comfortable

Too Content With Your Misery

When I was living in the dark I didn’t want to be there but it was what I had known for many years and I found comfort in the familiarity of it. It felt safe, because it was what I knew, but it was anything but. I knew I would eventually die there but it felt too scary to try to leave. I wrapped that darkness around me like like a cloak, and told myself it protected me, but it only protected me from getting well.

It took a lot for me to reach out for help and to take the action I needed to actually get well. There had been many times I had wished to get well, or hoped for it, and even looked into it, but it would always stop there, short of actually taking the action needed. Just wanting something wasn’t enough to make it so, and, truthfully, I wasn’t ready to let go of my misery for happiness, joy and freedom. That, today, sounds crazy to me, but at the time it made perfect sense. Why put myself out there, launch myself into the unknown, where I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how people are going to react, when I can stay here in my misery and know exactly how things will go and how I’m perceived. I had to reach a point where I was no longer content to sit in my misery, and I was fortunate to sit in it long enough to get uncomfortable there.

My discomfort in my misery felt like a betrayal, after all, I had devoted most of my life to that place, and then to find myself uncomfortable and in fear of staying there, I felt like my best friend had turned on me. That fear of staying there, and the realization that it would ultimately be my demise was far great than the fear of stepping out of my misery for something different, and, possibly something better. And so I did. It was extremely uncomfortable at first, and I had to throw out everything I had known from my past to forge a new beginning and a new life. I had to let go of all the romanticizing I had done about my misery and that dark place, I had to stop justifying it, and thinking of it as safe, it wasn’t, and I had to trust where I was being guided and the guidance I was being given and learn to walk one step at a time in this new light. I learned that my misery was not just unique to me, that many others shared in it and my misery became an outlet for me to heal and connect with others who were doing the same. Sharing our misery made us feel less lonely and part of a group of people doing what was best for us, it gave us strength and power to keep going and through each other and the work we were each doing, I began to find myself content there, in the light, the misery seemed like a cold place I didn’t want to return to, my concept of content was changing.

Today I live in the light. The darkness still creeps in from time to time, but it doesn’t feel good when it does, and, it’s a sign to me that I’m not doing what I have learned to do to keep it at bay, I’ve left a door open somewhere and it’s up to me to close it. I have no desire to return to my misery, even though I know it’s out there waiting for me, trying to convince me to come back, but I know better, there’s nothing for me there, nothing but, well, misery. I live in the light today and my life is more than I ever could have imagined sitting alone in the dark, it took that leap of faith, courage and humility to step out from the darkness and seek the light, and it was worth every moment, every amount of work and uncomfortableness I felt to get me to where I am today.

Today I am someone I am proud of, I am someone who is honest, and caring, strong, courageous and compassionate, and I’ve learned that to be any of those things, and all of those things, I have to be them myself before I can see them in others, or encourage them in others, I need to identify them in me, and believe in them for myself so I can identify them in all of you. What it all comes down to is not where you are comfortable, but where you can thrive, be your best self, and share your light with others, and sometimes that means getting out from that place you feel content for a new place that challenges you but you are drawn to because you know it is where you are meant to be and deserve to be. Let go of your misery and let in the possibility of your own happiness. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you too content in your misery? Why do you think that is? Is it the only place you’ve ever known? Have you ever stepped out of your misery? How did that feel? Why did, or do, you go back? What does it look like outside of that place? Why don’t you stay there? What’s keeping you in your misery? What do you have to lose by giving it up? Do it SLAYER! Let go of your misery for what else you may find out there, for what you can be, and what you can have in your life that you deny yourself by staying in your misery. Take that leap of faith like I did, there are many of us that have, and we’re all cheering you on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Understanding

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand. People let us down, deceive us, have their own hidden agenda or own sickness that blurs the lines of honesty and their actions. On my journey in recovery I have managed to find a lot of compassion for most people, but sometimes I even find it difficult to try to find some understanding in what people say and do. I forget sometimes, that not everyone has the same intentions that I do, that not everyone lives their lives the way I do, or strive to, and that there are many out there who try to take advantage, use, or take without any consideration of what that may have cost someone, physically, emotionally or spiritually. I still, do what I can, using what I’ve learned, try to find some understanding, and remember what it was like for myself before walking this path when many of my actions were selfish or dishonest.

