deserve

Possibility vs. Comfortability

We all love the possibilities of possibilities. Possibilities are new. Fresh. A place we may have never gone before, or a place, we’ve always wanted to go. And as exciting as possibilities are, they can also be scary, because, of all the same reasons. Those reasons can sometimes paralyze us and keep us in a place of being comfortable instead of taking the chance on something new, even if the place we’ve been comfortable is no longer so. We may also believe that what we deserve is what we have, even if it’s not a good place, because it’s what we know, and where we’ve always been. It takes courage to take action on possibilities because possibilities aren’t a sure thing, and they are a new thing we’ve possibly never conquered.

Speaking from my experience of always have a head full of dreams and, yes, courage to reach for them, but, fear I wasn’t good enough to actually accomplish them, or be worthy of them, I know this tug-of-war all too well. I love the idea of new possibilities, but I wasn’t always confident enough in who I was, or believed I could get them. The place I was, I told myself, was comfortable there, but it was a horrible place, it was a horrible place I knew, so it became comfortable, even though I didn’t want to be there, and, the longer I stayed the harder it was to get out. We often stay in situations because we know it, rather than go after something that is better for us, healthier for us, and where we’re supposed to be. Typically those things, those possible things, aren’t the safe choice, or the easy choice, but they are the choices that make our soul smile, they are the choices that will allow us to be our best selves, our authentic selves. And sometimes, that’s what scares us. Especially when we don’t truly know who we are, and what we deserve. That’s the journey that comes before taking action on all those possibilities, self-awareness, and yes, our favorite, self-love.

For me, once I learned who I was, and learned to love that person, I wasn’t OK with staying comfortable. I wanted to test out the new me on all the possibilities I saw in front of me, or had been dreaming of. Being comfortable didn’t feel comfortable anymore, because I knew if I felt comfortable where I was, I wasn’t learning, growing, or challenging myself enough. It was when I felt uncomfortable that I knew I was in the right place. That might sound a little strange to those of you who are sitting pretty where you are, but trust me, we don’t want to be sitting anywhere, we want to be in motion!

When we constantly challenge ourselves, who we are, and what we’re capable of, the possibilities are endless. Anything can happen. And often does. Just by saying yes and jumping into life, so many possibilities have come my way that would have never crossed my path had I stayed safe and where I was comfortable. It’s about getting out there, walking that high-wire, and knowing you’re safe, that there is a net under you. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? You fall? We’ve all done that before, and we’re all still here to tell the story. It’s in the falling where we learn most, so if you’re falling, you’re doing something right.

Let go of the comfortable and reach for the possibilities, it’s within that journey that we really start to shine, and it’s within that journey that what was once comfortable becomes uncomfortable because we know we deserve more than we have, or something different, because we are now different. Challenge yourself SLAYER, the possibilities are endless.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to stay where you’re comfortable? Why do you do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What possibilities have you not explored because of fear, or not believing you’re worth it? What action can you take this week to go after one of those possibilities? Do it SLAYER. Take some action that makes you feel uncomfortable, but will take you one step closer to the possibilities that you dream about, you just never know, that far out of reach goal, may just be within your grasp.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Avoiding Happiness Is Not The Road To Happiness

Now, this one seems obvious right? But for many of us who don’t think we deserve the good, or make choices that sabotage the good in our lives, whether consciously or unconsciously, we may find ourselves in a state of frustration that we haven’t found happiness. We have to seek out happiness to find it, and to live a happy life.

Happiness is different for all of us, we all have our own definition of happiness, and there is no right or wrong, as long as you haven’t defined happiness as something that is destroying you…it happens, but we get to design and designate what our happiness is, but, to find it we have to let happiness in. And not only do we have to let it in, we have to go after it.

