Good morning SLAYER! There’s no prize at the end for going it alone, but there are many gifts when you honor yourself enough to ask for help when you need it, and, gifts for the person who is helping you, as they may be helped as well.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
I never used to ask for help. In my mind that was a sign of weakness, that I couldn’t do it alone, that it meant I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, or just not enough. I would struggle or suffer in silence, slowly slipping away in the darkness of my mind, of feeling alone and disconnected from the world. My stubbornness and determination to not ask anyone for help appeared in every aspect in my life, not just with emotional or mental issues, I remember moving into a new apartment and needing to put together an entertainment center, this thing was heavy, and big, and I strained, sweated, and contorted my way through it’s assembly alone until it was finally done. I remember standing in front of it proud that I didn’t ask for help, but sore and full of bruises and scrapes from lifting and trying to balance the heavy pieces of wood. It was ridiculous, it would have been so much easier, and faster, to have just asked someone to help me, but then a lot of my life would have been a lot easier if I had just asked for help, and it wasn’t until I did that my life got better.
Many of us seem to have this fear of asking someone to help us. We don’t want anyone to know what’s going on, that things aren’t good, or how bad they’ve gotten, we put on this act that we show the world, we smile and put on a show. I know I did, it was that act, the show, that almost cost me my life, because I was so good at it, most of the people in my life never suspected anything was wrong, or that things had gotten as bad as they were. I had so much fear of letting anyone know how lost I was, how low I felt, and how scary my thoughts had become. This goes back to one of my previous blog, You’re Only As Sick As Your Secrets, we hold the power to change our circumstances, to make them better, and there is no shame in asking for help. When I made that phone call to a trusted friend and finally told someone what I was doing and how I was feeling, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me, it was out, and it no longer had the power over me it did, it took some work until it didn’t have any power over me, but that was a huge first step, my admission and willingness to let it go.
There is no shame in asking anyone for help, for anything, in fact, you may also be helping someone else by doing so. By giving someone the opportunity to be of service, to help, the other person also receives something from that, they may learn something, they may get the opportunity to teach you something, or just the chance to get to know you better and feel a deeper connection. Many of us have this idea that we’re constantly bothering someone if we reach out for help, that needs to stop, if we need help reach out and ask, no matter what it is. Sometimes just the act of reaching out helps us to solve the problem, or by talking it out, a solution can sometimes come out of that, but if we sit with it alone, and spin our wheels with it, over and over, we won’t get anywhere, there’s a reason why we’re all different, why we all shine in different areas, so we can bring some knowledge or a different perspective to a situation, use those opportunities, to not only get some assistance, but to learn, to grow, to take control of a situation that is hanging over you, there is a solution out there, reach out for help.
I know the power of asking for help, had I not done that I would not be here. No matter what the issue is, or task, if you can’t do it alone, can’t figure it out, or just don’t want to do it alone, ask for help. Give yourself that gift to not carry the burden alone, and you may also be giving a gift to the person you ask. Nothing happens by accident, the situations we find ourselves are all part of your journey, your broader plan, and if you find yourself in situations that consistently find you in need of help and you’re not asking for it, perhaps that is the universe trying to tell you something, or trying to nudge you to do what you’re supposed to do. If you need help, ask for help.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you reluctant to ask for help? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to have anyone help you? Is it your pride that stops you from reaching out? What stops you from asking for help? Have there been times you’ve asked for help? What were the results of that? Do you see that asking someone for help can also help them? Challenge yourself SLAYER to ask for help this week, not matter how big or small the task or issue, be willing and open to help, and, ask for what you want and need. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Secrets, we all have them, my whole life used to be a secret, I would hide what I was thinking and doing from everyone in my life, ashamed, confused, and angry. I kept everything inside and consequently became very sick, my secrets nearly cost me my life. And it was me, I had control of that, it was me who held myself back from sharing, from getting help, from talking to the people who loved me about what was going on, it was all me, all in my control.
It wasn’t until I finally asked for help, finally started telling people what was going on that I first heard someone say, “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” That hit me like a lead balloon. Wow, I had put myself through years and years of suffering because of my fears, pride, and need for control and I could have stopped it, put an end to my suffering had I just spoken up. My sick brain told me that I was in control if I didn’t tell anyone, but the truth of the matter was, I had the control to stop it, I had control over my own well-being and my own happiness by sharing my struggles, by admitting what I had been doing, how I had been living, and how I was feeling. Once I said those things out loud, they lost their power over me. They were out there. Nothing left to hide. And, THAT is freedom.
We walk around ashamed and scared to share our truth with others, but when we do we harm ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are bad people, that we are better off alone, that no one will understand us, but none of that is true, there is nothing that we’ve done that someone hasn’t already done, sorry if you think you are tragically unique, but it’s true, someone, and probably many, have already done what you think is so shameful or horrible that you can’t possibly share it with anyone for fear of the consequences. But typically the consequences are understanding, kindness, love, and connection to another person who may also have felt like you, or now, because you shared your truth, understands you and has now found compassion for you, and possibly you for them.
