Self Help

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What if you simply devoted more time to loving yourself?

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We are in charge of our anger, if we are feeling angry it’s our job to figure out why before we act out on it and possibly do or say something we can’t take back. Pause before you act.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anger Destroy

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We see life through our own perspective, and sometimes the delusional goggles we have on can cause more harm than good.  Challenge yourself to see the truth in your life, only then can you work towards having the life you dream of.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Delusion

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The first step to change is to recognize our own bullshit, then we’re better able to bulldoze through others’.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dont Do It (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide.” And, you can’t love you when you’re hiding who you truly are.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stand Tall

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never apologize for who you are, be strong, be brave, be YOU!

SLAY on.

State Of Slay Bold

Take Up More Space

I think many of us at times have cut off pieces of ourselves to make other people more comfortable. We’ve made ourselves small. We’ve downplayed who we are and what we want to fit in nicely to what others are expecting of us, or willing to accept from us and cheating ourselves of being who we are authentically or going after what we want. Our job isn’t to make others comfortable with who we are, it’s to be the best us we can be and celebrate who we are and what we love, to go after the things that make us happy, that challenge us, and show off our talents. If that makes someone in your life uncomfortable then perhaps that person shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend or partner would want you to be you, and loves you for being you, and would never want you to dull your shine for them or those around you. Nor should we want nothing less for ourselves. As SLAYERS we should make ourselves priority, always shine bright and believe in our own strength, power, and beauty.

I didn’t always believe. I thought, for most of my life, that I was less than. That you all were the bright shiny stars, and even though I could pretend, put on the act like I too was bright, the truth was I didn’t believe I deserved it, and, I many times, made myself smaller so I wouldn’t stand out, or cause anyone to look at me. I had so many hopes and dreams and there were many I quashed in the darkness, I didn’t dare let out, or tell anyone, for fear you would tell me I didn’t deserve them, or they were stupid, or that you might get jealous. I lived like that most of my life, and it felt like I was constantly cutting away at who I was and I worried what would be left. In the end, not much was left, just an empty girl, with a dark heart, and an empty soul. Thankfully that girl had a tiny bit of light and fight left in her and started to put the pieces back to together.

Sometimes it takes a lot of walking through fear. If you’ve lived in an environment where you’ve been told you don’t deserve what you want, or aren’t good enough to get it, walking through the fear that they might be right can be difficult, difficult, but not impossible. Use your desire to push past your fear, to show yourself that you can, and you will accomplish and get what you want, what you’re working for, don’t let someone else’s insecurities or jealousies stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Surround yourself with people who do believe in you and support you, use that support to further fuel you as you step forward, growing, expanding, and taking up more space. The fear that you might fail is not your story, it’s someone else placing a narrative on you to make them feel better, and if it is you and your narrative, you have the power to change it, as I’ve written in the past, You Are The Author Of Your Own Story, so start writing a new chapter. Make your mark!

Don’t get caught up in someone else’s expectations of who you are and who you can be. Express yourself in it’s truest form and be your best self, regardless of limits others may put on you. You are the only one who can break free of the chains that hold you back, you hold the key to reaching your potential and realizing your dreams, let go of those people who don’t support that and you and let yourself shine, you may just light the path for those naysayers who said you couldn’t.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make yourself smaller to make others feel more comfortable? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop doing that? What do you think will happen if you do? If you have fears in doing so, what are those fears based on? Fears aren’t facts. What are the facts of your situation, why are you stopping yourself from living as your authentic self and going after you dreams? You are not a victim, you are not your past, what you are is a beautiful human being with so much to offer to world, go out there and get it and show us all what you’ve got. SLAY on!

                                                 S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Setting a boundary is not selfish, it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Don’t let someone get comfortable disrespecting you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Allow

Personal Love Letter

That’s right SLAYER, let’s slow down for a moment here, you’ve been working hard, and it’s important that you acknowledge that. You are incredible! You are love! You inspire me every day! You are a warrior! You are a survivor! You are giving! You are kind! You are beautiful! You are strong! You, you are a work of art, and I am honored to have you SLAY along with me.

I felt like was important to celebrate us today. To exhale and do something we don’t always do, pat ourselves on the back for what we’ve accomplished in our lives, to acknowledge it, to acknowledge us; the changes we’ve made, the obstacles we’ve overcome, the fears we’ve walked through, the people, places, and things we’ve said goodbye to, all the things we’ve done to live as our authentic self, honoring and loving who we are.

We also need to remember to be patient and gentle with ourselves, we are precious cargo, sensitive souls, and it’s always good to check in and see if we’re taking time with ourselves to learn, grow, and move forward. Life is not a game show, there is no buzzer that’s going to sound off if we’ve taken too long, we move at our own pace…as long as we’re moving, and we do what we can each day, and don’t judge that. Sometimes we leap, and sometimes we crawl, but as long as we’re moving forward we’re moving in the right direction. We are also not comparing our progress to anyone else’s, we are where we are, and maybe where we are is just right for today, maybe where we are helps us, and someone else, and maybe where they are does the same for us, trust that, and know that you are only responsible for your own journey, and your journey has it’s own timeline, and that timeline is unique to you, so the footwork and then just let it go.

