action

F.E.A.R. – Run Or Rise?

F.E.AR. has two meanings, F**k Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise. I know before I walked this path the first one was my go-to method of operation, and if I didn’t run, I fought, it was almost better that I ran. It was not great. My whole life was run by fear, fear of not getting what I wanted, fear of having what I did have taken away, fear I was missing out, fear I would be found out, just fear, a thousands forms of fear. I didn’t realize until I started to get better, and started to not let fear run my life, how much control it had over me, how much it dictated what my decisions were going to be, how much it held me back from living my life and connecting with people.

You see, fear isn’t real. Fears are lies we tell ourselves, or those voices that talk to us, that bullshit committee that tries to keep us isolated and alone, fears are not facts, and as SLAYERS we make our decisions based on the facts, not the fear of them. We also use fears as excuses, excuses to not try something, or to take responsibility for something, or to not step out of our comfort zone, but fear isn’t our friend, it’s not protecting us, it’s holding us back, it’s preventing us from living the life we want for ourselves, and the life we can have if only we stop listening to our fears. Because when we do conquer them we do rise, we rise above them, and we rise above the place where fears held us back, and down, we move forward, and upward.

For me it was about contrary action, of acknowledging the fear, trying to identify where it was coming from, and then doing the opposite of what I wanted to do. Of doing what I knew to be right, or just, or what was going to move me forward. And that was scary, but it felt so good when I would it, when I would push through and realize that it wasn’t really that bad, or, had turned out better than I had, well, feared. I started to see how my fears weren’t real, they weren’t the truth, that by me walking through them I was becoming stronger, and clearer, and I was learning to trust myself more, and in doing that I felt a lot less fear.

Fear now for me is a sign I’m not taking care of myself, because when I am I have trust and faith that things are unfolding as they are supposed to and when I know that I’ve done the footwork, everything I can do to reach a goal. Settle, or make a situation clear, then I shouldn’t be having fear, fear is an old concept or idea that no longer serves me, an old behavior that pops up which I know to be irrational and not true, so the question I now ask myself is, why is it popping up, what do I need to address? And, that is a lot more manageable than the unmanageability of fear I lived with every day for most of my life. Now, I have tools to work through that fear, to know it isn’t real, and to not let it hurt me. Today I know that if I walk through my fear I will rise and by doing so I can help others do the same, to lead by example that we don’t need to live in fear, an example that was shown to me by countless people when I was ready to see it. We walk tall as SLAYERS, we don’t stand in our own way, we grab our swords and our shields and we trudge forward, through the fire, because on the other side of that fire, is paradise, a paradise where we take our life and power back. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What does fear mean to you? How does it come up in your life? Does it control your decisions and actions? Why? Why do you let it? What are you afraid of? Are those rational fears? Are they fears you can take action against and defeat? How so? Why aren’t you taking action against your fears? What’s stopping you? It’s time, SLAYER, that you rise above, that you look your fears in the eye and say no more, it’s time for you to walk through those fears and take your life back, it’s time to Face Everything And Rise.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  No matter where you come from, where you are, or what you’ve done, we are here. You are loved. You are worthy. Your voice will be heard. If you are suffering, reach out from the darkness, you are not alone.

New blog goes up Sunday…until then, SLAY on!

State Of Slay Not Alone

Before You Do Something, Say Something

I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.

It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.

My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.

No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.

If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

It’s OK To Say You Don’t Know

I used to think I always had to have an answer for everything, so if I didn’t I would make one up or rush to judgement. I was always afraid to say I didn’t know, or wasn’t sure about something, like life was a game show and if I didn’t have an answer a loud buzzer was going to go off pronouncing me a bigger loser than I already thought I was. Life isn’t a game show, and sometimes we don’t know, and, that’s OK.

There’s so much freedom in saying we don’t know, it takes the pressure off of always have to know, to have an opinion, or to have an answer right there on the spot. Sometimes it does take time, sometimes we need more information, and sometimes, we just don’t know. I had a close friend who I admired a lot for the way she handled things she wasn’t sure of, I remember asking her about a situation I was going through, something I was struggling with and asked for her guidance and opinion on it, she turned to me and said, “Carrie I don’t know, but let’s find the answer,” I thought, wow, what an incredible response, one I appreciated for it’s honesty and her openness to learn with me and investigate further. And that’s how I try to look at things I don’t know, an investigation, going back to what I’ve talked about in the past, finding out the facts, what  I know to be true, and once I’ve got all of that I then can usually find an answer, even if my answer still is, I don’t know, I need more time. Life, many times, isn’t black or white, as I’ve mentioned, so it isn’t always clear on what the next right thing is, or where we stand on that. Like most things, life is a process, and sometimes that process takes time, and our process is moving at the time and speed unique to us, as is everyone else’s, so we might not have the answers that everything else may have at the same time, and that’s OK.

