recovery

Using Heartache To Heal Hearts

As yesterday was World Mental Health Day it got me thinking about my own journey over the past 13 ½ years, and learning that by sharing some of the toughest and darkest days of my life with others can bring hope to someone who is also suffering. I often think back moments before I am writing a blog, speaking or sharing with someone one on one, of what it used to what it used to be like, and how, back then, I could have never have imagined myself talking publicly, or at all, about things that I, or society, may deem as negative or weak. I, before seeking help, felt shame about my mental health and how I was living my life, I was worried about being labeled crazy, but as I started to get better and took steps to make the changes necessary to have the life I live today I realized the power of my words, and all of our words, have the power to heal, and those days when we felt our hearts might break, or couldn’t take anymore, may, later, fill someone’s heart with the hope they need to move forward.

It’s always easier to look back at life and see the purpose of events or people who have been in our lives. Not everyone and everything may become clear to us, but those big events, those things that may changed our course, changed our view or position, may have needed to happen to get us where we needed to go, or, where we are right now. I survived a suicide attempt that I shouldn’t have, I struggled with the guilt of why I was still here, even though, after I had done it, I had regretted it thinking at that moment that there was no turning back, so when I survived, I asked myself, why was I still here? And, in my experience, when I ask the questions the answers come, they may not come on my timeline, but they will when I am meant to know them. For me, the answer was, I am here to be of service, to share my story with those who may be struggling or thinking that suicide is the only way to stop their pain, it is not. And I also know from my experience, that no one’s message gets through like someone who has been through what you have or are going through. There is power in my story and experience, and I have taken my power back from the most difficult day of my life and turned it into a message of hope, and I am not unique, you all have the ability to do the same, to take something you may have thought was negative, and perhaps was, and turn it into a beacon of hope for someone else. None of us get a free ride and walk through life without challenges, and many walk in silence because they are afraid to speak their truth, but by sharing yourself with someone you give them permission to do the same, and that permission may be the first step on their journey to recovery, it was for me when someone shared their story with me 14 years ago.

What we’ve walked through has value, not only to us, but those around us. We are all more alike than not alike, and when we open a dialogue about who we are and where we’ve come from we realize just how linked we all are and how many common experiences we have, which in turn, makes us feel less alone and more connected to those around us. I am a big proponent of looking for seemingly negative moments, struggles or aspects of my life, and turning them into positives, something that can help heal or connect with someone like myself. We all have the power to turn what may have been heartache into something that heals hearts, including your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep or hide aspects of your life that you think are negative or shameful? Why do you think you need to do that? Have you been told to do that? By whom? When you do share one of those things how do you feel after? Have you been able to connect with others who may have had the same or similar experiences? How does that feel? What is your darkest secret? Why do you think you can’t tell anyone? How do you think you would feel if you did? Is there someone in your life you could tell? Tell them SLAYER, be honest about who you are and your journey so far, we are all works in progress, and each challenge is meant to teach us something and guide us to the next part of the path, by keeping it to yourself you are stalling your progress on that road. Find the courage to share your truth, you never know how that may open the door to road you never knew was there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The happiest people don’t seek out only those with the same character, but do their best to understand the differences.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ego Or Understanding

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Listen to understand, not just to reply.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Understand Them

Understanding

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand. People let us down, deceive us, have their own hidden agenda or own sickness that blurs the lines of honesty and their actions. On my journey in recovery I have managed to find a lot of compassion for most people, but sometimes I even find it difficult to try to find some understanding in what people say and do. I forget sometimes, that not everyone has the same intentions that I do, that not everyone lives their lives the way I do, or strive to, and that there are many out there who try to take advantage, use, or take without any consideration of what that may have cost someone, physically, emotionally or spiritually. I still, do what I can, using what I’ve learned, try to find some understanding, and remember what it was like for myself before walking this path when many of my actions were selfish or dishonest.

