Good morning SLAYER! To soar to great heights, you need a good foundation under you, one that will keep you solid through the worst storms.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
well-being
Are You Leaving Trap Doors For Yourself?
Even when we step into the light and start to forge a new path for ourselves, a path that honors who we are and where we want to go, a path that allows us to build self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, we can leave trap doors for ourselves to fall through. There are sometimes places inside of us that want to keep us where we were, that want to keep us back, that want us in the dark. We succumb to these places, and sometimes tell ourselves we belong there. And sometimes, we believe it. Why would we set ourselves up to fail?
There are many reasons why we do this to ourselves. We may still feel undeserving of success, or better things, so we sabotage our road to success, not believing we truly deserve it. Believing we should hold ourselves back from where we want to go, or feeling it’s safer there, because that’s what we know. So even if we do rack up accomplishments and succeed, we feel worse, believing we don’t deserve it, so we sabotage our success and keep ourselves from moving forward.
We may also set trap doors for ourselves as a way to feel in control. When we try new things for the first time, or set new behavior patterns we weren’t practicing before it can feel like we’re spinning out of control, we’re in unfamiliar territory, and if we’re feeling unworthy on top of feeling like we’re not sure what’s coming next our need to control can take over and sabotage the good we’re doing.
If we’re lacking in self-confidence as we walk our new path we may feel like a fraud as we gain success, we may feel like we may be found at as not deserving, not talented enough, and not worthy of the place we find ourselves. We may feel that if we’re found out sooner than later, we have a shorter distance to fall, so why not pull the rug out now and save ourselves some pain of a fall later.
There can be many reasons why we leave trap doors for ourselves and get in the way the of our own success, but at the root of the problem is owning our own self-worth, believing that we deserve good things and deserve to succeed in what we are working for, without that we will continue to believe that we don’t deserve to be in the winner’s circle and we will continue to get in our own way. When we stand tall, take contrary action, doing what’s good even when we may doubt we deserve it, taking the compliment, humbly, even though we may not feel it, and accepting the success, even when we may not feel we deserve it, something happens, something changes, the good starts to come in, little by little, we start to live in a place of yes, a place that allows us to grow, to succeed, to win, and, we start to believe we deserve to be there. Step around those traps doors, even better, dance around them, and stand firm in who you are, what you offer, and what you believe, stand tall and allow yourself to be your best you, and continue to work towards what you want. You have the power to make your dreams come true, just make sure you step out of your own way so you can find them. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you set trap doors for yourself? Why do you think you do this? How do you think it hurts you? Why do you think you don’t deserve to have success in your life? What if you believed you should? What if you could? What steps could you take to allow yourself the freedom of allowing success or good things in our life? Write them down. When you find yourself in a place of self-doubt, or self-sabotage, look at that list SLAYER, read it out loud, and stop yourself from getting in our own way and believe that you deserve all the things that want for yourself. Get to work SLAYER, dream, believe, achieve.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When old patterns are broken, new solutions can be found.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the only way to win is to walk away, that doesn’t mean you’re giving up, it just means that you accept that some things can’t be solved at this moment and time, and the best solution, is to not engage.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
When Someone Tries To Shame Us, It Only Shames Them
Most of us have experienced it at some point.
Someone calls us out for not knowing something.
Mocks a decision we made.
Ridicules us for a mistake.
Speaks with just enough condescension to make us feel small.
Shame has a way of landing fast and hard — especially when we’re already feeling vulnerable. And in that moment, it can trigger an old, familiar ache: the part of us that once believed we were “less than,” “different,” or “not good enough.”
But here’s the truth we often forget when shame is directed at us:
When someone tries to shame you, it says far more about them than it ever does about you.
Shame is not strength.
It’s insecurity in disguise.
Shame Is a Projection Not a Truth
People who are grounded in themselves don’t need to humiliate others. They don’t gain confidence by tearing someone down. They don’t feel threatened by curiosity, learning, or different experiences.
When someone tries to shame you for not knowing something or for making a choice they believe was “obvious,” what they’re really doing is projecting their own discomfort.
It’s the need to feel superior.
The need to be right.
The need to appear knowledgeable or important.
And more often than not, that behavior is rooted in low self-esteem — not high confidence.
Shame is rarely about education or growth.
It’s about power.
Why Shame Hurts Even When We Know Better
Even when we intellectually understand that shame isn’t about us, it can still sting.
Why?
Because shame targets our most tender places — the parts of us shaped by past experiences, criticism, rejection, or moments when we were made to feel wrong for simply being human.
On the wrong day, at the wrong moment, someone’s words can slip past our logic and land directly in our nervous system.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.
And it’s exactly why compassion — for yourself first — matters so much in these moments.
We All Come From Different Places And That Matters
No two people arrive at life with the same background, education, experiences, or opportunities. We learn different things at different times, through different paths.
That’s what makes conversations interesting.
That’s what creates diversity of thought.
That’s what keeps us growing.
It is impossible — and unreasonable — to expect anyone to know everything.
There is no shame in learning.
There is no shame in asking questions.
There is no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”
In fact, there is far more strength in curiosity than in pretending you already have all the answers.
When I Realized I Had Been on the Other Side
I can say this honestly: I haven’t always handled this perfectly.
Before I was living the life I live now, before I found self-love, self-worth, and self-respect, I had moments where I tried to elevate myself by putting someone else down.
And if I’m being truthful, I know exactly why.
I felt insecure.
I felt less than.
I felt like I needed to prove something.
Belittling someone else gave me a temporary sense of control — a fleeting boost that never lasted. And afterward, it always felt worse. Heavier. More disconnected.
