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Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t overthink or overtalk your way out of happiness.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Overthinking

Honesty Takes Practice

If I’m being honest, I wasn’t always honest in the past. In fact, I wasn’t even honest about how dishonest I was! I had become so accustomed to bending the truth, and justifying it, that my perception of the truth had become so warped I didn’t even know I was doing it a lot of the time. But, there were those time that I did know, and I would lie to manipulate and get what I wanted, or to make myself look better or even embellish a story to make it sound more dynamic than it really was. My dishonesty became a tool I would use to get the result I was looking for. And the more dishonest I was, the more it pulled me down into the darkness where I felt alone and afraid of being found out. My illness wanted me there, and it too lied to me to keep me sick.

It wasn’t until I made the commitment to get better that I made a commitment to be honest. That honesty started the first day by me coming clean with my family and close friends about what had been going on in my life and how sick I was. I knew, if I was going to get better, and make positive changes in my life, I had to be accountable for my actions and I needed to start getting honest with myself and those around me. It was scary, but it was also liberating. In fact, it felt so good that once I started I just kept going, but the tougher work was still ahead of me. I had to change that old behavior of not only lying to others, but to myself, and as I had mentioned, I had become so good at it that I wasn’t even aware at times I was doing it. I had to be vigilant, and I was. There were times I would catch myself lying and didn’t even know why I was lying, just out of habit, those lies felt the worst as I wasn’t even conscious of it, but those bad feelings were enough to encourage me to stop and to catch myself before I started to tell the lie. The more I practiced it the better I got. The hardest part was coming clean with myself and all of the lies and things I had done and lied to myself about. My head wanted to keep blaming myself, shaming myself and keeping myself from getting well, but I knew my honesty was a key part to me getting better, and staying better. There wasn’t anything I had done that couldn’t be forgiven, but that meant I had to also forgive myself, that was the toughest part, but I was taught that part of my forgiveness could take form as a living amends, to myself and those in my life, to make better choices and live honestly as a way of healing that part of me and my life. Looking at it from that perspective allowed me to get to work and through that work I was able to open the door on finding that forgiveness in myself. As the blog titles says, it takes practice.

We all have told little white lies, maybe to protect someone else, maybe to protect ourselves, but even those little ones can easily turn into bigger ones and perhaps into a pattern of lies that we might not even see. It is up to us to keep ourselves in check and keep ourselves in a place of honesty. It is in honesty where we can share our heart and our true selves with those around us, where we can shine bright and be who we are meant to be, and we all deserve to be just that, our best selves. Make sure to catch yourself the next time you bend the truth, or tell a lie, ask yourself why you feel you need to do that, the answer is the key to where to start your healing and your path back to the light. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always tell the truth? If not, what do you lie about? Do you consider that a big lie? Do you tell, what you would consider, little white lies? Do you count those as lies? If not, why not? How do you think those little white lies hurt you? How do you think they hurt those around you? Why do you think you tell them? Do you sometimes catch yourself lying about something you don’t need to lie about? Why do you think you do that? How can you stop yourself from doing that? It’s always better to be honest, even when honesty isn’t the easier softer way, it’s still better than not telling the truth and it coming out later, or feeling bad about it. Work to be more honest in your life, not only with others, but most of all, with yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Humility Coming From Pain

I know for me, it took a lot of pain before I found any humility, it actually took me getting knocked down to me knees, time and time again, until I finally surrendered. Up until that point, I thought I knew better, knew what was best for me, and usually, what was best for you too. My ego kept me sick, and it kept me from having meaningful honest relationships in my life. I was never going to find or see a solution when my ego was running the show, and it was my ego that nearly cost me my life. Humility is where we’re teachable, it’s where the light comes in and the healing can start. It’s that place where we give ourselves permission to ask for help, and where we find the willingness to do the work to find peace. Why do we put ourselves through so much pain until we are able to find humility?

I used to think that humility meant weakness. That it meant I couldn’t fail or make excuses for myself, that I had to have it all figured out, and be successful in everything I did. Now that is one tall order I was never going to live up to, no one could. And, not at all what humility actually is. I also used to confuse humility with self-deprecation. I would tell myself I was being humble but really just putting myself down or not taking credit for a compliment or appreciation of a job well done. That was as close to humility as I ever got, self-abuse to beat my ego down for a moment before it inflated back up to it’s super-sized proportion.

