Hey SLAYER! You can SLAY with me in person this month at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con in Modesto, California October 27-29th.
Get your tickets here: Comic Con Tickets
Photographer: Bianca Dorso
Self-Righteous Anger
We’ve all been there.
That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.
You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.
That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility
If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.
You decide:
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Who you engage with
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How far you let them in
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What boundaries you set
There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.
This blog connects back to so many past entries:
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People Picker – choosing aligned connections
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Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs
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Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”
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Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance
It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.
When We Engage to Feel Superior
Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.
Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.
Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.
And it didn’t work.
Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership
When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.
Ask yourself:
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Could I have avoided this situation?
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Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?
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Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?
A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.
Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:
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Disappointment
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Resentment
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Frustration
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Anger
That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.
Break the Cycle with Compassion
The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.
We avoid self-righteous anger by:
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Engaging with people who align with us
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Setting boundaries with those who don’t
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Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong
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Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow
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Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves
And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.
Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.
Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy
Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.
And reactions are usually about us, not them.
As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.
So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.
Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.
SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?
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Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
Why do you think you do that? -
Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
What do you think it’s really covering up? -
How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
What’s the cost? -
What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
How could you protect your peace instead? -
What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Things only change when you do, start making different choices and get different results.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Contrary Action
When I first began this path, I had to rewire the way I thought—completely.
My mind defaulted to negativity. It convinced me people were against me. It whispered that I’d never make it, that I didn’t belong, that failure was inevitable. And because I believed it, I acted on it. That belief nearly cost me everything.
So when I committed to healing—to getting better, to learning how to love myself and live differently—I had to learn something new: contrary action.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
What Is Contrary Action?
Quite simply, contrary action means doing the opposite of what you would normally do—especially if what you’ve always done hasn’t brought you peace, joy, or healing.
It’s breaking patterns.
It’s pausing before reacting.
It’s asking: What’s the loving, honest response here?
That pause is the magic.
At State of Slay™, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—life is not a game show.
There is no prize for the fastest answer.
And most of the time, our fastest answer is coming from an old wound or old wiring.
A Different Way to Respond
In the beginning, I had to practice contrary action nearly every time I opened my mouth—or even thought about opening my mouth.
It didn’t come naturally. In fact, it felt strange.
Awkward. Uncomfortable. Like backing down.
But here’s what I learned:
- I wasn’t backing down—I was growing up.
- I wasn’t avoiding conflict—I was choosing peace.
- I wasn’t shrinking—I was showing up for myself in a new, more aligned way.
Old me might’ve lied to get what I wanted, manipulated to stay in control, or started a fight just to feel something.
New me? Learned to take a breath. To tell the truth. To walk away if needed.
That shift changed everything.
Building a New Foundation
Practicing contrary action gave me something I hadn’t had in a long time: self-esteem.
Every time I did the right thing—even when it felt weird or hard—it built a new brick in the foundation I now stand on.
And once I started building that self-esteem, I didn’t want to do things that tore it down.
Was it always easy? No.
Did I mess up sometimes? Absolutely.
But the more I practiced contrary action, the more I started to trust myself—and life began to open up in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
10 Ways to Practice Contrary Action
Here are a few simple ways you can try it today:
- Give someone a compliment when you’re feeling jealous or insecure.
- Own your part instead of seeking revenge.
- Take a walk instead of reaching for something to numb the feeling.
- Breathe deeply instead of lashing out.
- Visualize the life you want instead of reliving your worst decisions.
- Remember a win when fear tells you to quit.
- Take time for yourself instead of saying there’s never enough time.
- Say no with love instead of saying yes out of guilt.
- Go to bed instead of scrolling endlessly.
- Speak about dreams instead of gossip.
Each time you choose contrary action, you’re choosing yourself.
You’re choosing growth.
You’re choosing a future that looks nothing like your past.
SLAY Reflection: Where Can You Shift?
- Do you tend to react quickly without thinking?
What’s usually the result? - Have old patterns led you into places you didn’t want to go?
How did it feel? - What could’ve gone differently if you had paused—or chosen contrary action?
- Where in your life could you try the opposite of what you’d normally do?
How might that change things? - Who can you talk to when you’re unsure how to respond?
Could their insight offer a healthier way forward?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice contrary action this week—especially when your first instinct is to go back to old patterns?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck in the same old loops, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a new way to move forward.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Fears kill more dreams than failure ever will. Dream big. Aim high. Kill your fears. Make your dreams come true!
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Fears are not facts, they lie to us and hold us back from reaching our potential. You hold the key to setting yourself free by walking through your fears to freedom.
SLAY on!
F.E.A.R. – Run Or Rise?
F.E.AR. has two meanings, F**k Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise. I know before I walked this path the first one was my go-to method of operation, and if I didn’t run, I fought, it was almost better that I ran. It was not great. My whole life was run by fear, fear of not getting what I wanted, fear of having what I did have taken away, fear I was missing out, fear I would be found out, just fear, a thousands forms of fear. I didn’t realize until I started to get better, and started to not let fear run my life, how much control it had over me, how much it dictated what my decisions were going to be, how much it held me back from living my life and connecting with people.
