change

New Year, New You

Today is New Year’s Eve. The end of one year and the beginning of another. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve always made commitments to myself as I feel I’m ready for them, or ready for the challenge of them, so the idea of having to come up with them on a specific day has never really appealed to me. What I do like is the idea of a clean slate. A fresh page. A new year gives us a marker and chance to hit the restart button and start again. Now, we’re still us walking into the new year, but maybe we’re us with a different perspective, with new goals, or a drive to find what we’re looking for. It’s a time to take a deep breath and let go of the past to make room for something new. The problem I have with resolutions is that we seem to set ourselves up to fail. We set them thinking we should have them, people ask us what they are, there’s that anticipation that we have to have answers when asked, and so we set forth and make a list that we may not be fully ready to commit to, or truly have any intention of taking action on. So, if we do feel pressured to make a list, and there is no real pressure to, or we’re just wanting to set some goals for ourselves as we head into a new year, how do we make better choices when it comes to finding out what we really do intend to change, or want to change?

First, it’s asking ourselves why we’re wanting things to change, and what we’re wanting to change? What is our motivation behind seeking out this change? Why is it important to us? How will it help us or benefit us? And these answers should have answers that pertain to us, not how we’ll look to others, or if they’ll help someone else, these should be our goals or changes that will help us to become the people we want to be, who we aspire to be, because deep down we know we are those people. It’s about uncovering our true selves and getting rid of old habits we used to use to get by, or survive, or possibly hide who we truly were. Our goals or resolutions, if we want to stick with that label, should not be born out of judgment of ourselves, or comparison of those around us. They should come from a truth inside of us that we know we should change because what we are wanting to let go of is no longer serving us, or possibly never did. These goals should be internal goals, done for internal reasons, not because they’ll look good on the outside, when we do what we think we should do, or we do something to please someone else, but we don’t believe it in our heart, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We should only do what we know is right for us and do it for us, only then do we have a chance to overcome that particular hurdle and succeed.

We also have to give ourselves time. Change doesn’t happen overnight. We can make some changes, but we have give ourselves time to let those changes settle in, and also, give ourselves some leeway to know we’re going to revert back to our old ways from time to time, change takes time, and it takes practice, so even if you fall back, don’t just throw in the towel, understand that’s part of the process, learn from it, and keep going. The more you do something, the more it becomes your new normal. Failure is a part of the process. Always remember why you’re making the change and how it affects you personally. Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Having the awareness that you want to change and what you want to change is a catalyst for change. Awareness is half the battle, the rest is doing it. So really look at your life, who you are, what you do, how you interact with the world around you and be honest with yourself, are you living as your true self? What areas can you improve on? What areas can you really shine? It can be hard to take an honest look at ourselves, but change doesn’t happen if we keep telling ourselves the same story and living in a place that doesn’t allow us to be our best selves. Take a cold hard look at you, the stuff that makes you flinch, or makes you uncomfortable, that’s the perfect place to stop and take a look and ask yourself why it does. Anything can be changed for the better, we all have the ability to make changes and live a fuller life. Once we make some decisions and put a plan in motion it changes our trajectory, our direction, and sets us on a new path, and if we stay true to that path, and true to us, that path will continue to give back to us and will continue to give us what we need on this new path.

Really, we can change or start something new any day of the year, but why not take some time today to reflect on what things in your life you would like to change that are in your reach to change. Write them down, and write down the steps you can take to make those changes happen. Only we know what is best for us, and only we can do the work to make sure we are and have the best for us. So roll up your sleeves SLAYER, this is a great time to dig into your toolbox and find the tools you need to be your best you this year. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically set New Year’s Resolutions for yourself at the beginning of year? Do you stick to them? If you don’t, why do you think you fail? Are they realistic? Why don’t you follow through? Searching your heart, what change would you like to see this year for yourself? How can you make these changes happen? If you don’t know, ask those around you, with those you trust or who maybe inspire you, ask them how they might go about achieving the same goal. Find those things you think are holding you back, those things you might hide behind, or use as protection, make a commitment to get rid of them, to get out from behind them, to allow yourself to be your best you and shed those things you no longer need, those things that are only holding you back. Give yourself the gift of self empowerment, of doing what’s best for you, and following through on letting your best parts shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Behind every negative thing is a positive thing we can learn.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are two types of pain, pain that hurts you, and change that changes you. You decide how your pain will affect you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stuck (1)

