frustration

Frustration Is an Invitation You Don’t Have to Accept

We all know the feeling—traffic that doesn’t move, a conversation that goes sideways, a plan that unravels in real time. Frustration builds, and before you know it, you’re simmering in anger, irritation, or resentment.

But here’s the truth that changed everything for me: frustration is always self-induced.

The outside world can invite us to be upset, yes—but we are the ones who accept the invitation.

When I first heard this idea, I bristled. Surely the rude driver, the unfair boss, the inattentive friend—they were the source of my frustration. But as I dug deeper, I realized the common denominator in every moment of anger was me. I was the one choosing to hold onto the irritation, the one letting it hijack my energy, the one letting the external world dictate my internal peace.

And that was the moment I understood: I can’t always control what happens, but I can always control whether or not I RSVP to frustration’s invitation.

The Hidden Cost of Accepting the Invitation

Frustration feels powerful in the moment. It gives us something to cling to, a sense of being “right,” or even righteous. But that power is fleeting, and the cost is high.

Every time we accept frustration’s invitation, we:

  • Drain our energy on things that don’t serve us.
  • Poison our mood, often for hours or days after the fact.
  • Damage relationships by reacting instead of responding.
  • Distract ourselves from solutions by obsessing over problems.

When I look back at my own life, I see how many days I lost this way—days spent stewing instead of living, days consumed by anger that did nothing but make me miserable. And all of it was preventable.

The truth? Frustration doesn’t come from what happened. It comes from the story we tell ourselves about what happened.

Pause Before You RSVP

The good news is that frustration is optional. Just because you’re invited doesn’t mean you have to attend.

Here’s what I practice today:

  1. Notice the rise. That heat in my chest, that quickening of my thoughts—I know frustration is knocking.
  2. Ask: Is this worth my peace? Nine times out of ten, the answer is no.
  3. Choose my response. Instead of spiraling, I take a breath. Sometimes I literally step away. Sometimes I laugh at how small the trigger really is. Sometimes I pray.
  4. Reframe. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” I ask, “What is this showing me?” That shift turns frustration into information.

When I don’t RSVP to the invitation, I keep my power. I keep my peace. And I remember: the world doesn’t get to run my emotions—I do.

Frustration Reveals What We Value

Here’s the part most people miss: frustration isn’t all bad. It’s actually a teacher, if we’re willing to listen.

Frustration shows us what matters to us, what we expect, what boundaries may need adjusting. For example:

  • If traffic frustrates me, maybe it’s not about the cars—it’s about my lack of preparation or my need for control.
  • If someone interrupts me and I feel rage, maybe it’s pointing me to a wound around not feeling heard.
  • If I’m furious that a plan changed, maybe it’s about my deeper need for certainty and security.

When I stop blaming the outside world and start looking inward, frustration becomes less of a punishment and more of a flashlight.

It shines a light on the gap between my expectations and reality—and that’s where my work begins.

Choosing Peace Over Frustration

It’s not about denying your feelings. It’s about remembering that frustration is optional. You always have another choice:

  • You can let go. Not everything deserves a reaction.
  • You can laugh. Humor disarms frustration in a heartbeat.
  • You can learn. Ask what this moment is teaching you.
  • You can move on. Protect your energy by refusing to give it away.

When I practice this, I notice how much lighter my days feel. I have more energy for the things that actually matter. And maybe most importantly, I stop letting other people’s behavior write the story of my day.

Because at the end of the day, frustration is a story. And you get to decide whether or not you keep telling it.

Frustration Will Knock Again—Be Ready

Don’t get me wrong—I still get frustrated. I’m human. But now, instead of automatically reacting, I pause and ask myself:

Am I about to accept an invitation to frustration? Or am I going to choose peace instead?

That moment of awareness has changed my life. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Frustration may knock, but peace is the one I let in.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What situations frustrate you most often?
  2. What expectations lie beneath that frustration?
  3. Can you trace your frustration back to an old story, wound, or belief?
  4. How does your day feel different when you choose not to engage with frustration?
  5. What’s one way you can practice pausing before accepting frustration’s “invitation” this week?

S – Stop and notice when frustration rises
L – Let go of the need to control what you can’t
A – Align your response with peace, not anger
Y – Yield to wisdom, not to the story frustration tells

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one frustration you’ve learned to stop accepting—and how did it free you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who feels constantly hijacked by frustration, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that peace is always a choice.

Your Bad Behavior Doesn’t Give Me Permission For My Bad Behavior

Some of us never grow out of that playground mentality from our childhood, that if someone hits you, you get to hit them back. I know when I was living in the dark, especially when I was feeling my worst, I would hope someone would act out and invite me to do the same, I’d even go as far as try to incite someone to act out so I could unleash my own bad behavior without guilt. Or at least I thought I was getting off scot-free, but deep down I knew I was baiting someone just so I could act out and take out my anger and frustrations on someone else, and, in the end, it only made me feel worse, because really, as much as I wanted to tell myself I was a bad person, I wasn’t, I was just doing bad things, and, making bad decisions.

