purpose

What Can You Do To Contribute To Life?

This is a question I ask myself every single day.

It’s the question that grounds me, guides me, and pushes me forward—especially on the days when I feel stuck. It’s what led me to start this blog years ago, and what continues to lead me through my recovery and beyond:

What can I contribute to life—today?

From Survival to Service

When I began my journey in recovery, I was surrounded by support—more than I expected, and more than I felt I deserved. I was told early on how important it was to give back. And I did. But it wasn’t until I survived a night I shouldn’t have that I truly understood what that meant.

That night changed everything.

Working through the survivor’s guilt was heavy. But eventually, I asked myself a new question—not why I survived, but how I was going to use that survival to make a difference. That shift pulled me out of guilt and into action.

Today, it’s still what gets me out of my own head. When I ask, “How can I be of service?”, I’m no longer obsessing over what I lack, who hurt me, or what I wish was different. I’m shifting my energy outward—into purpose, into connection, into change.

The Ego Step-Aside

When we approach our day with a heart of service, we get a powerful gift in return: perspective.

Instead of reacting out of ego or trying to control a situation that isn’t ours to fix, we can pause and ask, Is there a way I can contribute here? And sometimes, the answer is to step back. Not every contribution is loud. Sometimes it’s simply holding space, offering silence, or choosing not to escalate a moment that’s not about us.

That humility keeps us grounded. It keeps us teachable. And it reminds us that our greatest impact isn’t in being right—it’s in being present.

Why We’re Here

I believe we’re here to help each other.

To lift each other.
To challenge each other.
To remind each other what love and support feel like.

When we stay self-centered, we cut ourselves off from that connection. We lose the gift of being part of something bigger. But when we stay open to giving—whether it’s our time, our wisdom, or simply our kindness—we stay rooted in community, perspective, and purpose.

When you ask how you can contribute to life, life responds.

Even on our hardest days, we have something to offer. Something to give. A kindness to share. A light to pass along. And when we choose to shine that light outward, it often finds its way back to us—brighter than before.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you ask yourself what you can give, rather than what you need?

What do you do each day to contribute to the world around you?
If you don’t yet, what’s one small way you could start?
Have you noticed a shift in your mindset when you act in service?
How has giving back changed your life, your relationships, or your attitude?
What part of your story could help someone else feel seen or supported?

We’re not here to do life alone. Contribution connects us. Let’s start showing up—for each other.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can contribute to life today—no matter how big or small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling stuck or unmotivated, send this to them.
Sometimes, the shift we need is in simply asking a better question.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Everything we see is our perspective, not necessarily the truth.

SLAY on!

Perspective: It’s Not All About You

We don’t typically see things how they are, we see things as we are, and we all have a different perspective depending on what we want or were expecting to happen. Ask a group of people to recount witnessing the same incident and you’ll get as many versions as there are people. We tend to look at things through our own lens and that can cause conflict with those around us.

When I was living in the dark everything was all about me. Even when I was doing something for someone else, it was still all about me. I always wanted something in return, even if it was just the recognition for doing it. In my own perspective back then, that wasn’t true, but when I was able to look back with honesty, I had to admit that all of my motivations for doing anything back then were self-centered and self-seeking. I also walked into many situations with the intention, whether intentional or not, and making that situation about me. Even when I would say or think that the last thing I wanted was to stand out or be the center of attention, I would still manipulate the situation so that it became about me, even quietly behind the scenes. And, in those occasions when I knowingly was walking in and wanting it to be all about me and I didn’t get what I wanted, it typically resulted in some bad behavior on my part. And, even in those situations, I could always justify that bad behavior in my mind, or stuff it down like it didn’t happen, or I was deserving of it. Well, it did happen, and I wasn’t deserving.