 

Just Try

Anyone who follows STATE OF SLAY knows I’m big on taking action, without it, we stay stuck, and nothing changes. It can be daunting to start something new, to start a new project or task, or maybe try something we’ve never tried, perhaps by taking contrary action. But I encourage you to just try. There’s no harm in trying, and really, life is a series of us trying new or different things with varying success. It’s just about the act of trying. If we don’t try we don’t win. We don’t know. We never change, or grow. I used to be afraid to try new things, thinking it was safer to just stay where I was, even though I wasn’t happy there, and wasn’t fulfilled there, it felt safe, because I knew it. It took a lot for me to try something new, it almost took my life, and it was scary to start, scary to step out of the routine I had been living in, scary to not know what the results would be, but, I did it, and the more I did it, the less scary it became, and even though things didn’t always work out the way I would want them to, many worked out in ways I couldn’t have imagined, and in ways that helped me grow. At the end of the day it’s just about jumping off that cliff and trying, but unlike cliff jumping, if things don’t work out the way you had hoped, you can always try something different, and chalk that up to a learning experience.

Life is all about taking chances, taking risks, and adjusting to things as they change, those changes are a good thing, it means we are pushing ourselves, we are flexible in our thoughts and actions, we are riding the waves of life as they come in to our lives. Living our lives to be safe typically doesn’t bring us happy results, it tends to leave us feeling like we’re living life on the sidelines watching everyone else win around us. But we can win to, we just have to jump in and play the game. And so what if we lose. Everyone, no matter how successful, no matter how great of a person, no matter how smart, talented, or prepared, will lose at some point, everyone, so what you are you afraid of? We’ve all been losers and we’re still here to talk about it, and we’re still trying, and still jumping in the game. The circumstances will never be perfect, so stop waiting for something that isn’t going to happen, just start, jump in. Jump in with wild abandon, jump in with passion, with excitement, with everything you’ve got, maybe even jump in with others and do it together. No matter what the outcome you’ve already won, you’ve tried, you’ve tested the waters and took a leap, that in itself is a win. And speaking of winners, stick with the winners, stick with those people are taking chances, who are going after their dreams, who are inspiring others, those are the people you want to surround yourself with, let them inspire you, encourage you, set your soul of fire to get moving and take action. Those are the people you want around you, stay in the middle of those people as you take a leap of your own.

There are always reasons not to do something, but most of the time they are just bullshit, they are just that voice in our heads that tells us we don’t deserve it, we won’t get it, or we don’t know what we’re doing, tell those voices to quiet down and watch, watch you try. Besides, those voices are lying to you, those voices are scared, those voices have no place in our life today, they’re just telling us an old story that no longer applies to us, we’re changing our story, we’re telling the narrative we want to tell, one of success, of excitement, of an ever expanding world around us. Let people know what you want, what you’re doing and see if you can build up a strong army around you of like-minded people who are all willing to raise each other up to bigger and better things. As SLAYERS we pick up our swords and soar, we stand tall and go after our dreams and we make it happen. Don’t let old ideas get in your way or negative self-talk, show those voices what you’ve got and why you’re strong. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your negative self-talk get in the way of you trying new things or going after what you want? What do they tell you? Why are those voices wrong? Write down all the ways that they’re wrong. How can you overcome them? What gets in your way of starting something new? How can you work around it? How can you take action today to work towards a goal you have? Take action on that SLAYER, on step at a time, and before you know it, you will leap farther than you ever could have imagined.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Don’t Have To Repeat The Past

Looking back before I stepped on to this path my life was a series of repetitious bad decisions. I kept doing the same things and expecting different results, the true definition of insanity. How were things going to change if I wasn’t? Well, they weren’t. I was proud of my stubbornness, and my ego was holding me back by telling me I knew better, it was all of you that were wrong. But in truth, I was stuck in a cycle that was never going to get me to where I wanted to go, I was so stuck I couldn’t even see where I could go, my blindfold of bad decisions kept me from seeing that I had other options, it was my choice to continue to make the same bad decisions over and over, even though I had the power to change that.

