Self Help

To Be Seen And Heard Is A Wonderful Thing

As I child I always felt invisible. I felt awkward, different, less than, and I always tried to blend in with my surroundings, I didn’t want to stand out. I just wanted to appear as normal, because I didn’t feel normal. I don’t know what I basing that on, what normal was, I just know that I didn’t feel I was. I hoped to just fade into the background when I was at school. I always had friends, but stayed within smaller groups, or one on one friendships over the bigger crowds. I just didn’t want a lot of eyes on me, asking questions.

I traveled through my childhood like that until high school, when I discovered the drama club, a place where I cold go hide, on the stage, and just be someone else. I didn’t mind being seen and heard in that place, because I got to be someone else there, and that seemed safe. I started to take those characters, those people I played out in life, I pretended to be who I thought you wanted to be, again, a way to be invisible in plain sight, because no one ever saw the real me, including myself. It wasn’t until I hit my bottom, until I asked for help, and started the work to make that happen that I was asked to share who I truly was. That terrified me, who the heck was I anyway? I found a group of people who I knew wouldn’t judge me, who, like me, where finding their way out of the dark, and it was in that safe place that I learned who I really was, and I learned, it was OK to share that I didn’t know when I didn’t. But as I started to find out and I started to truly share my authentic self it felt good to be seen and heard.

Many of us walk around feeling invisible, even in a crowded room, I remember what that feels like. In my case it was a choice, because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me, because I didn’t like myself, but for some, you are there, screaming, jumping up and down, trying to get our attention, and for some reason you are not seen. Maybe you’re picking the wrong people to wave your arms at, maybe you’re not speaking as loud as you think, maybe people are just missing you, right in front of them. Really, at the end of the day, we all just want to be seen and heard, for who we are, truly, and have that be acknowledged, and ideally, appreciated, but just the acknowledgment can sometimes be enough. It’s hard to find our voice sometimes, it may have been shamed into silence by someone, or ourselves, and we can’t seem to get it back. Or maybe we never had it, and now struggle to find the words to express who we are and what we need. Well, I am here to say that I see you and I hear you because I was you. And I know that that little voice you may have today can turn into a loud one, just as mine did. It takes you just sharing it. Sharing it as much as you can with those who will listen, appreciate and encourage you to continue to get louder, braver more authentically you.

We all want to feel like we matter, and we all do. But let us know you’re there. Speak up, tell us who you are, live out loud, because you have something special to offer us, you, who you are is special and we should know that. That also goes for you out there who are struggling right now, suffering or grieving, we also want to acknowledge you, we want to hear from you and we want to listen to you. The greatest gift we can give anyone is the acknowledgment of who they are and how they feel. We all deserve to be seen and heard, something to remember when we step out today and walk among each other this busy world, acknowledge those around you, and let yourself be acknowledged as well. It’s a wonderful thing. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow people to see you or do you try to stay hidden in the shadows? Why do you do that? What scares you about letting people in? Are these fears based on facts in your current life, or from your past? Are these things you can overcome today? How can you do that? Have you overcome them in the past? How did you do that? How do you feel when someone acknowledges you? Do try to acknowledge others? How does that make you feel when you see how that acknowledgment is appreciated by others? It feels good right? So why not give yourself the same gift, and allow others to see and hear you, just as you are? Do it SLAYER, we want to see and hear just how special you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do what gives you joy, for no other reason than just that.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Joy

Sing For Joy, No Other Reason

We should always do what makes our spirit bright, and for no other reason but that. We can get caught up in doing things for the recognition, for our ego, for bragging rights, to prove our worth, but none of those things will fill us up like just doing it for the joy of it. We place importance on certain events or opportunities, put pressure on ourselves to perform at a certain level or we feel we’ve failed, we don’t fully appreciate the moment and how it makes us feel because we’re focused on the result, or what we hope it will be instead of just letting ourselves go and enjoying what we’re doing and how it makes us feel when we do. The real questions are, what motivates us to do what we love, what are we looking for from doing them, and why are we drawn to them in the first place?

