Mental Health

Anger Is A Response To Fear

Might have made you think about that for a moment. It’s been regarded for some time that fear is not a base feeling or emotion. It is something we use to cover up feeling disregarded, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, and unlovable. None of those feelings are good, and we certainly don’t want to feel any of those feelings, so many of us, will go to great lengths to cover them up, and anger is one heck of a smokescreen.

Anger can scare people away, get them off the scent of what’s really going on, especially when it seems to come out of nowhere, people can get jolted by, fearful of it, or match that emotion and get angry themselves, it can be contagious, and when everyone is angry the true source of the anger gets lost.

When I think back to who I used to be I got angry a lot. And, when I’m really looking at the source to my anger many times it was to hide what was really going on, because, I figured, no one really wants to deal with an angry person, so people will just leave me alone or just give me what I want so I would go away. That sounds really sad when I see it in black and white. But it’s the truth. I hid behind anger as a shield so I wouldn’t have to look at what was really going on. And what was really going on is that I wasn’t able, or willing, to look at my part in all of the things I was using anger to hide. I wanted to blame everybody else, any thing else, rather than even consider I may be causing myself most of my pain by the decisions and choices I was making. So when I got caught in a place where I had made a bad decision and felt embarrassed by the outcome, I would get mad, angry, to hide my own shame.

It’s funny because now that I no longer allow myself to do that, I see it in others. When someone gets mad or angry I begin to think what might be the actual issue, rather than just jump in and match their anger, or, feel hurt by their actions. Now, I’m human, so there are times I do get hurt in the moment, but I try to peel that back and look into what really may have been going on. It allows me to find some compassion for the other person, and, if they’re willing to talk, find out what the real issue is. For me today, if I suddenly flare up and feel angry, it is my job to look at what is really going on. Now that I no longer live my life in fear, many times it’s base is from a choice I’ve made, that I probably knew was not the best choice, but I made it anyway and now I’m suffering the result of that choice, so, I’m angry. But the right response to those situations should be, lesson learned, I’ll make the right choice next time. Allow myself to feel the frustration of that result, but not let it take over and have power over me letting it escalate to anger.

When we take away anger as a base feeling, it already seems to lessen it’s power and strength over us. And when we feel anger creep in, that’s another time to get out our SLAYER detective hats on and find out what’s really going on. What our anger really is is an opportunity to do better next time, it’s giving us information we need to avoid feeling that way again from the same source, and, we may feel it again from that same source a few times over, I know for me, it usually takes more than once before I get the hint, but, the point is we look for it and we try.

Take away anger’s power, look at it for what it truly is. Change what you can, and accept what you can not. Those are truly the only two antidotes for anger. SLAY on my friends!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let anger get the best of you? Do you find yourself angry and don’t know why? Do you know why and are using anger to hide something? What do you typically use anger to hide? Why do you do that? Is there something you can do so you’re not making the same decisions that get you to anger? What can you change or do differently? When you feel angry, are you able to pinpoint the source of it? Think of the last time you were angry. What was the source of it? And, no, I don’t mean point fingers to someone or something else. What was your part? What can you change for the next time so you don’t find yourself in anger. Take responsibility for actions SLAYER, we all make mistakes, so admit them when you’ve made them, you’ll be surprised how many people will understand, and maybe even help you, when you are honest about who you are and what you’ve done. Anger doesn’t help anyone, and it keeps you in the same cycle you’ve always been in. Break the cycle, kick anger to the curb by changing your path, our actions, the choices you make, and take your power back from anger.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s normal to come down after a big event in our lives, prepare yourself for the dip after the high, and don’t forget to live your life for today, not the one you just had.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Today

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Not able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE? No problem, here’s what you missed!

When We Stop Looking The Answers Find Us

We’ve all been there. We hit a block where we can’t find something, can’t figure something out, or can’t remember something. We keep trying and trying, getting more and more frustrated until we finally give up, and it’s then that we find the answer, or just find what we were looking for. There are countless examples of this in my life, so many in fact that I finally got the point. When I hit a block I stop. When I’ve exhausted all possible avenues, I stop. I don’t try to force it. I don’t beat myself up for not being able to do what I am looking to do in that moment. I stop. Because I know now that I am not meant to know or find what it is I’m trying to find in that moment. It’s hard to walk away, at least it can be for me, to leave something unfinished, or unfound, to just trust that it’ll come when it’s meant to. But it does. Life has proven that to me time and time again.

For me I think that it’s always a test in my faith that there is a plan and an order to things that just might not be on my own timeline. That if it’s meant to be it’ll happen, because it typically does. But we can drive ourselves to exhaustion trying to force something to happen when it’s not meant to, and all of our force will still not make it so.

Before stepping on this path my life was run on fear, and to counter that fear I tried to control everything, I thought that was my safety, to force things to happen when I wanted them to happen. The only trouble was, I don’t have that power. Sure, I can do it some of the time, but most of the time it was beyond what I could control and then I would get angry and resentful, and that’s exactly when the negative self-talk would pop up and tell me that nothing was going to go my way, that I didn’t deserve good things, and I wasn’t smart enough or talented enough to figure it out, and so on and so on. I’ve talked about dropping the rope before, to let go, and not let that rope drag us behind whatever we’re chasing or holding onto. It is about dropping the rope, but it’s also about just learning to let things come when they will. I know, for me, that they will. And, typically it’s shortly after stopping to try that the answer comes, or I find what I was looking for. It always makes me smile. Most times I say ‘thank you’ out loud. Thank you to me, for doing what was right. And, thank you to the universe for providing the answer, or showing me what I was looking for.