When set out on a path of recovery, I was told I needed to stay right-sized. That struggle inside of me of thinking I knew everything but that I was also a piece if crap didn’t know what to do with that. What size was right? I needed to find some humility and figure it out.

The first step of humility for me was asking for help. A phone call that opened the door, and it was from that step that I was able to find some humility from there, but it took some work to get my ego “right-sized” and admit that not only did I not know everything, I probably knew very little. In fact, considering where I found myself, I probably didn’t know much of anything in that moment. That was scary, but also exciting, to know that, if I let myself, I was about to embark on a new way of life that was going to teach me how to live in a healthier happier way. I had to push that ego aside over and over, as being teachable was the most important thing I needed to get better, and still is today. I needed to look at my part of things, and my part was all over the misery and heartache I had felt in my past, and learn to forgive myself and not blame others for my mistakes and choices that had gotten me to that place. I had to learn what true humility was, and I had to learn that when I let my ego run the show again that the only result was pain, pain that would eventually bring me back to humility.

We don’t have to wait for pain to push us to humility, but for many of us that’s what it takes. Sometimes a lot of pain. I am grateful that I was able to endure the pain I was to find my humility, and that I have learned over the years what true humility is and how to use it properly in my life. I know today that we are all important, and what we say, feel and do has the same level of importance and worth, we are all here to contribute and to share who we are and what we are, the best of what we have to offer, but none of us are better than any other, we are all here to learn, to grow, and, to remain teachable, because if we lose that teachability we probably setting ourselves up for more pain. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Has pain lead you to humility in your life? How so? What pain of you caused yourself with your lack of humility? Do you consider humility a bad thing? Why is that? How have you seen humility be a positive attribute in your life or the life of others? What can you do to find more humility in your life? No human being knows everything, and what we do know is limited to our perspective and experience, it is important to always remain open to new ideas and concepts, as well as the knowledge that there the world is much bigger than what we see everyday. We all have a great contribution to make, to share our best selves, but no one’s contribution is better than anyone else’s if it comes from your true self and shared from our heart.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Motherly Things

Today is Mother’s Day, and we honor our all of our Mom’s on their special day, but we also honor those women in our lives who do motherly things. Those women who go above and beyond to share themselves with us, who listen when we need an ear, and who step in when they see a motherly act is needed, or would be appreciated. None of these women needs to do this, they are not obligated to step in at times when our own Mothers may not be available, able to give us what we need, or, just see that we need a little extra motherly love. Sometimes too, we find a special bond with these women, that even though they may not be family, they become our chosen family, or they may be family, an Aunt or other relative, who we’ve connected with in a special way. These women don’t have a day dedicated to them, and most of them would tell you they don’t need one, but it’s on a day like today that we can also honor all that they do for us, and perhaps, what we also do for them.

Relationships aren’t a one way street, or they shouldn’t be, there should always be an exchange, and even when we feel we have nothing to give, we may be giving enough just by receiving what they have to offer. Acceptance is a great gift to give, and one we hope to all have. We hope to be accepted for who we are, but we also hope that what we give is accepted in the hopes that what we give may make someone else’s day better or brighter. Those things can be as simple as a smile, a wave, a hello, or remembering someone’s name next time you see them, it’s about letting someone in, even for a moment, and letting them know they are important. Those motherly women in our lives know this, and make us feel special time and again with their warmth and generous spirit. They make us laugh, they let us cry, they check in on us when we get quiet and they know when to give us our space. They can be the unsung heroes of our lives coming in to save the day or just adding something special when we need it most.

