Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the only way to win is to walk away, that doesn’t mean you’re giving up, it just means that you accept that some things can’t be solved at this moment and time, and the best solution, is to not engage.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYER! Live your life, and ignore the negativity.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Most of us have experienced it at some point.
Someone calls us out for not knowing something.
Mocks a decision we made.
Ridicules us for a mistake.
Speaks with just enough condescension to make us feel small.
Shame has a way of landing fast and hard — especially when we’re already feeling vulnerable. And in that moment, it can trigger an old, familiar ache: the part of us that once believed we were “less than,” “different,” or “not good enough.”
But here’s the truth we often forget when shame is directed at us:
When someone tries to shame you, it says far more about them than it ever does about you.
Shame is not strength.
It’s insecurity in disguise.
People who are grounded in themselves don’t need to humiliate others. They don’t gain confidence by tearing someone down. They don’t feel threatened by curiosity, learning, or different experiences.
When someone tries to shame you for not knowing something or for making a choice they believe was “obvious,” what they’re really doing is projecting their own discomfort.
It’s the need to feel superior.
The need to be right.
The need to appear knowledgeable or important.
And more often than not, that behavior is rooted in low self-esteem — not high confidence.
Shame is rarely about education or growth.
It’s about power.
Even when we intellectually understand that shame isn’t about us, it can still sting.
Why?
Because shame targets our most tender places — the parts of us shaped by past experiences, criticism, rejection, or moments when we were made to feel wrong for simply being human.
On the wrong day, at the wrong moment, someone’s words can slip past our logic and land directly in our nervous system.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.
And it’s exactly why compassion — for yourself first — matters so much in these moments.
No two people arrive at life with the same background, education, experiences, or opportunities. We learn different things at different times, through different paths.
That’s what makes conversations interesting.
That’s what creates diversity of thought.
That’s what keeps us growing.
It is impossible — and unreasonable — to expect anyone to know everything.
There is no shame in learning.
There is no shame in asking questions.
There is no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”
In fact, there is far more strength in curiosity than in pretending you already have all the answers.
I can say this honestly: I haven’t always handled this perfectly.
Before I was living the life I live now, before I found self-love, self-worth, and self-respect, I had moments where I tried to elevate myself by putting someone else down.
And if I’m being truthful, I know exactly why.
I felt insecure.
I felt less than.
I felt like I needed to prove something.
Belittling someone else gave me a temporary sense of control — a fleeting boost that never lasted. And afterward, it always felt worse. Heavier. More disconnected.
Once I started living in alignment with who I truly am, that behavior didn’t just stop feeling good — it felt wrong.
Because when you build real confidence, you no longer need to steal it from someone else.
Understanding why someone shames doesn’t mean excusing it.
You can have compassion and boundaries.
You can recognize someone’s pain without accepting their behavior.
You can see the truth without internalizing it.
I don’t tolerate shaming behavior anymore — but I also don’t take it personally.
Because I know what it looks like when someone isn’t in a good place.
And I know it has nothing to do with me.
Let this be your reminder:
You are not required to know everything.
You are not required to be perfect.
You are not required to justify your learning curve.
There is power in humility.
There is power in growth.
There is power in owning where you are without apology.
When someone tries to shame you, remember this:
If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.
That tells you everything you need to know.
You can’t control how others behave.
But you can control what you absorb.
You get to decide whether someone else’s insecurity becomes your burden — or whether you set it down and walk away lighter.
And here’s the truth that matters most:
Knowing who you are is far more powerful than knowing whatever someone thinks you should know.
You don’t need to shrink.
You don’t need to defend.
You don’t need to explain your worth.
Just be you.
That is enough.
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Have you ever been shamed for something you didn’t know or a decision you made? How did it make you feel?
L: Looking back, can you see how that moment reflected the other person’s insecurity rather than your worth?
A: Have you ever been on the other side and shamed someone else? What was going on inside you at the time?
Y: How can you choose self-respect and compassion the next time shame shows up — whether from someone else or within yourself?
