When I was living in the dark I was never at peace. I was constantly tortured by my thoughts and the shame of my actions. I lived with a chaotic mind for years always feeling tormented by my disease and the choices I was making. I stayed stuck in that place as the warning signs flew by, watching my world become smaller as the voices continued to get louder. I felt tortured and thought of myself of as a victim, believing I had no power, or convincing myself I didn’t so I didn’t have to take responsibility for the place I found myself in and the actions I was choosing daily. I thought I deserved to live in that place of unrest and constant inner turmoil and it never occurred to me that I could choose something else for myself, that I could choose peace.
That peace I have today took some work, well, it took a lot of work, and still does, but just the act of admitting that I needed help let some peace into my dark world. I could see, when I allowed myself to, that others who had been in the place I was had found their own peace, that it was attainable, and that even though I may not have it every day, I could work to have it most days. My peace was within my control, I just had to be willing to do the work to acquire it. I set out to cut out those people, places and things that fed my darkness, and worked to build up positive things in my life to replace them. I actively sought out my peace, and kept my heart open to finding new ways, healthy ways, of doing that. I made a commitment to say yes to new things, to keep an open heart and an open mind for those things that were presented to me, and because I was looking for those things that felt peaceful to me it focused my thinking on adding good things into life instead of the darkness I was leaving behind. I realized during this journey that I had much more power than I thought I did, and that I was not a victim of my thoughts, that I could work to change my thinking and my outlook and surround myself with love and support. So much of this new way of living was rooted in my honesty and humility, stopping the cycle of pretending everything was OK and hiding how I truly felt. When I was open and honest I was safe, I was being my authentic self and not hiding behind lies and my own twisted thinking that justified the life I was living. Honesty kept me grounded and kept me on the right path, the path that was moving me forward and helping me heal. I was choosing peace and I was choosing myself, to be my best self and to heal myself. I learned to love myself and as I did that peace become even more precious to me as my choices shifted from destruction to filling myself up with love. The peace I found was a tribute to this new way of life and the woman I was working to be. Today I find that peace in many ways, nature is a way that I always find peace and a big part of my mental health, it grounds me, it gives back to me and lifts my spirits, and it always welcomes me back, even the thought of nature makes me smile.
We all have a choice each to choose peace, that choice may require some work but it’s worth it to find that moment when you don’t feel afraid, ashamed or hopeless, and find a calmness that fills you up with love, positivity and hope. I know it’s possible because I’ve done, and do it each and every day. Our peace comes as a result of positive steps we are taking to do what’s best for us and a foundation that allows you to find that peace within, and when we have peace within we exude that peace and share it with those around us, we become less combative and more compassionate, we listen without the need to interject our point or opinion, and we offer a solution to those around us who may be struggling to find their own peace. Don’t let your mind bully you into thinking you don’t have that choice today because you do. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find peace in your life? Is yes, when and how? If not, why not? Have you ever found peace? When was that? How did you find it then? Why do you think you can’t find it now? What can you do today to find peace? What positive steps are you doing in your life that can give you peace? We all have the power to find peace in our lives and turn around a perceived bad day into a good one, use your power for good and seek out the peace you desire.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you