truth

Before You Do Something, Say Something

I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.

It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.

My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.

No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.

If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Always speak your truth, your voice deserves to be heard, live authentically, never apologizing for doing what is right for in each moment, especially to yourself.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The people who care are the ones who love you, who are aware and concerned, not the ones who want you around only to make themselves happy. Surround yourself with people who celebrate and support you for being you!

Choose wisely SLAYER.

State Of Slay Positive

It’s OK To Say You Don’t Know

I used to think I always had to have an answer for everything, so if I didn’t I would make one up or rush to judgement. I was always afraid to say I didn’t know, or wasn’t sure about something, like life was a game show and if I didn’t have an answer a loud buzzer was going to go off pronouncing me a bigger loser than I already thought I was. Life isn’t a game show, and sometimes we don’t know, and, that’s OK.

There’s so much freedom in saying we don’t know, it takes the pressure off of always have to know, to have an opinion, or to have an answer right there on the spot. Sometimes it does take time, sometimes we need more information, and sometimes, we just don’t know. I had a close friend who I admired a lot for the way she handled things she wasn’t sure of, I remember asking her about a situation I was going through, something I was struggling with and asked for her guidance and opinion on it, she turned to me and said, “Carrie I don’t know, but let’s find the answer,” I thought, wow, what an incredible response, one I appreciated for it’s honesty and her openness to learn with me and investigate further. And that’s how I try to look at things I don’t know, an investigation, going back to what I’ve talked about in the past, finding out the facts, what  I know to be true, and once I’ve got all of that I then can usually find an answer, even if my answer still is, I don’t know, I need more time. Life, many times, isn’t black or white, as I’ve mentioned, so it isn’t always clear on what the next right thing is, or where we stand on that. Like most things, life is a process, and sometimes that process takes time, and our process is moving at the time and speed unique to us, as is everyone else’s, so we might not have the answers that everything else may have at the same time, and that’s OK.

What we are responsible for is being true to ourselves, being honest with people in our lives, and doing the work to find the answers we need to make the best decisions, we also owe it to ourselves to let those answers come when they are meant to and not jumping the gun and blurting out something just to have an answer.

Once I got over the fear of saying I didn’t know I found a freedom there, I gave myself permission to learn and grow in that place, to discover, to find out, and that felt exciting, and I knew I would know when and what I supposed to, it took so much pressure off of me to always know everything, or to make up something that sounded like I did. I found that I was a lot less embarrassed later on or had to make less apologies because I hadn’t made up something that possibly wasn’t true just to not be the person who didn’t know. No one knows everything, the whole point of life to learn, to grow, to experience new things to help us on our journey, if we knew everything there would be nothing left to strive for, to push us, to challenge us, it’s not knowing that drives us and pushes us forward to new things, new experiences, new challenges we might never have had before.

There’s no shame in saying you don’t know, in fact, the only shame is not living your truth, and, feeling like you have to make something up to cover up who you really are and what you really think. If you don’t know, say it, you might be opening yourself up to discovering the answer with someone who also doesn’t know, opening yourself up to a new friendship, or a chance to get closer to someone already in your life who also is seeking the answers you are, or, just discovering the answers on your own, but by giving yourself the gift of time to find them you allow yourself to move forward in your own time and honor where you are at on your path or journey . That, I know.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you always have to have an answer? What is your fear of not having one? What are some things you don’t have an answer for? What do you think will happen if you were asked about them and you would say you didn’t know? Do you think those fears are real? Challenge yourself SLAYER to be open and honest about the things you know and don’t know, challenge yourself to say you don’t know if you don’t, and be open to finding out. SLAY on

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  We all get knocked down from time to time, but it’s how we come back that makes us SLAYERS. Dig your heels in and come back strong, you hold the key to your destiny.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Comback

Sometimes A Breakdown Can Be A Breakthrough

I had always thought of a breakdown as a negative thing, but when I look back at mine, that moment when I couldn’t do it anymore, that moment where I had run out of solutions, where I was just done, I look at that moment as a blessing, it was a moment of clarity, the smallest bit of hope, and the moment when my new life was about to begin. That breakdown, as it were, was a gift, it meant that I had had enough, that I was putting a stop to the way I had been living my life and that I was finally going to reach out for help. Now, it could have gone a different way, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jumping for joy during this profound moment, it was scary, and very easily, without that tiny dim light inside of me, could have come to a very dark end, but it didn’t, it didn’t because I believe it had always been a part of the plan for me, that the power that I believe guides me knew that it was going to take that breakdown to finally get me on my knees and surrender to the help I needed to get better. That breakdown is always what keeps me on this path because I remember what it was like in that moment, what brought me there, and I know I never want to go back, and I also know that moment, and worse, is waiting for me if I do.

I think we as human beings put things into compartments, I talked about this in my blog Finding Grace In The Gray Areas, we like to make things “good” or “bad,” but looking back the “bad” things that happened to me all led me to the life I have now, even writing this blog, I look back and see how the “bad” led me to the “good.” Life ebbs and flows, it doesn’t stay the same, we ride the waves of good times and the waves of challenging times, but in the end it’s all the same ocean, and we’re the same people riding those waves, it’s just a matter of how we look at those waves, our perspective, of those “good” and “bad” events.

