Author: Carrie Genzel

Giving Rather Than Getting

There was a time when everything I did came with a silent expectation.
If I showed up for you, I wanted something in return. If I helped, I hoped you’d notice. And if I gave anything of myself, I measured it against what I might receive.

The scales were always out—always tallying the effort and the reward. And when the reward didn’t match the effort? I’d spiral. I’d get resentful, frustrated, even self-righteous. I wore my “sacrifice” like a badge, convincing myself I was generous, when in reality, I was just trying to fill an empty space inside me.

But living that way left me exhausted, isolated, and hollow. It was all about me—and it never felt like enough.

Learning to Give Without Expectation

When I began my recovery journey, one of the first things I was told was this: to keep what you’ve been given, you have to give it away.

At first, that made no sense to me. I was barely hanging on. I felt like I had nothing to offer. How could I give when I was still trying to survive?

But I quickly learned that we always have something to give. Even when we’re at our lowest, our honesty, our story, our presence—they matter.

On the days when I felt broken or unsure, just saying “I’m not okay today” gave others permission to say the same. That alone created connection. And that connection helped both of us breathe a little easier.

Service Is a Two-Way Street

Giving isn’t just about grand gestures. It’s about showing up. Listening. Checking in. Offering time or kindness without needing anything back.

And here’s the thing: when we shift our focus from ourselves to someone else, something powerful happens. We get out of our heads. We stop obsessing over our problems, even for a moment. And sometimes, those moments are exactly what we need to find our footing again.

Helping others helps us, too. It reminds us of how far we’ve come. It brings us back to the present. And it shows us that we’re capable of making a difference—even on days when we feel like we’re falling apart.

But it only works when we give without strings attached.

Check Your Motives

There’s a big difference between offering help out of love and offering help because you expect something in return.

One is generous.
The other is transactional.

And when we expect something in return, it turns kindness into manipulation.

It’s not always easy to recognize. Sometimes, our ego disguises expectation as “helpfulness.” But if you’re giving with a secret hope that someone will praise you, repay you, or see you differently—it’s time to check your motives.

The truth is, the real reward of giving comes when we release the outcome. When we trust that showing up with a pure heart is enough.

Let the Act Be the Gift

When we give freely, with no attachment to the result, we open ourselves up to deeper joy, unexpected blessings, and real connection.

Sometimes the reward is knowing someone else feels less alone. Sometimes it’s gaining perspective on our own journey. And sometimes it’s simply the peace that comes from doing the next right thing.

The universe has a way of putting us exactly where we need to be—if we’re willing to stay present and let go of what we think we should get out of it.

So next time you feel moved to give, ask yourself: Am I giving for the right reasons?
If the answer is yes—lean in. You never know how far that act of kindness might reach.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s get real, SLAYER:

  • S: Do you focus more on giving or on what you might get in return?

  • L: Have you ever felt disappointed after giving? What were your expectations?

  • A: What would giving look like in your life if you let go of the outcome?

  • Y: How can you show up for someone today simply because you want to—not because of what you might receive in return?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you gave without expecting anything in return—and how did it shift your day or your perspective?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling with expectations, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Unity is strength.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Empower

Slay Slay

Good morning SLAYER! Determined people working together can do anything.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Strengths

One Voice In A Large Choir

It started with a single tap. Then another. Then a steady rhythm.

I was sitting in my car when the rain began to fall. It started slow—one drop, then another—until it became a chorus. And as I sat listening, it reminded me of the beginning of my recovery journey.

That quiet build into something greater reflected what it felt like to go from being alone to being part of a group. From silence to solidarity. From isolation to inclusion.

Becoming a “Group Person”

For a long time, I insisted I wasn’t a group person. I told myself I preferred one-on-one connection, that I worked better alone. And in some ways, that was true. But it was also a shield. A story I told myself to avoid being seen too closely.

When I started recovery, I was encouraged to join a group. Just try it, they said. Keep an open mind. So I did—nervously, reluctantly, with my heart pounding in my chest.