Before stepping on this path I always had ulterior motives for doing what I did, even the things I loved. It was very rare that I would really just let myself go and let myself enjoy those things, without wanting something, even to just feel something specifically, instead of just allowing myself to feel what came naturally. I tried to make myself feel specific things by doing specific activities, to try to force those feelings, because I wanted to feel them, but wouldn’t allow myself to organically feel them by just being true to myself. The truth of the matter was, I didn’t know how to be true to myself because I had stuffed down my true self so deep I didn’t even know where to find her anymore, or who she really was. So everything I did was manufactured, to look and feel the way I wanted to, nothing was just for joy. Nothing was ever done and left to chance. I tried to always manipulate the outcome. It was a lot of work, and I was never truly satisfied because nothing was ever real, and the more I did it, the more I lost touch with reality and what really did bring joy to my life. I told myself certain things did because it looked or sounded good, or because I thought I should, or may have remembered it did once, but I lost touch with the joy in my life, and what used to bring it to my life.

Today I need to do the things in my life that bring me joy, I need to feed that part of me that shines when I do, that part that nourishes me, that makes my heart smile, I need those things today, it gives me fuel to keep going, and to share my joy with others. That’s the thing about joy, it’s contagious, and when we feel it, it pours out of us and gives others permission to seek out their own joy, or maybe tap into to ours a little bit until they find their own. And if I want to sing, I will sing, because I feel like I want to, even though I can’t sing, it doesn’t matter, as long as it brings me joy, that is the only result I seek today. Now, having said that, I will come up against old thinking sometimes that wants to put pressure on me to do things for the wrong reasons, but typically I can stop myself and remind myself to have fun, to do it for fun, and to let it go. The more we stay out of the results, the happier we’ll be.

Let yourself go SLAYER, do what you love just for the joy of it, even if you’re not great at it, as long as you are enjoying that’s all the matters, that is a win, just do it. Take the pressure off yourself for things to look or feel a certain way and just be. Just be, and trust that is enough, because when you are in that place of authenticity you will always be guided to what will bring you the most joy. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What in your life brings you the most joy? When you do that thing that brings you joy do you allow yourself to just do it without any expectations or concern about the results? If not, what are you expectations or hope for the results? What if you let those go? What then? Do you remember a time when you didn’t have those expectations or hope for those results? How did that feel? What can you do today to let go of your expectations and just let yourself be in the moment? Write down 5 things that bring you joy. Now, set out to do them for the only reason that you should have, because you want to, and because it lets your heart shine. Keep letting it shine, and keep finding your joy.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

SLAY With Me In Person Next Weekend

Hello SLAYER! I will be making my first Official SUPERNATURAL Convention Appearance next weekend, September 21-23 in Indianapolis Indiana! Come out and SLAY along with me.

Photo Op and Autograph tickets are online, I will also be in the Vendor’s Room during scheduled times as well throughout the weekend.

For ticket and show information go to: SUPERNATURAL Indy

SLAY Indy

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Stand tall and find the courage to be exactly who you are, without apologies. You are enough, right here, right now.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Perfect Day

See Yourself Through Kinder Eyes

You may not know this, but you’re awesome. Yes, you. Just as you are, right now.

Before you list off all the reasons why you think you’re not—pause. Take a deep breath. And say this with me: thank you. Say it out loud. Feel it. Because the version of you that exists in this moment holds real value. Is this the final version of you? Of course not. Growth is the point. But that doesn’t mean the current you isn’t worthy of appreciation. In fact, it’s the only place you can start from. And that starting place? It’s already more than enough.

You Are Not a Project to Fix

We live in a world that tells us to constantly improve, upgrade, do better. And while growth is beautiful, the danger comes when we internalize the message that we are inherently broken or lacking. You are not a problem to solve. You’re a person to love—flaws, strengths, contradictions, and all.

What if, instead of zeroing in on your imperfections with a magnifying glass, you looked at yourself the way you look at the people you care about? What if you saw your kindness, your effort, your humor, your compassion? What if, for once, you gave yourself credit for how far you’ve come and what you’ve survived?

Celebrate What’s Already Good

Think of someone you love. Got them in your mind? Good. Now list three things you love about them. Easy, right? Now imagine them doing that same thing for you. Because they do. They already see it. So why not try seeing it too?

When we take time to reflect on our bright spots, we start to shift the internal narrative. Instead of constantly chasing who we think we should be, we start appreciating who we already are. Gratitude becomes the bridge between who you are now and the version of you you’re growing into.

Try this: pick three things you love or appreciate about yourself. Say them out loud. Write them down. Make them real. These are not small things. They’re the roots of your growth.

