Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes, walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYERS! When we have hope, we can do anything.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
I was sharing recently on SLAY TALK LIVE about giving the gift of hope and that it was that gift, that someone gave me years ago, that saved my life. It was the tiniest of sparks, but it was enough to get me to reach out for help. To reach for more than what I had, and to believe that it was possible to get it. I’m not talking material things here, I’m talking life, I’m talking self-esteem, I’m talking self-love. I hated myself and didn’t think that I deserved anything good in my life. The voices that I was listening to, the voices that had gotten so loud, told me I wasn’t worthy of more and because I wasn’t sharing my truth with anyone, those voices, even though they were lying to me, became my truth. I was lucky to receive that gift of hope from a friend, and I was lucky I was able to see that light in him, and that I recognized the darkness from where he came. There is no greater gift, to see that there is a solution, a way out, from someone who found it themselves. And as incredible as it was to have gotten that gift, it is also a gift to give that away. By being someone else’s light, their torch, and that tiny bit of hope that gives them a glimpse of what may be possible for them.
We do that by sharing ourselves with others, by being honest about our own story, or journey, and what we overcome, or have overcome, to get where we are today. We can listen to them, encourage them to speak their truth, and show them kindness. For me it took someone who had walked the path before to share his story for me to see that there was a solution for the way I was living my life, that he had done it, and maybe, so could I. My outlook had gotten so dim, but the light was just enough that I picked up the phone one morning and asked for help. It is by sharing that we connect with others, it is by sharing that those things we think are our deepest darkest secrets lose their power over us, it is by sharing that we start to get well. But offering someone hope can be as simple as listening to someone. As simple as letting someone know that they matter, that their voice is being heard and that their experience is valid. Sometimes it’s just listening, looking someone in the eye and saying, “I know,” or “I hear you.” In the end we all want to be loved, we want to know that we are not alone, and we want to connect with others we feel understand who we are, or where we’ve been. We want our dignity back, and we want to know how to get it back, even if we were the ones that took it away in the first place. Hope allows us to open the door to a better life, to a better us, to the possibility of doing things differently, and the possibility of different results. When we have hope and we see it in action, we start to fight for it, we start to fight for what we want, and when we do our path gets brighter, and when the light starts to come in we start to see things for what they are and not what we’ve told ourselves or built up in our heads. From hope comes healing.
People have overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles because they had hope, whether internally themselves, or because it was given to them from others, but when we have hope in our hearts we have a fire burning inside of us that can propel us to make change, to fight for what we want, to resolves issues, to survive, and, to flourish. Hope won’t do it alone, because along with hope we have to roll up our sleeves and get to work, but it’s hope that will get us through when things get tough, when we get tired and when that voice tells we can’t win, hope tells we can. Hope is the greatest gift, hope saved my life, and I know the power in giving that away to someone else, in fact to keep it, we have to give it away, to see that spark in others, to see that light start to get bright for those who were living in the darkness. How can you SLAYER, pass on hope to someone in your life? To someone in your community? To someone in need of your light?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life that hope got you through a tough time or a difficult decision? List those times. Have there been times that your hope burned brighter from helping someone else, and giving them hope? How did it? When you feel in need of hope, what do you do to find it? Or, how can you find it? Who or what in your life gives you the most hope? How can you share your hope with others? How do you feel when you do? Shine on SLAYER, and share the light that burns inside of you with those around you, when we give hope we get even more in return, and it turns our flame even brighter. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good evening SLAYERS! For those of you who didn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight, here’s what you missed! Hopefully you can join us next month, until then…SLAY on.
Good morning SLAYER! Behind every negative thing is a positive thing we can learn.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
I was recently on a trip, and during the process of checking in online something got messed up, perhaps it had something to do with us trying to do it on a phone in the sun poolside, but online checking wouldn’t let us check-in properly or give us boarding passes, it said we had to go to the counter in the airport. As we were trying to squeeze in the most out of our vacation we were frustrated as we were hoping to just breeze right through to security and not have to account for time waiting in line at the counter to sort out why we weren’t able to check-in properly. We let it get the best of us for a few moments, but the next day we left earlier than we wanted to just to be safe. In the end the whole process didn’t take that long and because my boyfriend was selected for an additional security check in the Jetway prior to our flight, a seemingly negative once again, he was able to board the plane earlier and he was able to get us the exact seats we were hoping to get so we were able to sit together for a trip home. So, a negative turned into a positive. Now, in the big scheme of things seats on an airplane is quite trivial, but it reminded me of how we categorize events in our lives as positive and negative, when, we don’t know how those events will play out in our lives, or the reason they’ve come up. You see, we don’t know what the outcome of any set of events will be. We can set out to have a positive attitude about them, we can do the footwork and set things up to give us the best possible outcome, but in the end, we have no control over how things actually unfold. What we do have control over is how we act and react to what’s going on around us.