What we are responsible for is being true to ourselves, being honest with people in our lives, and doing the work to find the answers we need to make the best decisions, we also owe it to ourselves to let those answers come when they are meant to and not jumping the gun and blurting out something just to have an answer.

Once I got over the fear of saying I didn’t know I found a freedom there, I gave myself permission to learn and grow in that place, to discover, to find out, and that felt exciting, and I knew I would know when and what I supposed to, it took so much pressure off of me to always know everything, or to make up something that sounded like I did. I found that I was a lot less embarrassed later on or had to make less apologies because I hadn’t made up something that possibly wasn’t true just to not be the person who didn’t know. No one knows everything, the whole point of life to learn, to grow, to experience new things to help us on our journey, if we knew everything there would be nothing left to strive for, to push us, to challenge us, it’s not knowing that drives us and pushes us forward to new things, new experiences, new challenges we might never have had before.

There’s no shame in saying you don’t know, in fact, the only shame is not living your truth, and, feeling like you have to make something up to cover up who you really are and what you really think. If you don’t know, say it, you might be opening yourself up to discovering the answer with someone who also doesn’t know, opening yourself up to a new friendship, or a chance to get closer to someone already in your life who also is seeking the answers you are, or, just discovering the answers on your own, but by giving yourself the gift of time to find them you allow yourself to move forward in your own time and honor where you are at on your path or journey . That, I know.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you always have to have an answer? What is your fear of not having one? What are some things you don’t have an answer for? What do you think will happen if you were asked about them and you would say you didn’t know? Do you think those fears are real? Challenge yourself SLAYER to be open and honest about the things you know and don’t know, challenge yourself to say you don’t know if you don’t, and be open to finding out. SLAY on

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Which Wolf Are You Feeding?

I was recently with a group of friends and we were talking about the fight that many of us face each day, the internal struggle, the fight of good versus evil, one of them shared a story their Grandfather used to tell him as a child, an old Cherokee legend, it goes:

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

It made me think, which wolf was I feeding each day? Typically I’m feeding the good wolf, but on days when nothing seems to go my way, when I have a “run of bad luck” or I can’t seem to get out of a bad mood that’s a sign that I’ve been feeding the bad wolf, that I’m not taking care of myself and falling into old behaviors, because no matter what’s going on the outside, how I react, how I feel on the inside is in my control, and if I am loving, caring, and nurturing to myself, the bad wolf doesn’t come out, the bad wolf doesn’t take control, the bad wolf goes away and is chased away by the good wolf.

We have a choice each day, to feed the good wolf or the bad, it truly is up to us, we sometimes like to say it’s not, blaming others and outside things for our bad mood or attitude, but the bad is going to happen regardless, it’s the ebb and flow of life, it’s the energy we put into ourselves that determines if we are going to succumb to it or rise above it, because even in a bad situation, the good wolf can turn things around into something good, or at least see some light in the darkness. Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy, they can lead us down the darkest path, and keep us there if we let them, that’s why it’s so important to stay in the light, to live in a place of gratitude, even on a bad day, to share with others, and to give back, when we do these things we stop listening to those voices in our heads, we stop thinking about ourselves and we start thinking about how we can be of service to others, and when we do, we step into the light. If we live our lives in the light we find others there, others who are also living in the light, or at least trying to, others who will love and support us as we navigate through the choppy waters of life, they’ll be there with a boat or a hand to help us to safety. But we have to do the work to stay in that place, it’s our choice and in our control in the end.

We get out of life what we put into it, and if we’re feeding the bad wolf bad is what we’ll keep getting, if we focus on feeding the good wolf, good will come, bad will also come, but, it will be a lot more manageable with the good wolf on our side, and there will be a whole group of others, feeding their good wolves, to surround us and help us through our dark day. SLAY on my wolverines!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to feed the good wolf or the bad wolf? If you’re feeding the bad, why are you doing that? Do you see how it is your choice what you feed? Do you see that if you focus on the good that your life will get better? What holds you back from feeding the good? What are you afraid of? Challenge yourself SLAYER, to feed the good wolf this week, to focus on the good, and live in gratitude, no matter what comes your way, keep feeding the good wolf, and watch a pack surround you with love.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  It can be scary to begin, to make changes in your life, and start a new path, but the willingness to try is your key to freedom, just the act of being willing opens the door to a whole new world, and your willingness will help you take each step as you walk towards the life and goals you dream of.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Willingness

