self care

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You owe yourself the same love you so freely give to others.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Name Yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day is another chance.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Next Exit

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Find it in your heart to accept what you may not understand, understanding that you may not know all that there is to know.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Forgiveness Love Tolerance

Love And Tolerance

I remember feeling very little of this towards myself or others when I was living in the dark. I was full of anger, judgment and disappointment. I looked at everyone and everything through that filter, and myself with that filter, and, magnifying glass. I never felt good enough and as a result looked to tear down others to build myself up, but that never worked, long term anyway, but if you had asked me back then I would have told you I had a lot of compassion, and I believed I did, but it was all part of the lies my head would tell me to keep me suppressed in that place.

When I made the commitment to get well and seek treatment I heard the words love and tolerance. Those words made my skin itch. My heart liked those words, but my head told me they were weakness, and would leave me vulnerable and in a place to be hurt. I had to learn to override my head and listen to my heart, that’s where my love and tolerance had to originate from and I would envision it there. The thing is, I wasn’t a bad person, I did feel for others and was compassionate when I felt good about myself, but it was my sickness that would quash any attempt to find or show tolerance of others, and certainly any for myself, because that let some light into the dark place I was living and I may have realized I didn’t have to stay there, or, that I belonged there at all. So, now, with this new knowledge, and a new plan for living, I set out to let the light in, and start to practice this new way of life.

It was easier at first to show love and tolerance to others. I could see how maybe they also were struggling or doing their best even if what they were doing wasn’t what I wanted or to my liking. I looked for the similarities in our stories and it helped me to relate, and, at times, even find some forgiveness there. I also had to learn to keep my nose out of places it shouldn’t be. My previous way of life had me butting in all the time, thinking I knew better or could solve other people’s problems because I was smarter than all of them… something that seems quite comical since my life was spinning out of control, but as is often the case, it’s easier, and more comfortable, to shine a spotlight somewhere else so that one can continue living in the dark and not look at your own stuff. So by not involving myself where I didn’t belong that focus shifted back to me. That word self-love was still difficult, and I still had little tolerance for myself, but I had found some as I found it for others. As I continued to look at how I related to those around me, and was able to find love and tolerance for those people, I started to find it for myself. I too was doing the best I could with what I had, and, was working to get better. I too was human. Wow, that was a big revelation, and the key that opened the door to finding compassion for myself and my own journey. I was human and allowed to make mistakes, and learn and grow from them. And if there was something I didn’t like about myself, I could work on making those changes, if there was something I didn’t like in others, well, that was none of my business.

Today I do try to go through life with love and tolerance in my heart, but, because I am human, there are times that fear, anger or a little ego might take over, but because I accept my humanness, I can let that go and return to a place of love and tolerance without it taking me out to the dark places of my past. Love and tolerance shines a light into the darkness and brings us to a place where we find the forgiveness in who we are, and those around us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have love and tolerance for yourself? How do you show love and tolerance to yourself? If you don’t, why don’t you? How can you bring some love and tolerance to your life? Do you show love and tolerance to others? How do you do this? How does showing love and tolerance for others affect how you show it to yourself? Are there areas where you can improve on the love and tolerance you share or show yourself? Love and tolerance softens relationships or situations that might have dominated our thoughts and feelings in the past, it allows us, and others, to be human, to make mistakes and find some commonality and understanding with those around us, and in turn, for ourselves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! To be human is to feel broken sometimes, but loving all those broken pieces is it’s own kind of beautiful.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Kill Your Sadness

Feeling Bad Doesn’t Mean You’re A Bad Person

Before walking this path I thought I was a bad person. Because I felt bad and was thinking bad thoughts I thought that made me a bad person. What I didn’t realize back then is that I had an untreated disease that was centered in my mind, a disease that constantly fed me bad thoughts and was working every day to keep me believing I was a bad person who only deserved bad things. Any time I did or said something that could be labeled bad my disease stood up and yelled SEE,”just in case I hadn’t yet got the point. It took a lot to let go of the belief that I was a bad person, and even more work to realize that if I do feel bad, that doesn’t mean that I’m bad.

Our thoughts and minds can be our worst enemies. Most of us would never tolerate what we think and say to ourselves from anyone else. And yet, we can tear ourselves down daily without questioning why or fighting back. For me, I let it beat me down until I almost didn’t have any fight left, or hope, but was fortunate to find just a flicker of it when I needed it most. On my journey of recovery I had to throw out my old ideas and learn new ones, ones that would build me up instead of tear me down, and I had to let go of the idea that feeling bad made me bad. Feelings aren’t facts. Just because we feel something doesn’t make it true. We sometimes feel fear when there is nothing to be afraid of, we can feel hurt when nothing was done to us, or we can feel sad for no reason whatsoever. Our feelings, at times, can deceive us, they’re not always what they appear to be, and can be rooted in something else entirely, or, have been received through our own perception and a filter of our choosing, perhaps not based in reality at all, but there to allow us to continue to tell the narrative we wish to tell. Feelings can trick us if we’re not in tune with our emotions and receiving them for what they are, so it’s important to not let them define us.

