rise above

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we are at our lowest point we are open to the greatest change. 

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Embrace Your Flaws

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! You only fail when you stop trying.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stubbornness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! No matter what or who has gone wrong, you don’t have to let it defeat you, disappointment is inevitable, misery is optional.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Suffering

Swap Out I Can’t With Actually I Can

I used to tell myself I can’t a lot. What that really meant for me a lot of the time was that I was too afraid to try or I didn’t think I deserved to. And the more I said it to myself, the more I believed it. In fact, it got so ingrained in my brain that I no longer believed I could do it. But when you swap out I can’t with actually I can, you give yourself permission to try.

That switch for me came the morning I finally reached out for help. For years I told myself that I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on for fear of what the response would be, and for fear of what that admission meant to me as a person. I let those things stand in the way of my own well-being, of me getting better, and stopping my own self-punishment. But when I finally let out my big secret and told someone what my truth was, that embarrassment, that fear, that huge burden and power that secret had over me was gone. I opened the door to ‘actually I can’ the moment my truth became more important than my shame.

In the end, there is nothing to be ashamed of. We do the best we can with what we have. And if we aren’t able to do our best, even if we do have what it takes to do better, well then maybe that’s all the best we could muster in those moments. We now have a choice each day to make our best our best. To do better. To learn. Grow. And to start looking at what you can do rather than what you can’t.

When we shift our focus from cannot to can and start dwelling on those things, rather than the later, we start to look for the things we can change, and those things we can’t, don’t come so much into focus. And as we celebrate each new victory of those things we can do, our list of what we think we can’t gets shorter, or becomes less important. We put our energies into what we focus on, so why not focus on the positive, and seek out the positive if we feel we don’t have enough, or any, in our lives. Look for it. It’s there. It may be small when you start, but find it, but set your sights on it and it will grow.

We are the only ones who stand in our own way. Even when others try to put roadblocks in our way, they can’t stop us, they might slow us down or distract us, but we have the power to push through and overcome the obstacles, but many times the obstacle that is the hardest to overcome is ourselves. Try swapping out I can’t with actually I can in your life. See how that changes your perspective, and, how you start to get things done. Focus on what you can do and leave the rest. Soon you’ll notice those ‘I can’ts’ will move over to the ‘I cans’ and you’ll wonder why you ever doubted yourself. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tell yourself that you can’t do things? Do others tell you you can’t do things? What do they say? Why do they say it? Are they wrong? They are SLAYER. You can do whatever you put your mind to. The victory comes in just trying to do it. Write down 5 things you want for yourself. Write ‘actually I can’ next to those 5 things. Now write down what action you can take to get those things. Even if you’re not able to complete them write down, write down what you can do. Write down what you are willing to do. Write down what you are going to do. Much of what holds us back in life is a matter of perspective, so when we start looking for the positive we see more positive. Make a commitment to yourself to change your way of thinking and talking to yourself, instead of saying I can’t, say actually, I can. You can, and you will!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your past does not determine who you are, your past prepares you for who are you to become.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Shape Your Future

Your Past Does Not Define You

Well, unless you let it. Many of us have come from difficult, troubled, or tragic places, sometimes beyond our control, it’s easy to get labeled, or label ourselves as victims, or as those people from our past, but that’s not who we are.

I used to dwell on the past, use it as an excuse to for bad behavior, for not treating myself well, for doing self-destructive things, to me, and those around me. I told myself that it didn’t matter, that I was a bad person, and that I was entitled to it because of my past, I was wrong. Perpetuating that story or narrative only got me deeper into the darkness, and yes, there are times in our lives, or circumstances, that are beyond our control, but as an adult we at some point need to take responsibility for who we are and how we’re living our lives, and not use those things as a crutch to behave badly or to not do better for ourselves. We as adults have the power to change our stories, or to start new ones. To say that the past is the past and let it go, or move forward. Some things are easier than others to let go, but nothing is impossible. There may be circumstances that change us forever, but we then get to decide who we are in that new normal, and how we can make a difference, to ourselves, or others. I found a way to take seemingly negative events in my life and use them to connect with others, to share, to offer hope, those things, the past, now has positive purpose in my life, and because of that, all of that darkness is now surrounded by light.

No one gets to tell us who we are, or should be. Only we get to decide. And if someone is only willing to see us the way we were, or in a certain light that is not true to who we are today, then perhaps we need to let them go. It is also up to us who we share our lives with, and as we learn and try to live in the light it’s important to share our lives with those also doing the same, or, at least trying.

Using your past to hide is like continuing the abuse, the bad behavior, or reliving the difficult circumstance over and over again, only you are the one who’s doing it to yourself. To me, that makes it worse. It’s up to us to break the pattern, it’s up to us to say that’s not who we are, and it’s up to us to rise above and not let that define us. There may be residual effects from our past that we need to deal with in our day to day lives today, but we deal with them, we take them in stride, and not let them stop us from moving on, from living the life we want for ourselves today, from succeeding where we once may have failed. Everyone has obstacles to overcome, some more than others, but finding a way to work through them, work around them, or, incorporate them into the life we want is what sets us apart from those who stay stuck and never reach their full potential.

Let the past go, talk about it, work through it, tell yourself that you are not what has happened to you, or even what you may have done to yourself, not if you change that behavior today, and when you are able to do that there is no shame in where you’ve come from, because you are no longer that person, you are better, stronger, brighter, you are who you are truly meant to be, and to get there, it takes some falls, some lessons, and some forgiveness. Let go of what no longer serves you, look for opportunities to turn your past into a positive path for you to walk today, one that allows you to be your best self and allows you to let go of what no longer serves you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your past define you? Do others label you based on your past? How does that make you feel? Or, are you the one who labels yourself? Why? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do today to overcome your past? Who in your life can help you do that? Who supports you in this effort? Who do you admire for rising above their past? What can you learn from them? What can you apply to your own life to do the same? SLAYER, we all have the opportunity to let go, make peace, or re-purpose those parts of our past that are not who we are today, so don’t let anyone, or yourself, hold you back from being your best you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The two most powerful words you can share with someone are, I’m sorry. Whether you have something to be sorry about or not, truly listening to another person and sincerely offering an “I’m sorry,” is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give someone else.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Sorry

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you told us every horrible thing that you did, or happened to you, we would still love you, you are not your past.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Power 1

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We all suffer defeats, but we must not them defeat us. We can’t change what happens to us, but we can choose not to be reduced by it.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Resiliency