I find myself in a place where I am trying to find some understanding around multiple people. And, maybe they don’t deserve my time to figure them out, perhaps they’re behavior is just a warning to stay back next time they come around. It’s difficult for me, to trust, it always has been, it’s easier than it was, as I learned to trust myself and began to make better decisions for myself including who I let into my life. I raised the bar, as it were, eliminating those who did not live their lives by the same principles that I was now living mine. But as I’ve traveled this road, I’ve expanded it, letting more lanes in to create more of a super highway, still always being cautious, but finding compassion and understanding where I can, and, making an effort to learn the truth instead of making assumptions and then leaving them cold. I live today with a much more of an open heart, and because I do my relationships have become richer, and more vast, but it also hurts more when I do let someone in and they break that trust. My old thinking flares up and wants to close the door on anyone new and push those in question back, and, I may for a short time, until I feel comfortable again to let the door open again. Ultimately I know I will, and have to, because living my life isolated does not bring me joy and I’ve experienced too much of it this new way to extinguish it from my life. So, how do you trust when your trust has been broken? For me, it’s different for each situation or person, sometimes I’m never fully able to do it, but it always comes back around to trying to find some understanding. We all at times are in fear, we all at times do selfish things, even when we may tell ourselves we’re not, we may not reveal our motives or intentions or expectations, we may at times find it difficult to share our truth. I can relate to all if these things, so how can I judge others for similar behavior? I shouldn’t, and most of the time, don’t, anymore, but it does take me time to build up that trust again, and to find that understanding when I feel wronged.

None of us are saints, we have all been the one who has hurt someone, even in some small way, but instead of closing the door and hiding alone, look to where you might find some understanding, not to excuse them for what they may have done, but to relate to why they might have. It is within that connection that you will find forgiveness, and forgiveness that will show you how you may be like the very person who harmed you, or where in the past, or perhaps not, but finding that connection will help to keep your heart open, maybe not to that person, but to all the rest. Find some understanding in your day today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel betrayed do you try to find some understanding? If not, why not? What do you do instead? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How has this affected your relationships in the past, or even today? Do you regret it affecting certain relationships? Even though you may have gotten hurt, are you able to look at the person or situation and find some understanding? If not, what if you tried today? Sometimes just the act of looking for it in others may help you find some understanding in yourself, you never know what you’ll find on the other side of understanding.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You’re Not Changing You’re Choosing

I would not have liked that statement at all when I was living in the dark. I always pegged myself as a victim of life and circumstances, I never took responsibility for my own decisions or part in where I found myself. I did want change, but I never took action to make it happen, or if I did, I would start, experience a set back and then give up saying there was no hope. I lived life like life owed me, but it was me, who owed it to myself to make the changes to have the life I wanted to live. Living in the headspace I was, I didn’t even know if what I wanted was realistic, I just knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was, and that time was running out.

In the end, I did make a choice, I had to make a choice out of self-preservation, but a choice was made to get well. I realized as I traveled the path to my recovery that I had made the same choices for years and years, expecting different results each time, instead of changing my behavior, and by doing so I had made the choice to stay sick, to not get help, to keep living in the dark even though it kept getting darker. My head told me I had no choice, this was it, and it was only going to get worse instead of better, but that was a lie. It took me almost making a choice I could not take back to realize I had other choices. Choices that could bring to the places I wanted to go, choices that were healthy and would bring about the changes I thought were out of reach.

