loving

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s cool to be kind.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

Be pretty kind

Make An Appointment With Yourself

Before walking this path the last thing I wanted to do was check in with myself. My goal each and every day was to hide, to shut off the negative self-talk in my head and to not feel anything. I was in such terror of my own thoughts that I had even stopped going to yoga in fear of being alone in my head for an hour without any distractions, something I hadn’t even realized I had done until years later when I was on a path of recovery. Everything in me worked to get outside of myself and the torture of my own thoughts. But when I made a commitment to get better and seek treatment, the running had to stop and the honesty had to begin. The thought of that terrified me. I knew all of the things that I had stuffed down and was trying to hide from, how the heck was I now just going to let it all out and what was I going to do with it all? That’s where the support and help came in, and as previously mentioned, the honesty. I wasn’t going to be able to do it alone and I needed to reach out for help.

It was through the honesty and help of others that I was able to slowly let go and allow myself to feel. I’m going to be honest, it was scary at first, and at times, very overwhelming, but I was able to tap into my thoughts and feelings, and, started to learn the truth from the fiction. My head always wants to paint me as a victim, but that isn’t true, it wants to me to stay sick, so it will still tell me lies, I have learned, over many years, not to listen to those lies, but sometimes I can still fall into old behaviors and believe them for a short while, but most of the time, now, I can sift through the truth from the bullshit. And, it’s important for me to do that. To take some time and make an appointment with myself and check in. That can be in meditation, sitting quietly for a short time, it can take form in a walk or spending time nature, it can be laying down quietly, or perhaps, yes, taking a yoga class. But it’s important that I check in to see where my head and thoughts are at, because they tell me a lot how I’m doing, and what may need to be worked on or fixed. Our thoughts, even the bad ones, can also show us what we need to work on, or address, they’re like that light that comes on in the car when it needs service, they’re nothing to be afraid of, just should be looked at. Taking time for and with yourself also is an act of self-love, it is a loving gesture to yourself to show you care and want the best for yourself.

We all have busy lives, and sometimes our thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming, or maybe something we don’t want to feel, but it is important that we do feel them and look for a way to acknowledge them and find the root of them so the real issue can be dealt with. It’s also important to share our thoughts and feelings with those we trust or a professional who may have some advice or a way to work through them, it’s important to find a solution and let them go.

Find some time in this week to make an appointment with yourself. Whether it be for 5 minutes, an hour or a whole day, that time is always time well spent, and you may just thank yourself for it later. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you take time for yourself? What do you do to make time to honor yourself? How do you do that? How often do you do that? If you don’t, how can you make some time to honor yourself and check in to see how you’re doing today? Are you afraid of doing so? If so, why? Do you have people in your life you can share your honest thoughts and feelings with? Do you have a professional person you can do that with, or someone within a religious or spiritual community? If not, how can you go about finding someone who you can feel comfortable with to share your thoughts and feelings? Look for opportunities this week to take some time for yourself, or perhaps check in with yourself today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Loved Into Loving

When I first stepped on this path I hated myself. I didn’t even know if I was worth saving, or that I could change the way I felt about myself. I had lived so long as a liar and had done so many things to harm myself, I was so ashamed of the place I had taken my life that I wasn’t sure there was a way back from that. I was lucky enough to have had a friend who had come back from a very similar place and he found his way back, and not even back really, he found a new place, and he found self-love. He was the one I reached out to at my lowest low, when my head was telling me that the only way out was to die, I was blessed with enough fight in me to pick up the phone, instead of something else, and ask for help. Walking on this new path was scary, I felt exposed and fragile, and I was. It was the first time in my life that I was truly being honest, with myself, and those around me, that was scary, especially for someone who hated herself. The thought of having to let out my deepest darkest secrets and somehow find love for myself in the process seemed like an impossible task, but I was blessed with an incredible group of people around me who supported me, and, loved me into loving.

I didn’t really understand what they meant when someone would say to me that they would love me until I could love myself. At first, it just seemed like a line someone would say to make themselves look and sound better. I mean, I hated myself, and I have the most to gain by finding self-love, so how could someone else love me when I didn’t? Then I also thought, well, if you do love me it’s because you don’t know me yet, once I tell you who I really am, that will change, and that love will go away. But it didn’t. In fact it got stronger. The more open and honest I was able to be with these incredible people, and myself, the more they loved me, so much so that I could feel it each time I let my guard down a little more, and little by little, through their love, I began to love myself. It was easier to see love through their eyes, to see how much they cheered for every one of my victories, to see how they were there on those difficult days, and to encourage me to keep going and discover my true self. I certainly had doubt along the way, but it helped on those days to have their support and love to remind me that I was worth fighting for.