For me, when I first started to walk on this path I don’t think I even knew what happiness meant for me. I probably would have just rattled off a bunch of outside things that I thought I needed to be happy, I had no idea, really, of what the concept of happy was for me. As I started to get better I started to see it, I think I saw it first in others, that shine, that sparkle, I  would call those people the Shiny Happy People, and I certainly wasn’t one of them, but I wanted to be, they intrigued me, so I started to hang out with them to find out their secrets. What I learned is that they had found a way to love themselves enough that they overcame the ugliness of their past, of who they were and what they had done, they had learned to forgive themselves and those around them, they had found peace, and even though that didn’t mean life had stopped happening to them, bad things still come to everyone, even to the Shiny Happy People, they had found enough happy that they were able to walk through it without throwing it all away and falling back down the rabbit hole of depression and despair. See, when you’re living a happy life, and letting happy in, that may get tarnished a bit from time to time, but life can’t take away your happy unless you give it the power to, and the key to that is continue to seek out happiness even through the tough times, and eventually those tough times will pass and you’ll fall back into a state a happiness, although, you never really left it, it just might not have been as shiny and happy as you would have liked.

We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to have good things. But we have to let them in, go after them, believe we do deserve them for them to come to us and manifest in our lives. It can be hard, at the beginning, to ignore the negative chatter in our heads that tell us we don’t belong there, we don’t get to be happy, and to avoid happiness when we see it, but we can get there by practicing contrary action and going after it anyways, by acting “as if” and by taking action in a positive way our own mindset may change and we may just start looking for the happiness on our own, I know I did. That happiness you imagine or want yourself is out there, you just have to take the necessary steps to get there, and realize that your own happiness is whatever you deem it to be, it’s yours and can be found in most places, so get out and get it SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you avoid happiness? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to be happy or deserve good things? Why? What if you did? What if you made the decision to go after your happy, what would that look like? What can you do this week to let some happy in? To work towards your happy? No matter how small if it leads you to your happy it’s a big step in the right direction. Instead of avoiding happy, seek it out, go after it, embrace it, it may feel strange at first but soon you’ll find it feels good, and you want more of it, and before you know it you may just find yourself, well, happy. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Low-Grade Unmanageability

Before stepping on this path, my life was unmanageable. I mean, I wasn’t even living life, I was just going through the motions. It was obvious to me that things weren’t good, weren’t working, and weren’t looking good, the damage I was doing to myself was evident, and so when I reached out for help I cleaned house of all the things that stood in my way of a healthy and productive life. That was a good start, but what took me some time to realize is that even after I did that, and those big road blocks to my well-being had been taken away, I was still doing damage to myself in smaller, almost undetectable ways.

A lot of us function with a low-grade unmanageability in our life, like a dull hum in the background, one you almost can’t hear, but if you stop and listen it’s there. We may not even know we’re doing it, but, it’s the little things we do to ourselves to cause stress and discomfort in our lives, because we still think that’s what we deserve, that’s where we’re at our best, or chaos is all we’ve ever known, so we silently throw some chaos in our way life confetti to create a chaos party. At this point you may be asking yourself, do I do that? We all do to an extent, and, it can be just as damaging, or possibly more so, than the big glaring ways we may make our lives unmanageable.

Low-grade unmanageablity can be things like, not leaving on time so you’re constantly racing to not be late, not opening your mail, not washing something right away before a stain sinks in, letting your insurance lapse, waiting until the last minute to start your taxes, the list goes on, there are countless ways we sabotage ourselves everyday, and keep ourselves off solid footing and in peace of mind.

In a way it’s one of the cruelest forms of cruelty we commit on ourselves because it’s so subtle, we may not even realize the extent of the damage we’re causing. We may just chalk it up to forgetfulness, or being busy, or, procrastinating, or, we’re just not good at keeping track of the small things, but those small things add up to one big problem, we are damaging ourselves, and preventing ourselves from being our best selves. It is a way to keep harming ourselves, but we disguise it as something else. It can be very deceptive, or we can possibly know exactly what we’re doing and do it anyways. There are so many ways to practice this low-grade unmanageablity in our lives that we may lose sight of how many different ways we’re doing it.