People have asked me if I have any fear for sharing my truth in a public forum, do I worry what people might think and without hesitation I say no, because I don’t, and the reason I don’t is because all of the people in my day-to-day life, the ones I count as family, close friends, and my actual family, know all of this, at least the broad strokes, I may not have gotten into the detail I have here, but everyone knows, and in me telling them years ago, I was granted the gift of freedom from all of that, from the bondage of my past that I let bind me, I walk tall today owning my part in it, but also knowing that I am not that person anymore, I know that by me sharing it not only helps me, but it helps you, and that is far more powerful than anything that I could keep to myself out of fear, shame, or pride, that power is false, it only feels powerful because we think we’re safe, but we’re not, it makes us vulnerable to ourselves, the darkness, and to those who would exploit that and use that against us. When we are open and honest, we are free, we don’t have a reason to hide, and it keeps us safe.
Being open about where we’ve come from and what we struggle with also opens the door for people to understand us better, it opens the door to communication and connections to others we wouldn’t have if we kept to ourselves. It can also keep us safe if there is still a threat from our past that can harm us today, if those around us are clear on what our past is, it gives them a better understanding of why our safety rests in their hands in keeping our anonymity with certain people who may still want to harm us. It’s important to share your truth, even if it’s painful, ensure that everyone understands your situation.
At the end of the day you hold the key to our freedom, not sharing those things that you think are unsharable keeps you imprisoned in your own cell, it keeps you from connecting to others, and can leave you vulnerable to harm. You are only as sick as your secrets. Don’t let them have power of you and your life.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there things in your life or your past that you’ve never shared with anyone? If yes, why not? What do you think will happen if you do? What are they? Look at them, do you think that no one else has done these things or can relate to them? Do you see how holding on to your secrets can hold you back from living a loving and fulfilling life? Do you see how sharing these things might help others? You have the power to take control of your life, to let go of all of the things you think you have to keep a secret, and to find freedom from the bondage of your past and move forward. Let it all go SLAYER, we understand.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! Be courageous, ask for what you want, you may not get everything you ask for, but nothing will change if you stay the same. Speak up, make your voice heard and get to work.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
I used to be guilty of never asking for what I wanted, either because I didn’t think I really deserved it, or I just thought you should know. Either way, many times I didn’t get what I wanted because I didn’t ask for it, or tell people what what I was hoping to receive in any given situation. As a result I got angry or became resentful sinking into a pity party pit of despair and anguish as I watched, what I thought, was everyone else getting what they wanted while I wasn’t. But, I had no right to be angry if I didn’t ask in the first place. It isn’t anyone else’s job to make sure I get what you want, that job is for only one person, and that person is me, and SLAYER, it’s your job to make sure you get what you want as well, so, what’s holding you back?
What are we so afraid of? The worst thing that can happen is someone can say no. That’s it. We’ve all heard no before, and will many more times in our lifetime, so why do we get so afraid to ask for what we want? Well, as I’ve already mentioned, we may not feel like we deserve it, we do, we deserve to get the things we want, we work hard, we’re good people, why can’t we ask for what we want? We can. That doesn’t mean we’re always going to get it, and, that’s OK, but it we don’t let our intentions be known people aren’t going to know that it’s something we want unless they just guess or somehow or are on the same page as we are, but why leave your wants up to chance? You shouldn’t, you should be clear about what you want so there aren’t any misunderstandings or unrealistic expectations. This was something I had to learn, to speak up for myself, and to clearly ask, and know that I do deserve good things, I do deserve to ask for what I want, and once I got over the fear of asking and started doing it, things became more clear, my communication with other people was better, I did get what I wanted, not all of the time, but more than I was, and at the very least it started a conversation with someone who I wouldn’t have had before, and sometimes, out of that, came a compromise, or something else that I hadn’t even thought of, but was also good.
It’s the fear, I think, more than anything, of getting turned down, or being laughed at, or someone thinking we’re arrogant for even asking. The exercise here is just to ask, to stay out of the results of it, or how it’ll be received, those are beyond our control, but what we are in control of is letting our needs and wants be known, and then standing back to see what comes back, and learning to be OK with whatever that is, but knowing that you did ask, you stood tall and asked for what you wanted.
It’s easy to sit back with envy over what other people are getting, and letting yourself sink down in resentment, but you have the power to get yourself out of that hole of despair, you have the power to say, “hey, I want this,” and working to make that happen. I have so much respect for people who come out and ask for what they want, some new friendships have started because of it, because someone found the courage to just reach out, and generally people tend to respect and listen to people who are strong enough to stand up and ask for what they want, they start to listen to those people and ask their opinions and want to collaborate with them. It’s the start of a shift of how people view us and communicate with us.