Before starting this journey I didn’t tell people I loved them openly, it was very rare. It’s not that I didn’t love the people in my life, I did, but because I didn’t feel it for myself I was hesitant to say it to others because I felt like it was mostly just words. When you tell someone you love them it comes from that place of love in yourself, like your love is shared with them, or your love recognizes the love in them and acknowledges it, so when I only felt hate towards myself it felt false to say that I loved someone else. As I began to feel love for myself through the love of others, and through doing the work I need to do to forgive, accept myself and let go of the past, that love I was now feeling for myself spilled out to the people in my life, and it certainly spilled out to the people who loved me into loving.

Love is the most powerful vibration in the universe. When we tap into it, whether ourselves, or through others, miracles happen. I’ve often said to SLAYERS who are having a bad day of self-doubt and self-hatred, that I love them, and if they respond in a way that tells me they don’t, I tell them again that I love them anyway, and I’m happy to love them for them until they can find the love for themselves. You have to let the love in to let it grow inside of you. We are all worthy of love, and we all have the ability to love ourselves, if we just let that love in. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you love yourself? If yes, why? If not, why not? What stops you from loving yourself? Why do you think you’re unlovable? Are these reasons valid today or stories from your past, or someone else’s opinion who may be struggling with love? What are three ways you can show yourself love today? How can you share that love with others? When someone tells you they love you, do you believe them? If not, why not? Do you tell people you love them? If you do, are you lying? You’re not SLAYER. Find your way into self-love, whether through the love of others, or by showing someone you care about the love you have to share. Sending out or receiving love gets you into loving, yourself, and those around you. I love you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

Why are we so averse to change? Well, we’re certainly not averse to the circumstances changing in our lives that we don’t like, we just don’t want to have to change to change it. Therein lies the rub. Change starts with us. In order for anything in our lives to change, we have to make changes in order for that to happen. Did that just make you break out in hives?

Change used to make my anxiety level shoot up immediately. I hated change. I can still sometimes be resistant to it, but now it’s more about when a website changes its interface and I can’t find anything, or a favorite restaurant changes its menu and gets rid of my favorite dish, why do they do things like that? I have learned on my journey so far that I need to make the changes I want to see happen, I need to do the footwork, without that nothing changes.

I used to live my life in this constant cycle of same. One day just like the next because I kept doing the same things. I hated where I was, but I only knew one thing and I stayed there, just spinning my wheels to insanity because every day was just like the last. I kept thinking that life would just change it for me, by somehow just wishing for it, without any more effort from me than that. Well, if that’s you I’ve got a newsflash for you, it won’t change, and if it does, it’s probably for the worse, not better. You have the power to make a change and to set your life in a new direction. When I did that for myself, for me, it was reaching out for help, that act set the course of my life into one of recovery, of hope, of better choices, of self-love and healing, that one act of change changed the entire direction of my life, which as lead me right here.

Knowing what the power of change has done for me, I now look at change as a powerful act, something I can do because it’s within my control, I can choose to make different choices, better choices, I can make choices that are loving to myself, that honor myself, and when I do that, my life always changes for the better. Instead of looking at it as work, I now look at it as taking my power back instead of acting like a victim of life, I can make positive changes that will take me in the direction that I want to go, life will always do it’s dance, but if we can change our steps or learn some new dance moves, we can learn to dance along with it, even if we get knocked down from time to time, when we fall, we learn, and we make different choices the next time that same dance comes our way.

If we are not changing, we are not learning, we are not challenging ourselves, and testing what we are capable of, what we believe we deserve, and showing the universe we are willing to do the work to get it. When we demonstrate our willingness to change, the universe listens. And sometimes it starts right there, just by being willing, even before we are ready for the act, just the consideration of it can bring about change.

We all have sat in a state of frustration and thought, when are things going to change, they’re going to change when you do, so why not start today? What’s stopping you SLAYER?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you averse to change? Why do you think that is? What about change scares you, or makes you uncomfortable? What do you think your biggest roadblock is to change? How do you think you can overcome that? In the past, have there been instances where you have made a change and the result was different? Site those examples. Do you see that you making the change or changes caused things in your life to change? What stops you today from making changes? What in your life today, that you have control over, can you change to live your life in a healthier happier way? What’s stopping you? I challenge you SLAYER to be open to that change, to consider it, and of course, to take the necessary steps to make that change for you. Find it in you to overcome your fear to change, and make that fear less than the fear of staying the same. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you