I trust now that when “bad” things happen, that they’re happening for a reason. They might be happening as a result of my actions, so there’s a lesson there, and action on my part to correct it or make an amends to do it better next time. All good. Learning is good. Or, those “bad” things could be leading me to a place of good, a place of growth, of knowledge, of moving forward to the next chapter in my story. Sometimes we need a push by the universe so we don’t stay stuck, I know I need a nudge every once in a while, because when things feel good, and safe, and comfortable, well, sometimes I want to hang out there for a while, sometimes longer than a while, even though I know I need to keep challenging myself, so if I do hang on too long, the universe is bound to push me in the right direction, and sometimes that push can feel like a negative action, but, if we embrace it, ride the wave, look for the lesson or positivity in it, we may just have a breakthrough, a breakthrough we wouldn’t have had in our comfort zone.

Don’t get me wrong, a breakdown can be scary, but it’s in times like those that we really need to be open and honest with our friends and family, with those people who support us, they will undoubtedly be able to help us through those dark times, or at the very least, just be there when we need them most. If we’ve chosen the right people, and we’re living as our authentic selves, sharing our truths, we have nothing to fear, and we can trust the process we are going through, and trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem as we walk through it, uncomfortable means change, uncomfortable means we are doing things differently, uncomfortable means if we stick with it, a breakthrough is coming.

When you feel like you’re in, or headed, for a breakdown, dig in with the good in your life, and get ready, something really wonderful may just be on the other side of it. Hang on SLAYER, and, expect the good.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life when you can see that a breakdown lead to something good? If so, what? Have there been times when, looking back, you can see that the universe has pushed you in a certain direction because you were stuck where you were? Write down all the examples you can think of in your life when this has happened. How did you respond during these times of crises? Do you see how surrounding yourself with good supportive people can help you through those times? Do you reach out to the people in your life when you’re going through a breakdown? If not, why not? I know, for myself, I would not be here had I not reached out, and I have countless people to thank for the life I have today, countless people who opened their hearts to me, supported me, and offered me their strength when I had very little of my own. Don’t suffer in silence SLAYER, you are not alone, and, that breakdown just may be the best thing that has ever happened to you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Thank you all for joining me tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, it was another good hour of SLAY TALK with lots of laughter, lots of sharing, support, love, and as usual, some tears, but the good kind, the healing kind.

If you were not able to join us, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!

For those interested in joining me at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con October 27-29th tickets can be purchased at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con Webpage

And, those those asking about #SuperSLAYERLoveCrew merchandise, here is a sample of what’s in the SLAY STORE. To visit the store, click here: Slay Store

Super SLAYER Love Crew

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  We are what we tell ourselves, so feed yourself with positive thoughts and surround yourself love and with what nourishes you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Feed

 

Which Wolf Are You Feeding?

I was recently with a group of friends and we were talking about the fight that many of us face each day, the internal struggle, the fight of good versus evil, one of them shared a story their Grandfather used to tell him as a child, an old Cherokee legend, it goes:

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

It made me think, which wolf was I feeding each day? Typically I’m feeding the good wolf, but on days when nothing seems to go my way, when I have a “run of bad luck” or I can’t seem to get out of a bad mood that’s a sign that I’ve been feeding the bad wolf, that I’m not taking care of myself and falling into old behaviors, because no matter what’s going on the outside, how I react, how I feel on the inside is in my control, and if I am loving, caring, and nurturing to myself, the bad wolf doesn’t come out, the bad wolf doesn’t take control, the bad wolf goes away and is chased away by the good wolf.

We have a choice each day, to feed the good wolf or the bad, it truly is up to us, we sometimes like to say it’s not, blaming others and outside things for our bad mood or attitude, but the bad is going to happen regardless, it’s the ebb and flow of life, it’s the energy we put into ourselves that determines if we are going to succumb to it or rise above it, because even in a bad situation, the good wolf can turn things around into something good, or at least see some light in the darkness. Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy, they can lead us down the darkest path, and keep us there if we let them, that’s why it’s so important to stay in the light, to live in a place of gratitude, even on a bad day, to share with others, and to give back, when we do these things we stop listening to those voices in our heads, we stop thinking about ourselves and we start thinking about how we can be of service to others, and when we do, we step into the light. If we live our lives in the light we find others there, others who are also living in the light, or at least trying to, others who will love and support us as we navigate through the choppy waters of life, they’ll be there with a boat or a hand to help us to safety. But we have to do the work to stay in that place, it’s our choice and in our control in the end.

We get out of life what we put into it, and if we’re feeding the bad wolf bad is what we’ll keep getting, if we focus on feeding the good wolf, good will come, bad will also come, but, it will be a lot more manageable with the good wolf on our side, and there will be a whole group of others, feeding their good wolves, to surround us and help us through our dark day. SLAY on my wolverines!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to feed the good wolf or the bad wolf? If you’re feeding the bad, why are you doing that? Do you see how it is your choice what you feed? Do you see that if you focus on the good that your life will get better? What holds you back from feeding the good? What are you afraid of? Challenge yourself SLAYER, to feed the good wolf this week, to focus on the good, and live in gratitude, no matter what comes your way, keep feeding the good wolf, and watch a pack surround you with love.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  It can be scary to begin, to make changes in your life, and start a new path, but the willingness to try is your key to freedom, just the act of being willing opens the door to a whole new world, and your willingness will help you take each step as you walk towards the life and goals you dream of.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Willingness