In the instance with checking in for our flight, even though we were initially frustrated, we gave ourselves plenty of time to go through the process, and we went to the airport with a positive attitude and mindset. All things we can control. In the end it worked to our advantage, but even if it hadn’t there’s a lesson in that too, one of going with the flow and trusting that life is taking you where you need to be, and that maybe those things we think or feel or so important, aren’t really that important at all, they’re just nice to have, but not necessities for our well-being. Many times we can place importance on things that aren’t really that important, we give them much more value than they deserve, or we tell ourselves things have to be a certain way, but they don’t, not always, maybe not ever, sometimes when things don’t go our way we get the chance to experience something new, or see something from a different angle, and what we learn is that perhaps the way we’ve always “needed” things to be, or wanted them to be, wasn’t the best way after all, and we never would have known that if we always got our way and things always went exactly the way we wanted them to.
It’s a matter of perspective as well. When something seemingly negative happens, it’s our choice to have an open mind about it and be open to new possibilities. It’s also falls into a place of trust or having faith that you are being guided to exactly where you are supposed to be, or need to be. I find when I look at things from that perspective I am better able to let things go of the way I think they should be. Be open to new things, new ideas, new experiences, new ways of doing things. Let go and trust the path you’re on. When things don’t go your way, use that as an opportunity to change your attitude towards it, look at it as a possibility of something new and exciting, something different that you’re getting a chance to experience, and you just might find that the things you fought so hard to have a certain way weren’t the best way after all.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that if something doesn’t go your way, or if it’s not exactly the way you want it, that you have a negative attitude around it? Do you then let that sabotage your day and effect those around you? Do you see that you have a choice in how you let seemingly negative things effect you? Do you see that being open to new things can possibly show you a better way, or make your world bigger? List 5 examples of times that something negative happened and something positive came out of it as a result. List 5 examples where you could have changed your attitude about something you labeled as negative. How could a positive attitude have changed the outcome of those examples. In the end SLAYER, we only know what’s in front of us, or where we’ve been, we don’t have the whole picture, so when we’re only willing to see and do things our way, we may be missing out on a place we’re supposed to be, a place with new opportunities, new people, and new ideas, be open the next time something negative happens, look for the good that can come from that, even if it’s just the act of being open, I guarantee your life will get bigger and brighter if you do. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything, but unbecoming everything that isn’t really to so you can become who you were meant to be in the first place. Only you know the real you, no one else can tell you who you are.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
I am boarding a plane today to go home after a vacation and as I got up I thought to myself, ugh, wish I could just blink my eyes and just be home. The thought of getting to the airport, checking in, getting on the plane, sitting on the plane, getting home from the airport, just seems daunting, even though I’ve done it hundreds and hundreds of times, I just want to get to the end. It made me think about life and how many times we don’t want to go through the process, we just want to get to the finish line, but whole point to all of this is the journey itself, even more so than the actual goal. The journey is where we need stamina, it’s where we learn, grow, it challenges us, it may defeat us temporarily, but it’s about getting back up and continuing on, battling on, to get to where we want to go, it’s all in the journey.
When I think back to where I’ve come from, literally knees on the floor, lost, lower than low, beaten at my own game, all I wanted at the moment was to get better, I don’t even know if I knew what that meant, I just wanted to stop hating myself, lying to myself, and those around me, and I knew I didn’t want to die, so I set foot on a new journey, one of hope, love, and empowerment, my step was shaky and very unsure, but I kept stepping, moving forward, and with the help of many I kept stepping, and today I continue to step, you see, I realize, almost 12 years on this path, that it’s the journey that is most important, that it’s all about the journey, and I now look at it as a positive experience, not just a bunch of things I need to do or experience to get better. The journey has taught me how to be a better person, how to be loving to myself, how to trust people, how to put my ego aside and do what’s right, and how to trust that no matter where I am on the path, that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. If we sprint to the finish line we miss all the good stuff along the way, we may still get there, but we’ve cheated ourselves out of all the juicy stuff along the way, the stuff that ultimately makes us us.
In a society of quick fixes, of short-cuts, apps, virtual assistants, we forget sometimes that life, the good stuff anyway, comes with some old-fashioned work, some roll-up-your-sleeves, get in the dirt, hard, sometimes dirty, work, and that it’s in the work that we become who we are meant to be, who we can be, who we can be proud of. I always say, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points for speed, so why not slow down, enjoy the process, and trust that you are being guided to what’s next, when you are meant to be there, and until then look around a bit, see what there is to see, do the work you see in front of you, and let yourself be open to new doors that may open, new paths, new journeys that await you. Don’t get so focused on that one thing you’re after, you’re chasing, that might only be the carrot that is meant to lead you to someplace else you don’t even know about yet, so let yourself explore and be open to new ideas. And, don’t be afraid of the work. Trust the work, dive in to the work, learn to look at it as a good thing, something positive, because with it comes change.
