challenge

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Listen to understand, not just to reply.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Understand Them

Understanding

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand. People let us down, deceive us, have their own hidden agenda or own sickness that blurs the lines of honesty and their actions. On my journey in recovery I have managed to find a lot of compassion for most people, but sometimes I even find it difficult to try to find some understanding in what people say and do. I forget sometimes, that not everyone has the same intentions that I do, that not everyone lives their lives the way I do, or strive to, and that there are many out there who try to take advantage, use, or take without any consideration of what that may have cost someone, physically, emotionally or spiritually. I still, do what I can, using what I’ve learned, try to find some understanding, and remember what it was like for myself before walking this path when many of my actions were selfish or dishonest.

I find myself in a place where I am trying to find some understanding around multiple people. And, maybe they don’t deserve my time to figure them out, perhaps they’re behavior is just a warning to stay back next time they come around. It’s difficult for me, to trust, it always has been, it’s easier than it was, as I learned to trust myself and began to make better decisions for myself including who I let into my life. I raised the bar, as it were, eliminating those who did not live their lives by the same principles that I was now living mine. But as I’ve traveled this road, I’ve expanded it, letting more lanes in to create more of a super highway, still always being cautious, but finding compassion and understanding where I can, and, making an effort to learn the truth instead of making assumptions and then leaving them cold. I live today with a much more of an open heart, and because I do my relationships have become richer, and more vast, but it also hurts more when I do let someone in and they break that trust. My old thinking flares up and wants to close the door on anyone new and push those in question back, and, I may for a short time, until I feel comfortable again to let the door open again. Ultimately I know I will, and have to, because living my life isolated does not bring me joy and I’ve experienced too much of it this new way to extinguish it from my life. So, how do you trust when your trust has been broken? For me, it’s different for each situation or person, sometimes I’m never fully able to do it, but it always comes back around to trying to find some understanding. We all at times are in fear, we all at times do selfish things, even when we may tell ourselves we’re not, we may not reveal our motives or intentions or expectations, we may at times find it difficult to share our truth. I can relate to all if these things, so how can I judge others for similar behavior? I shouldn’t, and most of the time, don’t, anymore, but it does take me time to build up that trust again, and to find that understanding when I feel wronged.

None of us are saints, we have all been the one who has hurt someone, even in some small way, but instead of closing the door and hiding alone, look to where you might find some understanding, not to excuse them for what they may have done, but to relate to why they might have. It is within that connection that you will find forgiveness, and forgiveness that will show you how you may be like the very person who harmed you, or where in the past, or perhaps not, but finding that connection will help to keep your heart open, maybe not to that person, but to all the rest. Find some understanding in your day today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel betrayed do you try to find some understanding? If not, why not? What do you do instead? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How has this affected your relationships in the past, or even today? Do you regret it affecting certain relationships? Even though you may have gotten hurt, are you able to look at the person or situation and find some understanding? If not, what if you tried today? Sometimes just the act of looking for it in others may help you find some understanding in yourself, you never know what you’ll find on the other side of understanding.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you are doing something right.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Find The Signs

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re putting your energy in the right places.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…. SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pinky Time And Energy

Never Search In The Branches For What Is Found In The Roots

Before walking my current path, I often would get distracted by shiny sparkly things. I had a constant list of things on my “want” list, and those things, when I did obtain them, became like a drug that I was continuously chasing. The items I was buying were like my armor, or so I thought, I wore each of them like a badge of honor, but that hit I would feel was fleeting, and then I was on the to next item on my list, chasing the same high. I was like that with people too, I didn’t collect them, but I would look for the people who were flashy, who looked good from the outside, and outside I admired or envied, and an outside I compared my insides to.

I always thought everyone else had it easier than did. I watched other people and wanted what they had, but I truly didn’t know what I was asking for, because all I was seeing was what was being presented to the world, and not what was truly going on. I didn’t even consider that there was possibly two different versions, even though I was presenting two myself. I just got caught up on what the outside looked like, thinking if I could make my outside look perfect than maybe I could have a shiny sparkly life too. No such luck. You see, what I was admiring, or attracted to, didn’t really exist a lot of the time, I was fixating on someone else’s seemingly incredible life, not realizing that there could be things I didn’t know. There were also a lot of things I didn’t know about myself, because I hadn’t bothered to ask, or, gotten to know myself, and instead of asking, I just kept trying to cover up those blank spaces with more shiny sparkly things.

