same

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Same Story (1)

When Was The Last Time You Did Something For The First Time?

Good question. Today. The answer for me was today. But before stepping on this path, I probably had to think about it for a while, and if I was able to come up with an answer, it probably would have been a long time ago. I got stuck in a cycle of darkness and despair. I would wake up angry I woke up, having wished the night before that I would just die in my sleep, I would tell myself that the day ahead was going to be different, but it never was, and I went to bed angry that I had just repeated the same day over yet again. But, I wasn’t doing anything different, so how could I expect anything different than what I had been getting? My head wanted me to relive the same day over and over because it wanted to keep me sick. It wanted me to say right where I was until I couldn’t take it anymore. And I got to that point. The point of not being able to take it anymore, and then I was at a crossroads, do I do something different, something for the first time, or let the same things take me out? I chose to do something for the first time, and I reached out for help. That saved my life.

Now, doing something for the first time might not be as dire as that, but it might be. The decisions we make every day effect how we see ourselves, our lives, those around us, and the trajectory where we’re going and who we come into contact with. While I was on my road to recovery I was encouraged to say yes to things, to try new things and to break out of the routine I had been in. Saying yes to new things was a bit scary at first. As much I didn’t like the way things were, I knew what the result was going to be, there were no surprises, as sick as I was, there was comfort in that place I knew, trying new things felt scary, like falling from the sky without a parachute or net, but I had to jump if I wanted to learn to fly.

I tried to look at new things as something exciting, that perspective helped those three letters come out of my mouth, y-e-s. I said yes to pretty much everything, as long as it was moving me forward and helping me in my recovery. And you know what? The more I did it, the less scary it became, and, I learned a lot about myself in the process. I had never asked myself what I liked or wanted, outside of career, I just tried to blend in, and did what I thought you wanted me to do so you wouldn’t ask a lot of questions. This was now my time! My time to discovery who I really was, and what I really liked. I also met a lot of cool people along the way, people I never would have met if I had kept saying no and isolated in my apartment. Saying yes to me meant saying yes to life, and I was determined to live.

Today I still say yes to new things. In fact, I look for new things to say yes to. I continue to learn about myself because I continue to grow and explore, and saying yes to new things is a key ingredient to that. There is so much out there that I haven’t done, or even know about, saying no and only sticking with what I know is doing myself a huge disservice, I’ve come this far, why would I stop now? Are you getting in the way of your own growth or health by saying no to new things?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open trying new things? If not, why not? When was the last time you said yes to something new? What was it? What was the result? Do you typically say yes to new things? What positive things has saying yes brought to your life? What has it taught you? How has it helped you grow? If you haven’t been saying yes, how do you think it may be hurting you? Are you currently happy where you are? Is there something you could say yes to that might move you forward, away from the place you currently find yourself? Where would you like to find yourself? How can you get there? Life presents us with many choices every day, if we don’t say yes to new things we stay stuck where we are, and, we may be missing out on where we should be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Getting There, Not Being Here

We all want to get to where we’re going, even if we don’t know where that is. We seem to want to get there even faster when we do know where we want to go and have been working to get there. We can get so focused on the finish line that we miss all of the days and moments in between, and may miss all those milestones we pass along the way that we should be acknowledging, celebrating and appreciating as we travel the journey to where we are meant to be.

I used to be guilty of this. I was so focused on what I wanted to accomplish that I had blinders on and would focus so much that I couldn’t see anything else, and was closed off to anything else other than where I wanted to get to. The trouble with living like that is that we are living the future, we’re not present and taking in life around us as we go. We can miss a lot when live this way, I know I did, and there could be many signs around us every day that we may actually be on the wrong path, but if we’re only open to seeing the the end result we want to see, we’ll never see those signs, good, or bad, and we’ll keep barreling along, perhaps in the wrong direction. For me, I also was so focused on the destination I wanted to get to because I was trying to force it into being by sheer willpower, and I used that drive to get to where I wanted to go to escape from what was really going on in my life. I thought, if I focused so much on where I wanted to go I wouldn’t have time to see where I actually was, and that the place I was at may actually prohibit me from ever reaching the goals and my dreams. That’s one vicious circle. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to live rigorously honest, and to stay present that I could really, truthfully, live in a way that honored where I currently was and what I was working towards at the same time. It also meant I needed to be flexible. To be open to new ideas and avenues and be willing to amend my plan because there might be something else out there that I hadn’t thought about or even knew about. Since walking this path my goals have shifted somewhat. There are things that remain the same, but because I’ve been open to new ideas and have said yes to things, so many more avenues have been revealed to me and have changed what gives me the most happiness. I wouldn’t have discovered any of those things if I had remained only focused on what I thought was going to make me happy or what I wanted to accomplish. Life will show you the way, if you are open to receiving it’s message.

