experience

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The way you think creates your reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Share Your Story (1)

Using Heartache To Heal Hearts

As yesterday was World Mental Health Day it got me thinking about my own journey over the past 13 ½ years, and learning that by sharing some of the toughest and darkest days of my life with others can bring hope to someone who is also suffering. I often think back moments before I am writing a blog, speaking or sharing with someone one on one, of what it used to what it used to be like, and how, back then, I could have never have imagined myself talking publicly, or at all, about things that I, or society, may deem as negative or weak. I, before seeking help, felt shame about my mental health and how I was living my life, I was worried about being labeled crazy, but as I started to get better and took steps to make the changes necessary to have the life I live today I realized the power of my words, and all of our words, have the power to heal, and those days when we felt our hearts might break, or couldn’t take anymore, may, later, fill someone’s heart with the hope they need to move forward.

It’s always easier to look back at life and see the purpose of events or people who have been in our lives. Not everyone and everything may become clear to us, but those big events, those things that may changed our course, changed our view or position, may have needed to happen to get us where we needed to go, or, where we are right now. I survived a suicide attempt that I shouldn’t have, I struggled with the guilt of why I was still here, even though, after I had done it, I had regretted it thinking at that moment that there was no turning back, so when I survived, I asked myself, why was I still here? And, in my experience, when I ask the questions the answers come, they may not come on my timeline, but they will when I am meant to know them. For me, the answer was, I am here to be of service, to share my story with those who may be struggling or thinking that suicide is the only way to stop their pain, it is not. And I also know from my experience, that no one’s message gets through like someone who has been through what you have or are going through. There is power in my story and experience, and I have taken my power back from the most difficult day of my life and turned it into a message of hope, and I am not unique, you all have the ability to do the same, to take something you may have thought was negative, and perhaps was, and turn it into a beacon of hope for someone else. None of us get a free ride and walk through life without challenges, and many walk in silence because they are afraid to speak their truth, but by sharing yourself with someone you give them permission to do the same, and that permission may be the first step on their journey to recovery, it was for me when someone shared their story with me 14 years ago.

What we’ve walked through has value, not only to us, but those around us. We are all more alike than not alike, and when we open a dialogue about who we are and where we’ve come from we realize just how linked we all are and how many common experiences we have, which in turn, makes us feel less alone and more connected to those around us. I am a big proponent of looking for seemingly negative moments, struggles or aspects of my life, and turning them into positives, something that can help heal or connect with someone like myself. We all have the power to turn what may have been heartache into something that heals hearts, including your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep or hide aspects of your life that you think are negative or shameful? Why do you think you need to do that? Have you been told to do that? By whom? When you do share one of those things how do you feel after? Have you been able to connect with others who may have had the same or similar experiences? How does that feel? What is your darkest secret? Why do you think you can’t tell anyone? How do you think you would feel if you did? Is there someone in your life you could tell? Tell them SLAYER, be honest about who you are and your journey so far, we are all works in progress, and each challenge is meant to teach us something and guide us to the next part of the path, by keeping it to yourself you are stalling your progress on that road. Find the courage to share your truth, you never know how that may open the door to road you never knew was there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

AIR™ Share With Daphne

It was great to join Tricia Baker of Attitudes In Reverse® at Red Bank Regional High School to speak to the freshman on a recent break from filming in the New York area. I always look for opportunities to share my experience, strength and hope with those who may be struggling with mental health and suicide, and it was great to join Tricia and share my story.

Daphne made her first official AIR™ appearance and enjoyed meeting all the students and sharing therapy dog duties with Henry.

For more information on Attitudes In Reverse® and how you can help click this link: Attitudes In Reverse
Carrie Genzel with Daphne and Tricia Baker with Henry at Red Bank Regional High School
Actor/AIR Advisory Board Member Carrie Genzel Joins Tricia Baker at Red Bank Regional High School
When AIR Co-founder Tricia Baker recently presented Coming Up for AIR at Red Bank Regional High School, she brought a couple surprise treats for the students: actor/writer/ producer Carrie Genzel, who recently joined AIR’s Advisory Board, and her dog Daphne.
“I am grateful to Carrie for sharing her personal story of recovery. Young people need to understand that there is always hope for healing,” Tricia said.
“I had a great time joining in on Tricia’s programming at Red Bank Regional High School. It was great to share my story and message with the freshman class and bring Daphne in to meet and connect with the students afterwards. We both had a great afternoon,” Carrie said.
Carrie is most recognized for her work as “Skye Chandler” on All My Children, as well as two memorable Supernatural episodes, “Bugs” and “Just My Imagination.” Some of her credits also include Wizards of Waverly Place, Smallville, Watchmen and
Jennifer’s Body.

If You Don’t Accept It, What Else Are You Going To Do?