I find myself in a place where I am trying to find some understanding around multiple people. And, maybe they don’t deserve my time to figure them out, perhaps they’re behavior is just a warning to stay back next time they come around. It’s difficult for me, to trust, it always has been, it’s easier than it was, as I learned to trust myself and began to make better decisions for myself including who I let into my life. I raised the bar, as it were, eliminating those who did not live their lives by the same principles that I was now living mine. But as I’ve traveled this road, I’ve expanded it, letting more lanes in to create more of a super highway, still always being cautious, but finding compassion and understanding where I can, and, making an effort to learn the truth instead of making assumptions and then leaving them cold. I live today with a much more of an open heart, and because I do my relationships have become richer, and more vast, but it also hurts more when I do let someone in and they break that trust. My old thinking flares up and wants to close the door on anyone new and push those in question back, and, I may for a short time, until I feel comfortable again to let the door open again. Ultimately I know I will, and have to, because living my life isolated does not bring me joy and I’ve experienced too much of it this new way to extinguish it from my life. So, how do you trust when your trust has been broken? For me, it’s different for each situation or person, sometimes I’m never fully able to do it, but it always comes back around to trying to find some understanding. We all at times are in fear, we all at times do selfish things, even when we may tell ourselves we’re not, we may not reveal our motives or intentions or expectations, we may at times find it difficult to share our truth. I can relate to all if these things, so how can I judge others for similar behavior? I shouldn’t, and most of the time, don’t, anymore, but it does take me time to build up that trust again, and to find that understanding when I feel wronged.

None of us are saints, we have all been the one who has hurt someone, even in some small way, but instead of closing the door and hiding alone, look to where you might find some understanding, not to excuse them for what they may have done, but to relate to why they might have. It is within that connection that you will find forgiveness, and forgiveness that will show you how you may be like the very person who harmed you, or where in the past, or perhaps not, but finding that connection will help to keep your heart open, maybe not to that person, but to all the rest. Find some understanding in your day today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel betrayed do you try to find some understanding? If not, why not? What do you do instead? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How has this affected your relationships in the past, or even today? Do you regret it affecting certain relationships? Even though you may have gotten hurt, are you able to look at the person or situation and find some understanding? If not, what if you tried today? Sometimes just the act of looking for it in others may help you find some understanding in yourself, you never know what you’ll find on the other side of understanding.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you feel strong, nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace Disturbed

Are You Disturbable?

Some days I’m more disturbable than others. When I’m taking care of myself, I’m practicing self-care, I’m eating right, getting rest, doing things in my day that give back to myself and others, I’m not very disturbable, but when I’m not doing those things I leave myself open to being easily disturbed by people, places and things. When I feel like I’m not solid in my foundation I can be disturbed by the smallest things, and at times, I’m not even aware of it when it starts, and then all of a sudden it’s there. I can judge how well I’m doing by my disturbability.

When I started on my road to recovery I was told that when I was disturbed that no matter what the cause, that the problem was with me. Now, as a recovering, well many things, but, victim who’s first reaction to any problem was to point fingers, that was a tough one to swallow. How could every disturbance be my problem? The truth is, it is always my problem if I am taking responsibility for my actions and reactions to what is around me. No matter what happens, even if it is beyond my control, I still have the responsibility to react in a way that is honorable to myself and those around me. It is easy to lash out in retaliation, and in some instances we may seem we have the right to, but at what expense? Does that behavior really solve anything, or, does it make it worse, because we now have become a part of the problem and may have harmed ourselves in the process. No matter what, we have a duty to ourselves to react, or not, based on who we are and what is better for our higher good. And that’s what it’s all about, practicing taking actions that support our higher good, and sometimes that means taking the higher road and not engaging with someone even when they are baiting you to do so.

When we live in a place where we feel fulfilled, where we feel connected or spiritually fit, we are far less disturbable. Things may come our way ubt we are like ducks, we keep swimming and the water just rolls off our back, and when we find we are highly disturbable that should be an indication that something is off, missing or we might need to step up something in our lives that makes all of those disturbances much less important. For me, when I am doing all of the things I need to do to be at my best, nothing can really disturb me, nothing seems worth the disturbance and I can’t be disturbed, and the trick is, when I’m not able to do all of the things I need to do to be in that place, when I do get disturbed, to recognize it and instead of immediately reacting, to check in with myself to see why it’s disturbing me so much, and, that’s not to say I’m perfect at this, there are times I do react quickly and then need to apologize later, but I’ve learned to use my level of disturbance to gauge where I am in my mental health, physical health and spirituality.