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you experienced someone trying to shame you — and how did you handle it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s carrying shame that isn’t theirs, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Hey there SLAYER! Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time for many who suffer from depression or are feeling alone. Myself, along a group of wonderful people, have contributed to the IMALIVE Valentine’s Day Campaign to send messages of love and encouragement those who may need it.
You can also send out your own message by posting with the hashtage #ThereIsAlwaysMe and IMALIVE with share you post.
We all matter, you matter, you are not alone.
SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYER! We will find what you look for, so look for something wonderful.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYER! You have a choice each and every day. Choose to feel blessed. Choose to feel grateful. Choose to be excited. Choose to be thankful. Choose to be happy.
SLAY on!
I was trying to help someone yesterday with putting on a bracelet, this person immediately started complaining that I was putting it on too tight, the bracelet wasn’t tight, to make sure of it I had placed my finger between the bracelet and her wrist to make sure I wasn’t fastening it too tight, and as I tried to adjust it anyway, she kept complaining, so much so that I finally opened my hands letting the bracelet go and said, “OK, why don’t you do it.” She immediately jumped on me verbally and said that I had thrown it at her. I hadn’t, I just opened my hands and let the bracelet fall to the table, which was right below my hand. She looked at me with such anger, right away, and it was in that moment I realized, she was looking to be upset, so she was upset. There was no reason for her to be upset, but that’s what she had decided to be, long before we crossed paths, so that’s what she was. It reminded of a few things I’ve talked about before at STATE OF SLAY, about when we expect the good, good often comes, well, when we expect the bad, it can come, and if it doesn’t, we can manifest it on our own, like this lady yesterday. But it got me thinking, how often do we go into a situation with dread, or worry, or doubt, or, anger, only to find that’s exactly the outcome? But, were we right in expecting that? Or, did we manipulate the situation to fit the narrative we wanted to tell?
It’s important to walk into every situation with an open mind. To do your homework, prepare where you can, know your true intentions, but then let go of the outcome, and, if you can, try to make the situation a pleasant one, for all parties. We all can carry extra baggage into our days. Something is weighing on our minds, or has pissed us off, or is causing us anxiety, but it’s important not to drag that baggage around with us into the other events and situations that have nothing to do with where we currently are. I know, it can be hard to shake certain things, but it’s about keep things in perspective, and checking in with ourselves to find the source of how we’re feeling at any given moment, so we don’t take things out on people who have nothing to do with the reason you’re upset.
And, just as when we expect the good the good often comes, so does the bad when we expect it. If you’re anticipating something is going to be difficult, or frustrating, or infuriating, it probably will, because you’ve set yourself up to have that experience. Again, if you are feeling a certain way, even before you’ve gotten into the situation, find out why you’re feeling that way. Ask yourself what the real issue is, and try to let that go before stepping into something new and bringing that baggage with you. If the situation is one that you often find to be a negative one, ask yourself how you can turn it around, or, how you can make it a better experience. Many times, even in times when there isn’t much that can be done to make something better I just try to bring in a positive attitude, or bring in some humor, or, maybe compliment someone on something they’re doing right, or well. It’s about changing the energy around something, and, we’re not successful every single time, but many times it does make things smoother, or more pleasant.
When we look for the bad, the bad is what we’re going to find, and who wants to look for that all the time? Well, I used to, but it was a very unhappy place to live. Be mindful of how you’re feeling, and find out why, and, don’t take that out on someone else who has nothing to do with what’s bothering you in the first place. Be honest with your feelings, and be responsible about how you share them. It just takes a little effort to take responsibility for how you interact with others but that interaction can make a huge impact on those you interact with. Always try to leave someone in the situation the way you would want to be left, maybe even better than that, you choose. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are about to start something new, or start a new task, do you assume the worst or look for the bad? If you look for the bad, why do you do you? Do you think it benefits you to look for the bad? How do you think it hurts you? What can you do to start looking for the good? Do you often carry bad feelings from past experiences into your current experiences? What is the result of that? Do you see how expecting the worst, or carrying feelings from your past, can influence how things go in your present? How can you let go of your past, or expectations, and walk into each situation or task with an open mind? How do you think that will help you? Work on that SLAYER, don’t let your past dictate your future.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! Be the best version of you, and no matter what, show’em what you’ve got!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
We tend to be a very results oriented culture. We often equate whether we did a good job with if we won, or how we placed, or, if anyone noticed. But really we win every time if we’ve just done our best, regardless of the result or if anyone noticed. And, our best changes every day, sometimes within a day, what our best was yesterday might not be our best today, because we might not be the same as we were yesterday. It’s about doing what we can in each moment, and allowing ourselves to be less than our best yesterday because it is our best today. Allow ourselves to be human. Allowing ourselves to honor who we are at any given moment, and taking the pressure off ourselves to be perfect, or always at a heightened level of execution or achievement, allowing ourselves to just be, and know that just because our best today didn’t match our best yesterday, it might tomorrow, or tomorrow might be our best!
