Before I started this journey, I was very rewards-oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return—or at the very least, an acknowledgment of my good deed. And if I didn’t get that, I’d hold onto one heck of a resentment. I wouldn’t say anything about it until I could throw a zinger at them later—a quick-witted one-liner meant to sting.
I was good at those, too. I even prided myself on them.
I thought if I did the right thing, the universe owed me something good in return. But it rarely worked that way. Because when you go into a situation with an expectation, you’re not going in with a pure heart—or the right frame of mind.
Doing It for the Right Reasons
I’ve talked about this before: we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it—and don’t expect anything in return.
Oh, that’s right. That’s the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period.
It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure. It’s the only way not to be let down when your expectations aren’t met.
When I’m having a challenging day—or I’m just plain grumpy—it happens. I’ll do something nice for someone without them knowing. It could be paying for someone’s coffee or putting money in a meter that’s about to expire. It might be something bigger. But the point is, I do it without expecting a reward.
But here’s the twist: we do get something in return. A result. And a result is far more important than a reward.
Esteemable Acts Build Self-Esteem
Sure, it’s nice to get a reward. I think we can all agree. But if that’s your sole purpose for doing something, you’re going to be disappointed—often.
It’s the result of doing something that truly matters. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are.
I had to learn this when I made the choice to get better. I had to make a conscious decision to practice it each day.
It felt strange at first—to do something nice without the other person knowing. I was told that if they found out, it didn’t count and I’d have to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret.
I used the same cleverness I once used to manipulate people to figure out how to do something kind without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And the more I looked for those moments, the more I found them.
The result? My mind stayed positive because I was looking for positive things to do. And that kept me living in the light. No reward could do that for me. A reward might shine a light on me temporarily, but it wouldn’t keep the light on in my life day after day.
Choosing the Path of Growth
We live in a world that’s very reward-oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something.
But we SLAYERS are better than that.
We’re about growth, learning, and striving to do better. What we want are results.
Results that help us build a strong foundation. Results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them.
Esteemable acts build self-esteem. They help us shed the feeling of being “less-than” or deficient. They quiet those negative voices because we’re not just doing what’s best for us—we’re also considering those around us.
SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise
Do you do things and expect a reward? What happens if you don’t get one, or aren’t acknowledged for your good deed?
Do you feel negatively toward that person? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them—without expecting anything in return?
I challenge you, SLAYER, to do three good things for three different people this week without them knowing. If they find out, it doesn’t count, and you’ll need to find something else.
Write down how you feel after doing them. Then write down how you feel compared to before you did them.
Keep going, SLAYER. When we look for the good, we find the good.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’re committing to this week—just because?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to keep growing.
And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them.
Sometimes, the best rewards come from giving freely.
