appreciate you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Give yourself permission to soar!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Braver

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Staying in love with our sadness holds us in the past, when we let go and learn to live in the light we begin to see the beauty there, and the potential of what lies ahead.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ahead.jpg

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Things only change when you do, start making different choices and get different results.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Changes

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s your choice today, are you going to be a victor, or a victim?

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Victor

Sometimes A Breakdown Can Be A Breakthrough

I had always thought of a breakdown as a negative thing, but when I look back at mine, that moment when I couldn’t do it anymore, that moment where I had run out of solutions, where I was just done, I look at that moment as a blessing, it was a moment of clarity, the smallest bit of hope, and the moment when my new life was about to begin. That breakdown, as it were, was a gift, it meant that I had had enough, that I was putting a stop to the way I had been living my life and that I was finally going to reach out for help. Now, it could have gone a different way, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jumping for joy during this profound moment, it was scary, and very easily, without that tiny dim light inside of me, could have come to a very dark end, but it didn’t, it didn’t because I believe it had always been a part of the plan for me, that the power that I believe guides me knew that it was going to take that breakdown to finally get me on my knees and surrender to the help I needed to get better. That breakdown is always what keeps me on this path because I remember what it was like in that moment, what brought me there, and I know I never want to go back, and I also know that moment, and worse, is waiting for me if I do.

I think we as human beings put things into compartments, I talked about this in my blog Finding Grace In The Gray Areas, we like to make things “good” or “bad,” but looking back the “bad” things that happened to me all led me to the life I have now, even writing this blog, I look back and see how the “bad” led me to the “good.” Life ebbs and flows, it doesn’t stay the same, we ride the waves of good times and the waves of challenging times, but in the end it’s all the same ocean, and we’re the same people riding those waves, it’s just a matter of how we look at those waves, our perspective, of those “good” and “bad” events.

I trust now that when “bad” things happen, that they’re happening for a reason. They might be happening as a result of my actions, so there’s a lesson there, and action on my part to correct it or make an amends to do it better next time. All good. Learning is good. Or, those “bad” things could be leading me to a place of good, a place of growth, of knowledge, of moving forward to the next chapter in my story. Sometimes we need a push by the universe so we don’t stay stuck, I know I need a nudge every once in a while, because when things feel good, and safe, and comfortable, well, sometimes I want to hang out there for a while, sometimes longer than a while, even though I know I need to keep challenging myself, so if I do hang on too long, the universe is bound to push me in the right direction, and sometimes that push can feel like a negative action, but, if we embrace it, ride the wave, look for the lesson or positivity in it, we may just have a breakthrough, a breakthrough we wouldn’t have had in our comfort zone.

Don’t get me wrong, a breakdown can be scary, but it’s in times like those that we really need to be open and honest with our friends and family, with those people who support us, they will undoubtedly be able to help us through those dark times, or at the very least, just be there when we need them most. If we’ve chosen the right people, and we’re living as our authentic selves, sharing our truths, we have nothing to fear, and we can trust the process we are going through, and trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem as we walk through it, uncomfortable means change, uncomfortable means we are doing things differently, uncomfortable means if we stick with it, a breakthrough is coming.

When you feel like you’re in, or headed, for a breakdown, dig in with the good in your life, and get ready, something really wonderful may just be on the other side of it. Hang on SLAYER, and, expect the good.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life when you can see that a breakdown lead to something good? If so, what? Have there been times when, looking back, you can see that the universe has pushed you in a certain direction because you were stuck where you were? Write down all the examples you can think of in your life when this has happened. How did you respond during these times of crises? Do you see how surrounding yourself with good supportive people can help you through those times? Do you reach out to the people in your life when you’re going through a breakdown? If not, why not? I know, for myself, I would not be here had I not reached out, and I have countless people to thank for the life I have today, countless people who opened their hearts to me, supported me, and offered me their strength when I had very little of my own. Don’t suffer in silence SLAYER, you are not alone, and, that breakdown just may be the best thing that has ever happened to you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  When we don’t speak our truth, what we keep inside has power over us, it controls us, keeps us in fear, isolation, anger, shame, and regret. When we share those secrets with others, those things that used to bind us to our past are set free, and we are released from the bondage that used to control us.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Haunt.jpg

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s important to celebrate each win, no matter how small, if it’s a step in the right direction, that’s a step that needs celebration! Be loud and proud, you are on the winning team SLAYER!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate You

Personal Love Letter

That’s right SLAYER, let’s slow down for a moment here, you’ve been working hard, and it’s important that you acknowledge that. You are incredible! You are love! You inspire me every day! You are a warrior! You are a survivor! You are giving! You are kind! You are beautiful! You are strong! You, you are a work of art, and I am honored to have you SLAY along with me.

I felt like was important to celebrate us today. To exhale and do something we don’t always do, pat ourselves on the back for what we’ve accomplished in our lives, to acknowledge it, to acknowledge us; the changes we’ve made, the obstacles we’ve overcome, the fears we’ve walked through, the people, places, and things we’ve said goodbye to, all the things we’ve done to live as our authentic self, honoring and loving who we are.

We also need to remember to be patient and gentle with ourselves, we are precious cargo, sensitive souls, and it’s always good to check in and see if we’re taking time with ourselves to learn, grow, and move forward. Life is not a game show, there is no buzzer that’s going to sound off if we’ve taken too long, we move at our own pace…as long as we’re moving, and we do what we can each day, and don’t judge that. Sometimes we leap, and sometimes we crawl, but as long as we’re moving forward we’re moving in the right direction. We are also not comparing our progress to anyone else’s, we are where we are, and maybe where we are is just right for today, maybe where we are helps us, and someone else, and maybe where they are does the same for us, trust that, and know that you are only responsible for your own journey, and your journey has it’s own timeline, and that timeline is unique to you, so the footwork and then just let it go.

