Good morning SLAYER! The person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up the loneliest, focus on making yourself happy, and loving who you are.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
flawsome
Upside-Down Personality Right-Side Up
I always felt different from everyone else. As far back as I can remember, sitting in school, or standing in the playground, everyone else seemed to have an easier time than I did, or so it seemed, to me. I always had friends, but I had to work at it, it wasn’t something that came easily to me. I would overthink things, try to plan out what I was going to say, worry about what others were thinking about me, and trying to anticipate who everyone else wanted me to be. I always felt like my thinking, my humor, who I was was upside-down.
I managed to get by for a long time pretending I was like you. But eventually all that pretending caught up to me, and I tried to use things to stuff down the anxiety and uncomfortably I felt in my day-to-day life. I thought maybe it was something I would grow out of, but I never did. And as I finished school and started my career that anxiety got worse, so I did whatever I could to suffocate it with whatever I could, to appear normal. Eventually what I was doing to get by stopped working and the anxiety ramped up even more to the point where it became unbearable. I found myself in my mid-30’s not really knowing who I was but not liking who I thought myself to be. If I thought I was upside-down in the past, I was now really upside-down then.
I was fortunate that someone came into my life at that time who had felt the way I had. But, he no longer felt that way. I was intrigued. Was there a way to turn my upside-side personality right-side up? He told me there was, because he had done it. It had never occurred to me that I could, I thought I would just have to find a way to live the way I had been, even though I knew I couldn’t go on living that way. I was desperate enough to try something new and so I set out on this path I now walk on.
The key to finding my right-side-up personality was with self-love, but I also a heavy dose of forgiveness. Some things were easier to forgive than others, but the more I was able to see that the way I felt wasn’t always because of my own actions, that I had a mental illness that got in the way of me living and learning like most people, and because of that I did not have the tools I needed to live a healthy and happy life. Even that took some acceptance, even though it made sense to me and I was identifying with the symptoms and actions of my illness, I had to get over the stigma of being labeled with one, but once I was able to accept that, I wanted to gather as many tools as I could, because I knew I had to get to work, and I knew if I did, I could get better. I realized that how I had felt as a child was not my fault, there was something else going on that I couldn’t have understood, and that I did the best I could with the information I had. Did I go on a spree of self-destruction later in adulthood, yes, but again, I had a disease I didn’t know I had and without the proper information I just reached for what I could to quiet it down.
Today I know the difference. I know who I am, and I love who I am, flaws and all…remember those aren’t really flaws they are what make us flawsome. But I’ve done enough work to know what I’m dealing with today, that doesn’t make every day easy, but it makes it manageable, and if it doesn’t feel manageable, I have places to go to hit the reset button, and people I can talk to walk me through it. I’ve also learned that some of my personality is a little upside-down, but today I embrace those upside-down parts, it’s what makes me me, as long as I make sure that most of me is right-side up, I know I’ll be OK. And you know what, you will be too. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel different from those around you? How so? Do you think that what makes you different makes is wrong? Why? Who says they’re wrong? Do they hurt you? Do they hurt others? What parts of you would you like to change? How can you? Why would you like to change those things? Is there someone or a group of people who can help you do that? Have you reached out to them in the past? If not, why haven’t you? If you have, why didn’t you continue to do the work? Is there something you’re afraid of? Does feeling better scare you? Why? SLAYER, you have the power to change, and that’s pretty powerful, I know because I’ve done it. Seek out those who can help you make the changes you want to see in yourself. Love yourself through those changes and find forgiveness in the past when you didn’t know the difference, and love yourself for knowing what you do today.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! You may be imperfect, but you are worthy of belonging and love.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Celebrate Your True Spirit
For most of my life I lived behind a mask, a cardboard cutout of who I thought you wanted me to be, and I say cardboard because it always felt flimsy, like if it got wet it would buckle, and as time when on it seemed to get ragged from overuse, it seemed to give way to the broken woman who held it up with white knuckles because she was clinging to it with all her might. My spirit was broken, was pushed so far down under the muck and sludge I had thrown on top of it that I wasn’t sure it was even there, never-mind celebrate it. It took a lot of work to finally let it back out and to shine. I realized as I was working my way back from a pit of darkness that I needed to celebrate my spirit along the way, celebrate that I was a survivor, celebrate that drive in me to get better, to do better, and really appreciate the spirit in me that makes me who I am, at the core. Now, on a bad day I can beat up that spirit, I’m grateful that I don’t have as many of those today, because today I protect that spirit, I honor it, and do what I can to nourish it, to let it shine for all to see, because my journey has taught me, when I do, great things happen, and when I do I can encourage others to do the same. But, if you’re not quite there yet, or maybe never where, how to do we learn to celebrate our spirit and who we are as individuals?