I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to be ‘the best,’ and when I didn’t win or get the recognition I was looking for I considered myself a loser. I was a loser, I had lost the point. Trying to be number one all the time is exhausting, it’s good to have goals, to set standards for yourself, but to make that the only reason to do something is empty, and, ultimately, unattainable all the time, and for some, never attainable. Each of us have our own best, our personal best, and really that’s the only marker we should be looking at, but we should also acknowledge and honor where we are at each day, and love ourselves even when we are not able to perform at a level that we would like, our best changes as we do, and some days, just getting out of bed may be our best, and, that’s OK. So, how do we have a healthier relationship with our best?
1) Live One Day At A Time – Take stock each day of where you’re at, mentally and physically, and let that guide you as to how hard you should push yourself, or how hard you should be on yourself, really, you should never be hard on yourself, but we do tend to be at times. Be kind and let yourself move at a pace that is comfortable for you, that includes self-care, and that allows you to progress at a speed that helps you to keep moving forward. Each day starts with a different you, so check in and see where you’re at before throwing out your list of demands.
2) Acceptance – Acknowledging yourself and where you are on any given day is one thing, the next step is accepting it. If you’re feeling tired, or emotional, or your head feels scattered, take note of that, and adjust your day to work within the parameters of who you are. Beating yourself up for being something you’re not, or for not being able to do what you want to do isn’t going to help you reach your goal, it’s only going to set you back. When you accept your situation it allows you to formulate a new plan and maybe a different approach, which in the end, maybe be the better way in the first place. Accept and move on.
3) Practice – Like with everything else it’s about practice. No one gets it right every single time, allow yourself to make mistakes and be gentle with yourself when you do. Anything new takes time to get right so if you fall back into old behaviors, acknowledge it, ask yourself what you can do differently the next time, and then move on. Life is all about learning, so let yourself learn.
4) Good Results Come From Good Work – Like everything else in life, to get the results we want, we have to do the work. Just wishing something to be, or wanting it to be, isn’t going to make it happen. How can you take action in your life to get the results you would like to have, while taking into consideration of who you are on that day? You’ve got to put in the work to get the results.
All any of us can do ever day is to do our best, if we’ve done that, and we’ve done it for the right reasons, meaning because we’ve wanted to, or it’s what’s best for us, then we should be happy with that. Our best is our best. It changes every day, it changes moment to moment, and that is OK, accept who you are and what you have to offer, leave everything else behind, thinking about what we could have done, or would have liked to have done only adds to self-loathing, anxiety and depression, life is about taking action, if you took the best action you could, you did your best, and the next time something comes around, maybe you top your best, maybe you don’t, but by continuing to strive to do your best you are planting the seeds for the future, and your best will get you to a place that you want to go. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to do your best? Is your best ever good enough? If not, why? What do you think makes it not good enough? How can you change your attitude around it? What if you stopped judging yourself and just did your best? What can you do to have a healthier attitude around what your best is? I challenge you SLAYER, to keep an open dialogue with yourself, to check in and see how you are before jumping into a new task or project, if you feel like you need to slow down, do it, and if you think you have the energy to speed things up then give it a boost, it’s all about doing what’s best for you, and knowing that whatever you do, you did your best.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! Always remain teachable.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