It’s about easing off, and trusting the process, the journey, set your intention, and then looking for the answers, the signs, that are out there, and, they are out there, if we just stop, let go, and look around. Sometimes it takes longer than we may want, but it will come. And, you’ve stopped the cycle of trying to force something that wasn’t mean to happen when you wanted it to, relieving yourself of unnecessary anger and frustration. Giving yourself that gift is really another form of self-love. For me, when I hit that wall, I try to do something else that I enjoy, walking away from whatever it was I was trying to do or figure out, and moving on to something I like, it makes it easier to leave something unfinished and keep moving forward.

Sometimes we aren’t meant to know something or find something when we’re looking for it. Trust your path, trust the timeline of your own journey and when you hit a dead end, know that may not be the end, but the end in that moment, maybe the lesson really is to trust it will come, and when you do, that’s when the answer will appear. Trust me SLAYER, the answers always come when you are meant to know them.

SLAY OF THE DAY: If you get stuck on something or can’t find something do you keep looking even after you’ve exhausted all possibilities? How does this make you feel? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? Have you experienced a time when you stopped and went on with your day only to find what you were looking for or found the answer when you were no longer looking for it? Do you trust that the answers will come when you are meant to know them? If yes, why? If no, why? Give examples when the answers came later. The answer typically do SLAYER, they may just not come at the exact moment we want them, but, they typically do when we are meant to have them. Let life unfold as it is meant to, and know there is a reason for that, even if you don’t see it at the time. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ve done better than you realize. You’ve helped more than you know. You’re closer than you think. Find your purpose and get out there and be your best you!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Awesome

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t like the way you feel, how do you want to feel? Think about that feeling until you feel it, then, take action to make that feeling your reality.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happiness 3

How Do You Want To Feel?

I was speaking with a friend the other day about not feeling good about a situation and he turned to me and asked, “how do you want to feel.? That got me thinking. How did I want to feel? And as I started to think about it, I started to feel it. For a few moments I felt the way I wanted to feel, and that got me thinking. What action do I have to take so that I feel this way?

We often can get stuck in our feelings, and feelings can be tricky. They can be tied up in some many things and not necessarily with how we feel about our current situation, but can be tied to experiences and trauma from our past. I know for myself that there have been times on this journey where I gotten triggered by something, unbeknownst to me at the time, and I have reacted to how I’m feeling thinking it is a genuine feeling about where I am currently at, but it’s not. Something or someone has hit that trigger and it’s pulled up something that has nothing to do with the person standing in front of me. It used to baffle me. My hair-trigger reaction to things seemed to flare up immediately, and if I didn’t pause to think about why I might be feeling the way I was I would just react and react to whomever was standing in front of me, only to feel badly later on, or, if I was really not present, blame them for something that they were never involved in at all.

With the help of counseling and therapy I now have a better sense of what those triggers mean and what the root of them are, so that when one flares up, I can, when I take a moment, realize what the true source of that feeling is. Feelings tend to have a lot of baggage, and far-reaching tentacles in our lives. But feelings also aren’t’ facts. Feelings can tell us a lot about ourselves and what’s going on for us, but we can also manipulate them, or have a skewed perception, of what the true facts actually are. I used to romanticize a lot of things, or, make them far worse than they really were. It was all about really high highs and really low lows for me, when really, a lot of those things, probably fell more in the middle. But the memory of them, and my feelings of them, where at either a 1 or a 10. and, I would get stuck there. To the point where it seemed like I either didn’t care or I was in a complete rage, with no warning. Sometimes that can still happen, and when it does I know I have more work to do there, it’s a sign that I still need to work on what that trigger is and how to make peace with it.

But back to feeling the way you want to feel. Just by thinking about that, you do feel that feeling. It’s like an instant shot, and it may only stay for a moments, until our brain kicks in and brings you back to reality, but, if it can do it for a few moments we know we can go there, it’s attainable, we can get it, so the next question is, how?

You know I’m always about taking action, it’s what keeps us on a positive path, and makes us warriors. So, what can you do today to feel the way you want to feel? When you ask yourself that, the answers come, and if they don’t, just start by taking some positive action, any positive action, and keep asking yourself that same question. Sometimes, we can’t do it alone, I know I couldn’t at the beginning, and sometimes I still need the help of someone else, so don’t put pressure on yourself to have it all figured out right away, it takes practice, and there’s no prize for doing it alone.

Choose to feel the way you want to feel, and if you don’t, take action to go after that feeling. Even the thought of that makes me feel good. Take action to feel good SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to get stuck in the way you are feeling and feel like there’s no way out? How would you rather feel than how you’re feeling right now? What can you do to attain that, or, get closer to it? What have you tried in the past? What has worked? What hasn’t worked? What have you still not tried? What would you like to try? Try it SLAYER. Think right now, about how you want to feel, and before your brain kicks in to say you can’t, say yes I can, and go after that feeling. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you are able to be comfortable in uncertainty, infinite possibilities come into your life.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Possibilities

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Take steps toward your goal, thinking of each step, not the reward you’re expecting as a result, the result is the affect of each step, and that in itself is the reward.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Plan Actions

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! No one was every honored for what they received. Honor was the reward for what they gave.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay How Far