As I scanned the room that first night, I was sure I didn’t belong. These people looked “normal.” They laughed. They smiled. I made a quiet deal with myself: stay for the hour, then leave.

But then a woman began to speak. And what she shared—her pain, her fear, her struggle—sounded a lot like mine. My guard dropped just a little. I kept listening. More voices joined in. Not every story mirrored my own, but enough did. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel alone.

From Loner to One of Many

I kept going. Not just to that meeting, but to others.

Even when it was hard to speak. Even when it felt awkward to introduce myself. Even when all I could do was sit and listen—I showed up. And slowly, I found myself becoming part of something.

For someone who had always prided herself on independence, this shift felt strange—but also incredibly healing. There’s power in walking into a room where no one needs you to be anyone other than who you are that day.

In group, we’re not our resumes. We’re not our past mistakes. We’re not our fears. We’re just people—trying, learning, healing. Together.

And eventually, I stopped saying I wasn’t a group person. Because I realized I’d become one.

The Strength of a Shared Voice

There’s strength in numbers, but more importantly, there’s connection in numbers.

When we come together with a shared purpose—whether it’s healing, growing, or simply supporting one another—we amplify each other’s voices. We lift one another up. We carry each other forward.

Being part of a group reminded me that I don’t have to do this alone. And more than that, it reminded me that I don’t want to.

That lesson followed me outside of recovery. I began to see how I could be part of something bigger in all areas of my life—work, community, friendships. Today, I don’t walk into a room wondering what I can get. I ask myself what I can give. Even if it’s just a kind word or a warm smile.

You Still Matter in the Crowd

Some of us naturally gravitate toward solitude. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

But if we never join in, we might miss the magic of what happens when our voice joins others. A single voice is beautiful—but a choir? That’s transformation.

Your story, your energy, your experience—they’re all valuable. And when you bring them into a shared space, you become part of something powerful.

Don’t underestimate the impact of your presence. Sometimes showing up is the biggest gift you can give—to others and to yourself.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

  • S: Do you naturally lean toward solitude or connection? Why do you think that is?

  • L: What fears come up for you in group settings, and where do those fears stem from?

  • A: Have you ever felt seen or supported by a group? What made that experience meaningful?

  • Y: How can you contribute your voice to a group or community today—without needing it to be perfect, just honest?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever discovered strength or healing by joining a group or community?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s afraid to take that first step into a group, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Achievement is never the result of selfishness, it is born out of sacrifice.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Just You

Selfishness Leads To Suffering

We all want peace, fulfillment, and connection—but we can’t get there by putting ourselves first at the expense of others. I learned this the hard way.

When Selfishness Masquerades as Selflessness

Selfishness, by definition, is lacking consideration for others—being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. When I was living in my illness, I often operated from a selfish place, though I wouldn’t have admitted it. In fact, I convinced myself I was doing others a favor. But my motives were always self-serving, even if I masked them in acts of kindness. And when we act with impure intentions, even if we get what we wanted, it rarely feels good for long.

The truth? That kind of gratification is short-lived. It may look shiny on the outside, but the emptiness we feel afterward speaks volumes. Selfishness, no matter how cleverly disguised, leads to suffering. For me, it did—over and over again.

Getting Honest with Myself

The moment I decided to get help was the moment I was told I had to get honest—with others and with myself. That sent me into a full-blown anxiety spiral. Honesty meant confronting the wreckage I had left behind, facing the truth that much of my pain was self-inflicted.

But as I began doing the work, I realized something: by identifying where I had been selfish, I could finally stop carrying the weight of guilt and shame. I could make amends—sometimes directly, and sometimes through my actions moving forward. The idea of a “living amends” helped me break free from the belief that I was doomed to repeat my mistakes.

We’re only doomed to repeat what we refuse to acknowledge.

The Power of Motivation

One of the most valuable tools I’ve gained over the last 14 years is asking myself, What’s your motivation? Before I act, I pause. If I’m doing something with even a sliver of expectation, I check myself.