There are certainly guidelines for your asking that typically are good to follow; make your requests reasonable, keep it simple, believe you are worth it, take into consideration the other person’s needs, find a nice way to deliver your request, be honest about it, and, don’t huff and puff and stomp away if you don’t get what you want, see if you can find a compromise, or if there isn’t, say thank you, or OK, and walk away. There’s a right way to ask and a wrong way, but when we are concise and clear many times it can be a simple conversation, and one the other person will appreciate for your honesty and courage to come out and ask for what you want.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ask for what you want? Why not? Do you think you deserve to have what you want? What was a time you asked for what you wanted and got it? What stops you from doing that each time? What has been the result of you asking for what you wanted in the past? Do you think you may have approached it in the wrong way? What did you learn from that? I challenge you SLAYER, to ask for what you want, when something comes up, and it’s a reasonable request, ask, see what happens, and, if you don’t get what you want, know that just the act of asking is a win, keep doing it and see how things will change for you. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! You’re OK…you’re still OK. Live in the now, know the facts, do the footwork, and let it go. You’re OK SLAYER…you’re still OK.
New blog goes up Sunday…until then, SLAY on!
You’re OK…you’re still OK…you’re still OK…and…you’re still OK. It’s easy sometimes to get caught up in your own head, to make something bigger than it really is, or get caught up in the drama or the ‘what-if’s’ of a situation, but at the end of the day, you’re OK. Before starting on this journey I used to build everything up to be a cataclysmic epic event, everything was life and death, even the simplest things, I would get my blood pumping, my heart racing, and my thoughts firing off a millions miles an hour, I would get totally worked up and then my anxiety would kick in, the doom and gloom, and the fear would take over, but none if it was real, it was all concocted in my mind, and blown way out of proportion. I would cause myself so much unneeded worry and stress because I wasn’t living in reality, I wasn’t asking myself what the facts were of the situation, if there wasn’t drama, I would produce it, and I would try to pull anyone and everyone into it right along with me. Really, most of it, was just made up in my head. The reality was, I was OK.
When we’re used to living in drama, and think that’s normal or where we deserve to be, or think that’s where we want to be, the rush becomes like a drug, and when we can’t get it we make it ourselves, but we’re only harming ourselves by doing it, and we’re harming those around us we pull them into the vortex of our storm. The result of that is we cause ourselves a lot of anxiety, and many of us reach for outside fixes to calm ourselves down, even tell ourselves we ‘need’ these things because of our ‘stressful lives’, so we drink, take drugs, shop, use people and relationships, and so many other things to calm ourselves and tell ourselves those things are our medicine for the stressful life we have. But, we’re the ones causing the stress.
When we engage with people who are not looking out for our best interests, the drama will come, the anxiety, the hurt, and in those places, we are not OK, we can make ourselves OK by stepping back, stepping away from those people, places and things to get out of the drama and into the calm, but we have to be diligent about not letting those people, places and things in the first place. We also have to get used to living without drama, and that can be difficult if that’s what we’re used to, but it’s what we should do, it’s taking it’s toll on you and it’s not worth the results and what it creates, it’s also not how we live as SLAYERS. We live in the now, the present, we know the facts, we are asking the right questions, so we’re making sound decisions, we’re watching our people picker, choosing the right, or better, people to surround ourselves with, we are asking for what we want, making our expectations clear, and checking in to see what our intentions are. If we are doing all of things, we are OK. We’re OK! Life will do it’s dance, it’s going to roll along doing it’s thing, and it’s going to throw curve balls at us, that’s what it does, but when we stay on track with all of those things that ground us and give us a strong foundation, it can’t rock us off what we’ve built, and no matter how difficult it might be to walk through, we’re still OK.
Every once in a while something will get me, it’ll sneak up on me or just trigger something from my past and my anxiety will spike, and I have to remind myself that feelings aren’t facts, I have to ask myself what I know to be true about the situation, and how I can take action to make it better. I’m OK. In those moments my breathing can get shallow, which is not going to help me in my solution finding mission, so I have to slow down and breath deeply. When this happens there’s a trick I use, I place one hand on my abdomen and one hand on my heart, and I focus on only moving the hand on my abdomen, if the hand on my abdomen is moving, I am breathing deeply. I focus on my breath and count in for four, pause, and count out for four, it calms me down, it also works if I’m having trouble sleeping, for me, it works for every time.