When I made the commitment to get well I was told I had learn to love myself. I didn’t even know how to begin, or, if it was even possible. It was. And as I got to know myself for the first time, and, did learn to love myself, that long list of things I had been attracted to didn’t seem to important anymore. What was important was finding forgiveness for myself, and others, and to learn who I was and what was truly important to me. Turns out it was none of those exterior or material things that used dominate my time, and mind, it was finding an inner peace and filling myself with gratitude, love and connection to something bigger than myself. I also learned on my journey to finding those things that most of the people who I had admired, or even envied, for “having it all” or much of what I wanted, also had struggles and challenges of their own that I didn’t see. I realized that my journey and struggles was much like other people, who were also working to do the same as I, and that the solution was not in people, places and things I was trying to obtain or possess. I had to stop worrying about what my branches looked like to everyone else, and start focusing on the health of my roots. That is where my strength, happiness and freedom was, in the roots, if I was to grow and keep myself on solid footing and to keep myself nourished so I could continue to grow, I had to feel like l was on solid ground.

It’s easy to look around and assume that what we see is how it is, but most times it’s not. We, as a society then to put our best foot forward when we are out in the world, we show each other what we want to show, not necessarily the truth of what may be going on, and yet we judge ourselves and how we feel by these outside personas, which could be far removed from the reality of what’s truly going on. Finding a way to connect with your true self and what makes you feel whole is the way to finding peace, there isn’t anything that can be bought or obtained that can do that job or take it’s place, we may try, and it may work for a while, but ultimately the way to our peace is an inside job, one that will take a lot of honesty and courage to work on, but the one that will give you the most rewarding gift you can give yourself, freedom to love who you are and what you are, no matter what your branches may look like today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to judge your insides to other people’s outsides? Do you realize you are doing this? How does it make you feel? Do you think it’s fare to do this to yourself? Do you present the best of yourself when you are out in the world? Do you think others do the same and do not share their real truth? If yes, then how can you compare how you feel with someone else based on what you see? Do you try to fill those gaps or holes inside with outside things? How do you this? Does it work? For how long? How do you think you can start to fill the gaps yourself, without reaching for something else to try to do the job for you? Work on that SLAYER. The true way, and only way to fill those gaps and feel whole is to love and honor yourself, to do and say those things that make you feel whole. Find what fills you up from the inside, find love for yourself and share that love, as you do those roots beneath your feet will become stronger and give you the foundation you need to shine and share your beautiful branches.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The most dangerous thinking is, I’ve always done it this way.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Become Remain

If You’re Not Changing You’re Choosing

I would not have liked that statement at all when I was living in the dark. I always pegged myself as a victim of life and circumstances, I never took responsibility for my own decisions or part in where I found myself. I did want change, but I never took action to make it happen, or if I did, I would start, experience a set back and then give up saying there was no hope. I lived life like life owed me, but it was me, who owed it to myself to make the changes to have the life I wanted to live. Living in the headspace I was, I didn’t even know if what I wanted was realistic, I just knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was, and that time was running out.

In the end, I did make a choice, I had to make a choice out of self-preservation, but a choice was made to get well. I realized as I traveled the path to my recovery that I had made the same choices for years and years, expecting different results each time, instead of changing my behavior, and by doing so I had made the choice to stay sick, to not get help, to keep living in the dark even though it kept getting darker. My head told me I had no choice, this was it, and it was only going to get worse instead of better, but that was a lie. It took me almost making a choice I could not take back to realize I had other choices. Choices that could bring to the places I wanted to go, choices that were healthy and would bring about the changes I thought were out of reach.