For me, it took things getting really bad before I was even open to the idea that it was possible for change. My best decisions brought me to a place where it literally was a matter of life and death that I make positive changes in my life, and, break the cycle. As we grow up we learn certain things, we pick up things we see, hear, and experience and start to build up who are we, what we stand for, and how we’re going to operate, and unless someone, or something, teaches us something different, we tend to stay stuck in those ways, sometimes for a lifetime. I was forced to find different ways to live, healthier, more positive ways, and even though it was tough to undo a lifetime of behaviors that no longer served me, in fact, probably never had, when I finally did, it was like that blindfold got lifted off my eyes and I saw a brand new world. Life is not something that happens to us, we have the choice in how we react to it, and how we choose to engage with it. We can hit the reset button at any time and choose not to repeat the past.

Let’s start here, make a list of the areas in your life that you are not happy with, not happy with any of it, write it all down in a column. Now, write next to each item how you can do things differently, even if it’s something you don’t want to do or it makes you squirm, just write it down. Now think about those things you’re not happy with, and visualize yourself taking the opposite action, visualize the result being different than it has been in the past. How does that make you feel when you think about it? How do you make that feeling a reality?

1) Take Action – it’s always about taking action. Make a conscious effort to make better choices for yourself and stick to it. Make yourself accountable for those actions. Call yourself out. When we are accountable and vocal about what we are working towards you are more likely to follow through.

2) Conquer Fear – let go of the fear of doing something different, or upsetting someone for not doing what’s expected. The only fear you should have is staying in the same place, staying stuck, but walking through fear to get to a better place is worth it, just do it and see what happens.

3) Know You Are Worth It – you are worth fighting for, your wants and needs are valid, so take the action you need to get it. Find your own self value and know that each step you take to make your life better is worth it, because you are. Believe you deserve the things you want.

4) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes – we all make mistakes, especially when trying something new, so don’t quite or beat yourself when you make a mistake, or if it doesn’t go the way you had wanted it to. Keep going, keep moving forward. Learn from your mistakes, let them make you stronger, smarter, better, just keep going.

5) Recognize Your Victories – allow yourself to celebrate your wins. When we make changes for the better let yourself celebrate that, feel good about that, shine. We’re undoing years, or a lifetime, of old behavior, every victory, no matter how small, is a victory and a step in the right direction.

6) Write Down Your Progress – keep a journal so you can track your progress. Write down your wins and losses and the circumstances around them so you can see your own growth, or the areas where you keep stumbling, recognizing your patterns is going to give you the map that you need to navigate around them and to chart new courses of action.

7) Persistence – keep going, keep doing it, don’t celebrate so much that you fall back into old behaviors or think you can stand down and coast, it takes a lot of work to break a pattern, and a lot of repetitious behavior of doing the opposite of what you had been doing to make it stick, keep practising and keep moving forward. Be patient with yourself.

This is a lifetime practice of making changes for the good, as we grow and learn we will find new things to focus on, patterns to break, we start to fine-tune and hone our behaviors and lives so they work in conjunction with our hopes, dreams, and goals, not against them. I can assure you it is possible, I am proof, it just takes a desire to do so, and some work. Roll up your sleeves SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see negative or unhealthy patterns in our life? What course of action can you take to change them? Why haven’t you in the past? Are these patterns serving you? My guess is not if you are listing them as unhealthy or negative. How can you make the changes you need to make to break your patterns and live a healthier more positive life? Write them down. Start to make a conscious decision SLAYER to take action in these areas, to do the right thing for you, and to make the changes you need to start a new cycle, a cycle that allows you live a life you want, and one your are proud of. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Optical Delusion

We’ve all heard the saying “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” and I was certainly guilty of that, and I say guilty because I believe that although sometimes it is nice to see the world with a positive, or pretty perspective, when we purposely ignore the truth, ignore our responsibilities, and ignore ourselves and choose to see only what we want to see, that’s where we can fall into bad behaviors. Each one of us has our own perspective, no two people see everything exactly the same, and take our experiences, beliefs, and projected expectations into each situation, and those things can twist reality into something very different.

