worth

If You Wake Up Bored It’s Your Fault

When I was living in the dark, I would often say I was bored. I would say it like life owed it to me to entertain me. But without putting in any effort myself, I continued to live in a repetitious pattern that only had me spiral down deeper into despair. Life didn’t owe me anything, I owed it to myself to get out there and engage with life.

When I began my journey in recovery, I realized that I had never really thought about, or asked myself, what I truly liked, and most of my life I had just done what I thought I should do, or what I thought looked good from the outside. I had to start with a clean slate. That, at first, seemed daunting, but once I began to look at it as something exciting, something to discover, it turned into something fun I could explore. I started my journey with ‘the year of yes,’ as I called it, I would do my best to say yes to anything, as long as it was healthy for me, that I hadn’t tried before, and it opened the door to new friendships and experiences with newfound friends I found on this same path. Again, a little scary for me coming from a place of isolation but isolating only left me lonely and alone with my disease, so I acknowledged how I felt but off I went on this new adventure! The deal I made with myself was that I only had to try new a thing once, if I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to do it again, but in just saying yes, my world opened up and so did my friend circle. Saying yes never had me bored, because even if I found myself in a situation I wasn’t fond of I was learning from that situation, and, I would challenge myself to look for something positive that I could take from that situation. If I had said yes reluctantly, I would ask the universe to surprise me, and I was, many times, surprised by what I found in those situations I had already condemned in my mind before they had already begun. When I was willing to have an open mind and dive into life, life did give back, two or three-fold, and, I discovered a lot about who I was and what I liked. Saying yes eventually led me to write this blog, something I never thought would have been possible sitting alone in the dark, and, saying yes eventually led me to share my life with someone who teaches me more about myself and what I love every day. Saying yes is the key to boredom.

It is our job to remedy our boredom, it is no one else’s, nor is it owed to us. Like with most things, it is our job to take action, and if we’re able to make that task fun for ourselves, and adventure as I did, we set ourselves up to break free from the walls we had previously built for ourselves and allow new people, places and things in. Still sounds scary? There is some trust that comes into play with this way of life, trust that when we let the universe know what we are doing, what our intentions are and that we are willing to grow that it will present us with opportunities to do just that. I still, 14 years later, continue to say yes to life and my life keeps getting bigger as a result. I never wake up today and think about being bored, there’s far too much to do and see to make time for boredom.

Get out there and engage with life. Each day we have endless possibilities and choices, what if you started saying yes instead of saying I’m bored? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often say that you are bored or have in the past? If you still do, why do you think you are feeling that way? Are you open to new experiences in your life? If you complained of boredom in the past, what changed? What do you do today that keeps boredom at bay? Can you be doing more? Do you keep yourself open to new ideas and situations? If not, why not? What has saying yes brought to your life that you would have otherwise not gotten? Can you be saying yes more than you are? What can you say yes to today? Change and new things can be scary, but staying stuck where we are and not reaching our true potential is much scarier than that.

S – self  L – love  A – appreciate  Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Action always beats intention.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay The Difference

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Needing approval is like saying that someone else’s opinion of you is more important than your own opinion of yourself.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Approval

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Finding oneself while seeking the approval of others is the murder of self.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Find Yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never let yourself get in the way of seeing things as they truly are.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay What It is

Repeating Old Behaviors

We know we’re doing it, we know we shouldn’t be doing it, and yet we do it, repeating old behaviors that no longer suit us, and maybe never did, but they were what we knew, or what we were taught, or, what we used to get by when we didn’t know or have the courage to do something better. They can feel, sometimes, like getting into our favorite pair of jeans, or a comfy sweater, but, that moment fades when we catch ourselves doing it, or someone else does. There are times too where we don’t even realize that we’re doing it, those old behaviors have become so ingrained in how we operate that we seamlessly dive in without a thought or the awareness that we’ve pulled ourselves back on our path. All of that is OK, no one is perfect, or gets it right all of the time, but what we need to do to move forward and release ourselves of those old behaviors that hold us back is to recognize and acknowledge them, and not just when we get caught.

Before stepping on this path most of what I did I did without much thought, and, if some thought went into it it was focused on justifying my bad behavior. I reacted quickly or dove in doing what I had always done. I didn’t realize that most of what I was doing was actually harming myself and my chances of living the life I wanted. In fact, by participating in my bad behavior I was preventing myself from ever making things better for myself and my thoughts and actions were actually causing me to slide down deeper into a place that I almost didn’t get out of. When I finally realized what I was doing I had to get honest and I had to call myself out and identify all of that bad behavior.

