community

Slay Talk Live Video

Hello SLAYERS! If you didn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE here’s what you missed, hope you can join us next time. SLAY on!

Slay Talk Live Video

Hello SLAYER! Weren’t able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE?

No problem, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we share our stories with others and they are usually met with understanding and empathy, in that place, shame cannot survive.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Grace

You Have To Go Through It To Know What It’s Like

We’ve all heard, “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and that’s true, we learn from the tough times, the things that challenge us, from the mistakes we make, or, hopefully we do, it’s those times that we typically learn the most, I know I do. It’s also sometimes just about experiencing the lows so that we work harder to not slide back there again. For me, so much of what keeps me moving forward is knowing what’s waiting for me if I stop working so hard, I haven’t forgotten what it was like, and it’s imperative that I never do. There are days when my mind wants to gloss over those times, the dark days and nights, the harm I did to myself, but when I share my story, it keeps those times fresh in my memory, which is exactly where I want them. I want to remember how bad things were, how much hatred I had for myself, and what got me there, because as long as I remember I won’t let myself go back there, and, it allows me to appreciate what I have today.

When we go through tough, or dark, times, we often say, “why is this happening to me?” The answer, likely, is our own actions, not always, but typically it is, but more importantly than that, we are meant to go through it to teach us something or to remind us where we don’t want to be, and, that we have to power to stay out of that dark place. And for those things we are powerless over that happen to us, they teach us we can get through it, we are strong enough, and, if we reach out like we should, that we have a community of support around us to walk us back to the light. We have to go through all of that stuff to know what it’s like. If things were always great we would never build character, we would never know what we are capable of, we would never grow, it’s a natural part of our development and life. That’s not to say it doesn’t suck sometimes, but if we choose to look at it as a good thing, a learning opportunity, a time to look for the good that can come out of a bad situation, we will start pulling out the good and focusing on the good.

With the relationships in our lives there can also be the lesson that not everyone we lose is a loss. I’ve written about this before, some people aren’t meant to be a part of our lives for the long-term, they’re part of our story may only be brief, and that’s OK, the trick is to let them go when they should go and not hang on long past their reason for being there. We’ve all tried to salvage a relationship that just isn’t meant to be saved, or continued to believed in someone when they’ve continually let us down and shown us that can’t be who we want or need them to be, but going through that teaches us and they are the lessons of how to let go of people when they should be let go, the pain or frustration we feel and have gone through is what will help us with or future relationships. Knowing we have the power to change our past, and save ourselves from heartache, it is important we go through those experiences so we make better choices moving forward.

It’s also a way, at times, to find what we’re really looking for. Nothing motivates us more when we are not happy. When we aren’t happy about current situation, or have not gotten the results we wanted by using our old ways, we become much more willing to take suggestions and try new things, so sometimes going through the struggle is the best thing that can happen to us because we look for alternative ways to solve a problem we’re consistently having.

So, as I’ve said many times before, life is really a matter of perspective, we have the choice to look at the “bad” and extract good from it, to choose to look at life as a series of lessons, lessons that give us the tools to change how we navigate through life and tools that will help us to get to the places and people we are meant to be with. The bad is never really bad if we take some good from it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you think back to some events in your life you would label as bad, are you able to find some good as a result of it? Write down some instances where this was the case? If not, can you look back and find some good that you may have gained as a result of the situation or incident? How can you, moving forward, look for the good even in a situation that may be difficult or upsetting? How you can you use what you’ve learned to make better choices in the future? How can you use the strength you found walking through a tough situation to better yourself in the future? Everything we go through is meant to help us, even if it’s just to make us stronger, realize how much support we have around us, or, force us to do things differently, it’s all designed to better who we are and how we do things. The more we force our old ways, or same ways, the harder life will push back. We are all here to learn, when we refuse to do that we stall, we get stuck, and that typically isn’t in a happy place, look for the opportunities to learn and grow in difficult or hard situations, and see if you can’t come out on top with some new confidence, and, new ways of tackling old problems. I know you can SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Didn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, here’s what you missed!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Everything

Royalty Radio Interview Wednesday

Hey SLAYER! I am doing a LIVE interview tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6pm ET / 5c / 3pm PT on Royalty Radio. To listen and for the number to call in with your questions while we’re on the air go to: Royalty Radio Link

Looking forward to a great talk and hearing from all of you!

SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we work together, we can accomplish anything.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Strong

We SLAY Together

I had the privilege of sitting down yesterday with a group of incredible women, all from different parts of the country, different ages, different types of jobs, skills and family lives, from the outside we all looked different, but inside we were all the same. We had similar experiences, we had done, and do, similar things to get by, to live life, we had made a lot of the same mistakes, and had many of the same fears, hopes, and dreams. It made me smile, and it filled my heart with love. All of these beautiful people were doing their best, they were survivors, warriors, fighters, and all, at different times came to realize at some point in their life that their journey was not meant to walked alone, that there was strength in numbers. We are all stronger together. We back each other up. We lift each other up. And when we do, we get stronger, and we rise. When I started on this path and it was suggested I get involved with a group of people for support, my first reactions was, “I don’t like groups, I’m a one-on-one-person.” And I was. The thought of sitting in a group of people I didn’t know and have to listen to their “problems,” and then share about mine made my skin crawl. Who the heck wants to do that? But I did it anyway. I did it because my life depended on it. So I sat there that first time, not wanting to be there, and the first person who spoke told my story. I realized in that moment I wasn’t alone, and I realized by all the nodding heads in the room as she spoke, that I was in a room full of people just like me, I wasn’t the only one, I wasn’t a freak, a bad person, all of the people in that room had similar stories, and I related to something in all of them, and not only did I feel relieved that I wasn’t the only one, because I identified with the people in that room, I also found hope in the ones who had found a better way of life for themselves, I thought, if they had done it, maybe I could to. And that maybe is what kept me going back, and motivated me to do the work I needed to climb my way out.

I now love sitting in a group and sharing my truth, I get a charge from it, there’s an electricity, it’s palpable, you can feel it in the room, as is the love. I also learned a lot from sitting in those groups, I learned to listen and not interrupt until someone was finished, I learned to share my own truth in a concise and clear manner, and I learned how to be a friend to someone else, a true friend, but also how to set healthy boundaries for myself so that the friendships I was making, as well as the ones I had before, were in line with the path I was setting out to live my life on, a path that was about self-love and respect and being compassionate with others. I also learned that if I needed to talk to someone one-on-one that I wasn’t “bothering” them, that I may be helping them too. I am a firm believer that nothing happens by chance, we meet and interact with the people we are meant to, when we are meant to, and so when we reach out to someone because we need someone to listen, or we need some feedback, we’re not bothering them, we are meant to have that exchange with them because they need it to. They may need to hear what you have to say, or they may need to hear themselves say what they respond back with. It’s a two-way street, at least if it’s a healthy relationship or friendship. And, as SLAYERS, we’re working to only have healthy relationships and friendships, or at least ones on our own terms. So, when you don’t share what’s going on with you it’s actually selfish, because you are not only cheating yourself out of a conversation you should be having, but you’re also cheating the other person out of having a conversation they should  be having as well. Open your heart and share.

I am so proud of the SLAYERS who walk along with me, who share their authentic selves at any given moment, with me, with the people in their lives, and with anyone out there who can be helped by it. Every one of our stories has value, and you just never know who may hear and how that may help them, or possibly, save their life. It was a story that saved my life, and that is why I place so much importance on sharing mine with others. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do find it difficult to share you story, or what’s going on for you, with others? Why? Do you have people in your life you can trust and can talk to? If yes, why don’t you share yourself with them if don’t? If you don’t feel you have people to go to, where can you go to find people who are like you, or that you can trust? For me, it started with one person I trusted, someone I knew had overcome a lot, someone I knew wouldn’t judge me, and by opening up to that one person, I was introduced to many, and my world grew exponentially. Challenge yourself SLAYER to reach out, to share, to find those like you you can share your journey with, your struggles, and know that we here, we SLAYERS, are all alike, and we all love you, even when you don’t love yourself. Stay close SLAYER, we’ve got your back.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Nice Lady