Once I started living in alignment with who I truly am, that behavior didn’t just stop feeling good — it felt wrong.
Because when you build real confidence, you no longer need to steal it from someone else.
Compassion Without Tolerance
Understanding why someone shames doesn’t mean excusing it.
You can have compassion and boundaries.
You can recognize someone’s pain without accepting their behavior.
You can see the truth without internalizing it.
I don’t tolerate shaming behavior anymore — but I also don’t take it personally.
Because I know what it looks like when someone isn’t in a good place.
And I know it has nothing to do with me.
You Are Not Required to Know Everything
Let this be your reminder:
You are not required to know everything.
You are not required to be perfect.
You are not required to justify your learning curve.
There is power in humility.
There is power in growth.
There is power in owning where you are without apology.
When someone tries to shame you, remember this:
If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.
That tells you everything you need to know.
You Control What You Carry Forward
You can’t control how others behave.
But you can control what you absorb.
You get to decide whether someone else’s insecurity becomes your burden — or whether you set it down and walk away lighter.
And here’s the truth that matters most:
Knowing who you are is far more powerful than knowing whatever someone thinks you should know.
You don’t need to shrink.
You don’t need to defend.
You don’t need to explain your worth.
Just be you.
That is enough.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Have you ever been shamed for something you didn’t know or a decision you made? How did it make you feel?
L: Looking back, can you see how that moment reflected the other person’s insecurity rather than your worth?
A: Have you ever been on the other side and shamed someone else? What was going on inside you at the time?
Y: How can you choose self-respect and compassion the next time shame shows up — whether from someone else or within yourself?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you experienced someone trying to shame you — and how did you handle it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s carrying shame that isn’t theirs, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Join our Valentine’s Campaign!
Hey there SLAYER! Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time for many who suffer from depression or are feeling alone. Myself, along a group of wonderful people, have contributed to the IMALIVE Valentine’s Day Campaign to send messages of love and encouragement those who may need it.
You can also send out your own message by posting with the hashtage #ThereIsAlwaysMe and IMALIVE with share you post.
We all matter, you matter, you are not alone.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We will find what you look for, so look for something wonderful.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Be the best version of you, and no matter what, show’em what you’ve got!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Knowledge Is Power
I used to be a “I don’t wanna know” kind of gal. I would put off going to the Doctor or looking into something I didn’t really want to know the answer to, or was afraid of. Consequently, by the time I would find out the answers is was generally too late to do anything about it because that opportunity had passed. I write a lot about finding out the facts, or focusing on the facts, and that, when we have the facts, we are safe. But we can take that one step further with, when we have knowledge, we have power. For instance, I was a passenger in a car accident this past summer, I got injured, not horribly, nothing was broken, but just your average car accident stuff, stiff neck, sore back, even though I was in pain I powered on, thinking it would right itself eventually. Well, it didn’t, so I started treatment, and it has improved over the past few months, but having just moved I had to switch doctors, and he ordered X-Rays, that sounded kind of scary, like, what if he finds out things are really bad in there, or, even worse, finds something else wrong? The old me would have avoided those X-Rays like the plague, coming up with excuses to not getting them, but now, even though I was nervous about the results, I went and got them done, because if there is something wrong, now is the time to correct it, not later when the body cannot be adjusted and has locked itself in to being a certain way. Looking at the X-Rays I learned a lot about my body, and why it does certain things, I gained knowledge, and, in the end, what I learned was that things weren’t nearly as bad as I had worried they might be, what is there is fixable, for the most part, and will help me live an active and healthy life, so, with that knowledge I know that everything will get better, and my Doctor now knows what plan of attack to start to get things back on track. I feel better having the knowledge about what is really going on and what it looks like, instead of just blindly going to treatment and trusting what’s being done is the right thing and helping. Now it’s not the unknown.
Why are we so afraid of the unknown? Why do we let it paralyze us? Why do we let it get in our way of taking care of ourselves and seeking out the best care? I know, for me, that even though I can have some fear around something, finding out the truth and learning about something I may not know about, far exceeds that fear, in fact, a lot of time it stomps all over it. Sometimes, gaining that knowledge takes some work, so we don’t do it, but if we’re not willing to work for ourselves, to help ourselves, then who are we willing to do the work for? If it’s for our well-being we should always be willing to do the work, no matter what it is, no one is certainly going to do it for us, nor can they most of the time, so invest in you, put in the work, put in the time, put in the energy to learn more about you and those things that affect you. I know, each of us carries around the baggage of our past of certain things having gone badly, but think about those times and ask yourself if you sought out the knowledge around those circumstances, did you get the facts? Sometimes no matter what we do there’s nothing we can do to change or better the outcome, but at least in those situations we can prepare ourselves for what’s coming, and possibly find a way to lessen the blow. Knowledge is always better than ignorance, or diversion, or not doing what’s best for you. Get the knowledge. Seek out the knowledge that helps you make the best decisions for you, that allows you to be our best you, and that gives you the tools to so you can help yourself.
Knowledge is power, don’t you want to arm yourself with as much power as you can?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always seek out the answers to a problem, or do you avoid them hoping they’ll fix themselves? Name 5 instances when a situation got worse because you didn’t take action. What could you have done differently? What can you do in the future to avoid this same result? Name some times when you did take action and found out the truth and got some answers. How did that make you feel? How was this better than ignoring it? Make a pledge to yourself SLAYER, to get as much knowledge as you can, to find the answers in any given situation, and to give yourself the power to make the right decisions for you, and perhaps, find a better path. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The universe is inside of us all, it’s up to us to find it’s rhythm and dance.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
