Self Love

The Power Of Words

I was having a conversation the other day about the power of words. The words we say aloud, and most importantly, the words we say internally to ourselves. Our words have more power than we think. Our words power what we think. Our words can change how we feel and can change how others feel. They can uplift us and can tear us down. But we get to choose what words have power over us, and what words have what meaning to us and our lives. And, we get to choose how we use our words.

When I was struggling to find the light in my life my inner dialogue was powerful, I gave it the power to keep me there, to only see the darkness, and I let my words speak a narrative that wasn’t authentic to who I was, but would tell the narrative I wanted to tell. The more I said them, them the more I believed them. My words kept me sick, and were making me sicker. I sought out people or situations where I would find the same words, so I was never hearing anything different. I didn’t realize that my words had the power they did, or that I even had power over them, it just seemed like a running dialogue of negativity that I couldn’t escape from.

It wasn’t until I made the choice to find a solution that I started to realize the power of my words, and, how I could get power over them. If I was going to get better and start loving myself, I had to start using my words for good, my good, and stop letting them tear me down. At first I struggled to find the words that were going to start a positive change in my life, but I was encouraged to look for what I was grateful for, what I saw in my life that was positive, and start saying those things out loud. To start, it wasn’t easy, but even if I could think of one thing, I would write it down, put it in my pocket, and when the negative words started to flow, I would take that piece of paper out and say those positive words out loud. The key for me was to say them out loud, to hear myself say them, and as I practiced this I began to find more positive words to say and more things I was grateful for. Those words started the change, and I started to realize that my words could make change, in myself, and those around me. I realized that I had the power to do that, and set out to lay down the foundation of positivity in what I was saying. I also began to realize that my words could move me forward in a direction I wanted to go, that they could propel me to a place that I had only dreamed of, and because I was saying it, and because I was doing the work, that place was now within my reach.

Today I work to choose my words carefully. I use them to shoot forward, like an arrow, of where I want to go, I use them to stamp out my fear, to congratulate myself when I overcome something in my life that I have been challenged by in the past, I use them to encourage myself, and those around me, and I have learned to listen and seek out others who speak the words I speak or want to speak. When we learn to use our words to guide ourselves in the direction we want to, we take power over our words and where we’re going, our words are more powerful than we think. Use your words carefully because you are listening. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you understand the power of your words? What do you use your words for mostly? To lift you up, or tear yourself down? If you use them to tear yourself down, why do you make that choice? How does it hold you back? What words do you use around others? Do you speak more kindly towards others than yourself? Why is that? What if you chose to speak kinder words to yourself? What do you think the result would be? Feel the power of your words, the power they have within yourself and out in the world, and you decide what energy you want to put behind them, that choice is yours.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The way you think creates your reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Share Your Story (1)

Using Heartache To Heal Hearts

As yesterday was World Mental Health Day it got me thinking about my own journey over the past 13 ½ years, and learning that by sharing some of the toughest and darkest days of my life with others can bring hope to someone who is also suffering. I often think back moments before I am writing a blog, speaking or sharing with someone one on one, of what it used to what it used to be like, and how, back then, I could have never have imagined myself talking publicly, or at all, about things that I, or society, may deem as negative or weak. I, before seeking help, felt shame about my mental health and how I was living my life, I was worried about being labeled crazy, but as I started to get better and took steps to make the changes necessary to have the life I live today I realized the power of my words, and all of our words, have the power to heal, and those days when we felt our hearts might break, or couldn’t take anymore, may, later, fill someone’s heart with the hope they need to move forward.

It’s always easier to look back at life and see the purpose of events or people who have been in our lives. Not everyone and everything may become clear to us, but those big events, those things that may changed our course, changed our view or position, may have needed to happen to get us where we needed to go, or, where we are right now. I survived a suicide attempt that I shouldn’t have, I struggled with the guilt of why I was still here, even though, after I had done it, I had regretted it thinking at that moment that there was no turning back, so when I survived, I asked myself, why was I still here? And, in my experience, when I ask the questions the answers come, they may not come on my timeline, but they will when I am meant to know them. For me, the answer was, I am here to be of service, to share my story with those who may be struggling or thinking that suicide is the only way to stop their pain, it is not. And I also know from my experience, that no one’s message gets through like someone who has been through what you have or are going through. There is power in my story and experience, and I have taken my power back from the most difficult day of my life and turned it into a message of hope, and I am not unique, you all have the ability to do the same, to take something you may have thought was negative, and perhaps was, and turn it into a beacon of hope for someone else. None of us get a free ride and walk through life without challenges, and many walk in silence because they are afraid to speak their truth, but by sharing yourself with someone you give them permission to do the same, and that permission may be the first step on their journey to recovery, it was for me when someone shared their story with me 14 years ago.

