Author: Carrie Genzel

Meet Each Other Where We Are

When we’re not feeling our best, or that we’re the best we can be, or maybe even ashamed of where we find ourselves we tend to shy away from the people in our lives, and certainly from meeting new people. We may be drawn to people who are working to be their best selves, but don’t think we’re worthy of their time because we don’t feel good about where we are. That thinking can keep us from getting well, and prevent us from getting the support and understanding we made need to get well. When we have the same intentions, regardless of where we are on our own paths, we meet each other where we are and move forward from there. There is no perfect start time, the time is now, come as you are and I, and others will meet you there, as they are. It’s not about coming and joining in when things are ‘perfect,’ the time to come is now, in whatever place that finds you. You will find people who will love you regardless of where you are and will walk with you on your journey, as you do with theirs.

When you align yourself with people who are all working to be their best selves, doing the best they can each day, there is no judgment of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you find yourself today. There is only love. We all have to start somewhere, we all have to have that moment when we take that leap and trust we’re being led to something for a reason, it’s within that trust that you are enough, just as you are. And who you are today isn’t who you were yesterday, and who you won’t be tomorrow. So, let yourself be enough as you are today and never be ashamed of that.

We are all here to learn, to grow, and even if you might not be at the same place as those around you, you may not meant to be, each of our paths, or journeys, are our own, we can’t compare them to anyone else’s because we are all experiencing different things and are meant to do and learn different things. And no matter where we are on our path it’s where we’re meant to be, so join us right where you are, it’s perfect.

I’ve said before that we each have unique qualities, talents, or experiences to offer, we all have something to offer, even on our lowest of days, even when we think we have nothing, our honesty may just save someone else’s life who may feel like they have even less. Never doubt your worth, you have more than you realize, but we see it, and we appreciate it. So come and join us, we love you just as you are, and together we will all help each other through the dark times, through the difficult times, to better times. We are stronger together, and your honesty in who you are, your authenticity, will give you strength. We know what you may not already, that you are an incredible person with a beautiful spirit, and will help you see that in yourself. There is no waiting for the right time, the right time is now, and who you are right now, is perfect. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you shy away from connecting with people or sharing yourself with others because you think you are not good enough? What about yourself do you think isn’t good enough? What would you like to change? What can you do to change it? Why haven’t you changed it? Where do you think your feelings of not being good enough come from? Do they come from you, or someone around you? Are they because of current events or stories from your past? What can you do to get outside of those? How can you change those feelings? We all have stories we tell ourselves, most of them are just that, stories, not based in truth, or they may be based on what was said to us as children and we’ve adopted it into the fabric of who we are, never questioning it’s merit. Question it SLAYER, question all of those negative things you say and think about yourself, question whether they are based in fact, and question whether they are relevant today. What is relevant is that you find a way to forgive yourself for past mistakes, and focus on the future, the person you can be proud of, who may even be the person you are right now. We’ll meet you where you are, no matter where that is, and it will be beautiful.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To heal a wound you have to learn to stop touching it.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Next Chapter

Pain Is Inevitable, Misery Is A Choice

I talk a lot about letting things go and acceptance here at State Of Slay, I also talk about being accountable for your actions. Inevitably we will experience pain in our lives. Life does it dance and sometimes we fall and skin our knee. But it’s up to us whether we get back up again or remain on the ground focusing on the pain of what has happened. We have a lot more power than we think we do when we get knocked down. We may not be able to stop the blow, but we can determine how we move on from there. Or, if we move on. Sometimes we get stuck in that place of hurt, of being a victim, or because we think we belong there. We don’t. You always have the power to stop the misery that comes from the initial pain, and you definitely have the power from preventing it again.

Life teaches us things, or it’s meant to, if we are quick learners we only have to go through it once before we make a change to stop it from happening again, but there are many of us, myself included, who may need several times at bat before finally hitting that home run and moving on. I used to sit in my misery not knowing how to get out of it. I would harbor resentments for those involved, and myself for letting myself get or stay there, and just stay stuck, not knowing how to get out from under the pile of hurt I was finding myself in, and many times, not wanting to get out because staying in that place was a way to punish myself. We are not meant to stay in the place. We are meant to move on, to learn, make peace with what was done, make peace with our part, because yes, as I mention a lot, we typically have one, and move on. Let it go. Now, some things are easier to let go of than others, most of the time the ones that aren’t easy are the ones that are triggering something from our past. Something we haven’t dealt with or have been able to find peace around. This may have been the reason the pain happened in the first place, as a red flag that you are meant to deal with an issue from the past. When I hurt, I always ask myself, is this because of what has happened in the present, or is this something bubbling up from my past I still need to work on letting go? A lot of the time our feelings are tethered to experiences and feelings from our past, things we’ve buried deep, or refuse to let go of. Those will keep popping up in our present lives, often reeking havoc on relationships we have today. As I always say, what is the root of the matter? Where does it stem from? There are usually answers there, and ultimately a solution.