Our own Optical Delusions aren’t always rose-colored. They can also hold us back. I was reading a story recently about some trainers in India working with baby elephants. When they began they would firmly chain them to a tree so they can’t break free. Over time, after many attempts to break free, the elephants stop trying, and slowly the trainers reduces the size of the chain until they no longer use one at all, but the elephant, still believing it’s there, because it had been many times in the past, no longer tries to see if it can get away. We as people do the same thing. Our field of vision can get so small based on our past experiences that we stop trying, we just sit there, and our Optical Delusion tells us that there is no hope, no use in trying, because we are doomed to the existence we currently find ourselves in, not true. Try. Just try something different, take contrary action and just try. Circumstances can change, we change, but we’ll never know unless we try. Sometimes the only thing that is currently holding us back is us, there is no chain, only the one we imagine in our mind.

On the flip side, there are those who live life like they’re in their own fairy tale. Floating through life doing what they want, not a care in the world, or if they do, quickly brushing it off, or stuffing it down with outside things, thinking if they can keep floating above the mayhem, or the reality of their actual lives, they will always be OK. Well, at some point the balloon bursts and they come crashing down to earth, sometimes with a lot of mess and financial damage to clean up. As you know, I’m always an advocate of looking for the good, the positive in the world and our lives, but not so much that we are ignoring what is really going on around us.

So, how do we know if we are seeing the truth around us, or our own Optical Delusion? We stop, really look around. We ask ourselves if what is happening, truly happening, lines up with our core beliefs of who we are and how we want to live our lives. We ask ourselves if we are shirking our responsibilities to go off and play, ignoring our own needs and those around us. We ask ourselves if the story we’re seeing in front of us is true. What are the facts? Or have we slipped into a place of repression, or irresponsibility, which is holding us back? Listen, it’s always nice to treat ourselves and do something we love, enjoy, or feel a part of, but not if we’re using those things to run away from ourselves and our lives, or, holding ourselves back and telling ourselves we can’t do the things we love, or try for something better because of our own negative self-talk. It’s about getting honest with ourselves. We can do anything SLAYERS, we have the power, but sometimes we get in our own way, or let the voices of others stop us from trying. Ask yourself if what you’re seeing in your life is true, the facts, or are you looking at it through an Optical Delusion?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you look at your life with a clear perspective? Or do you think you give it a darker view, or to much of a rosey one? Why do you think you do that? What do you think you can do to change that? What do you think will happen if you do? Write down how you feel about yourself and your life. Now, ask yourself which of those things are facts, and which ones are fears or feelings that no longer pertain to your life or situation. What can you do to change the facts that you don’t like? And, how can you accept the ones that you cannot change? It’s about finding a balance SLAYER, living our lives for us, finding joy for ourselves, but not putting joy above the basic things we need to do to be active in our own lives and taking responsibility for our own actions. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

 

Good morning SLAYER! Be firm in your goals, but flexible in your methods. There may be a way to get what you want just by being open to alternative route.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fierce

If You Don’t Bend, You’ll Break

I used to think being stubborn made me strong.
I wore my “wood-head” nickname like a badge of honor, proud that no one could get me to change my mind once it was made up. I believed my rigidity protected me.
But what it really did was keep me stuck.
I was unyielding, closed off, and resistant to change. And eventually, I broke.
I hit the floor, empty and out of options. My stubbornness wasn’t strength—it was a wall between me and growth, between me and peace.

Turning Stubbornness into Strength

When I finally made the choice to walk a better path, I realized I could channel that same stubbornness into something good.
I learned to use it to push through the tough days, to hold myself accountable, and to keep moving forward even when old behaviors tried to pull me back.
Instead of fighting against myself, I started fighting for myself.

The Power of Flexibility

Life is always changing, tossing curveballs our way. If we cling to what’s familiar, we stay stuck. But when we’re willing to bend, to try a new direction, we create space for something better.
Flexibility doesn’t mean giving up your values—it means recognizing when it’s worth letting go, shifting perspective, or simply approaching something with a fresh mind.
It’s about learning to move with grace and openness, discovering that the “new way” might just be the better way.

