Love

IMALIVE: There’s Always Me Campaign

Hello SLAYER! Excited to contribute again this year to the IMALIVE Valentine’s Day campaign #TheresAlwaysMe.

This Valentine’s week, we ask you to place a little note or card where it can be found. It is a small gesture that could go a long way.

It could even save a life.

What to do:

  • From February 7th – 14th get creative!
  • Make notes or cards to leave for others to find.
  • Download the poster, bookmarks or cards (by us and our supporters), print and leave for others to find.
  • Add our hashtag #ThereIsAlwaysMe
  • Take pictures and tag us, we will share them!

Join us and spread the word that #ThereIsAlwaysMe

To download my cards or others, go to IMALIVE V-Day Campaign

For more information about IMALIVE or to donate to go: IMALIVE: An Online Crisis Network

Carrie Genzel IMALIVE V-Day 2020

Carrie Genzel IMALIVE V-Day Campaign

Carrie Genzel

 

You’re Worth It

Fourteen years ago today I surrendered. After years of suffering, I finally admitted defeat. And although that may sound like I failed in some way, I really won that day.  I finally found the humility and courage to ask for help, and I had just enough hope to stand up and fight for myself. That hope was really dim, but it was there, and I held onto that little light inside of myself as I set foot on a new path, my hands may have been shaking, but my heart gave me just enough strength to keep stepping forward, even if those steps, to start, where small.

I learned, early on, that my secrets, those things I fought to hide, those things I thought would show you I was weak, unlovable and ugly, those things were the things that there going to connect me to those who would understand me, lift me up, and love me before I could love myself. What I thought was the ugliest part of me became my ally and admitting my faults was the key to finding self-forgiveness and strength. I would also learn that admitting my faults would not push those away who were true friends and family who wanted the best for me, but it would bring us closer together, it would bond us, open the door to understanding and create a support system for me that I still hold close today. It would also surround me with people like myself who were working to do the best they could with what they had, and had also made the choice to fight for their life. And, that’s truly what I was doing every day, and every day since then, chosen to fight for my life. That fight has become less strenuous over the years but still can be on certain days, but I know today that I never fight it alone, I have a whole army of warriors around me, and I need to, I know, from when I was living in the dark, that I can’t fight alone, and am not meant to, we have far more strength together, and when we are weak, tired or feel we can’t go on, we pick up those who are struggling until they are able to get up and continue their fight alongside us.

My gratitude for the last 14 years is immeasurable, as is my love for those who have walked this journey with me. Today, I walk in the light, because I choose to, and I let that light shine for others to see who may need that spark of hope like I did years ago. When we shine our light and fight to be our best selves, we give others permission to do so also, or perhaps offer a spark that sets them off on their own journey of recovery. That, I believe is why I am still here, to share a message of hope, of compassion and to connect with all of you from a place of vulnerability, transparency and healing, we all want the same thing, to be loved, to feel love, to feel we matter and are appreciated and heard, and I want to you to know, you are, I love you, and even if you don’t love yourself today, I still love you, perhaps even more, as I know that sometimes what we need to get started is someone else seeing us for who we are and loving us anyway.  I hope one day you may find that you have always been worthy of love, especially those parts you think are unlovable. You are worth it, whatever it takes, find what works for you and fight, I am right there with you SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel you’re worth fighting for? If not, why not? Is this something you think alone, or have you been told this? By whom? Why do you think they have said that? Why do you think it’s true? What if you didn’t believe them and fought for yourself anyway? What do you think would happen? What would you like to happen? It can. You hold the power to change, to seek help, to find those like yourself to support you, to share your journey with you. You have much more power than you think, but you have to believe you do, or at least have enough to get you started. That’s all it took for me, just enough strength to pick up the phone and share my truth, and that phone call started me on this path I walk today, and that path has given me a life beyond what I ever could have imagined. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Fill your heart with your own love and positivity, then, share it with someone else.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Green Support You

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Thank those who walk with you on your journey.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Be Kind

The Good Version Of Yourself

For most of my life I was not living as the good version of myself. She was down there, somewhere, but I had thrown years and years worth of garbage on top of her so that all I could see was the garbage, and, I believed that all you could see was the garbage as well. Deep down I believed that the good version of myself was still in there, but I didn’t know if I could dig down deep enough to find that good version, and that garbage I kept piling on was slowly eating away at the person I had become. Even so, sometimes she would come out, but she couldn’t stand the weight of all of that garbage and would retreat back down in the darkness she had become accustomed to living.