You see, fear isn’t real. Fears are lies we tell ourselves, or those voices that talk to us, that bullshit committee that tries to keep us isolated and alone, fears are not facts, and as SLAYERS we make our decisions based on the facts, not the fear of them. We also use fears as excuses, excuses to not try something, or to take responsibility for something, or to not step out of our comfort zone, but fear isn’t our friend, it’s not protecting us, it’s holding us back, it’s preventing us from living the life we want for ourselves, and the life we can have if only we stop listening to our fears. Because when we do conquer them we do rise, we rise above them, and we rise above the place where fears held us back, and down, we move forward, and upward.
For me it was about contrary action, of acknowledging the fear, trying to identify where it was coming from, and then doing the opposite of what I wanted to do. Of doing what I knew to be right, or just, or what was going to move me forward. And that was scary, but it felt so good when I would it, when I would push through and realize that it wasn’t really that bad, or, had turned out better than I had, well, feared. I started to see how my fears weren’t real, they weren’t the truth, that by me walking through them I was becoming stronger, and clearer, and I was learning to trust myself more, and in doing that I felt a lot less fear.
Fear now for me is a sign I’m not taking care of myself, because when I am I have trust and faith that things are unfolding as they are supposed to and when I know that I’ve done the footwork, everything I can do to reach a goal. Settle, or make a situation clear, then I shouldn’t be having fear, fear is an old concept or idea that no longer serves me, an old behavior that pops up which I know to be irrational and not true, so the question I now ask myself is, why is it popping up, what do I need to address? And, that is a lot more manageable than the unmanageability of fear I lived with every day for most of my life. Now, I have tools to work through that fear, to know it isn’t real, and to not let it hurt me. Today I know that if I walk through my fear I will rise and by doing so I can help others do the same, to lead by example that we don’t need to live in fear, an example that was shown to me by countless people when I was ready to see it. We walk tall as SLAYERS, we don’t stand in our own way, we grab our swords and our shields and we trudge forward, through the fire, because on the other side of that fire, is paradise, a paradise where we take our life and power back. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: What does fear mean to you? How does it come up in your life? Does it control your decisions and actions? Why? Why do you let it? What are you afraid of? Are those rational fears? Are they fears you can take action against and defeat? How so? Why aren’t you taking action against your fears? What’s stopping you? It’s time, SLAYER, that you rise above, that you look your fears in the eye and say no more, it’s time for you to walk through those fears and take your life back, it’s time to Face Everything And Rise.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s your choice today, are you going to be a victor, or a victim?
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Don’t Play Victim To The Circumstances You Created
Let’s get real for a moment.
We don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes we act on impulse. Sometimes we ignore red flags. And sometimes, even with every sign pointing us in a better direction, we choose to go the other way—and then cry foul when things fall apart.
But here’s the truth: if we knowingly put ourselves in a bad situation, we don’t get to play the victim when the outcome isn’t what we hoped for.
That might sound harsh, but it’s a lesson many of us—myself included—have had to learn the hard way.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Owning Our Choices
Back when I was living in the dark, I made a lot of questionable choices. And truthfully, I often knew they weren’t the right ones. But I made them anyway. Why? Because deep down I believed I didn’t deserve good things. I believed I was broken. So I acted in ways that reinforced that belief—sabotaging myself, then turning around and asking why the world was so unfair.
What I was really doing was manipulating the narrative to fit the story I had already decided about myself:
I’m a bad person. Bad things happen to me. I deserve it.
It was a cycle of self-sabotage. And every time it backfired—as I knew it would—I’d call out for sympathy. And when that didn’t come fast enough or in the way I wanted? I felt even more victimized.
Sound familiar?
A New Way Forward
Everything changed when I started believing I was worthy of love—and that I deserved good things. When I embraced self-worth, my decision-making shifted. I started making choices that supported the life I wanted, not the one I feared I was stuck in.
Were those decisions always easy? No. But they were rooted in truth. In integrity. In strength.
When we know better and choose better, we don’t need to cry out for sympathy—we stand in our power. We hold ourselves accountable. And we become the kind of person we’re proud of.
You Are Not a Victim of Yourself
This isn’t about perfection. We all mess up. We all learn. Life will always throw curveballs—some we never saw coming. But there’s a difference between an honest misstep and a willful march toward chaos.
If you’ve been given the tools, the truth, the gut feeling—and you still go against it—own the outcome.
That’s not failure. That’s growth.
So when you find yourself at a crossroads, pause. Ask:
- Am I acting from fear, or from love?
- Is this the path I truly believe will serve me, or am I just clinging to comfort?
Make decisions from your strength—not your sabotage.
Stand tall. Stand proud. And take responsibility for the life you’re building—one choice at a time.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise
Do you make decisions that you know aren’t in your best interest?
- What drives those choices?
- Do you expect others to rescue you when things go wrong?
- How do you feel when people don’t show up the way you want them to?
- What would it look like to choose differently next time?
- Write a list of 5 reasons you deserve good things in your life. Keep it close.
Let those reasons guide you toward better choices—choices that bring you peace, not pain.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one shift you’ve made that helped you stop sabotaging your peace and start standing in your power?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who keeps repeating the same patterns, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re worth the work.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! No matter where you come from, where you are, or what you’ve done, we are here. You are loved. You are worthy. Your voice will be heard. If you are suffering, reach out from the darkness, you are not alone.
New blog goes up Sunday…until then, SLAY on!