As I got better that behavior stopped, and because of the tools I was learning to use I was able to spot my old behavior as it was rearing it’s ugly head, and spotting it in myself also gave me the perspective to see it in others and have a better understanding of why things can get derailed into different directions. The holidays is the perfect example. So many times it becomes about everyone else’s expectations or agendas that we lose the true meaning of the holidays, and instead of it being a time of good cheer, of celebrating with friends and family, it becomes about other things that are selfishly motivated. It’s important to remember what the point of each gathering or event is, and work to keep yourself in line with that, to share in the joy of the purpose of why you are there without trying to steer that event or gathering into a purpose that suits your own needs or fits your expectations. You’re purpose is to add to the purpose of the gathering or event and put your own needs and wants aside. A quick way to get out of your own motives is to ask yourself how you can be of service where you are. How can you help or make, wherever you are, better and more enjoyable, what can you add to a situation and not take away from it? Take a step back, remove yourself from what you see and see it for what it is. When we are able to take ourselves out of the equation the perspective becomes clearer and then when we step back in we are better able to be a part of something, and it’s intended purpose, without pulling the focus to us.

It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, office politics or family dynamics of a situation, but it’s important for your own peace of mind and overall mental health to not involve ourselves in situations that we shouldn’t, or not step on someone else’s toes to look better in the eyes of those around you. Keep yourself right-sized and a part of the solution, not the one causing the chaos. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find it difficult to see things from a different perspective other than your own? How has this gotten you into trouble in the past? Do you find you are able to look at things through an objective perspective or can you only see things through your own point of view or intentions? Do you, whether intentionally or not, attempt to make situations about your and your objectives? Give an example. When we are able to let go of ego and look at every situation as one where we can be of service, many times it puts us in the right frame of mind and gets us out of self. It is important to keep our own expectations and agenda out of the mix when there is generally a greater purpose, and if we are able to stay out of the way of that purpose and even help with it, we are in the right place using the right perspective.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving you shame.

SLAY on!

From Victim To Victor

Before walking this path I thought of myself as of victim. I felt I was a victim of those around and me and a victim of life. I truly believed that everything and everyone was conspiring to get me. And, my disease told me that I deserved it. I used the victim label like a get out of jail card, I used it to excuse myself from bad behavior or for not taking action where I should and could have. There was a lot I could have done over the years to help myself, but not as long as I could only see myself as a victim. Even when I made the choice to get better I still believed I was a victim, but my path of healing was about to reveal to me that I had been a victim, most of all, to myself.

Stepping into a new way of life and interacting with new people who were battling the same issues as I was, I noticed that these people were not victims, they were fighters, survivors, warriors and victors. It was inspiring, but I still had to be willing to let go of the victimhood that I had used to shield myself from the responsibilities of my own actions. If I was going to find victory in this new way of life I had to let go of being a victim. Shedding that label was scary, as letting it go and not identifying myself as victim meant that I had to take responsibility for my part in the activities and events that lead me to my personal bottom. That was a lot to face up to. When I was able to be rigorously honest with myself, there was very little that I had been a victim to, most everything I had labeled as something I had no part in was absolutely false, my part was all over those things I wanted to make others responsible for. With the exception of our childhood, when we’re young and do not have the ability to make choices, we play some role in most of everything that happens in our lives. There are those instances we do fall victim to a crime or unwittingly get involved in something, but for the most part, even if it’s just engaging with someone or something I shouldn’t have, I played a part in it, or, at the very least, I still had a choice of how I react to what was happening around me. I was no victim, I contributed to much of my heartache and even, at times, purposely led myself down a path to get hurt or betrayal because I thought I deserved it. That victim cloak I draped over myself was mostly made up of excuses to not take ownership of my actions and to a life that I was ashamed of. I certainly had mental health issues working against me, but had I been honest and had the courage to share my truth those issues, as I’ve learned on the path I walk now, are not insurmountable. When I finally took responsibility for my part in all that led me to a place of incomprehensible demoralization, in that moment, I stopped being a victim and became a victor. It took much more work than that to really take ownership of it, but that was the first step, admitting where I had played a part in my own demise.