We all have days when our minds might bend to the side of negative, or we’re agitated, but those thoughts or feelings are not who you are, even if you go through a period of time feeling them, you get to decide who you are, you are in charge, and feeling something doesn’t mean you are pigeon-holed into only being that one thing. I was able to let go of my perception of being a bad person by thinking of my feelings like the clouds, they come and go, pass by, some are white and fluffy, some are pink, and, some are dark and menacing, but none of them stay in one place for long, and I would never define the sky as only having clouds that look one way. Our feelings too are like the clouds in the sky, they change, they come and go, but behind them is still the beauty that remains, the beauty that is always there, even when we can’t see it.

What you feel is not what you are. Allow yourself to have bad thoughts without labeling yourself a bad person. Find out where these feelings come from, why they come, and when, and you might just find your key to letting those bad feelings pass. Look up at the sky today SLAYER, and watch the clouds pass by to reveal the blue skies ahead. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you label yourself a bad person if you think or feel bad thoughts? Why do you think you do this? What do you think or feel? Why? Are these feelings based in fact? Where do they come from? How can you let them go? Does it serve you to hang onto them? Does it hurt you to hang onto them? Do you think you’re a bad person? Why? What, in your eyes, makes you a bad person? We’ve all done, said, and thought things that might be labeled bad, but it only makes us a bad person if we believe we are. You have the opportunity, at any given time, to shed that bad label you’ve given yourself and be who you truly are, and if you’re not sure who that is, why not start today on your journey to find out.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What we become today comes from our thoughts of yesterday.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Reality One Day

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your mind is a very powerful thing.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Powerful Minds

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you think life should look like, appreciating your life for what it is, and finding your happiness there.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pink Hunt For Happiness

Happy Where You Are

When I was living in the darkness I thought I needed certain things to be happy. I had a list, and because I hadn’t obtained everything on that list I felt justified in my unhappiness. I used that list as an excuse to sit in my anger and depression and felt entitled to have the things I thought were going to make me happy, feeling like not having them was a denial from life to have the life I thought I should have. What I didn’t see was that I had always held the key to my own happiness, and, it had nothing to do with those things on that list.

In the past happiness had always meant, career, people, places and things. But those things were empty without self-love and peace in my heart. No matter how much stuff I could accumulate, or what prestige I could garner from my career or chosen partner, I always felt empty and alone, and, many times expected whatever I had to be taken away. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I started to realize that none of those things were going to give me the happiness that I had to find in myself, but, how was I going to find that happiness when I had spent my life chasing the wrong things? I leaned on those I saw who had found that happiness. I had been advised to find people who had what I wanted, and I don’t mean to take it, or pretend to be like them, but to align myself with those people who had found what I was looking for and ask them how they had done it. Joining a support group helped me to expand this new circle of friends who were seeking what I was, or had found it, and it allowed me to follow by example to find that happiness for myself.

I had to break everything down and start all over. It seemed daunting at first, but I was encouraged to only do what I could each day. So I started to build from the foundation up, knowing that the foundation was the most important part, I did not try to rush the process, but allowed myself to listen, grow and learn who I was and what was truly going to fill my heart with love. It turns out it wasn’t people, places, things, or my career, sure, I enjoyed those things and worked hard, but without any of them I had to find my own happiness from the inside. I started with loving acts toward myself, focusing on my gratitude each day and what I liked about myself, to start that list was very small, sometimes only one word, but it grew over time as my love for myself grew. I started to say yes to things, trying new things with new people, and I began to feel connected like I had never felt before. Also, by being accountable for my actions I noticed my self-esteem was getting stronger, and, I started to like myself. The more I practiced showing myself love and practicing self-care the more that that like turned to love, something I didn’t think was possible. At the beginning of my journey I was physically not able to say I love you out loud when looking at myself in the mirror, and now all of my acts were based in the newfound love I had found for myself.

Today I still don’t have all of those things that used to be on my list that I thought I needed to be happy, some of them have appeared, but I realize that I never needed those things to find happiness, happiness is something I found and created in myself and no matter where I am I can take that with me. My life today is very full, and full of love, and there isn’t a list that is contingent on my happiness, I’m happy right where I am, I share this to show you that it’s possible, you too can find that place for yourself, or realize you’re already there, just search for it inside your heart. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a list that you believe is the key to your happiness? What is on that list? Why do you believe that those items on your list can make you happy. Have any of those things truly made you happy on their own when you don’t feel happy where you are? What can you do today that shows yourself that you are loved? What are you grateful for in your life today? What do you like or love about yourself? Of those things you might not like or love, how can you find some kindness and love toward yourself and those things? What can you do today to show yourself love? Get on the self-love way of living, find others who are doing the same and support and encourage one another. When you surround yourself with love it is easier to see the love in yourself, and, you may just find some happiness right where you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you