When I changed paths, and stepped onto the path I am now, I was told that I had to keep my side of the street clean. My side of the street, at that time, was littered with garbage, so I had to work on cleaning that up, but also not adding anymore junk to what was already there. Feeling vulnerable in this new place I had to be extra vigilant to not try to bait anyone into bad behavior and look for an excuse to exercise mine, and, when I felt baited, retreat, walk away and not engage, which was not always easy, but I knew if I was to find any kind of success and find the happiness I was working for I had to stay away from any traps to fall back into my old ways. I found that I also had to forgive myself for my old behavior and understand why I had chosen to behave the way I had, which, as it turned out, was always self-serving and a way to deflect my feelings from how badly I felt about myself as well as giving me the continued narrative of playing a victim. So, if I needed some extra material to keep telling the story the way I wanted to, I created the opportunities to make that happen. I spent a lot of time masterminding ways to stay sick, so once I turned all that energy toward my own good, things started to change pretty quickly. I also began to notice that when I didn’t participate in my bad behavior I didn’t feel, well, bad. Go figure. And, when I chose to perform esteemable acts, I began to feel good about myself and I didn’t want to go looking for situations that were going to change that. Now, that’s not to say that there haven’t been times that I have engaged and dipped my toe back into those murky waters, and, for a split second, I have gotten that surge of electricity that I used to get when my bad behavior kicks in, but it’s very short-lived, and it’s quickly replaced with shame and guilt, and when I remind myself of that it stops me from engaging the next time.

We all find ourselves in situations when someone is acting out in bad behavior, and we always have a choice to accept their invitation to do the same, or, choose to act in a way that honors ourselves, and them, even if they aren’t doing it themselves. It isn’t always easy to do the right thing, but it’s worth it when we do and don’t allow ourselves to be sucked into someone else’s battle, bad day, or just plain bad behavior. Ask yourself if jumping in the ring of bad behavior is worth how you’ll feel afterwards, in my experience, it never is. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you react and get involved with other people’s bad behavior? How do you do this? How do you feel afterwards? How does this hurt you? Write down an example. How does it challenge relationships in your life? Have you walked away from situations where someone is acting out on their bad behavior? How did you feel after to not have engaged? Write down an example. Do you feel like not engaging makes you weak or a pushover? Why do you think that? It doesn’t SLAYER, it actually makes you the stronger person, to stand up for who you are, to love and honor yourself enough to not put yourself in a negative situation when you don’t belong there. Don’t let someone else’s bad behavior invite you to use yours.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more you try to control something the more it controls you.

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Control Enjoy Nothing

Are You Playing Director And Trying To Run The Show?

Before walking this path I thought I knew better. About everything. I thought I knew how things should be run for myself, for you, and everyone else out there. As far as I was concerned, you were all doing it wrong, and if you would just listen to me, life would have been going smoother for all of us. Now, many of you thought as I did, that you knew better, and you may have, but I was determined to run the show, so I spent a lot of energy trying to control, manipulate and force things into being my way. All that really got me was a trip to my own personal bottom and a lot of frustration and heartache along the way. We, as human beings, do not have ultimate control over people, places and things, and if you think you do, you may find you are also heading toward a personal bottom. There is so much that is out of our control each day, in fact, most things, but, what we can control, and what we are in charge of, is our actions and reactions to those things around us, that is it. Anyone else’s business is, well, their business, and unless they’ve asked for help, or your opinion, then it’s typically not welcome. So, when I was living in the dark, I had to first check my ego at the door and admit that I didn’t know everything, and when I honestly looked at where my thinking had got me, I had to admit I didn’t, because I never would have chosen to have gone to the place I did, but, I am so very grateful it did.

You see, for me, it took me hitting a personal bottom to realize I didn’t know everything, and that maybe, my thinking had gotten me there. As much as I wanted to blame circumstances or other people, no one had forced me to live my life the way I had been, no one had forced me to take the actions I did, and no one had forced me to live in ego and not take the suggestions of those who may have known better, or who had made them out of care and concern. I did all of it, by myself. Now, yes, I was living with untreated mental illness, but even knowing I wasn’t doing well, feeling well and that I was getting worse, I still chose to muscle through trying to force things into happening instead of looking at things as they were. I did live my life as if I was the director, of life, and you were all just there for me to direct, and when you weren’t taking that direction I would get angry, and, many times retaliate. I was the one who caused myself the most stress, pain and anger, I suffered the most at my own hand, so to finally get help and be told that I had to vacate that director’s chair and stop trying to control people, places and things felt scary. Control had always been something I would cling onto when I felt scared, or uncertain, and I had never been as scared or uncertain as I was when I walked into recovery. But, like most things, it takes time to get used to a new way of life, taking little steps in the right direction, and as I did, it became less scary, and that need to try to control started to slip away. Now, that’s not to say that it can creep up again, and it does, usually when I am feeling unsure about something, which is now an indicator that I need to look at why I’m feeling unsure, not jump down the rabbit hole of control and start to hang on for dear life.

We are not the director’s of life. We only know our part, and our part is big enough to focus on, of being our best selves and finding ways to contribute to society, not try to make it what we want it to be. Let go of the reigns you may be holding, trying to run the show, and learn to accept life on life’s terms, making improvements to yourself and the community around you if it benefits the whole, not just the way we want it to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to control people, places and things around you? Why do you think you do this? Do you realize that you do this? Have you been told you do this? By whom? Do you agree with what they’ve said? Do you try to fix other people and situations as a way to keep the focus off yourself? Do you realize that may be why you’re doing that? What if you focused on being your best self and not trying to fix those around you, allowing them to walk their own journey as you walk yours. What if you let go and focused on what scares you, and why, and let that guide you to some work on your own recovery and healing, stop trying to direct the show and focus on your part, once you do, your role may become clearer and how your role may fit in to the bigger picture.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Anger is the emotion we choose when we’re trying to avoid less comfortable feelings.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anger