There’s a supermarket I frequent in Los Angeles, I typically go in two to three times a week, and most times I walk in there is a security guard I say hello to as I pick up my basket. I always make sure to start my shopping with a hello to him and a smile, and as a result he has dubbed me “nice lady.” Now at some point I know I introduced myself to him but he has stuck with “nice lady” as my name when I walk in the store. It always makes smile. It makes me smile because before I stepped on this path he probably wouldn’t have called me that. Not that I would necessarily be mean to him, but I most likely would have walked right and never made eye contact with him, ignored him, lost in my own thoughts and pit of darkness. I walked around like that for a long time, more than half my life, and it makes me wonder about all the missed opportunities I had to connect with genuine, nice people, people I may have seen regularly, but I would not engage with. I’ve talked about this many times before, how a smile or a hello can possibly change someone’s day, how important kindness is, or just to acknowledge someone is there. We all want to feel like we matter, that we’re being seen and heard, that we are noticed, and it’s easy to forget that others do as well as we go about our busy days with our to-do lists and eyes glued to our phones.

I was out for lunch the other day and there was a sign at the counter that said “we will gladly help you once you finish your phone call.” It didn’t surprise me that this restaurant, a very busy LA lunch spot, felt the need to put up that sign, and it made me sad to think that the cashiers that work there had experienced so many people ignoring them while talking on their phone that they felt a sign was needed. I have to say, the day I was there, there wasn’t a single person in line talking on their phone. Perhaps, people got the hint, or perhaps it was just luck, but it takes very little effort to be kind, to look someone in the eye and say hello, maybe even throw in a smile, or a “how are you?” And I understand there are days when you just don’t feel like connecting with anyone, or reaching out, especially to someone you don’t know, but I can tell you, that’s exactly when you should be reaching out, because that act will get you out of your own head, and your funk, really quickly. When we do something nice for someone else, and stop thinking about ourselves, we get out of our own way, we shift the focus away from us and engage with those around us, and even when we may be reluctant to do so, we still receive the gift of the relief of self, and, you never know, you just might find yourself in an unexpected conversation with a stranger who makes you smile in return.

I didn’t write this blog today to toot my own horn, I wrote it because it’s a reminder to myself how far I’ve come, how far we can all go when we focus our attention out and pay attention to those around us, when we let your true light shine, even when it feels dim, and we share that with someone else. I now look forward to those random or chance encounters, and I look for opportunities to make someone smile, especially when I may be in environment that is busy, or stressful, or there is someone else being unpleasant, I love that challenge, and most of the time I can turn it around, which in turn, makes me smile. It reminds me of Dean Martin singing “When You’re Smiling,” the lyrics, “When you’re smilin’, when you’re smilin,’ the whole world smiles with you, when you’re laughin’, oh when you’re laughin’the sun comes shinin’ through.” Now the whole world doesn’t always smile back at us when we smile, but a lot of it will, and isn’t it better to leave a situation better than how you found it,  rather than to be the cause of the problem? Keep smiling SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make a conscious effort to make contact with people when you are out in your day-to-day life? If yes, why? If not, why not? If you don’t, what do you think will happen if you start? How will this hurt you? How might this help you? How does it make you feel when someone smiles and acknowledges you? Do you see how reaching out to others during the course of your day can help you when you are having a day where you are struggling? I challenge you SLAYER to reach out, especially on days when you don’t feel like it, or you’re in your own head, smile, say hello, ask someone about their day, I guarantee you, you will feel better, and you never know, you may just turn someone else’s day around too. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you