We all have much more power than we may realize on any given day. Even though we can’t control people, places and things, we can control, or be in charge, of our reactions to them. We should be constantly changing and growing, that’s what this journey is about, to learn, discover, to challenge ourselves, so if we’re not changing we’re choosing to stay where we are, and even, right now, if that is a place you feel comfortable, you’re still not meant to stay there forever. I always say, if I’m too comfortable somewhere I’m probably meant to move on, or look for how I can challenge myself to fine-tune or do better in an area that I may just be getting by. It’s not necessarily about leaving everything, and everyone behind, but finding those areas to improve upon. I, now, get a little rush of excitement when I challenge myself, and I feel that uncomfortableness underfoot because I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, it’s then that I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.

We are not victims of life, if we are not changing, adapting, growing, we are choosing to stay where we are, just as we are. The good news is, if we don’t like something, we can change it, and we may not get to the exact place we imagine, or would like, but just the act of making the change will bring us to where we are supposed to be, or where we are supposed to be next. Take the action or choose to stay stuck, it’s your choice. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get too comfortable where you are and don’t make changes to grow, learn or move on? What keeps you where you are? Are you where you’d like to be? If not, how can you take action to start moving in the right direction? Do you feel like you have no choice? You do SLAYER, if even it’s just making small steps to start, that movement and action will lead you to where you are supposed to be headed, just take the next indicated right action, or the one you think is right. Allow yourself to make mistakes, those are part of the process, and trust the path you are on. Don’t let life tell you you don’t have choices, you do, you always do, they may not always be exactly what you want, but they may get you there. Do what’s right for you and keep looking for your chances to change.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! You can have results or excuses, not both.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Strength Overcome (1)

Be Stronger Than Your Strongest Excuses

I never considered myself a weak person. I had overcome a lot and had always considered myself strong. But in certain areas my excuses were stronger. Even though I knew what I should be doing, and sometimes set out to do those things, sometimes my excuses would be stronger and I would stop, or I wouldn’t even start, convincing myself there was no point, it didn’t really matter, or it wasn’t worth the work anyway. It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of, even when doing the work is the clear cut answer. A lot of the time, before I got well, those excuses usually got in the way of my health. It never failed, when I needed to take action for my own well-being that the excuses would take steroids and bulk up. And truthfully, the stronger they got, the weaker my resolve would be and in the end I did feel weak. When I got on the road to recovery I needed to pump my strength back up. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, but I needed to be stronger than the excuses my head was going to throw at me. I had to also learn that that struggle was the key to getting better.

We all have struggles and have certain areas where our excuses have been lifting weights and have the strength of a million men. But, that strength is only based on the power we give them. They have no strength alone. It is us that gives our excuses their power, which means that we also have the power to take it away. Now, that can be challenging, especially when we’ve allowed yourselves to be bullied by our excuses for a long time, or, have convinced yourselves we’re not worthy of anything better. We are. We just have to show those excuses who’s boss.

For me the key to getting my strength back came as I started to practice self-love and self-care, I practiced these things by practicing loving acts toward myself, by making a conscious effort to change my thinking to positive thoughts and choosing esteemable acts. As I started to change gears into a daily routine of what was best for me and my ongoing physical and mental health, my excuses started to lose their strength. They became weaker. My strength got stronger as I got better and started to leave behind my old destructive ways, and those excuses that I used to let stand in my way, no longer made sense to me. I was not only feeling stronger, but feeling better, and no excuse was going to take that away from me.

We don’t have to let excuses get in the way of what is best for us. We are the ones who can kick those excuses to the curb and get ourselves on track to our best selves. When we live in the now, when we think in terms of just doing next right thing and make a commitment to ourselves love ourselves enough to do what’s best for us, our strength beats out the strength of our excuses. Time to start showing those excuses who’s boss! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let excuses bully you into not taking action? What do your excuses get in the way of most? Why do you think that is? How can you change that? What’s an example of something your excuses have taken from you, or prevented you from doing? How can you overcome those excuses the next time that same opportunity comes up? How do you think overcoming that excuse will benefit you? Why do you think those excuses come up for you? Well, it’s time they stop running the show. We get to decide what is best for us, and we can also tell, whatever might be standing in our way, to stand back, we’re running this show.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The one who falls and gets up is a lot stronger than the one who never fell.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay-Push Past