When I stepped on this path, I made a commitment to dig down and get that good version of me out. This was a rescue mission, to save the good version of me, and to save my life. I wasn’t sure what I was going to find when I started digging, or how far I was going to have to dig to get her out, but I started to do the work to find her, and, to hopefully save her. I surrounded myself with those, like myself, who had already done the work, and those who, like me, where just getting started or on their own path of rescue. Each one of them saw themselves in me, as I did them, and they were able to see the good version of me, even though I wasn’t able to see her on my own most of the time, but, they could see her, and I started to see her through their eyes and with their support, and through them, I was able to start reconnecting with her. I was now more determined than ever, doing what was suggested, to sift through the rubble to get her out. Along the way, after years and years of stuffing her down, I wasn’t sure what I was really going to find when I found her. I had been stuffing her down and stuffing things on top of the good version of me for so long that I had lost who she really was, who I really was, I had stopped caring for that good version of me and had lost touch with who she really was. When I found her I had to get to know her again, or, in all honesty, likely, get to know her for the first time. I did find her, and make a commitment to her every day to do what’s right for her, and to never stuff her down or pile garbage on top of her ever again. Her light and spirit shines through me, she is the good version of me, and I am that good version, and now the good version of me found the good version of someone else, and together they are very happy, and are even better together.

We all have a good version of ourselves, and it’s up to us to let that good version out, to care and nurture that good version and to let that good version shine. If we’re not careful we can lose that good version, or push that good version aside, when we do our heart knows and our light dims, so it’s up to us to light that flame again, or perhaps, see our light through someone else’s eyes. There is good in you, the good in me sees it, and encourages the good version of you to come out and be everything it is meant to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are the good version of you? If not why not? If you don’t, where is the good version of you? Do you believe that good version is inside you, waiting to get out? What stops it? Are you stopping it? Why? Has the good version of you gotten buried under the stuff you pile on top of it? How can you get that good version of yourself out? It’s in there SLAYER, focus on the good and see the good in you through the people in your life who only see that good, they will help you find it again, or, for the first time. There is good in you, and that good is you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Those Who Underestimate Us

Throughout my life I have often found that people have underestimated me. For various reasons people have tried to limit what they think I am capable of or should even attempt. My spirit, and drive, has always been strong, and the fear of regretting never trying as always outweighed the fear of trying and possibly failing, and now, having lived on this path for many years, I know there is no failure, only an opportunity to learn. Most of the times I have been underestimated I have used that to fuel my desire to attempt or accomplish what I’ve set out to do, but there have been times that the disbelief that I can complete or attain my goals has been like a knife in my chest. Even, so, I never let it stop me from moving forward.

Support by those we love, colleagues or others in general really can propel us to success. We ourselves, at times have self-doubt, but with the support of those around us we can overcome those negative thoughts and head toward the finish line. But so can those who don’t believe we can get there. It’s easy to take someone else’s opinion of what they think we are capable of and let it bring us down, it can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy were we let it derail us into falling short just as predicted. But for me, being a reformed stubborn close-minded girl in the past, I can pull up that old stubbornness and use it for good. I now, when someone doesn’t believe in me, use that stubbornness to propel me forward and continue on my journey to complete my goal. It’s nice when I have support behind as I go, but not necessary if it’s someone I strongly believe in or have challenged myself to finish. There’s also the twinge of satisfaction when you are able to accomplish what you set out to and are able to show those doubters that you yes you can do exactly what they thought was impossible, I believe that is a moment of self-pride for a job well done.

We should never let anyone else dictate what we can or cannot do. Our limits are only set by ourselves, and, we shouldn’t set any. We are capable of almost anything we set our minds to, and even if something may not be attainable right now, there’s a reason we’re drawn to it, it may be leading us down a path that is meant for us. Never doubt yourself or your goals or dreams, nothing happens by accident, we are meant to challenge ourselves, to reach higher than before and to go after those things we want for ourselves or have dreamed about, we are the only ones who can stop us. Those things may not always look exactly how we thought they would, but they are many times better, because we only have the limited information of our experiences so far, we don’t have the broad spectrum of what is actually out there for us to discover and realize. So, go after your goals with everything you’ve got, and if someone underestimates you, don’t let them slow you down, use that doubt to fire you up and keep you on the path of your goal.

