reaction

From Victim To Victor

Before walking this path I thought of myself as of victim. I felt I was a victim of those around and me and a victim of life. I truly believed that everything and everyone was conspiring to get me. And, my disease told me that I deserved it. I used the victim label like a get out of jail card, I used it to excuse myself from bad behavior or for not taking action where I should and could have. There was a lot I could have done over the years to help myself, but not as long as I could only see myself as a victim. Even when I made the choice to get better I still believed I was a victim, but my path of healing was about to reveal to me that I had been a victim, most of all, to myself.

Stepping into a new way of life and interacting with new people who were battling the same issues as I was, I noticed that these people were not victims, they were fighters, survivors, warriors and victors. It was inspiring, but I still had to be willing to let go of the victimhood that I had used to shield myself from the responsibilities of my own actions. If I was going to find victory in this new way of life I had to let go of being a victim. Shedding that label was scary, as letting it go and not identifying myself as victim meant that I had to take responsibility for my part in the activities and events that lead me to my personal bottom. That was a lot to face up to. When I was able to be rigorously honest with myself, there was very little that I had been a victim to, most everything I had labeled as something I had no part in was absolutely false, my part was all over those things I wanted to make others responsible for. With the exception of our childhood, when we’re young and do not have the ability to make choices, we play some role in most of everything that happens in our lives. There are those instances we do fall victim to a crime or unwittingly get involved in something, but for the most part, even if it’s just engaging with someone or something I shouldn’t have, I played a part in it, or, at the very least, I still had a choice of how I react to what was happening around me. I was no victim, I contributed to much of my heartache and even, at times, purposely led myself down a path to get hurt or betrayal because I thought I deserved it. That victim cloak I draped over myself was mostly made up of excuses to not take ownership of my actions and to a life that I was ashamed of. I certainly had mental health issues working against me, but had I been honest and had the courage to share my truth those issues, as I’ve learned on the path I walk now, are not insurmountable. When I finally took responsibility for my part in all that led me to a place of incomprehensible demoralization, in that moment, I stopped being a victim and became a victor. It took much more work than that to really take ownership of it, but that was the first step, admitting where I had played a part in my own demise.

Today I know I am a victor, I have been victorious over many things, for many years. I will no longer allow myself to be a victim and I will take responsibility for my actions and my part in things. When we admit our part and see where we contributed to our own misery and wrongdoing we take our power back, or perhaps gain it for the first time, that power gives us the fuel to take part in our own recovery, in the ownership of our actions, and reactions, and allows us to find and learn a better way of life. For those of us who have made the move to victor we know the strength we have found in that, and we encourage those who have not yet crossed over to join us as we walk in victory together on this new path and the road beyond. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as a victim? Why is that? Have you played any part in what causes you to think of yourself as a victim? Even if it’s just your reaction to it? How have you played the victim in your own past? Have you used that to gain sympathy or to manipulate in the past? Do you still do that? Why? How does that hurt you? Have others tried to place a victim label on you? Why do you think that is? Are you willing to look at your part in the events that lead you to believe you are a victim? How can you take your power back? We are strong men and women who cannot be defeated unless we allow it, we can overcome anything we put our minds to, and we can use the strength of those around us to help us when we feel weak, or unsure what the next step may be. Find your strength, hold on to us as you make that step from victim to victor and soar.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Meeting Catastrophe With Composure

Now, I’m not going to lie, I do tend to be a little dramatic by nature, but I used to meet catastrophe with craziness. I would dial up the drama and add fuel to an already roaring bonfire never acknowledging that I may be making things worse, for the situation, and for my own peace of mind. But back then I never had any peace of mind, and I thought of most things as worse than the next, so I just would jump in feet first and get right in there. It wasn’t until I started on a new path, the path I am now, that I was told I didn’t have to do that. I had a choice. What? That was news to me. A lot of things were news to me at the start of my journey, but learning that I had, not only a choice, but a responsibility to myself, and honoring this new way of life, to not cause myself unnecessary harm, and to certainly not cause it for others.

In concept this seemed like a good idea. It made sense to me. But putting into practice proved to be challenging at first, and still can be on certain days. As I’ve said here at State Of Slay, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points or cash and prizes for answering or reacting the fastest, in fact, it should be the opposite, we should get points for taking a moment and doing the right thing, but life isn’t about points, it’s about doing that next right thing, and not just for ourselves, but for those around us. In a sense, I liked the idea that it was my choice on how I could tackle something I considered a catastrophe, or disaster, or any kind of adversity, it felt powerful, but I had to learn how to use and harness that power. And, really, when I thought about it, when I reacted to things in the past, or overreacted, that didn’t feel powerful at all, it felt out of control. So, how did I take my power back? Well, I slowed down, for one. When I felt that fire in me bubble up from something that was going on, I would breathe, and if I needed to, I would step away, go outside, or even retreat to the restroom to cool down. I excused myself a lot at the beginning, and sometimes I still do, sometimes it’s just better to take a moment, or just not engage at all when there isn’t any way of making something better, or you realize, that what’s going on really has nothing to do with you and someone is just trying to take out their anger and frustration on you and there’s no way to make that situation better. It’s about giving yourself enough time to asses what’s really going, what can be done to make it better, if anything, if there is a resolution, and what the proper channels are to find one. You see why the pause is necessary? You can’t answer and discover all of those things while you’re flying off the handle and screaming at the top of your lungs to match someone else’s voice or energy. Take your power back, pause, then respond, or don’t respond, but don’t let ego take over and tell you you have to win, or that always can win in the moment, and, is winning even the point?