You’re OK. Whatever may be happening for you right now that is causing you anxiety may just be fear, fear of the unknown, fear of loosing what you have, or fear of not getting what you want, fear and worry are not going to help you solve any of your problems, and what are the facts of the situation, are these fears and worries based on any kind of fact, or are you creating drama when the facts don’t back them up. None of us can control what’s going to happen, all we can do is the footwork and then things will unfold as they are meant to, so worrying about them and living in fear isn’t going to change anything and it certainly isn’t going to make it better. Live in the now, what do you know for sure? What can you take care of right now? What can you do to lay the groundwork to solve the problem? Take action. You are OK…you’re OK…you’re still OK, keep breathing SLAYER, you’re still OK.
SLAY OF THE DAY: What causes you anxiety? Are some of these things you cause yourself? Is living in a place of anxiousness or drama your normal? Why? What if you made a conscious effort to not engage with your anxiety, to stop listening to your head and look at the facts of the situation, what are the facts? What can you do about them to change them if you don’t like them? What’s in front of your hands? Sometimes there just isn’t anything more, or anything at all, we can do in a situation, if that’s the case, accept that, accept you’ve done what you can do, and move on. You’re OK SLAYER, SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! When we make a commitment to live in the light, to love and honor ourselves, authentically, and do the work to ensure we stay on that path, miracles happen.
New blog goes up TUESDAY, until then…SLAY on!
I almost did, well, I didn’t think I was worthy of any miracles, in fact it took a miracle, many in of them, to get me to this place I am right now. But, when I was in my darkness, I couldn’t see the light of anything that looked like a miracle, my thoughts told me there was nothing that could save me from the hell I was in. I look back now and see how many miracles I’ve had, and I’m not any different from any of you, we’re all having them. The fact that we are here right now, that we’ve survived traumas in our past, that we’re still putting one foot in front of the other, and that we have all found each other is a miracle in itself. WE are miracles. We are! I’m talking to you SLAYER, you are a miracle.
No matter what we have set out to do, there will always be obstacles, life doesn’t get out of the way for us just because we’ve decided to live in the light, life goes on, on it’s own terms, doing what life does, and sometimes life gets dark, difficult, and seemingly out of control, and we may tell ourselves that that’s it, we can’t take it anymore, can’t do it, we’re out, but don’t, don’t leave, don’t get out, muster all of your strength to keep going, even if it’s just one inch, one second, one tiny bit forward at a time. You know why? The miracle is coming. I know because it’s happened to me and many people in my life. And, when it does come, still continue walking in the light, still keep working because sometimes the miracle isn’t even the big miracle that may be coming after! Stay on your path.
Having faith plays a big part in not giving up. For me, I connect with a power greater than myself, my HP, that helps, and when I do that I am reminded of all of the miracles that have come before, the good, the times I thought I might give up and then something happened, out of the blue to change my mind, or make things better, or just give me perspective, maybe even hope. When we hook into our spirituality, whatever that is for you, whatever grounds you, makes you feel safe, we are constantly shown the way, we are guided, we get signs, and it can be hard when we’re our darkness to reach out, to try to connect, but that’s when we have to dig in and do it! Find a way. For me, a lot of times, it happens when I’m in nature, walking or hiking alone, I find clarity there, even just sitting by the ocean and listening to the waves and birds, my mind opens up, but it’s different for us all, it can come through us in writing, music, books, friends, animals, anything, find your way and the way that speaks to you.
It’s also making an effort to keep our thoughts in the light, in the good, even when we feel like our light has dimmed, keep your mind on that light inside, remember when things have turned around, gotten better, gotten brighter, and fight for the light. Fight for the light.
When I started on this path, and had very little light in me, I made the decision to do what was suggested, to do the work, no matter how crappy it sounded, or stupid, to just do it, I gave myself three months and told myself that if I didn’t feel any better I’m going to stick with my original plan and take my own life, and after working on myself every day for three months, doing everything that was suggested and celebrating that milestone, I remember looking out to the world that used to look so dark, awful, and disappointing and I thought, I don’t want to die anymore, that was my first miracle on this journey, and there have been many more since. Don’t leave before yours happens.
All of this takes work on our part, and I know you might be thinking, I’m exhausted I can’t do anything more, you can, focus your energy on staying on your path and knowing it will get better, we’re all on there with you. Trust me, if you stay, and you do the work you need to do to move forward in a positive and healthy way, the miracle will happen, I can’t tell you when, but it will happen, and when it does, that’s not the time to slack off because it might not even be the big miracle that’s waiting for you.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Can you list any miracles that have happened in your life? Do you believe that if you continue to live our life in the light, doing the work to better yourself and your life that miracles are waiting for you? If not, why? Write down something you would like to see happen for you as a result of your work, fold it up, put it in your pocket, purse, wallet, take it with you on your journey, keep doing the work, and see if it comes true. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYERS! Never dull your shine for anyone else. Shine bright without apologies for who are you and what you are. Find people you let you light shine, and make you shine brighter. You are magic!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