We have control over how disturbed we can be, it is within our power to not let things bother us, we always have the choice to walk away, to not respond, or to use that moment to look within. Next time you find yourself disturbed, before you react, ask yourself why you’re letting yourself be disturbed and what the better choice is, give yourself the power to walk away and let things go. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get disturbed often? Why do you think that is? How does that hurt you? What can you do to be less disturbed in your life? Do you notice that you are more disturbable on certain days? What type of days are those? Is there something that triggers you to be more sensitive to disturbances on certain days? What are those triggers? So knowing what your triggers are, that gives you some power over your disturbances, if you know what makes you more susceptible to them you then have the protection against falling victim to them, and instead of just reacting, arming yourself with the knowledge of why you’ve been triggered and then doing the next right thing. It’s all in your hands.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Find Your Saviors

I always had friends. I typically had a small group of friends growing up, one or two girls, large groups made me feel uncomfortable, shy and nervous. As I grew up that continued, my circle of friends got bigger but I usually spent time with one at a time, it was rare that I went out in groups. I also enjoyed spending time alone, and fancied myself as a lone wolf who reached out to her friends when she felt like leaving the den. When my life was in a downward spiral I hid it from my friends, and many of them, although they had seen glimpse of troubling behavior or changes, did not know the extent of what was going on, I kept most of it to myself. Some of those people in my life were my saviors in different ways, in moments when I would let them in enough or they would shine their light in my direction giving me a moment or two of rest from the internal battle I fought every day. But when I made the decision to seek help, that is when they, and many others stood by my side as I fought for my life.

As I stepped on this path of recovery I was terrified. I knew that my life had to change or I would lose my battle. Standing at this crossroads with the gift of fear and desperation, I confessed my secrets and opened up to those in my life about the darkness I had been living in. They rallied around me in support, but I was told to seek out others, like myself, who were fighting the same fight and who I could walk next to on my journey to a better life, I was encouraged to join a support group. My first reaction was, I’m not a group person, I’m not going to like this, but, knowing doing it alone didn’t work, I took the suggestions and nervously sought out these groups. I was terrified, but found that what I had actually discovered was a new home. A place with like-minded people who understood what was in front of me, or were, just like me, starting this new way of life. Those people welcomed me, supported me and loved me long before I loved myself. They, all, became my saviors. And that’s not to say that those friends and family who had stood by me all those years weren’t, but there is nothing like someone standing by your side who understands what you’re going through, someone who’s been there, and said and done the things you have, those people, who walked before me, and showed me that there was, and is, hope, saved my life.

Our saviors can take many forms. As mentioned, they can be family, friends, co-workers, those like yourself who you meet through clubs or support groups, they can be clergy or members of religious or spiritual groups, or even fan clubs or conventions, anyone who lifts up your spirits and encourages you to be your best self and to move forward. And we may find that our saviors change as we do, we may look for different things, attributes or inspiration in those around us, that is OK, it means we’re learning and growing on our path and we’re looking to the next chapter of where we want to go, or what we want to work on next. Trust that you are being drawn to the people you are for a reason, and look at what you can learn from those people.

We are not meant to walk our journey alone, as someone who believed I could only trust myself, I had to learn that there are many trustworthy strong individuals out there who I could learn from, and, that trust, started with me. Having walked this path for over 13 ½ years I have had and have many saviors in my life, whether they are in my everyday life or I see them sporadically, or maybe not even at all anymore, they all have lifted me up, inspired me and encouraged me to move forward, and every one of them has played an integral role in me getting to where I am right now.

