountable. And we become the kind of person we’re proud of.

You Are Not a Victim of Yourself

This isn’t about perfection. We all mess up. We all learn. Life will always throw curveballs—some we never saw coming. But there’s a difference between an honest misstep and a willful march toward chaos.

If you’ve been given the tools, the truth, the gut feeling—and you still go against it—own the outcome.

That’s not failure. That’s growth.

So when you find yourself at a crossroads, pause. Ask:

  • Am I acting from fear, or from love?
  • Is this the path I truly believe will serve me, or am I just clinging to comfort?

Make decisions from your strength—not your sabotage.

Stand tall. Stand proud. And take responsibility for the life you’re building—one choice at a time.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you make decisions that you know aren’t in your best interest?

  • What drives those choices?
  • Do you expect others to rescue you when things go wrong?
  • How do you feel when people don’t show up the way you want them to?
  • What would it look like to choose differently next time?
  • Write a list of 5 reasons you deserve good things in your life. Keep it close.
    Let those reasons guide you toward better choices—choices that bring you peace, not pain.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one shift you’ve made that helped you stop sabotaging your peace and start standing in your power?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who keeps repeating the same patterns, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re worth the work.