1) As Shakespeare said…”This above all: to thine own self be true.” Never dull your shine for anyone. Be your true self, all we have to offer to set us apart from each other is our own uniqueness, and we are all unique. We may have similar interests or ideas but we all have our own twist of seeing the world and executing those ideas, so share your perspective, share your unique voice, as I always say, let your freak flag fly! No one wants a carbon copy of someone else, or someone pretending to be someone else, know who you are and be proud of that. And if you don’t know who you are and what you stand for ask yourself, invest in yourself, and head down the road of self-discovery, it’s the richest road you can travel on. Always be your true self.
2) Be Good To Yourself. Give back to yourself, nourish yourself, mind, body and spirit. Make sure you’re getting what you need to be your best self, invest in yourself. It’s easy to put ourselves last when life gets busy, but you can’t pour anything from an empty cup, fill yours up first before you start giving to others. Whatever makes your heart shine, make sure you’re giving yourself some of that every day, even if it’s just rocking out to your favorite song in the shower, whatever makes you smile from the inside out, do that, and do that often.
3) Have Fun. Don’t forget to have fun. There are many things in life that aren’t that much fun, but I am of the firm belief that we can really make most things fun, some are more fun than others, but again, it’s a matter of perspective, and, if there is something that is most definitely not fun, make sure you’ve got a plan in place for some fun after, I use that one a lot. Life should be fun, so schedule some in between those things that you have to do, and even better, see if you can’t make those more fun too.
4) Embrace Your Flaws. First off, we all have them, second, are they really flaws, or you just placing an unkind label on something you’re just not fond of, or perhaps think should be or look a certain way. I’ve talked about turning our flaws into flawsome in the past, and it’s something that really let’s our spirit shine. There’s so much pressure and negativity in the world, why not stop adding to what’s already there by thinking and speaking negatively to ourselves? Embrace who you are, flaws and all, and see if you can’t change some, if not all of them, into flawsomeness.
5) Go After What You Want. Know what you want and go for it. You are the only one stopping you. You’re not always going to get what you want, but you tried, and the act of trying may take you to where you’re supposed to be. But, you won’t get there if you don’t know, or don’t even get started. Trust that you are drawn to where you’re path is supposed to lead you and then take action. And don’t be afraid to tell people what you want. When you speak up and share your ideas and goals others may join you, or may have a suggestion of how you can achieve that goal. Speak up, be confident, and be proud of who you are and where you want to go.
We all get knocked down in life, some harder than others, but no one gets a free ride. It’s about getting back up and celebrating who you are, who you truly are, at the very center of your being, of letting that light in you shine bright sharing it with those around you, but also with yourself. Be good to you, celebrate you, love you, when you do you start to receive that love back in all that you do.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate your spirit? If not why? If you do, how do you celebrate your spirit? Are you struggling to celebrate your spirit today? What do you think is stopping you? If someone where to describe your true you, how would you want them to describe you? What words would you like them to use? What’s stopping you from describing yourself with these same words. Start SLAYER. Write down 5 things you love about who you are. Write down 5 words each day this week, never repeating the same words twice. At the end of the week, celebrate you and all of the ways that make you, and your spirit, uniquely and beautifully you. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! Learning to celebrate our flaws, loving them, and turning them into strengths makes us flawsome! We have the power to do that. Loving ourselves and embracing our uniqueness gets us on the road to flawsomeness, as we continue to accept and love ourselves we work towards finding a place where we stop judging ourselves and start to shine, and that, is true perfection!