We are met with challenges every day, there are those people, places and things that will stand in the way of our composure, if we let them. Next time we meet up with a potential catastrophe try throwing some composure on the situation and see if you can dial down that catastrophe to just a situation, or, maybe turn it around to a good experience…it’s possible, give it a try. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically dive right in when something is going on or are approached to engage in a situation that may not involve you? Why? Do you find you have a tendency to have to be right? Do you find you have a tendency to have to try to fix any and all situations, even if they don’t involve you? Why do you think you feel the need to do this? When something is heated or gets you angry to rise to the same level of anger, or higher, to try to get your way? Why do you feel the need to do this? Do you have to be right, even when you’re wrong? Why do you feel the need to be right? SLAYER, all of these reactions or reasons are within your control, the question is, what serves your soul and peace of mind? It’s likely not confrontation.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way you used to, ask yourself if you want to a prisoner of your past, or a pioneer of your future.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Awareness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of you react to it.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Reaction

Wear The World Like A Loose Garment

Before stepping on this path I was constantly trying to control the world around me. I would manipulate things to try to force a favorable outcome for myself. I would lie. Cheat. Steal. I would do anything I could to try to get the result I was looking for. As those of you know who have tried this approach, it is impossible to control people, places and things, the only thing we can control is how we react to the world around us, and how we conduct ourselves while we’re out there.

For me, when I made a decision to live a healthier life and made a commitment to make better choices for myself, I had to find a balance of not trying to control everything, but also not just cutting myself off from the world, to observe what was going on, changing those things I didn’t like that were in my control and learning to accept the rest. The observing things and letting them go proved to be the most challenging. It was hard to just see things and not try to control what I didn’t like, right down to noise outside my window from a garbage truck. I mean, doesn’t the truck driver know I’m trying to concentrate over here!? I was told to wear the world like a loose garment. I thought, how am I going to do that? Not react or try to change things? But I learned, I had to, my mental health depended on it. I could no longer enjoy the luxury of getting so tied up in things being my way, and that being the only way, it wasn’t healthy for me, or those around me. I had to start letting things go, so I took the loose garment approach and set off on my goal to start observing and stop obsessing.

It wasn’t easy at first. Just noticing things, things that bothered me, or weren’t “right” or things that could be done better, but I had to ask myself if it was my business in the first place, and most of the time, it was not, I had to ask myself if anyone had asked for my suggestions, and, most of the time, they had not, and I had to ask myself if I wanted to be right or I wanted to be happy, well, I wanted both, but many times, that wasn’t an option, so I had to choose happy. I practiced just acknowledging things as they came up, without reacting to them, that wasn’t always easy, but like anything else, the more I did it the easier it got. When I found it difficult to let something go I had to ask myself if it was my business to be worrying about it in the first place, most of the time, it was not. The better I got at this the less stress and anxiety I felt in my life, and, because I wasn’t trying to control the outcome I was able to see things from a different perspective, and, I found it easier to find solutions to things because I wasn’t trying to meddle in the results.

The more we’re able to wear the world like a loose garment, let things slide off of us, and not try to manipulate the results to suit our own needs, to happier we’ll be. Now, my illness used to tell me different, but today I know the truth, and I know what is best for me to live the kind of life I want to live, and that is one where I know the difference between what I am able to change, should change, and what is none of my business all together, and that frees me up to do a lot of more productive things, like reaching out to all of you here at STATE OF SLAY. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to manipulate things in your favor? What is the result of that? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? What happens when things don’t go your way? How does that impact your day? Are you able to let things go if you don’t get your way? If not, why not? If not, how can you learn to let things go and trust the outcome? Do you get involved in situations that are not really your business? Do you get told things are not your business? Do you still involve yourself? Typically, what is the result? How does that harm you? What if you just observed things SLAYER, and not get involved in every battle, every thing that catches your eye as something you don’t like, or need to fix? What if you choose to let those things go that shouldn’t involve you? What would you do with all the free time? Perhaps continue to work on your own self-love and self-care? Just a gentle suggestion

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! People and situations are both powerless without your reaction.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Situation