Real kindness, real service, comes with no strings attached. When our actions are rooted in the desire to simply do what’s right—or to make someone’s day a little brighter—we find peace. But when we act from a place of ego, validation-seeking, or self-interest, suffering follows.

That doesn’t mean every decision must be self-sacrificing. It means our actions should come from truth. When you’re honest about your intentions, you create room for growth, peace, and real connection.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect—Just Honest

Even now, I sometimes catch myself slipping into old patterns. That’s okay. Awareness is everything. The difference today is that I know how to pause, reassess, and choose a different path. I don’t pretend I have it all figured out. I just stay willing to learn—and that willingness keeps me free.

We all have the capacity to reflect, correct, and grow. The work isn’t about perfection. It’s about integrity. When your heart is in the right place, it shows.

And when we each commit to doing what’s right—not just for ourselves, but for those around us—we rise. Together.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What typically motivates your actions—selfless intention or personal gain?
  2. Have you ever justified a selfish act as something noble? How did that affect you?
  3. Can you recall a time when you acted with pure intention and it brought unexpected peace?
  4. What steps can you take to check your motives before making a decision?
  5. Are there areas in your life where you can practice more self-awareness and accountability?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Start being honest about your intentions.
  • Let go of manipulative patterns masked as kindness.
  • Act with integrity, even when no one’s watching.
  • You are worthy of peace—and it starts with truth.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you check your motives before taking action?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on self-awareness and growth, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You may be the reason someone doesn’t give up today.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Light Someones Path

Our Dark Past Is The Greatest Possession We Have

There was a time when I thought my pain would consume me. Now, I know—it shaped me. Our darkest moments hold the power to help others find light. The only question is: are you willing to share them?

The Unimaginable Becomes a Gift

When I was deep in my darkest season, I couldn’t imagine ever looking back and seeing value in it. Survival itself felt uncertain. There was no part of me that thought these experiences would one day be considered my greatest possession. But that changed.

It wasn’t until I found recovery that I started to understand. I saw firsthand how someone else’s story could offer hope. One man’s courage to speak his truth gave me the strength to try and heal mine. His vulnerability saved my life. That was the beginning of everything.

The Power of Sharing Our Story

Early on, I didn’t believe my story held any value. I thought I needed to be “further along” to help someone else. But then, someone newer than me on this path looked at my progress with awe—and I realized we all have something to offer, no matter where we are.

Whether you’re in the thick of healing or years into your journey, someone else needs to hear what you’ve lived through. You don’t need a polished narrative or a perfect ending. Just your truth. That truth might be the very thing that keeps someone else going.

Letting Go of Shame

For a long time, I only shared the highlight reel. The idea of speaking about my pain? Terrifying. I feared judgment, labels, being seen as broken. But the truth is—I was already saying worse things to myself in silence. And pretending was exhausting.

Letting go of that fear and finally sharing my truth didn’t just help others—it saved me. The freedom that came from owning my past, rather than hiding it, was life-changing. The more I opened up, the more I connected. The more I connected, the less alone I felt.

Reclaiming the Narrative

Looking back, it’s almost shocking how much has changed. My darkest chapters no longer control me—they empower me. I’ve taken responsibility, found forgiveness, and made new choices. That transformation gave me back my power.

And maybe the most beautiful part? It allowed me to receive the light of others, too. I no longer walk alone. None of us have to. We can walk together—on our own paths, side by side—with the courage to show up exactly as we are.

There’s no greater victory than turning your pain into purpose. And no greater connection than meeting someone else in theirs.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Have you found meaning in your darkest moments? What did they teach you?
  2. Is there a part of your story you’re still afraid to share? Why?
  3. Has someone else’s vulnerability ever helped you heal? What impact did it have?
  4. How can you begin to turn your past into a source of light for others?
  5. What would it feel like to release shame and step fully into your truth?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.
  • Let your past be a bridge, not a burden.
  • Acknowledge your growth—and honor it.
  • You can help someone else heal by being real.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
How has your dark past shaped your present strength?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready to turn their pain into power, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There is no greater illusion than fear.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Overcome Fear

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fear does not stop death, it stops life.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blue Fear Fate