Take time to look around each day and see what else may be out there, behind what you think you know already is. When you walk through life willing to take in new ideas and new goals you will be directed to where you are meant to be. There is so much more out there than what we can imagine in our minds, we only know what we’ve experienced so far, we don’t know what else is possible beyond that. Let others share their journey with you, be open to what may be out there, and work towards finding your best self, once you’re doing that, you are ready to reach those goals of your dreams. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open to new ideas or do you stay fixated on where you think you want to go? If you’re not open to new ideas, what stops you? If you are open, how has your openness lead you to a place you never would have gotten to if you had continually said no? What have you accomplished that you hadn’t planned on, but because you were open find a new destination or goal to focus on you found another place for yourself? What have you taken a chance on and just said yes? What have you said no to that may have held you back? How can you still find your way to the place you may have meant to be when you said no? Allow yourself to enjoy the journey, there here and now, instead of just focused on where you want to be, because you’re never going to get somewhere by ignoring where you are right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Tetris taught me one thing, if you try to fit in, you disappear.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Same

Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

Why are we so averse to change? Well, we’re certainly not averse to the circumstances changing in our lives that we don’t like, we just don’t want to have to change to change it. Therein lies the rub. Change starts with us. In order for anything in our lives to change, we have to make changes in order for that to happen. Did that just make you break out in hives?

Change used to make my anxiety level shoot up immediately. I hated change. I can still sometimes be resistant to it, but now it’s more about when a website changes its interface and I can’t find anything, or a favorite restaurant changes its menu and gets rid of my favorite dish, why do they do things like that? I have learned on my journey so far that I need to make the changes I want to see happen, I need to do the footwork, without that nothing changes.

I used to live my life in this constant cycle of same. One day just like the next because I kept doing the same things. I hated where I was, but I only knew one thing and I stayed there, just spinning my wheels to insanity because every day was just like the last. I kept thinking that life would just change it for me, by somehow just wishing for it, without any more effort from me than that. Well, if that’s you I’ve got a newsflash for you, it won’t change, and if it does, it’s probably for the worse, not better. You have the power to make a change and to set your life in a new direction. When I did that for myself, for me, it was reaching out for help, that act set the course of my life into one of recovery, of hope, of better choices, of self-love and healing, that one act of change changed the entire direction of my life, which as lead me right here.

Knowing what the power of change has done for me, I now look at change as a powerful act, something I can do because it’s within my control, I can choose to make different choices, better choices, I can make choices that are loving to myself, that honor myself, and when I do that, my life always changes for the better. Instead of looking at it as work, I now look at it as taking my power back instead of acting like a victim of life, I can make positive changes that will take me in the direction that I want to go, life will always do it’s dance, but if we can change our steps or learn some new dance moves, we can learn to dance along with it, even if we get knocked down from time to time, when we fall, we learn, and we make different choices the next time that same dance comes our way.

If we are not changing, we are not learning, we are not challenging ourselves, and testing what we are capable of, what we believe we deserve, and showing the universe we are willing to do the work to get it. When we demonstrate our willingness to change, the universe listens. And sometimes it starts right there, just by being willing, even before we are ready for the act, just the consideration of it can bring about change.