For me, a lot of times, the issue I am struggling with may not come to me because I’m trying to force a conclusion or solution, or, I’m just not meant to find the answer at that moment, but when I stand back, and move on or maybe focus on something else, trusting, and asking for the answer to come, it does, it almost always does, at random times, when I’m doing something completely different and have moved on, then pop, there it is, and it always makes me smile. If that hasn’t happened for you that may seem like some mystical Jedi lore, but trust me, it can happen for you, and will, if you let things go, and, it is magic, and it is because we are magical human beings, and instead of us trying to run the show we’re letting whatever guides us through life do exactly that, we’re following the timeline we are mean to be on and not trying to force our own, letting it come to you when it’s supposed to and then taking action, maybe the process of letting it come to you is part of the solution, or lesson, or just part of the journey, trust that, and know that is all a part of your diving plan. Just be.

A friend recently shared an exercise that she did with some her close friends. They each wrote a letter to themselves. I encourage you SLAYER to do the same. Write a letter, or postcard, to yourself, telling yourself the things you would want to hear from the person you love the most, but, say it to yourself. Give it to a family member, friend, or spouse, to randomly mail to you, so that one day, when you’re not expecting it, and probably when you need it, a letter will come addressed to you, from you, telling yourself why you rock. You can also do this for others in your life as well, but, not forgetting to do your own letter. Do it SLAYER, you deserve it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: I started this blog by telling you the things I thought of you, so to get your own personal love letter started I want you to do it for yourself SLAYER. Here’s a start:

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Self Care: H.A.L.T.

Self care, I had no idea what that meant before I started this journey. What the heck was self care? Dodging those people I didn’t want to see, or had skipped out on? Sleeping off the night before? Yelling at someone so they would leave me alone and stop asking so many questions? That was my kind of self care before I started to love myself. Every day we wear a lot of hats, and it’s easy to put other people’s needs ahead of our own, and, it is nice to give back or do something for someone else, but we can’t forget to do something nice for ourselves, or even better, make it more than one thing, and a priority.

When I first set out on this path I hated myself, so the thought of being loving and kind to myself was a little tough to swallow, and having lived most of my life pretending to be who I thought you wanted me to be, I didn’t really know what to do to be kind and loving to myself and to give back to myself. Who was I? What did like? But I found as I started walking a path of learning who my authentic self was and learning to love that person I started to figure out what to do to show myself the love and respect that I would want from others, and to nurture the person inside of me who still believed she was less than.

That’s what it really is. It’s showing yourself that you matter, that your needs should also be met, and that with everything that we do every day, we need time to do something nice for ourselves and show ourselves we care, we need to recharge our batteries and put more fuel in the “I love myself” tank. We all run around with these ‘to-do’ lists, but we never seem to put ourselves on that list, we need to make sure, somewhere on that list, we write our own name down and make time to do something nice for ourselves, even on the busiest of days, even if it’s just singing out loud in your car to our favourite song, let your authentic self shine and show yourself love.

As I got more clarity, and found more self-love, I found ways to give back to myself, and I now make it a priority every day, and this also includes the things I’ve talked about before, making sure I’m eating properly, getting enough sleep, doing the things I need to do to give myself the best chance at success for my day, maybe sitting in silence to calm my nerves or thoughts, or reading something that helps me put things in perspective, lighting a candle, it’s about making sure I am doing what I can to put my best foot forward, all of that is also self-care, and self-love. When I find that my mind is racing and I’m feeling overwhelmed that is the first question I ask myself is, how am I doing in the self-care department, am I in H.A.L.T? I’ve mentioned H.A.L.T before, H.A.L.T stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If I am any of those things I’m not in self care, I have neglected to do the things I need to do to face the day with a clear mind and the energy the I need to tackle my day.

Let’s get into H.A.L.T. Hungry, well, that is simple, if I’m hungry I need to eat, no excuses, I need to do it. My head turns to mud when I’m hungry, I can’t make decisions, and I become overly sensitive. Angry, well, I usually get angry at myself for not eating and for not being able to make decisions because I’m hungry, and then I overreact to things and get angry. Lonely, this will pop up if I have been isolating, not reaching out to friends and family and letting them know what’s going on for me, so I’m feeling shut off and distanced from those I love. Tired, did I go to bed early enough, did I get enough rest for the day ahead, if I didn’t, I am grumpy. H.A.L.T. keeps things simple, it’s the basics, but we all have needs we need to take care of to make sure we are giving ourselves the self care we need.

If these simple things are met I am usually pretty good to go through my day, and then adding a little something that’s just for me is a nice way to celebrate myself and let myself know that I’m cared for and loved, you should also do this, because, you are worth it and deserve things in your life that make you feel good, and nourishes that part of you inside who may have felt beat down, discouraged, who may not have had a voice, or had been feeling lost and alone, do it for that person, love that person and treat that person with the care and love they may not have gotten, give it to them now, give it to yourself now, give yourself what you need, give yourself self love, and self care.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always put everyone else’s needs before yours? Do you take time out of your day just for yourself? If not, why? Do you think you’re worth taking some time for yourself? If not, why? You are SLAYER! Work on building self-care into your days and see how that changes your perspective on yourself, and the world around you. What’s one thing you can do today for your own self care? SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you