I have been lucky enough to have had these women in my life, I am also blessed to still have my Mother, but it’s always nice, no matter what city I am in, to have women in my life who stepped in and shown my motherly love. It took me a while to accept it, and trust it. When I started this journey I didn’t trust women, quite honestly, I didn’t trust myself, so I had to learn to open up and let women into my life, I always had a small group of female friends, but aside from my inner circle, learning to trust was something I had to work at, that meant first trusting the right women, and trusting myself to find them. It wasn’t just about what looked good on the outside, I had to look for the qualities I was working on finding or achieving myself, women I could look up to, women who understood where I had come from and where I wanted to go, women I had things in common with, and women I could share with no matter how bad I thought things were. And, those women were out there, I did find them, and still do today, and as a result, of walking along those incredible women I too have been thanked for my motherly advice or caring, something that never would have happened before, but it’s because of those motherly women who taught me to think outside of myself, to look for the next right thing and to stay present, that I am able to offer that to other women who may need that today.

As we celebrate our Moms, let’s not forget those motherly women who share themselves with us and enrich our lives. Salute them and let them know just how much what they do means to you and how they’ve impacted your life and maybe, as a result, you’ve impacted someone else’s because of the example they’ve given you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have women in your live who do motherly things? Who are they? What do they do? What do you they mean to you? How can you show your appreciation for what they do? How has their love changed or helped you? Have you been able to share that love, wisdom and knowledge with others? How? Do you look for opportunities to do motherly things for those who may need it or appreciate it? When we let love in there are many who step up to show us their love, and show us how to love, let’s show them how much we appreciate that love today but showing them love in return for all they do.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

How Do I Know I’m In The Flow?

Someone recently asked me how I know when I’m in the will of the universe or my own will. For me, I can typically tell because when I’m not trying to force my will things go smoothly, it’s like being in the express lane on the freeway.

Looking back, before stepping on this path, I only wanted things my way. Nothing went smoothly because I was trying to force things into happening the way I wanted them and when I wanted them. There was no waiting or investigating to find the right way, or the right time, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now! As a result I wasted a lot of time and energy on things I had no business being a part of, and would often get involved with people I shouldn’t have, or get involved with them for the wrong reasons. Nothing just flowed into the right direction because I was trying to override that direction with the direction I was trying to make happen, which led me into dishonesty and manipulation. It was all a slippery slope with me, and when I’m in a mode of trying to force my will I’ll go to almost any length to make that happen, ignoring the signs around me that I’m heading in the wrong direction.

The Universe, God, Higher Power, whatever makes sense for you, does send us guidance and signs if we ask for them, and, we are looking for them. Sometimes those signs do come like a slap in the face when we’ve been ignoring them, and there may be something that comes that is even bigger than a sign and just stops you dead in your tracks, but when we are open to working with a force that is bigger than ourselves, and look for direction, I have found it is there, and if it’s not in that moment I know that I am not supposed to do anything at that moment, to keep doing the work, keep investigating, keep asking for direction, but stay right where I am until I feel confident about the next move. It is during those times, when I am in alignment with where I am supposed to be that I feel at peace, that things do fall into place, many times, quite miraculously, and I feel grounded and centered on my path. Now that may sound like some mumbo jumbo if you don’t have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself, but I am a firm believer in a higher power and I know, from plenty of experiences in my life, that there is something out there that watches over me, and I also know that when I connect with it, it has my back, in fact it’s even had my back when I haven’t connected with it, but it works better when I do, and I certainly feel better.

There are signs and direction everywhere if we choose to see them and take the direction. We can try to run the show and steer the ship ourselves, but we’re likely going to hit solid ground at some point steering it alone, now that’s not to say that hitting bottom isn’t a part of your journey, and, could possibly be a blessing to get you where you need to be, but why cause more chaos than you really need to, life is meant to be enjoyed, we’re not meant to suffer at your own hand. Find your flow, be open to new ideas or directions, and look for the signs, they’re there and they’re there to show us the way. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe that there is something greater than yourself that guides you and looks after you? If not, why not? If you do, what is your understanding or belief in what that is? How has it guided you in the past? When have you seen the guidance and chosen not to take it? What was the result? What signs have you seen in your life that there seems to be some guidance from that source? How do you connect with it? How can you connect with it more? It comes down to having faith SLAYER, faith in something you cannot see but can feel, if you consciously work on forming a relationship with it, and allow yourself to loosen the reigns and let something else show you the way, that connection, or bond, will get stronger, and that direction clearer. There is a lot out there we don’t know, so why not let yourself believe and trust that you may have more on your side than you thought?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fear is often the result of imagined consequences rather than reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay fear life