We as SLAYERS don’t run away from the work, we dive in, taking breaks if we need to, but getting back to it to SLAY on. Look at the journey as part of the good stuff, when we give ourselves to the journey, the journey always gives back to us. I’ll try to remember that while standing in line at the airport this afternoon. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to want to rush to the end without doing the work? Do you procrastinate in doing the work because you look at it as a negative, something you don’t want to do, putting it off? Why do you think you have a negative view of the work? When you’ve worked toward a goal or for something in the past can you see how the work gave you something back? What did it give you? Do you often only see the one way or goal you have in mind and possibly miss other opportunities that may be in front of you? What stops you from trying new things? What if you did try new things? What if you started to look at the journey as something exciting? Something positive. Something that will make reaching that goal even sweeter. I challenge you to do that SLAYER, next time you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work, look for ways to make it fun, to make someone else’s day, to give yourself an opportunity to learn and grow from it, to find a way to SLAY THE DAY.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t take things personally. Rarely do people do things because of you, they do them because of them.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Most of the time how people react to us is not personal, not to us anyway, it’s their own battle that they’re fighting and we just happen to be at the receiving end of it. There’s that quote, we’ve seen it many times, “Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” but it’s true. Many times the person themselves may not know the battle their fighting and they may think their battle is with you. It’s not. We also can take on that battle thinking when someone lashes out at us, or disappoints or hurts us, that it’s personal, typically, it’s not. At the end of the day we are all responsible for ourselves, we are all responsible for how we act and react in any given situation, our job is us, what we say and do, not what others are saying and doing. If someone hurts us, taking it personally is like taking on someone else’s battle, we cannot fight for them, so our job really is to express how we feel, see if an understanding can come from that conversation, and then letting it go. We all at some point have, and will, hurt people in our lives, or let them down, as I’ve written about in the past, people can’t always be who we want them to be, and, we can’t always be who people want us to be, and when that happens, it’s not personal. If we’re feeling like every action that is done is a personal attack on who we are, or meant to hurt us, there is work to be done on our part, work that will make our walk through life an easier one, as we stop thinking and reacting like everything is our fault, or meant to hurt us. So, how do we stop taking things personally?
1) Find Our Own Self-Worth. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. What’s most important is what you think of you. If you are confident in who you are and how you conduct yourself with others, knowing your true intention while treating others with respect, then you have no reason to take things personally. When we walk through life with self-doubt, or self-hatred, we place importance, or use other’s approval to give us confidence, or to feel fulfilled, so when we don’t get a positive response we feel deflated or let down. Find confidence in yourself, of who you are and what you have to offer, you are enough, find a way to accept and embrace that.
2) Stay Right-Sized. Often we can put too much emphasis on people, places and things, making them more important in our lives than ourselves. Or, we, in an attempt to protect ourselves, blow our own sense of self up to epic proportions, so when someone does or says something we don’t like, we immediately take it personally and get hurt. Keep yourself and the situations in your life right-sized, give them the appropriate amount of attention or value in your life.
3) Live A Full Life. When we live a full live we are too busy living our life to care about each reaction or seemingly negative reaction that we encounter. We’re not dwelling on each interaction and over analyzing what was said or done, we’re busy, we’re on to the next and not looking for problems where there aren’t any. Engage in life, do the things you love, with people you love, and make sure your life is well-rounded, putting all of your eggs in one basket is giving too much power to that one basket, spread yourself around, try new things, challenge yourself to get out and engage with life, when our life is full, the small things fall away and we no longer have time to dwell on them.
4) Stop Giving Your Power Away. When you depend on others to make you feel good about yourself you’ve given your power away, and, you become reliant on the unpredictability of those around you to make you feel good about yourself. That’s your job. Never give others that power over you, never let them be your sole source of self-worth and love, you will be constantly let down, that job is yours and yours alone, find your own self-worth and what others say and do becomes less important because you know who you are and what you intended to do.
5) Perspective. Find a way to look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. Not to make excuses for their behavior, but to maybe come to an understanding of why they may have reacted that way, finding compassion, or understanding for those around us can help us see things through their eyes, and not only not take what they’ve said and done not personally, but may also help you understand them better, and, by sharing with them, you may even be able to help them walk through the issue that caused them to act out in the first place.
When we live life as our true selves, when we have found love for who we are and our lives, what is said and done around us becomes less important. If our intentions our true, and we set out to be good and kind and that’s not how it was received, that’s disappointing, but it’s not our problem, and it’s not personal. Be confident in who you are and what you offer, if there is a misunderstanding, and they do happen, then talk it out, if someone has made a judgment about who you are and what you’ve done, all you can do is speak your truth, if that’s not enough, let it go. Remember, as you may struggle with your own battles, so does everyone around you, and when someone else’s battle is brought to yours, remember, it’s not personal, you just happened to walk into the middle of a battle without a weapon on a battlefield you are not meant to be on. Wave the peace flag and walk off the field.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often take what others say and do personally? Why do you think you do that? How does it serve you to do that? How does it hurt you? Write down 5 examples of situations where you took things personally. Write down why it felt personal. Only looking at the facts, was any of it actually your fault? What part did you play in it being your fault? Do you think the other person realized they may have hurt you? Do you think intended to hurt you? Do you still feel like it was personal? I challenge you this week SLAYER to let things go, to focus on you, not those around you, and fill yourself up with what makes you feel whole, with what makes you feel strong. Go out and do your best, do good, and stop worrying about what others think and do, know who you are and what you are and know that is enough. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