Let someone’s negative opinion of you of you lead to positive results, and perhaps the next time you share your goals with them, they’ll see your potential and cheer you on to victory! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow for negative comments derail you from your goals and ambitions? Why do you do that? How can you change that? Why is it so important to you to have everyone believe in what you want or are doing? Can you use that energy to prove them wrong or attain your goals anyway? Can you use that energy to fuel the fire inside of you to produce a positive outcome? It is always preferable to have the support of those around us, but if we don’t have all of the support we would like, it is still possible to realize our dreams or challenge ourselves to accomplish something new. Use whatever energy comes your way, positive, or negative, to prove to yourself that you can do it, and let those naysayers come around on their own, it’s not your job to convince them, it’s your job to keep reaching for your personal best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you love what you have, you have everything you need.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Thankful I Have A Cup

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let a bad situation change your inner goodness.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look Back

Someone Doesn’t Need To Feel Sorry For You To Love You

How often, when we meet someone new, do we sit them down and share all of the terrible events of our past, how we were wronged, times we were a victim and just how difficult live has been for us thus far? Those stories or events from our past have become our narrative and what defines us and we share it with anyone who will listen to demonstrate how damaged we are and that we just want to be loved. Well, we can still be loved without dumping all of our baggage out for everyone to see, in fact, by not dumping it out we are showing ourselves love first before we are expecting it or wanting it from someone else. We all have stories from our past, and those events may have played a major role in who we are today, but, we are not our past, and getting to know someone new is a great opportunity to share who we are today and what we are looking for in the future. It’s not necessary to look for sympathy to find love.

In my past I often kept, what I perceived, as anything bad to myself, but I would use those stories from my past strategically at times to gain sympathy or to manipulate a situation in my favor. I held on to them like bonus cards, and when I thought it could be helpful to me, in any form, I would then take one out to get the desired result. When I think of that behavior now it seems gross to me, and very dishonest, it wasn’t until I stepped onto this path and started to learn a new way of living that I realized what I had been doing. Walking into a support group and talking with others who had many of the same stories I had I realized I could no longer use those stories the same way, it wouldn’t work in this crowd, and, there was always someone with an even tougher story than mine, but most importantly, I shouldn’t be using them for any purpose but one of connection, understanding and compassion for someone else, and in doing so, I had to forgive those who had been involved in those stories, including myself. Even though I had been using them in the past to get what I want, it still hurt me each time I told them, and it put me in the frame of mind of a victim, when I took responsibility of my part in those stories, or forgiving those who hurt me, I was able to shed the role as a victim and take my power back regarding my past, even in those instances in the past where I truly was a victim.

You are, just as you are, worthy of love, there’s no need to try to whip up sympathy or bring yourself down to find love. Stand tall in who you are today, sharing the stories of our past only if we feel it can help someone or help us to connect or relate with someone who may be struggling, it is up to us to let go of the past, to find peace with it so we can move on and allow someone to love us for who we are today and not what happened to us in the past. We, as SLAYERS, stand tall in who we are, there is no need to ever try to dull our shine or diminish who we are by dragging our past into our present day. Look for people in your life who love and appreciate you for you, and who encourage you to always be your best you. Lay to rest who used to be, for the you of today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you use the stories of your past to gain sympathy? Do you try to manipulate people with those stories? When you meet someone new do you feel obligated to tell that person all of the stories of your past? Why? What are you hoping to gain? What if you didn’t tell those stories? Have you made peace with those stores yourself? If not, why not? What steps can you take to do so? How does it hurt you to hang onto them? How can it help you to let go? We are lovable just as we are, we don’t need to guilt anyone to love us or feel bad for us, we all have had things happen to us in our past that were hurtful, harmful or destructive, but we have the power to not let ourselves be defined by those things, we, today, live in the light, and share that light with others who are still looking for theirs.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s no such thing as an unimportant day.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate It All