When I first stepped on this path I was told that acceptance was the key to all my problems. Well, that’s going to be a problem I thought. How was I going to find acceptance to everything I labeled a problem in my life? I was one stubborn gal back then, I would fight even when I knew I was wrong, so finding acceptance seemed like a tall order, there had to be some other solution where I didn’t have to accept the things I didn’t want to. Well, there wasn’t. It turns out those who had walked before knew what they were talking about. Now, don’t get my wrong, acceptance isn’t about turning over and letting everyone walk over you, but it’s about letting go of the things you can’t change, or have no control over. I know, that still seems like a lot to ask, but it can be done, you’ll have to trust that coming from this reformed stubborn gal.

The reality is, acceptance is the easier of the two options, I know you’re thinking hell no it’s not, but really it is, because when you really break it down, if you don’t accept the things you cannot change you end up spending a lot of useless energy holding resentments or anger towards something that isn’t going to budge just because you won’t accept it. When I think back I wasted so much energy not accepting things. I let it sidetrack me. Distract me. Keep me from being productive and keep me from moving forward. And that was my big revelation when I was finally able to find acceptance, I realized that my inability to accept kept me living in the past, and I was the one holding myself there.

Breaking things down into what I can change and what I cannot keeps things simple for me, especially when I find I am pushing back with some resistance. Also, accepting whatever had happened in the past, that was a big category to start with, but none of us can change the past, so I had to accept it, or find a way, because the alternative was literally killing me. It also helped me to think of those things, in the past, as learning experiences, situations that I could now use to teach me moving forward, and that allowed me to look at those things as positive experiences, even though they may have hurt or been frustrating, or downright infuriating, I could make the choice to look at them as lessons for the future, and when I was able to do that I was able to find acceptance around them.

Really, in a lot of cases, we don’t have much of a choice except to accept. Well, we do have a choice, but the other choice is one were by not accepting things we continually hurt ourselves over something that has already happened. We hold the key to setting ourselves free, that key is acceptance and the trick to unlock the door is humility. When we can set our ego aside or our need to be right, we can find the road to acceptance, and that road is one with fast lane to our own peace of mind and happiness. Vroom vroom SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a hard to finding acceptance around things you cannot change? Why is that? What holds you back? What have you not been able to find acceptance around in your life? How has that held you back? How has it gotten in the way of relationships in your life? How can you find a way to accept that situation? How can you work on finding acceptance in your life moving forward? What are the hardest things for you to accept? What are the easiest? What makes the hard ones so hard? Work to find acceptance in your life and cut the cord with your past and those things you cannot change, your life will thank you for it!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Honor Each Other’s Experience

I was with a group of people recently, and someone was sharing about a very dark time in their life and how she turned things around to the life she has today. Shortly after her sharing her story someone else chimed in to share a time when things were dark in their life, and make a comment like her story was a walk in the park compared to his. My heart sank a little in that moment for the person who had first spoken up, because by doing what he did it seemed like he was saying that her story wasn’t nearly as bad as his and so not as valid. We all have things we experience, good and bad, and it’s important that we honor those experiences in each other and not try to diminish them or one-up each other to come up with the worst, or best, story, it’s about listening and giving that person their moment.

Before stepping on this path I was guilty of doing just that, many times, trying to take someone’s moment by coming up with some bigger, better, or badder, story to share. I realize now that I was doing that to make myself feel better, because I felt less than, and by taking away someone else’s experience as being valid it would inflate my ego and steal the spotlight from them. That behavior sounds disgusting as I see it in print so many years removed from it, but I did it regularly for most of my life.

We all have our own journey and path ahead of us, all of our experiences are valid and ours to own and share with others, they are what have made us who we are, have taught us what we’ve needed to learn, or have given us hope when we’ve needed it. No one has the right to take any of those away from us, and really, no one can unless we let them. The woman who had first shared her story took that moment in stride, she smiled, understanding what was going on, and knew that her story was an integral part of her journey, and perhaps by the man sharing his even darker story right after, may have also shown her that things could get worse if she chose to return to the life that had gotten her to that dark place years ago. Really, it’s all about perception, and how we choose to receive the information we’re being given. As much as I was annoyed by the man who tried to steal her moment, I realized that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps that woman needed to hear how bad things had gotten for him to put things in perspective for herself, or to find some gratitude that she didn’t have to do down that far to realize she needed to find a way out.

Most times, all anyone really wants is to be heard. No matter what the situation, we all want our story, thoughts, and ideas to be heard, and it’s important to give those moments to those we come into contact with. As I learned to walk on this path I had to learn to listen, without interrupting, and honor each person’s story, concern, or idea before chiming in with my two cents, and, learning that I should only be offering my 2 cents if asked for it, that person may not want it and may just need someone to listen without interruption or a rebuttal.