Change isn’t always easy, especially when what we do and say is ingrained in us from an early age, or we’ve convinced ourselves we have found the best way to navigate through life. For me, I could no longer deny my actions when I found myself emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. There was no lower bottom, except death. So, when I set out on this journey of recovery and I resisted letting go of old behavior, I had to remind myself of how bad it had gotten doing it my own way, and if I was to get any better I had to let go of those old behaviors and replace them with healthier ones. They say, practice makes perfect, I haven’t found that to be true, but practice does make it easier, and it’s OK if I’m not perfect as long as I am doing my best in the moment. You see perfection used to be what I strived for, and never feeling I was able to achieve it I labeled myself a loser, which gave me permission to act out in ways that harmed myself, my relationships and my chances of learning and growing from the place I was. But to get better I had to let go of my perfectionism and embrace the idea that I was going to make mistakes and fall back on old behavior, but that wasn’t an excuse to throw out all the progress I had made and allow myself to engage in that old behavior. Making mistakes was part of the process of growth and if I was able to use it as that, I would do just that, grow from there.

We all have things we like to do even when we know it’s not the best choice for us, but indulging in that old behavior doesn’t move us forward, it doesn’t help us make better and stronger choices and it holds back from being our best selves. Acknowledge when you are repeating old behaviors and set yourself on the right path for success. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you recognize behaviors from your past that you still practice today that may not be the best for you? What are they? When do you notice them come up? What do you tell yourself to let yourself engage in that behavior? Or, do you not realize you are doing it until later, or not at all? What behavior stands in your way to being who you want to be, or know you can be? What can you do to change that? It’s OK to make mistakes and fall back on your old ways, but work to make better choices and soon you may find that many of those old behaviors don’t feel so comfortable anymore.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! The more you deny your feelings, the more power they have over you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Connection

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worth the trip.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Just A Reminder

You’re Worth It

Fourteen years ago today I surrendered. After years of suffering, I finally admitted defeat. And although that may sound like I failed in some way, I really won that day.  I finally found the humility and courage to ask for help, and I had just enough hope to stand up and fight for myself. That hope was really dim, but it was there, and I held onto that little light inside of myself as I set foot on a new path, my hands may have been shaking, but my heart gave me just enough strength to keep stepping forward, even if those steps, to start, where small.

I learned, early on, that my secrets, those things I fought to hide, those things I thought would show you I was weak, unlovable and ugly, those things were the things that there going to connect me to those who would understand me, lift me up, and love me before I could love myself. What I thought was the ugliest part of me became my ally and admitting my faults was the key to finding self-forgiveness and strength. I would also learn that admitting my faults would not push those away who were true friends and family who wanted the best for me, but it would bring us closer together, it would bond us, open the door to understanding and create a support system for me that I still hold close today. It would also surround me with people like myself who were working to do the best they could with what they had, and had also made the choice to fight for their life. And, that’s truly what I was doing every day, and every day since then, chosen to fight for my life. That fight has become less strenuous over the years but still can be on certain days, but I know today that I never fight it alone, I have a whole army of warriors around me, and I need to, I know, from when I was living in the dark, that I can’t fight alone, and am not meant to, we have far more strength together, and when we are weak, tired or feel we can’t go on, we pick up those who are struggling until they are able to get up and continue their fight alongside us.

My gratitude for the last 14 years is immeasurable, as is my love for those who have walked this journey with me. Today, I walk in the light, because I choose to, and I let that light shine for others to see who may need that spark of hope like I did years ago. When we shine our light and fight to be our best selves, we give others permission to do so also, or perhaps offer a spark that sets them off on their own journey of recovery. That, I believe is why I am still here, to share a message of hope, of compassion and to connect with all of you from a place of vulnerability, transparency and healing, we all want the same thing, to be loved, to feel love, to feel we matter and are appreciated and heard, and I want to you to know, you are, I love you, and even if you don’t love yourself today, I still love you, perhaps even more, as I know that sometimes what we need to get started is someone else seeing us for who we are and loving us anyway.  I hope one day you may find that you have always been worthy of love, especially those parts you think are unlovable. You are worth it, whatever it takes, find what works for you and fight, I am right there with you SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel you’re worth fighting for? If not, why not? Is this something you think alone, or have you been told this? By whom? Why do you think they have said that? Why do you think it’s true? What if you didn’t believe them and fought for yourself anyway? What do you think would happen? What would you like to happen? It can. You hold the power to change, to seek help, to find those like yourself to support you, to share your journey with you. You have much more power than you think, but you have to believe you do, or at least have enough to get you started. That’s all it took for me, just enough strength to pick up the phone and share my truth, and that phone call started me on this path I walk today, and that path has given me a life beyond what I ever could have imagined. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Quiet Mind