Find your saviors, hang on to them, listen to them, learn from them, and know they have been sent to you for a reason. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have what you would consider saviors in your life? Who are they? How did you find them? How have they saved you or helped you? How have you done the same for them? If you don’t know, ask them. What do you look to your saviors to help you with? How has what you look for changed? How have your saviors changed? We walk our paths with many others who are walking theirs, and together we help each other walk the sometimes challenging road as we navigate through life. Thank your saviors today for all they do for you, or have done, to get you where you are today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You have the power to say, this is not how my story is going to end. Your story isn’t over yet ;

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ends The Chances

Suicide Prevention- No Shame

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. A day that is particularly important to me. As a survivor it is a reminder of the place I came from, and the importance of ending the stigma that mental health issues are something to hide and be ashamed of. My shame of my disease kept me silent, and that silence nearly cost me my life. Approximately 1 and 5 adults experience mental illness in any given year in the United States. 1 in 5. Think about that. Anywhere you go, when you look around, 1 and 5 of those people you see are experiencing or have experienced some form of mental illness. So, why are we so afraid to talk about it? Why is there shame around something that so many us all share?

I know for myself I was afraid of being labeled “crazy,” of possibly being in an institution, whether a real threat or imagined, I was afraid of people looking at me differently, of possibly being medicated, something that frightened me as I had seen the side-effects of certain medications in my life having a negative effect, and, I was afraid of being seen as broken, or damaged. Those were the fears that kept me from reaching out and getting the help I needed. I was ashamed at how I was living my life, and my ego and pride stopped me for many years from finding the humility and courage to ask for help. It was someone who shared his story with me, who recognized what I was struggling with, and opened his heart to me about his journey that opened the door for my recovery. I appreciated his courage to share himself with me in that way, and his courage to seek treatment. I could see how his life was today and how he had changed, but I wasn’t quite ready in that moment to identify myself as having the same mental illness. Lucky for me, that story planted a seed, and a few months later, that seed had started to grow, and I realized that I did recognized myself in his story from what it had been like for him. It was the first time I felt like it was safe to tell someone the truth about the place I found myself in, the daily struggle just to get through each day and my constant hope that I would just die in my sleep and make the pain go away. But, in reality, I didn’t want to die, I just, on my own, didn’t know how to make the pain stop, but by asking for help I later found many people who did.

The key to my recovery, and my life today, was my ability to be honest with myself, and those who could help me. I found, that when I did reach out for help that there was an abundance of it, and a community of people who understood what I was going through who rallied around me in support. I learned that what I thought was something to be ashamed of was something that connected me to that community, and to many people who were already in my life who understood my struggle, and that connection meant I wasn’t alone. No one in my life turned away from me. There were certainly those who understood more than others, but those who did not asked questions and attempted to understand. Today, having nearly double digit recovery from my attempt, I am grateful to be here, to have the life I have today, and to be able to share my journey with others who may need to hear that there is hope, there is hope.

The more we talk about something the more it loses it’s power over us, the more that shame we may carry disappears and the more it give others permission to be honest about themselves. Everyone needs help sometime, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out your hand and asking for help. The day I tried to end my pain, I remember regretting what I had done, and when I talk with other survivors, I typically hear the same from them, I was lucky that I was given a second chance, but many do not get that chance, and I wonder how many regretted what they had done after they had done it, probably many.

I am here today to share my story, share my hope, share my light for the person that may be sitting in the dark, there is help all around you, there truly is, sometimes it may not be where you think it is, or where you think it should be, but it’s there. Share you truth and open your heart to finding the help you need, never be ashamed of the place you are right now, because where you are right now may just be where you need to be to get to the place you are meant to be, a place where you can be proud of who are you and who you are, and a place where your courage may just inspire someone else to find theirs. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your truth with those around you, or those you trust, or keep your feelings inside? If you don’t share your truth, why don’t you? Do you try? What stops you? Have you shared your truth in the past? What was the result? If it wasn’t a good result, is it possible you may have shared your truth with the wrong person or persons? Who can you share your truth with? There is no shame in needing help.

If you are not sure who or how to reach out, here are a list a resources you can trust. Suicide Help Resources

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Large things are made up of many small things. Celebrate the small things.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate Life