Breaking Free from the Safe Zone

Being stubborn felt safe. It gave me a sense of control. But it also kept me from experiencing new opportunities, relationships, and growth.
Have you ever pretended to “try” something new, just to prove it wouldn’t work? I did that too. But I’ve learned that true trying means approaching with a positive, open heart, willing to embrace whatever outcome arises.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Are you stuck in your ways of how things should be done? Why do you think you are?

  • What do you think will happen if things aren’t done your way?

  • Is this something that threatens your well-being, or just your comfort zone?

  • Can you think of a time when you tried something new, and the result was a positive surprise? How did that feel?

  • This week, I challenge you to bend—try something new, or approach something familiar in a different way.

  • Write them down. See how many new things you can add to your list, and then reflect on the results.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ll try differently this week?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to be flexible and open to new possibilities.

And if you know someone stuck in their old ways, send this to them.
Sometimes, a nudge is all it takes to start bending in the right direction.

SLAY on.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  For many of us, just trying to do something we haven’t done before is the victory, and in trying we may receive the gift of belief.  Belief in ourselves, and the belief that we can change and become the person we want to be. It all starts with the act of just doing it.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Do

In The Doing, Something Happens

We’ve all heard the saying, “fake it til you make it.” It’s something I have used in the past when I’m unsure about something but know I need to find a way to accept it, or a way to do it, but sometimes people have a problem with the word “fake,” and I understand that, we as SLAYERS are meant to live as our authentic selves, so how can we do that if we are faking something? Valid point. But instead of “faking” it, why not look at it as just doing it, just doing it even if you don’t believe it will help, just doing even if you don’t know if it will work, just, well, do it. Sometimes in the act of just doing it, something happens, an understanding, a revelation, and a belief that we can. In the doing, something happens.

When I first stepped on this path, a lot of things were suggested to me that didn’t sound like anything I wanted to do, or things that seemed like they wouldn’t help. I was told to do them anyway. To go through the motions and see how I felt. It felt fake to me. I thought, if I don’t believe, or want to do this, how will this help? But it did. The things that were suggested for me did help, they helped me to get out of my comfort zone and reach out, to share my truth, to connect with other people who were also on the same path, and to give back. Give back. At a time I thought I had nothing to offer, I did, and by just doing it I realized that no matter how low I may have felt, there was someone out there that may feel lower, and might look to me for inspiration, and in just doing, I not only helped someone else, but I helped myself, and I started to believe. In the act of just doing, taking the suggestions and just doing them, miracles happened. I started to feel better, I started to have self-esteem, I started to connect with people and didn’t feel so alone, I began to see some light in the darkness. In the doing, something happened.

It’s not a matter of believing to get started, it’s merely the act itself that can bring you to believe, and sometimes, that’s all we have. For me, my life depended on me just doing it, the voices in my head were still so loud, telling me it wouldn’t work, and I just yelled back louder, “I’m going to try!” Sometimes we’re so set in our old ways, or so afraid, or so determined to fail that we don’t believe things can get better, we shoot the suggestions down before we even start, but if we can get ourselves to just begin, to inch forward, to just do it, incredible things start to happen. And, although it may feel scary, or strange, or awkward, we’ve all felt those things before, and we’ve all survived them, so push through them and SLAY on, learn to find your comfortableness in the uncomfortableness, learn to find excitement there, learn to love that feeling of being unsure but trusting it’s right, learn to believe.

Every new chapter, every victory, every new life begins with taking action, there are always a million reasons to not do something, but there are a million and one to start, that one is you, and that is the most important one. You are worth it. You matter. You can and will make a difference. Just do it. You hold the key to your own freedom, but you have to turn the key in the lock you’ve created, turn it, walk through, and set yourself free.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to have it all figured out. It’s about taking it one moment at a time, one step at a time, one action at a time, and as you do you’ll gain momentum, you’ll gain confidence, you’ll gain freedom. All you have to do, is do.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there things in your life you know are good for you, or better for you, that you just don’t start? Why? What’s stopping you? What if you chose one and just did it? Just started, even if you didn’t know what the result would be? What do you think could go wrong? What do you think could go right? Do it SLAYER! Even if things don’t go as you would like them to, you still learn, and maybe within that lesson is the solution you’re looking for. But, you’ll never know unless you start. Just do it and SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you