What we’ve walked through has value, not only to us, but those around us. We are all more alike than not alike, and when we open a dialogue about who we are and where we’ve come from we realize just how linked we all are and how many common experiences we have, which in turn, makes us feel less alone and more connected to those around us. I am a big proponent of looking for seemingly negative moments, struggles or aspects of my life, and turning them into positives, something that can help heal or connect with someone like myself. We all have the power to turn what may have been heartache into something that heals hearts, including your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep or hide aspects of your life that you think are negative or shameful? Why do you think you need to do that? Have you been told to do that? By whom? When you do share one of those things how do you feel after? Have you been able to connect with others who may have had the same or similar experiences? How does that feel? What is your darkest secret? Why do you think you can’t tell anyone? How do you think you would feel if you did? Is there someone in your life you could tell? Tell them SLAYER, be honest about who you are and your journey so far, we are all works in progress, and each challenge is meant to teach us something and guide us to the next part of the path, by keeping it to yourself you are stalling your progress on that road. Find the courage to share your truth, you never know how that may open the door to road you never knew was there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The happiest people don’t seek out only those with the same character, but do their best to understand the differences.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ego Or Understanding

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Listen to understand, not just to reply.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Understand Them

Understanding

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand. People let us down, deceive us, have their own hidden agenda or own sickness that blurs the lines of honesty and their actions. On my journey in recovery I have managed to find a lot of compassion for most people, but sometimes I even find it difficult to try to find some understanding in what people say and do. I forget sometimes, that not everyone has the same intentions that I do, that not everyone lives their lives the way I do, or strive to, and that there are many out there who try to take advantage, use, or take without any consideration of what that may have cost someone, physically, emotionally or spiritually. I still, do what I can, using what I’ve learned, try to find some understanding, and remember what it was like for myself before walking this path when many of my actions were selfish or dishonest.

I find myself in a place where I am trying to find some understanding around multiple people. And, maybe they don’t deserve my time to figure them out, perhaps they’re behavior is just a warning to stay back next time they come around. It’s difficult for me, to trust, it always has been, it’s easier than it was, as I learned to trust myself and began to make better decisions for myself including who I let into my life. I raised the bar, as it were, eliminating those who did not live their lives by the same principles that I was now living mine. But as I’ve traveled this road, I’ve expanded it, letting more lanes in to create more of a super highway, still always being cautious, but finding compassion and understanding where I can, and, making an effort to learn the truth instead of making assumptions and then leaving them cold. I live today with a much more of an open heart, and because I do my relationships have become richer, and more vast, but it also hurts more when I do let someone in and they break that trust. My old thinking flares up and wants to close the door on anyone new and push those in question back, and, I may for a short time, until I feel comfortable again to let the door open again. Ultimately I know I will, and have to, because living my life isolated does not bring me joy and I’ve experienced too much of it this new way to extinguish it from my life. So, how do you trust when your trust has been broken? For me, it’s different for each situation or person, sometimes I’m never fully able to do it, but it always comes back around to trying to find some understanding. We all at times are in fear, we all at times do selfish things, even when we may tell ourselves we’re not, we may not reveal our motives or intentions or expectations, we may at times find it difficult to share our truth. I can relate to all if these things, so how can I judge others for similar behavior? I shouldn’t, and most of the time, don’t, anymore, but it does take me time to build up that trust again, and to find that understanding when I feel wronged.

None of us are saints, we have all been the one who has hurt someone, even in some small way, but instead of closing the door and hiding alone, look to where you might find some understanding, not to excuse them for what they may have done, but to relate to why they might have. It is within that connection that you will find forgiveness, and forgiveness that will show you how you may be like the very person who harmed you, or where in the past, or perhaps not, but finding that connection will help to keep your heart open, maybe not to that person, but to all the rest. Find some understanding in your day today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel betrayed do you try to find some understanding? If not, why not? What do you do instead? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How has this affected your relationships in the past, or even today? Do you regret it affecting certain relationships? Even though you may have gotten hurt, are you able to look at the person or situation and find some understanding? If not, what if you tried today? Sometimes just the act of looking for it in others may help you find some understanding in yourself, you never know what you’ll find on the other side of understanding.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Trust the future for your answers.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better Yes

Live Your Way Into The Answers

I’ve written before about pausing when the answers aren’t there, about focusing on something else and not trying to force a solution or answer when it doesn’t seem to be there in the moment. Many times we want things to happen on our timeline, and it seems, most of the time, they do not, so trying to force something into being when it’s not ready or not meant to be only creates frustration, anger and resentment on our part when there is an easier softer way. It can be challenging to walk away when the answers aren’t there. As someone a former, self-described, control freak, I know how difficult it can be to come up empty when you just want to move on. But what I’ve learned on my journey is that many times I am not meant to know or come up with a solution at that time, and, I can live myself into the answer.