We all have sat in a state of frustration and thought, when are things going to change, they’re going to change when you do, so why not start today? What’s stopping you SLAYER?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you averse to change? Why do you think that is? What about change scares you, or makes you uncomfortable? What do you think your biggest roadblock is to change? How do you think you can overcome that? In the past, have there been instances where you have made a change and the result was different? Site those examples. Do you see that you making the change or changes caused things in your life to change? What stops you today from making changes? What in your life today, that you have control over, can you change to live your life in a healthier happier way? What’s stopping you? I challenge you SLAYER to be open to that change, to consider it, and of course, to take the necessary steps to make that change for you. Find it in you to overcome your fear to change, and make that fear less than the fear of staying the same. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we share our stories with others and they are usually met with understanding and empathy, in that place, shame cannot survive.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Grace

We SLAY Together

I had the privilege of sitting down yesterday with a group of incredible women, all from different parts of the country, different ages, different types of jobs, skills and family lives, from the outside we all looked different, but inside we were all the same. We had similar experiences, we had done, and do, similar things to get by, to live life, we had made a lot of the same mistakes, and had many of the same fears, hopes, and dreams. It made me smile, and it filled my heart with love. All of these beautiful people were doing their best, they were survivors, warriors, fighters, and all, at different times came to realize at some point in their life that their journey was not meant to walked alone, that there was strength in numbers. We are all stronger together. We back each other up. We lift each other up. And when we do, we get stronger, and we rise. When I started on this path and it was suggested I get involved with a group of people for support, my first reactions was, “I don’t like groups, I’m a one-on-one-person.” And I was. The thought of sitting in a group of people I didn’t know and have to listen to their “problems,” and then share about mine made my skin crawl. Who the heck wants to do that? But I did it anyway. I did it because my life depended on it. So I sat there that first time, not wanting to be there, and the first person who spoke told my story. I realized in that moment I wasn’t alone, and I realized by all the nodding heads in the room as she spoke, that I was in a room full of people just like me, I wasn’t the only one, I wasn’t a freak, a bad person, all of the people in that room had similar stories, and I related to something in all of them, and not only did I feel relieved that I wasn’t the only one, because I identified with the people in that room, I also found hope in the ones who had found a better way of life for themselves, I thought, if they had done it, maybe I could to. And that maybe is what kept me going back, and motivated me to do the work I needed to climb my way out.

I now love sitting in a group and sharing my truth, I get a charge from it, there’s an electricity, it’s palpable, you can feel it in the room, as is the love. I also learned a lot from sitting in those groups, I learned to listen and not interrupt until someone was finished, I learned to share my own truth in a concise and clear manner, and I learned how to be a friend to someone else, a true friend, but also how to set healthy boundaries for myself so that the friendships I was making, as well as the ones I had before, were in line with the path I was setting out to live my life on, a path that was about self-love and respect and being compassionate with others. I also learned that if I needed to talk to someone one-on-one that I wasn’t “bothering” them, that I may be helping them too. I am a firm believer that nothing happens by chance, we meet and interact with the people we are meant to, when we are meant to, and so when we reach out to someone because we need someone to listen, or we need some feedback, we’re not bothering them, we are meant to have that exchange with them because they need it to. They may need to hear what you have to say, or they may need to hear themselves say what they respond back with. It’s a two-way street, at least if it’s a healthy relationship or friendship. And, as SLAYERS, we’re working to only have healthy relationships and friendships, or at least ones on our own terms. So, when you don’t share what’s going on with you it’s actually selfish, because you are not only cheating yourself out of a conversation you should be having, but you’re also cheating the other person out of having a conversation they should  be having as well. Open your heart and share.

I am so proud of the SLAYERS who walk along with me, who share their authentic selves at any given moment, with me, with the people in their lives, and with anyone out there who can be helped by it. Every one of our stories has value, and you just never know who may hear and how that may help them, or possibly, save their life. It was a story that saved my life, and that is why I place so much importance on sharing mine with others. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do find it difficult to share you story, or what’s going on for you, with others? Why? Do you have people in your life you can trust and can talk to? If yes, why don’t you share yourself with them if don’t? If you don’t feel you have people to go to, where can you go to find people who are like you, or that you can trust? For me, it started with one person I trusted, someone I knew had overcome a lot, someone I knew wouldn’t judge me, and by opening up to that one person, I was introduced to many, and my world grew exponentially. Challenge yourself SLAYER to reach out, to share, to find those like you you can share your journey with, your struggles, and know that we here, we SLAYERS, are all alike, and we all love you, even when you don’t love yourself. Stay close SLAYER, we’ve got your back.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you