When we are not taking the next right action, or stepping up to a responsibility, or not doing what’s best for us, we are possibly putting ourselves in danger, and it may not be physical, although it can be, but many times it’s just that hum, that annoying hum that keeps us agitated enough that we can’t find our peace, our happy place, but we are the ones who are doing it, and we are the ones who have the power to stop it. Make a commitment today to identify the low-grade unmanageablity in your life, what damage are you doing that you can turn around to give yourself that best chance of a healthy life? What little bumps can you take away that will give you a smoother road to travel? You may be setting yourself up for failure SLAYER, one tiny action at a time.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Can you identify the ways that you might create low-grade unmanageablility in your life? Why do you think you do this? How does it harm you or cause you stress or pain? How can you stop doing those things? Do you want to stop doing those things? If not, why not? SLAYER, there are many things we do not have control over, so why do we put roadblocks up for ourselves to keep us from being our best? Identify the ways you can clean up your side of the street, and keep your road to happiness free of any obstacles you may put in your own way. SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never be afraid to speak your mind, we all have one for a reason. Your thoughts are valid and deserve to be heard.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Speak

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Always speak your truth, your voice deserves to be heard, live authentically, never apologizing for doing what is right for in each moment, especially to yourself.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth

Believe In Believing

I’m a firm believer in the laws of attraction, what we give out is what we get back for the most part, and we attract what we believe we deserve. When I was living in the darkness, depressed, and feeling less than, I would constantly get pummeled by “bad things” and talk about my bad luck, but the truth of the matter is, I believed I wasn’t worthy of having good things so it was the bad that came, or at least, it was only the bad I saw and embraced. If the good came I feared it would be taken away, feared I didn’t deserve it, or feared that something bad would happen to counter the good, but it was all just fear made up in my head, perpetuated by the fact that I was isolating and only listening the voices in my head, the bullshit committee, who wanted to keep me in the darkness, and alone. I didn’t believe I was worthy of good things so most often good things didn’t happen to me, although I’m sure more did than I knew because I was so focused on the bad I probably didn’t see many good things that did come my way, or excused them away as coincidences or mistakes.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that things will get better, or we deserve better, but when we do, there’s a little light comes on inside of us, and that light attracts other light, and other individuals who’s light is also on. I have to tell myself, at times, to believe in the good, to trust that the good is coming, or will happen, and many times when I do, and focus on that, it does. Believing has real power. Believing sends a message to our subconscious, and the universe, that we want and are creating good things for ourselves. When we say we can’t do something, we set ourselves up to fail, we tell our subconscious that we can’t succeed and we set up a situation for ourselves that makes it harder to win.

So how do we start to believe? It starts by changing our thoughts, changing the way we live our life, and, changing the way we speak to ourselves. Our thoughts turn into beliefs, if we continue to work on thinking positively about ourselves and our situation, we have the power to transform our thoughts into beliefs. For me, when I was in a negative place, I used to write down 10 things I was grateful for, every day, things I couldn’t buy or own, and I would put that list in my pocket and carry it around with me. When I felt negative or down, I would take out that list and read it out loud, and think about that list. Now, some days that list was really hard to write, and the really dark days I wouldn’t make it to ten, or would struggle to make it to ten, but I would try, every day, and as I did that list started to get easier to write, and as I continued to do the things I was proud of they would make it on that list, things I had done differently, things I had succeeded in doing, things that had slowly become easier to do, and as those days turned into weeks and months, I started believing, I started believing in myself, I started believing that I deserved the good, I started believing that things could change because they were, I was changing, and the bad didn’t seem like a good place anymore, like a place I wanted to be, or deserved to be, I looked for the good, and worked for the good, and believed in the good. The good came.

Some days are harder than others to believe, we all have struggles and life can get challenging, and dark, but if we can keep the light of belief on inside of us, it makes those days easier and allows people who love and care about us come around to help and support us. Belief is like a beacon of hope that we can shine from our hearts for ourselves and those around us. Shine on. Believe.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble believing in good things? Do you believe you deserve good things? If not, why? You’ve taken the time to read this SLAYER, so you have enough hope and belief to seek out the answer to why you don’t believe, that means you have some belief in you that you can. Focus on that, let it grow, shine brighter, surround yourself with those people who also believe, in themselves, and you, let your light shine as they do theirs, SLAYER, you’re worth it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! You deserve to find happiness, go out and find what makes you happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, if it makes you heart smile, that’s exactly where you want to be.

New blog goes up Friday!

SLAY on.

State Of Slay Deserve Happy