I know this to be true in my life, when I look for the answers, when I ask for help and direction, it comes. It may not come in that exact moment, but it will when it’s meant to, and, when I’m truly ready for it. Our lives are a connected series of events, lessons, experiences and challenges that lead us to where we are meant to be and where we are most useful, to ourselves, and others. We don’t always follow the queues, and we always have freedom of choice to do as we wish, but the road map is there if we look for it and follow what is set in front of us. And, life can, and does, take it’s twists and turns, but each of those are there for a reason as well, even if they feel very painful in the moment. We don’t always know why the pain is necessary, sometimes we do after the fact, but pain typically propels us in the direction we are meant to go, unless we allow ourselves to get consumed by it and get stuck in it, even so, staying stuck may be what we need to eventually find the courage to get up and get back on track. Each journey is unique to us, and no two are exactly alike, although we may find others who have similar ones we can relate to, and jointly use as our strength and guidance. But what it really comes down to is letting go; letting go of what we think things should look like and when, accepting the place we are and trusting it looks the way it does for a reason, and, it doesn’t always have to look this way. Our life, if we live it with an open mind and an open heart is always subject to change, and just by living our lives to the best of our ability and continuously looking for and asking for direction we may just find ourselves in places we never dreamed of, I can certainly say that has been the case in my life. And I can also say that when I haven’t tried to force things into being, have paused or walked away when the solution isn’t there, the solution does present itself at the right time when I am able to, or are meant to, execute that plan of action. It also falls into the notion of acting ‘as if.’ As I started this journey I was full of fear and doubt, and I was told to act ‘as if’ it had already gotten better, ‘as if’ I already loved myself, already was leading the life I wanted and was working towards, and on challenging days, it helped, it helped to pull me through if I was able to envision where I wanted to go.

When you are not sure how you are going to get to where you want to go, or don’t seem to be coming up with the answers, take a step back, focus on something else or act ‘as if’ until the answers come. Sometimes we are meant to stay where we are, or use our faith that we will find a way instead of muscling through and forcing a conclusion. If we are forcing something into being it is probably not for us, or where we are meant to be, so let it go and continue to live your life knowing the answers will come at the right time. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you aren’t able to come up with the answers, do you try to force your way into a solution? What is the result? How has this hurt you in the past? Have you found that letting go will sometimes present a solution even when you are not actively looking for it? Give an example. Have there been moments in your life, not having the answers, or solution, you’ve moved forward with what you know and could and found a solution later? Give an example. Our lives, our story or journey, are meant to unfold in a certain way, when we try to force a solution or conclusion we throw off that timeline and the natural flow of things and we can possibly delay where we should be as we work through the place we got ourselves into, so, trust the process, and trust that if the answer isn’t there, it will be, continue on living your life with the answers you have.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you feel strong, nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace Disturbed

Are You Disturbable?

Some days I’m more disturbable than others. When I’m taking care of myself, I’m practicing self-care, I’m eating right, getting rest, doing things in my day that give back to myself and others, I’m not very disturbable, but when I’m not doing those things I leave myself open to being easily disturbed by people, places and things. When I feel like I’m not solid in my foundation I can be disturbed by the smallest things, and at times, I’m not even aware of it when it starts, and then all of a sudden it’s there. I can judge how well I’m doing by my disturbability.

When I started on my road to recovery I was told that when I was disturbed that no matter what the cause, that the problem was with me. Now, as a recovering, well many things, but, victim who’s first reaction to any problem was to point fingers, that was a tough one to swallow. How could every disturbance be my problem? The truth is, it is always my problem if I am taking responsibility for my actions and reactions to what is around me. No matter what happens, even if it is beyond my control, I still have the responsibility to react in a way that is honorable to myself and those around me. It is easy to lash out in retaliation, and in some instances we may seem we have the right to, but at what expense? Does that behavior really solve anything, or, does it make it worse, because we now have become a part of the problem and may have harmed ourselves in the process. No matter what, we have a duty to ourselves to react, or not, based on who we are and what is better for our higher good. And that’s what it’s all about, practicing taking actions that support our higher good, and sometimes that means taking the higher road and not engaging with someone even when they are baiting you to do so.

When we live in a place where we feel fulfilled, where we feel connected or spiritually fit, we are far less disturbable. Things may come our way ubt we are like ducks, we keep swimming and the water just rolls off our back, and when we find we are highly disturbable that should be an indication that something is off, missing or we might need to step up something in our lives that makes all of those disturbances much less important. For me, when I am doing all of the things I need to do to be at my best, nothing can really disturb me, nothing seems worth the disturbance and I can’t be disturbed, and the trick is, when I’m not able to do all of the things I need to do to be in that place, when I do get disturbed, to recognize it and instead of immediately reacting, to check in with myself to see why it’s disturbing me so much, and, that’s not to say I’m perfect at this, there are times I do react quickly and then need to apologize later, but I’ve learned to use my level of disturbance to gauge where I am in my mental health, physical health and spirituality.

We have control over how disturbed we can be, it is within our power to not let things bother us, we always have the choice to walk away, to not respond, or to use that moment to look within. Next time you find yourself disturbed, before you react, ask yourself why you’re letting yourself be disturbed and what the better choice is, give yourself the power to walk away and let things go. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get disturbed often? Why do you think that is? How does that hurt you? What can you do to be less disturbed in your life? Do you notice that you are more disturbable on certain days? What type of days are those? Is there something that triggers you to be more sensitive to disturbances on certain days? What are those triggers? So knowing what your triggers are, that gives you some power over your disturbances, if you know what makes you more susceptible to them you then have the protection against falling victim to them, and instead of just reacting, arming yourself with the knowledge of why you’ve been triggered and then doing the next right thing. It’s all in your hands.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you