Today I know I am a victor, I have been victorious over many things, for many years. I will no longer allow myself to be a victim and I will take responsibility for my actions and my part in things. When we admit our part and see where we contributed to our own misery and wrongdoing we take our power back, or perhaps gain it for the first time, that power gives us the fuel to take part in our own recovery, in the ownership of our actions, and reactions, and allows us to find and learn a better way of life. For those of us who have made the move to victor we know the strength we have found in that, and we encourage those who have not yet crossed over to join us as we walk in victory together on this new path and the road beyond. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as a victim? Why is that? Have you played any part in what causes you to think of yourself as a victim? Even if it’s just your reaction to it? How have you played the victim in your own past? Have you used that to gain sympathy or to manipulate in the past? Do you still do that? Why? How does that hurt you? Have others tried to place a victim label on you? Why do you think that is? Are you willing to look at your part in the events that lead you to believe you are a victim? How can you take your power back? We are strong men and women who cannot be defeated unless we allow it, we can overcome anything we put our minds to, and we can use the strength of those around us to help us when we feel weak, or unsure what the next step may be. Find your strength, hold on to us as you make that step from victim to victor and soar.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding it in yourself.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Our greatest good is what we can do for others.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every life has purpose, and every story may help someone change theirs.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ve done better than you realize. You’ve helped more than you know. You’re closer than you think. Find your purpose and get out there and be your best you!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

Look At Rejection As Redirection

It’s easy to feel defeated by what we feel is rejection. We get our hopes up, have expectations, and may have worked hard to reach a specific goal, only to have the door slammed in the face of our dreams. I used to let those rejections get me down, I would let that negative bullshit committee get loud in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, or that I didn’t deserve good things. It fed into the narrative of me being a loser, so as much as I wanted to succeed, that part of me that was sick, relished in the defeat so it could keep me down, or, push me down even more.

Looking back, there were many times when those perceived rejections were actually a blessing. Either I wasn’t ready for what I was aiming for, I was saved from a bad situation, or, I wasn’t meant to go down that path because something else was waiting for me. As I’ve said before, we know only a little, we only know our part, and not what the big picture is, so what may seem like the right path to us is really only based on the little information we have, our perception of that information, and what our will is propelling us to do. All of that, can steer us in the wrong direction. I’m a big believer that there is a plan for all of us, that we’re all here to do certain things, learn certain things, and take certain action to fulfill the lessons and life we are meant to. We don’t know what that is, but I do believe it is what our “gut” guides us to, those moments of intuition or feelings that send us off into a specific directions. But, because there are so many other factors that can throw us off course, distract us, or perhaps our ego may start to run the show, what should be a straight line often gets broken up into some curvy twists and turns. I know in my life, when I’ve gotten way off track, there has always been something to knock me back on the right path again, so when something doesn’t go my way, I take notice. Sure, it can be disappointing, and trust me, I’ve had plenty of disappointments in my life, but I do trust that those opportunities weren’t meant for me, or, weren’t meant for me at that time. Timing is everything, and much of what we struggle with is trying to make something happen in our own time, instead of waiting for something to organically unfold when it is meant to. And that doesn’t mean sitting around just waiting for things to happen, we have to take action, with the all the information we have in front of us, but it’s also about being open to what else is out there, looking for the signs, the opportunities, the roads we haven’t traveled on, because we may be meant to be on those roads rather than the one we’ve stubbornly stayed on.

Nothing happens by accident, even accidents, everything serves a purpose, and it may take a lifetime to figure that out in some cases, but when we look at a so-called rejection as just information, and look where that rejection may lead us, it may just be nudging us in the direction we’re meant to be heading. The end may be the same as what we had been working towards, but maybe we’re meant to take a different route, maybe there is something to learn there that we need on our journey, something we wouldn’t learn otherwise. So when things don’t go your way don’t retreat, look for other avenues, other roads to travel on, try a new approach, or perhaps with someone new, see what you can learn from the rejection and look to see where else that can lead you. You never know, that big disappointment may just lead you to your biggest accomplishment yet, but at the very least, it can lead you to an open mind and on open heart, and a life that is meant to be, not one you are chasing because you think it’s supposed to look a certain way. Trust the signs, learn from the struggles, and go where the path leads you. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When something doesn’t go your way do you let that defeat you? Why? Can you think of a time something didn’t go your way and as a result you discovered something new? What was that? Can you think of a time when you didn’t get what you wanted and found out later it would have been a bad situation? When you find yourself rejected, how can you turn that around into something positive for yourself? Look back at your life SLAYER, at all the times you’ve been redirected in your life, trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, even if that’s a tough place, know that there is something to be learned there, and once you do, you will move on. Take each defeat as new information, and learn to use that information to find your path, the signs are all around you, you just have to be open to things looking differently than what you might have imagined, but your path is there, if your open to finding it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

State Of Slay™

Where Self-Love, Mental Health & Real Life Meet

purpose