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
I’m Not Perfect, I’m Flawsome!
The picture accompanying this blog is from a time when I was definitely not flawsome, flawed yes, but not flawsome. I’ve had this picture since 2003 and, outside of the person who took it, I’ve ever only shown it one other person. This is a picture I would have never let anyone see before stepping onto this journey, and, in reality, it’s taken over 11 years of this journey for me to finally show it you today. This was not the picture of someone who had it all together, nor is it a picture of the person I had so painstakingly crafted for you all to see for most of my life. This is a person in pain, in fear, and slowly loosing her grip on all of the outside things she used to “keep it together,” I look at this person and recognize her, but I now feel compassion for her, knowing she’s still inside of me, but has learned to stand up and be proud of who she is, flaws and all, I appreciate all them because they have made me stronger, and they’ve made me flawsome!
What exactly is flawsome? Well, flawsome is learning and living to celebrate our flaws, to celebrate not being “perfect,” well there’s no such thing, so stop holding yourself up to unrealistic standards, so instead turn those things that we think make us flawed into strengths, to love ourselves, all of ourselves, for living authentically. We have the power to turn what we think are flaws into being flawsome! Now, this, not perfection, is actually something we can achieve and make happen. Are you game?
How do we do this? How do we achieve flawsomeness? Well, it’s about loving and knowing who we are. Who the heck are we? Loving ourselves unconditionally. Like I’ve said before, let your freak flag fly and be proud. It’s about forgiving yourself. Oh yeah, that again. How are you doing with that? It’s time to forgive yourself for all the things that you think make you unlovable, and well, flawed. Let that stuff go, it’s only holding you back from SLAYDOM, and for showing the world how truly flawsome you are. Look at yourself and your flaws with love, love everything about yourself, show yourself the love that you would want from others, the love starts with you, love all of you, and when we love ourselves it shows others how to love us, it shows them how we want to be loved. Stop living in the past and the future, live in the now! We can learn from the past to do things better in the future, but to sit in resentment from our past doesn’t serve us, it’s already happened and there isn’t anything we can do to change it, what can you do better next time, make a commitment to do that and move on! Focus on the positive, the things you know you are good at, celebrate those things, focus on the good and you will find more good. And, focus on the strengths and talents you know you already have, build on those, and share those with others. One of the fiercest qualities of being flawsome is sharing your flawsomeness with others, sharing the love you have for yourself and perhaps making it OK for someone to share their flawsomeness with you.
Listen, there’s nothing really flawsome about that gal in the picture above, except that she didn’t stay in that place, she, with every last bit of strength she had, got up and fought for herself and started a journey of healing and self love, unfortunately she put herself through hell for many years after this picture was taken, but she eventually got there, and now that gal up there, is this gal right here, writing these words, now that’s flawsome.
If you are feeling lost, beat down, empty, and hopeless, make today the first day of the rest of your life, you have the power to do that, the journey won’t be easy, but trust me, it’s worth every step, and, you have all of us SLAYERS by your side walking the same path.
Get out there today and be flawsome!
SLAY OF THE DAY: What makes you flawsome? Write it down. Smile SLAYER. Make a commitment today to not judge yourself, when something comes up that you feel is a flaw and needs to change, acknowledge it, smile. Write down the list of flaws that no longer serve you. How can you make those flaws flawsome? When those things come up, stop, and think before reacting, how can you make a better choice for yourself in that moment? Look at yourself with love each day. You are learning SLAYER, be kind to yourself on your way to SLAYDOM, and remember, you are flawsome!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