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only obligation you have is to be your authentic self. No matter what others’ expectations may be for us, who we are, and what role we play in their lives is our decision, no one gets to dictate who we should be, that role is ours alone, and one we should be proud of.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Matter

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we stop looking for happiness in our past, we open ourselves up to finding happiness within ourselves and in those places that love, support and nourish us today, and what we may find is, those things we thought held the key to our happiness, we never really needed at all.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Perfectly Happy

 

Stop Looking For Happiness Where You Lost It

We’ve all been guilty of this. We look for someone’s approval who’s never given it. We go somewhere that no longer serves us, looking for something that no longer exists. We do the same things over and over when we’re not the same people, so why would the same things make us happy? We, well, many of us, are creatures of habit, and when something used to make us happy we continue to go back to that well and look for more, but sometimes that well is empty, or, it’s not really what we need anymore, and it’s up to us to stop going there looking for something that no longer exists, or no longer works for us.

I am guilty of that from time to time. I’ll fall into an old pattern looking for love, acknowledgement or inspiration where there isn’t any, maybe there never was, or there just isn’t anymore. I have this hope that it’s there, and then get my hopes dashed when it’s not. But it’s my fault for looking in those places in the first place. I know better, and then I beat myself up for searching in those places. Well, I used to beat myself up, I don’t beat myself up anymore, I ask myself why I was looking there in the first place, because the reason is going to tell me something about where I’m at emotionally and spiritually, and what I need to work on or fix for myself that day.

I know for myself that when I do go looking for happiness in the wrong places I have some work to do, the odd time I might just be doing it by rote, just a bad habit from the past, and without thinking about it, a go-to, but most of the time there is something behind it. It may be low self-esteem and I’m looking for validation, or it may be low self-esteem and I want to validate it by not getting validation, oh yeah, I’ll still do that too sometimes. It may be that I’m hoping someone will prove me wrong and show me love, acceptance or encouragement. No matter what it may be showing me, what’s it’s telling me is that I need to find a healthy way, myself, to feel fulfilled, and not place that responsibility on other people, places and things. And sometimes that can be hard, to do the work ourselves, especially when we feel like the people in our life should be there to support us, to love us, and reassure us when we need it, and yes, that’s wonderful when they do, but that’s not their jobs, it’s ours. And seeing as our well-being is our job, we need to stop going to those people, places and things looking for something that’s not there. If you know there’s no water in a well, why would you go with a cup looking for water? You wouldn’t would you, but we do it in our lives.

We need to take responsibility for our own happiness, we need to make ourselves happy without relying on people or outside things to do that for us, now I know that sounds like it’s a lot harder than just reaching out and trying to find happiness first, but the truth is, unless we are able to make ourselves happy, us, ourselves, none of that will ever truly make us happy. It might for a short period of time, but there will always be something missing, an emptiness that never gets fulfilled, I know, I lived like that for most of my life, and even at the “happiest” times of my life, there was always a darkness, or fear, or black hole inside of me that could never be filled. We fill that black hole when we surround ourselves with who and what honors who we are and how we live our lives, when we honor ourselves by listening to what we need, by giving back when we can and sharing our happiness with others, by gifting ourselves the time to do the things we love, the things that charge our batteries, that fires us up, and get us excited and inspired by life. And sometimes it’s just as simple as smiling. Of letting things go. Of acknowledging we did the best we could and that’s enough. Of letting love in, and learning to trust ourselves so we can love. And, by not looking for happiness where we know it’s not.

Happiness is within, it is there for the taking if you do the work to find it, and when you do you’ll find you’ll stop looking for it where it is not, and surround yourself with the people, places and things where it is, so you can share your happiness with those around you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for happiness in places where you’ve lost it before? Why do you think you do that? How can you stop doing that? Do you find happiness within yourself? If not, why do you think you’re not able to? What’s stopping you from finding that happiness? You are SLAYER, you. No matter what your circumstances, there is always a way to find some happiness within yourself by honoring who you what you love, and sometimes, who you love. Sometimes just sharing your love with others is a way to find love in yourself, and when we do you stop looking for it in those places it no longer exists. Write down 5 non-material things you love about you SLAYER. Put that list in your pocket and carry it with you. At the end of the day, take it out, read it, and smile. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only thing that grows in our comfort zone is our fear to step out of it. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. Take a leap of faith and step outside what makes you feel safe and see what magic is waiting for you when you have the courage to change.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Comfort Zone