Finding the answers to those questions will usually help you to move on faster, to let your pain go, or to at least give it the amount of weight it deserves, without piling on more for optimum effect. I always go back to, what are the facts? The facts don’t lie. Our feelings can trick us, they often have far-reaching tentacles that reach far back in our lives, and can skew the truth of what the matter really is, but if we focus on the facts, they will usually point us in the right direction. Once we have the facts we can usually expedite a solution to let it go, much faster than when our feelings get into the mix. But our feelings can indicate what’s really going on. So don’t count them out entirely, just don’t use them as a barometer of what actually happened.

Acceptance is the key to most of our problems when we are feeling disturbed or hurt. Learn from what happened, make a note of what you could have done better, or what you learned, and let it go. If you choose to hang on, you’re only torturing yourself and causing yourself unnecessary pain, set yourself free and make a commitment to yourself to do better next time. After all, it’s pain that helps us grow the most, so look at it as just that, growth, and turn a seemingly negative experience into something you can use for the good. That’s how we do it SLAYER! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you experience pain or get hurt do you sit in that hurt or work to move on? If you sit in it, why do you do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do to move on? What holds you back from doing so? How can you overcome that? Holding on to past hurt doesn’t serve you, it only holds you back, learn from the past and use that to make better choices moving forward. No one gets it right all the time, we are here to learn, so look for the lesson, and humbling look at your own actions, and let it go. You have the power to stop your own misery today, right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder. Always keep fighting.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stronger

You’re Finding It Hard Because It’s Hard

I know when I started on this path it wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy on certain days. But I know that’s because it’s not an easy path. That’s part of the journey, the ups and downs, it just is, and the tough days always pass. But sometimes when we’re in them they don’t feel like they will. Sometimes when we’re in the them our head tells us they never will. That’s why it’s important to share our truth with those around us, and to find people like ourselves on the same or similar path. When we are working to do the next right thing, when we are facing our fears, our demons, things can get hard, but know that it’s because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong. In fact, if it were too easy, that is likely a sign you’re not being truthful, or, not doing all you can do.

I am a firm believer in always sharing your truth, especially when you are struggling, not just for yourself, but to let others who are struggling know it’s normal, and not just them. When I was just starting, and didn’t know what I was doing, just following the directions I was being given, everything was new, everything felt weird, everything felt hard, and when I would speak to someone who was also experiencing the same thing I felt better, like I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just hard to throw away all the coping mechanisms I had used, the vices, the bad habits, and replace them with healthy choices, and not having those things I used to use to hide behind, I had to learn to stop hiding and face the truth, my truth, now anyone can imagine, just by looking at it in black and white, that is not an easy road. And why it’s so important to share that to ease that difficulty and possibly share that journey with others who are also in that same path. Life is not meant to be lived alone, we find inspiration, strength, encouragement from those around us, people who are trudging the road next to us, it’s easier when we do it as a group, we propel each other forward, we hold each other up and give each other strength, we cheer for each other when we succeed or go beyond anywhere we’ve been before. Good, bad, easy, hard, it’s important to share what’s truly happening for you each day. Yes, it’s going to be hard some days.

I think many of us have been told or have learned to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is OK, or good, when we may be struggling inside, but when we do that it’s not only a disservice to us, it’s also a disservice to everyone around us who may be feeling the same. It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not know the answers, it’s OK to say that you’re finding life hard. It’s more than OK, it’s required to live a life of rigorous honesty, and truthfulness about who we are each day, keeping ourselves and our lives transparent keeps us honest, and keeps us accountable for our actions, it also lets us be vulnerable with those around us which brings us closer to them, and them us. So even when things are hard, we feel protected, safe and loved.

Life gets hard, that’s just life, but when you try to hide your truth, you only make it harder on yourself. You’re not doing it wrong, those hard times are there to teach us things, to draw us closer to people, and to prepare us for what’s coming next. Trust them, share them, share you, and SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think when things are hard that you’re doing it wrong? Do you feel like a victim, and that you are being punished? Why do you think that? You’re not SLAYER, life ebbs and flows, it can be easy and then hard, and then it gets easy again, it’s just the way life works, the hard times always pass. It’s important to share your truth doing those hard times. Do you have trouble sharing your truth when things aren’t good? Why? What are you afraid of? Does this come from an actual experience in your life, or something you’ve been told? Share SLAYER, share. Trust me, you’ll find many of yes by your side understanding where you are, and we are here to help you through it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Forgiveness does not change the past, but it brightens your future.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Forgiveness

Forgive Your Monsters, Don’t Let Them Take Anymore, They’ve Taken Enough

There are monsters that live in our past. Some still haunt our present. They take from us. Our joy. Our confidence. Our peace. But here’s the truth:

They only keep taking if we keep letting them.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean making excuses. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It means cutting the cord. Reclaiming your power. Choosing not to carry someone else’s damage on your back any longer.

You Can Forgive Without Forgetting

When I started to heal, I was told I needed to get honest—rigorously honest. That included facing the monsters I had let into my life. And yes, some were people who had deeply wronged me. Others were habits, patterns, or situations I kept returning to even when they hurt.