The Truth About Being “Enough”

You are enough. That doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvement. It means that where you are right now is a valid, worthy, and powerful place to begin. You don’t need to punish yourself into change. You need to love yourself into it.

When you believe you are enough, something magical happens: you become willing to show up for your growth, not from a place of shame, but from a place of hope. That’s where lasting transformation lives.

So thank yourself. Thank yourself for surviving. For trying. For showing up today. Because that kind of self-acknowledgment leads you directly into who you’re meant to become. It’s not ego—it’s truth.

SLAY Reflection: Let That Good In

Here’s your moment to reflect, journal, or simply sit with these questions.

  1. When you think of yourself, do you feel like you are enough? Why or why not?

  2. What parts of you are you proud of? List at least three.

  3. How has self-criticism held you back in the past? How can self-compassion move you forward now?

  4. Think of a time when someone complimented you. What did they see that you didn’t?

  5. What would change if you focused on the good in yourself, instead of only the areas that need “fixing”?

SLAY Acronym:

  • S: See yourself through loving eyes.

  • L: Let go of the critical voice.

  • A: Appreciate what makes you, you.

  • Y: Yield to growth—not because you’re broken, but because you deserve more.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you can appreciate about yourself today, even if it feels small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to see their own light, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Seeking validation will keep you trapped. You don’t need anyone or anything to prove your worth. When you believe this, you will be free.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Worth

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE? Not to worry, I’ve got you covered.

SLAY on!

Validation: But What About Me?

Hey, we all love a little validation for a job well done, or a good deed, or just for being the best we can be right? It’s nice to feel appreciated, but when that validation becomes the only reason for doing something it becomes a problem. I’ve talked about how we shouldn’t do anything unless we want to, plain and simple. Without expecting anything else in return. Yeah, I said it, without expecting anything in return. Then and only then are we doing something for the right reasons. That got you thinking didn’t it? How many things do we do because we’re expecting something in return? Or because we think it might make us look good? Or because someone might owe us and we can call on the favor later? All we’re doing when we are acting with those intentions is setting ourselves up for resentments, because if we don’t get what we want, or expect, we’re going to get angry. But, we shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. We need to be accountable to what is motivating us in the first place.

Some of us also use doing things for others to feel validated as a person. That we have no value if they’re not doing things for others. Also not the most healthy. Again, it’s great to do nice things for others but not if you’re using that as your sole source of self-worth, and putting that need of validation before your own actual needs. It’s important to find a balance, of taking care of yourself and what you need and if you have the time or ability to, then do something nice for someone else. It’s kind of like the flight attendant announcement at the beginning of a flight when they advise you in the event of an emergency to put your mask on first before helping someone else. That’s good advice. Because if you’re passed out, you’re not going to be able to help anyone else. Make sure your needs are taken care of and you’re not putting someone else’s needs before your own and not giving yourself what you need to be your best self.

For me I use to look for validation because I was typically doing things for the wrong reasons. I was looking for the validation to feel better about myself, because I hated who I was, I was looking for validation to feel smarter, especially smarter than you, and I was looking for validation to get something I wanted. Very few things just came from a pure heart of wanting to do something, but my heart was always in fear or resentment, so nothing good would come out of that heart when those where the chief factors of my motivation. It was hard to face the facts of why I was doing what I was doing, and to realize that I was only doing those “nice” things to fill a the void I felt inside, but that void could never be filled with those outside things, so it became a vicious cycle of trying to do them, and wanting recognition for them, but even if I got it it never filled me up.

At the end of the day it’s our job to fill up our own hearts. To do things that make us feel good, because we want to do them, and to make sure if we’re feeling empty, that we don’t start looking outward to fill an inside job. We all have value, we all have worth, and when we learn to accept that in ourselves, and learn to fill those needs, we stop looking for outside validation to do it for us. We find it in ourselves. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you think motivates you to do something? Are you looking for validation? If so, why? What does it mean to you to get validation for something you’ve done? What if you don’t get that validation? What do you do then? What do you tell yourself? Do you retaliate? How has seeking validation affected your relationships? How has it affected the relationship you have with yourself? What can you do to repair or change that relationship with yourself? What are 5 things you can do this week to show yourself some love, to validate yourself with acts of love and doing what fills you up inside? Do them SLAYER, and continue to do them, no need to validate yourself anymore than that.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let the feeling of good fuel your fire to keeping working for more good.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dont Stop