We all have much more power than we may realize on any given day. Even though we can’t control people, places and things, we can control, or be in charge, of our reactions to them. We should be constantly changing and growing, that’s what this journey is about, to learn, discover, to challenge ourselves, so if we’re not changing we’re choosing to stay where we are, and even, right now, if that is a place you feel comfortable, you’re still not meant to stay there forever. I always say, if I’m too comfortable somewhere I’m probably meant to move on, or look for how I can challenge myself to fine-tune or do better in an area that I may just be getting by. It’s not necessarily about leaving everything, and everyone behind, but finding those areas to improve upon. I, now, get a little rush of excitement when I challenge myself, and I feel that uncomfortableness underfoot because I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, it’s then that I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.

We are not victims of life, if we are not changing, adapting, growing, we are choosing to stay where we are, just as we are. The good news is, if we don’t like something, we can change it, and we may not get to the exact place we imagine, or would like, but just the act of making the change will bring us to where we are supposed to be, or where we are supposed to be next. Take the action or choose to stay stuck, it’s your choice. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get too comfortable where you are and don’t make changes to grow, learn or move on? What keeps you where you are? Are you where you’d like to be? If not, how can you take action to start moving in the right direction? Do you feel like you have no choice? You do SLAYER, if even it’s just making small steps to start, that movement and action will lead you to where you are supposed to be headed, just take the next indicated right action, or the one you think is right. Allow yourself to make mistakes, those are part of the process, and trust the path you are on. Don’t let life tell you you don’t have choices, you do, you always do, they may not always be exactly what you want, but they may get you there. Do what’s right for you and keep looking for your chances to change.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you believe you deserve the good, you will find the good, work your way to the good and no longer the feel the bad is a place of comfort.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better

Does Feeling Bad Feel Comfortable?

When I was living in the dark, I wasn’t happy there, but it was what I knew, and where I felt comfortable. I was torn between being in love with my sadness and wanting to let it go. I didn’t know how to let it go, and I also was afraid to, because my identity had become my sadness, like a black cloak I pulled tightly around me. That cloak got heavier and heavier as the years went on, so much so it became hard to breathe from the weight of it, but I stayed there, and I kept wearing it until the weight of it became too much for me to stand and it brought me to my knees. I’m grateful I was able to reach that point. I am grateful I made it that long. That I found the strength in me to finally lift that heavy cloak off of me and leave it behind. I almost wasn’t able to. And I think the danger of that for me is why it needed to be that heavy, so that I always remember how dark and heavy that place was, and how difficult it was for me to get out.

Sometimes we stay where we shouldn’t because it’s all we’ve ever known, or, it’s what we think we deserve, even when we may realize that we should go, we can stay stuck thinking it’s better to live in a place that we’re familiar with rather than stepping out to unknown territory. We keep ourselves locked away, or sick, and find people who feed into that sickness so we can feel okay for being there, even possibly be encouraged to stay by those with us, as it feeds into their sickness as well. It takes a lot of courage to reach for the light, to change the way we’ve been living, how we’re living and who we’re living with. But we have to believe we deserve more, or better, or something different from what we’ve had to live as our authentic selves and discover what our true potential is. Because when we live in the dark, when we hide in those places that may make us feel safe, but are places we shouldn’t be in, we lose a part of ourselves, and the longer we stay there the more we lose. We step down on those places in our heart that are meant to shine, those parts of us we’re meant to share with the world, and ourselves, we suffocate our true selves and we slowly die there, and even though it can be terrifying to let go and trust that we’re not meant to live a life in the shadows, what we gain when we do is worth every moment of fear we have to walk through to get us there. And the more we we push past that fear to find our happiness, the less we’ll put up with anything, or anyone, that causes us to feel bad, and as we do, that dark place becomes less comfortable.