What I realized? I had played a part in letting some of those monsters in.

Whether it was staying in toxic relationships, seeking validation in the wrong places, or betraying myself to avoid being alone—I had to own my side of the story.

That doesn’t excuse the harm. But it gave me the clarity I needed to say: enough. And the strength to walk away.

You Are Not Powerless Unless You Say You Are

Monsters thrive in silence. In secrecy. In shame.

They feed off the energy we give them—even if it’s hate, resentment, or pain.

But we have a choice.

You can take that pain and turn it into wisdom. You can use your past to protect your future. You can decide that today, right now, you will no longer allow what broke you to define you.

Forgiveness is not a gift to them. It’s a gift to you. It’s how you say:

“You no longer get to live rent-free in my mind.”

The Monsters Don’t Disappear, But Their Power Can

For many of us, the past still whispers. The memories still echo. That’s okay.

The goal isn’t to erase it. The goal is to disarm it.

To say:

  • I see what happened.
  • I know how it shaped me.
  • And I am choosing to rise anyway.

That is real power.

You can carry the lesson without reliving the nightmare. You can remember without re-opening the wound. You can forgive the monster and protect the warrior you’re becoming.

Take Your Power Back

If your monsters still show up in your thoughts, your choices, your relationships—ask yourself why. What are they still taking? And more importantly, what are you ready to take back?

You don’t need to justify their behavior to forgive them.

You just need to stop letting them lead your life.

Forgive what you can. Accept what you must. And then: leave the rest.

There is no space in this new chapter for what tried to destroy you.

You are the author now. And your story gets to look different.

Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who or what still holds power over your peace?
  2. In what ways have you given your energy to the past?
  3. How might forgiveness free you, not them?
  4. What lessons can you carry without carrying the pain?
  5. What boundary or action will help you reclaim your power today?

S – Stop giving power to the past
L – Look at your part with honesty, not blame
A – Accept what you can’t change, change what you can
Y – Yield to growth and move forward free

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What have you learned by forgiving someone who hurt you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in their pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ll never notice the beauty around you if you’re too busy running around trying to create it.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flaws

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are cracks in everything, that’s how light gets in.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Beauty

There Is Beauty In Everything

I never used to think that. I thought there was only in beauty if I got what I wanted. Or if someone else got what was coming to them…from my point of view anyway. In fact I was conditioned to think that life was not beautiful, that it was dark, unforgiving, unpredictable, cruel, harsh. I could only see what I wanted to see, and what I wanted to see was what a victim I was, coupled with believing I only deserved bad things. My life was dark, vengeful, angry, full of fear, but I was my own jailer, I held the key to letting myself out of the prison I had locked myself into.

When we’re looking for the negative, the negative will present itself. Like attracts like. The energy we put out comes back to us. I never believed I held that much power. I just thought life was something that was happening to me. Funny enough, it was the act of surrendering, of asking for help, that gave me that power. It took a while for me to learn how to use it, but even the act of saying that I needed help, started the process.

As I started getting better, I started to strip away the darkness, the hurt, the hate, the pain. My days got brighter and I started looking for the light, the goodness in my life. It became easier to see the beauty in my life, the world around me, and the more I looked for it the more I found it. But it was also just as important to find the beauty in the days I had left behind. Not romanticize it, or downplay how bad it had been, but to realize that there was beauty in the breakdown, because without it, I wouldn’t have never gotten to where I am today.

For me it took a lot for me to get help. There was no other way. I wasn’t going to go into this journey willingly if I could still tolerate or justify the way I had been living my life, and, I could tolerate a lot. So it took, almost loosing everything, for me to finally fall to my knees and say I need help, I surrender. Which, is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. That is the moment I actually began my life. It’s that date I consider my birth day. And what’s more beautiful than that? I look for the beauty in everything, and everyone. It is there, most times, if you look. Even in tragedy there are always incredible acts of beauty that happen, people, places and things, that rise out of the ashes and bring beauty even in the most darkest of days. It’s those instances that we continue to have hope. And to me, hope is the most beautiful thing there is. Hope saved my life, it was a gift that was handed to me from someone else who had found it, and that is why it’s important to me to share it and give it away, as it was given to me.

Beauty doesn’t always appear to us as beautiful things. It can come from the ugliest of circumstances, which is why we should never give up, because something beautiful may just be around the corner…or maybe is always here, maybe, you’re just not seeing it yet. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble seeing the beauty in life? In other people? In yourself? When was the last time you recognized something beautiful? What if you sat for a moment SLAYER, and thought about the beautiful things in your life? Write them down. Then write down 5 beautiful things about yourself. Ask a friend, family member, or co-worker to write down 5 beautiful things about you and give it back to you. Do you see those things in yourself? If not, why not? How do you think others see them in you? Focus on seeing those things in you. Focus on the beauty in your life. Even if it’s small, it’s a start. It was only the size of a pin for me at the beginning, and now, I see it all around me. I see it in you. Now it’s your turn to see.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you