Each time we find ourselves in a situation where someone is sharing themselves it’s important to give them their moment, and if there is an appropriate time and it seems right to share our experience in relation to that then by all means chime in, as long as you’re adding something positive or constructive to the conversation without taking away from someone else’s experience. We all have a right to have our own experiences, and no one’s is more important than the ones we’re having ourselves, those moments help us grow, guide us, and give us strength, and no one can take that away from us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you have to one-up someone when they are sharing a story or telling about an experience they’ve had? Why do you think you feel you need to do that? What does that say about you? How do you feel when someone does that to you? Have you told someone in the moment how that makes you feel? If not, why not? Do you see how each of us have the right to the experiences and stories we’ve had and have the right to share those experiences with others? All of our experiences are important, they make up the fabric of our lives, don’t let anyone try to take those away from you, and, don’t try to take someone else’s away to try to make yours seem more important. We all get to share our stories.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Spirituality doesn’t come from religion, it comes from your soul. Let your soul guide you, and connect with what speaks to you on your journey.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Spiritual Experience

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we stop looking for happiness in our past, we open ourselves up to finding happiness within ourselves and in those places that love, support and nourish us today, and what we may find is, those things we thought held the key to our happiness, we never really needed at all.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Perfectly Happy

 

Stop Looking For Happiness Where You Lost It

We’ve all been guilty of this. We look for someone’s approval who’s never given it. We go somewhere that no longer serves us, looking for something that no longer exists. We do the same things over and over when we’re not the same people, so why would the same things make us happy? We, well, many of us, are creatures of habit, and when something used to make us happy we continue to go back to that well and look for more, but sometimes that well is empty, or, it’s not really what we need anymore, and it’s up to us to stop going there looking for something that no longer exists, or no longer works for us.

I am guilty of that from time to time. I’ll fall into an old pattern looking for love, acknowledgement or inspiration where there isn’t any, maybe there never was, or there just isn’t anymore. I have this hope that it’s there, and then get my hopes dashed when it’s not. But it’s my fault for looking in those places in the first place. I know better, and then I beat myself up for searching in those places. Well, I used to beat myself up, I don’t beat myself up anymore, I ask myself why I was looking there in the first place, because the reason is going to tell me something about where I’m at emotionally and spiritually, and what I need to work on or fix for myself that day.

I know for myself that when I do go looking for happiness in the wrong places I have some work to do, the odd time I might just be doing it by rote, just a bad habit from the past, and without thinking about it, a go-to, but most of the time there is something behind it. It may be low self-esteem and I’m looking for validation, or it may be low self-esteem and I want to validate it by not getting validation, oh yeah, I’ll still do that too sometimes. It may be that I’m hoping someone will prove me wrong and show me love, acceptance or encouragement. No matter what it may be showing me, what’s it’s telling me is that I need to find a healthy way, myself, to feel fulfilled, and not place that responsibility on other people, places and things. And sometimes that can be hard, to do the work ourselves, especially when we feel like the people in our life should be there to support us, to love us, and reassure us when we need it, and yes, that’s wonderful when they do, but that’s not their jobs, it’s ours. And seeing as our well-being is our job, we need to stop going to those people, places and things looking for something that’s not there. If you know there’s no water in a well, why would you go with a cup looking for water? You wouldn’t would you, but we do it in our lives.

We need to take responsibility for our own happiness, we need to make ourselves happy without relying on people or outside things to do that for us, now I know that sounds like it’s a lot harder than just reaching out and trying to find happiness first, but the truth is, unless we are able to make ourselves happy, us, ourselves, none of that will ever truly make us happy. It might for a short period of time, but there will always be something missing, an emptiness that never gets fulfilled, I know, I lived like that for most of my life, and even at the “happiest” times of my life, there was always a darkness, or fear, or black hole inside of me that could never be filled. We fill that black hole when we surround ourselves with who and what honors who we are and how we live our lives, when we honor ourselves by listening to what we need, by giving back when we can and sharing our happiness with others, by gifting ourselves the time to do the things we love, the things that charge our batteries, that fires us up, and get us excited and inspired by life. And sometimes it’s just as simple as smiling. Of letting things go. Of acknowledging we did the best we could and that’s enough. Of letting love in, and learning to trust ourselves so we can love. And, by not looking for happiness where we know it’s not.

Happiness is within, it is there for the taking if you do the work to find it, and when you do you’ll find you’ll stop looking for it where it is not, and surround yourself with the people, places and things where it is, so you can share your happiness with those around you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for happiness in places where you’ve lost it before? Why do you think you do that? How can you stop doing that? Do you find happiness within yourself? If not, why do you think you’re not able to? What’s stopping you from finding that happiness? You are SLAYER, you. No matter what your circumstances, there is always a way to find some happiness within yourself by honoring who you what you love, and sometimes, who you love. Sometimes just sharing your love with others is a way to find love in yourself, and when we do you stop looking for it in those places it no longer exists. Write down 5 non-material things you love about you SLAYER. Put that list in your pocket and carry it with you. At the end of the day, take it out, read it, and smile. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only thing that grows in our comfort zone is our fear to step out of it. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. Take a leap of faith and step outside what makes you feel safe and see what magic is waiting for you when you have the courage to change.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Comfort Zone

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Learning to accept life’s challenges and grey areas puts us in a state of grace, where we honor those around us and rise above our challenges without regret.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Butterfly