We have the power to change the place we live in our hearts, we can choose to live in a place that makes us feel bad, or one that gives us joy, one that let’s our heart shine, even if the place of sadness is all we’ve known, we can still see out our own place of happy. It does take some work, and some trust that you can get to that place, but as someone who found her way to her own I can tell you, it is possible, and once you’re there the possibilities become limitless. Go find your happy place and find it within you to believe you deserve it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does feeling bad feel comfortable? Why? Have you always lived in that place? If you haven’t, how have you found yourself there? Why haven’t you left? If you have, do you want to find a better place for yourself, a happier place, a healthier place to live? What does that place look like to you SLAYER? Can you imagine it? Where can you find that place? If you can’t imagine it, if you could make it up, being realistic about it, what does it look like, feel like, where is it? Can you find it? Can you work toward it? How? What steps can you take? SLAYER we are more than what has happened to us, we are more than what we’ve been told we deserve, or who we’ve been told we are, only we get to decide that, us, so take some time and think about where you are, why you’re there, and where you want to go, because you can go there, you just have to believe you can and get to work on getting there. I believe in you SLAYER, now it’s your turn to believe in yourself, and believe you deserve more than finding a comfortable place in your sadness.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Level Up

I was never much of a gamer, and if you’re asking yourself what a gamer is, you’re probably not much of one either. Growing up my brother was always into video games, I would sometimes sit and watch him for hours as he mastered the game and always managed to find those secret parts to it that unlocked something special or take you to a secret level. I was always intrigued by that as a kid, those secret places with those magical things that not everyone knew about. Life has those things, I feel like I’ve found many over the past 12 years, those times I opened my eyes to something or because I let go and had faith, unlocked something new. One of the reasons I decided to start STATE OF SLAY was to give people the secrets that I’ve uncovered, and a lot of them aren’t so secret, we just haven’t been aware of them, or we haven’t chosen not to see them, or implement them in our lives, but as someone who has, I can be your guide based on my own experiences in the hopes that you can also, in your own life, find those secret and magical places so you can level up.

It’s easy to stay stuck where we are. We can feel comfortable there, even if it doesn’t feel like we should be there anymore, sometimes the fear of not knowing what’s outside of what we know is stronger than the place we stay that no longer serves us. We want to get out, but we stay, telling ourselves it’s better where we are, and safer. We may even tell ourselves we deserve to stay in that place. We don’t. What we deserve is to continue to grow and expand our lives, challenge ourselves, and move forward from the places that keep is stagnant and stuck where we are. For me the first secret to unlock a brand new life was to be willing to look for it. Willingness was the key to the first door. From there I reached out to someone I trusted, someone I knew had been through that door and I asked for help. Asking for help unlocked a lot of doors and brought me in contact with countless people who all helped me on my journey, those who had been there before, and those who were exactly where I was on my path. Once I had these people in my life the secrets and magic in the game of life kept unlocking, especially as I kept working on myself and was learning to let go of my past and work on learning to love myself. That path has led me down some winding roads, but those roads have brought me so much more goodness than hardship, and when I think back to the dead-end I was on, even my best day there doesn’t compare to my worst day here. I have leveled up many times, and, if I continue to work, will again many more times.

We all have the opportunity to get a higher level than where we are. But we have to take that first step. We have to be willing to go after it, no matter what that brings, or what we may need to face. In the end I may have learned a few things watching my brother all those hours many years back, I learned that perseverance is what it takes to win, and that when you look for it, there is always something magical on the horizon.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there moments in your life that you feel you leveled up? What were they? How did you get there? Are there moments in your life when you know you should level up, but you stop yourself? What stops you? What are you afraid of? Or, why don’t you think you deserve it? What areas in your life today would you like to level up? How can you achieve this? If you don’t know, who can you go to for advice to find out what steps to take? Do you share your hopes, dreams, and goals with others in your life? If not, why not? What scares you about that? I challenge you SLAYER, to level up, in whatever way that means to you. I challenge you to be honest with yourself, with those around you, and if you don’t have a good group of people around you to help get you there, find them, they’re out there. Walk with them and walk through your fear to go after what you want, or where you are being directed to go, go there, stand tall, and level up to where you’re supposed to be next. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Setting a boundary is not selfish, it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Don’t let someone get comfortable disrespecting you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Allow