For me, a lot of times, the issue I am struggling with may not come to me because I’m trying to force a conclusion or solution, or, I’m just not meant to find the answer at that moment, but when I stand back, and move on or maybe focus on something else, trusting, and asking for the answer to come, it does, it almost always does, at random times, when I’m doing something completely different and have moved on, then pop, there it is, and it always makes me smile. If that hasn’t happened for you that may seem like some mystical Jedi lore, but trust me, it can happen for you, and will, if you let things go, and, it is magic, and it is because we are magical human beings, and instead of us trying to run the show we’re letting whatever guides us through life do exactly that, we’re following the timeline we are mean to be on and not trying to force our own, letting it come to you when it’s supposed to and then taking action, maybe the process of letting it come to you is part of the solution, or lesson, or just part of the journey, trust that, and know that is all a part of your diving plan. Just be.

A friend recently shared an exercise that she did with some her close friends. They each wrote a letter to themselves. I encourage you SLAYER to do the same. Write a letter, or postcard, to yourself, telling yourself the things you would want to hear from the person you love the most, but, say it to yourself. Give it to a family member, friend, or spouse, to randomly mail to you, so that one day, when you’re not expecting it, and probably when you need it, a letter will come addressed to you, from you, telling yourself why you rock. You can also do this for others in your life as well, but, not forgetting to do your own letter. Do it SLAYER, you deserve it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: I started this blog by telling you the things I thought of you, so to get your own personal love letter started I want you to do it for yourself SLAYER. Here’s a start:

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good Morning SLAYER! Learning to take care of your own needs is the ultimate expression of self love, when you show yourself respect and honor yourself you are better able to share that love, honor, and respect with others, and it gives you a strong foundation to handle what life throws at you. Self love is like a spell of protection from the outside world, it cushions us from life and all it’s bumps and scrapes, it gives us strength, and it teaches us a gentleness, bringing us a new-found compassion for who we are and honoring were we’ve been.

New blog goes up Friday, until then….SLAY on.

State Of Slay Self Care

Expectations: The Evolution Of Evil

You know, if everyone would just do what we expect them to do, the way we expect them to do it, everything would be fine. Am I right here? Unfortunately that’s not how it works, and then, we find ourselves in resentment. Managing our expectations can be tricky, but for me it goes back to what I’ve talked about in previous posts about finding out the facts. As I’ve said before, when we find out the facts, we are safe.

I used to be guilty of wishful thinking, of assuming that everyone knew what I was thinking or expecting, and were just going to do it the way I would want it done. I was afraid to speak up and ask others what their expectations were and, what they were willing to give or contribute. I had too much fear that you might not be on the same page so I just wouldn’t ask the questions, and then be hurt, disappointed, or angry when you didn’t follow through. But, I didn’t follow through for myself, I didn’t get all the information, and if someone called me out on that, I would get defensive and angry. Really, I was embarrassed that I hadn’t spoken up and done the work for myself.

This ties into a few different things. First, believing that your voice matters and asking for what you want. Now, just because you’re asking doesn’t mean you’re always going to get it, but if you are clear about your expectations then the other person or people can then let you know if they are on the same page or not, or what they are willing to do. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If someone says no, it’s not the end of the world, what it is, is the end of you expecting them to participate and you can now move on to find someone else who may want to help you out or come on board. When we know the facts we are safe. This also goes for other people’s expectations of us. I used to be a people pleaser, never wanting to disappoint anyone or upset them because I didn’t want them to think I was a bad person, so I would agree to things, or kind of say yes without really committing, so that I looked good in the moment, but then wouldn’t follow through or make an excuse when the time came resulting in hurt feelings and frayed friendships, I would always be the martyr and claim that I never really committed, justifying my flakiness in every situation. It’s funny how I always thought I was right in those situations, but when someone did it to me, I was angry. Well here’s the thing, when we’re living as our authentic selves, loving ourselves, choosing the right people to have in our lives, people we love and respect, then it becomes easier to speak our truth, and to ask for it.

Today, for me, it’s about keeping my side of the street clean. If I’m not able to help someone out, I tell them, I will explain why, and if I can and it’s asked for, maybe offer another solution or option, that way the people in my life know where I stand, and what they can expect from me. I’m not going to lie, sometimes people are disappointed, but I’d rather have them not count on me for something I know I can’t or don’t want to do then have them think I’m on board, and that goes for myself as well, I need to ask if someone is willing or wanting to help me with things, and ask, that way if they say no I know to move on, ask someone else. No, isn’t the worst thing someone can say to you, sometimes it can be the best, because it may force you to think outside the box, or go to someone you might not have thought to go to before. I try to look at a no as an opportunity.

When we ask for what we want, and are honest with others about what we are able to give or contribute, our expectations stay in check, as do others’ with us, most of the time, but it’s a good base to operate from to maintain and build healthy relationships. And, an incredible way to honor living as our authentic selves.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ask for what you want? If not, why? Do you think you deserve to have what you want? If not, why? Do you ask people what their expectations are before getting started on a project or activity? Are you afraid to ask? Why? The challenge SLAYER is ask the questions you need to feel safe, and to be honest with others about what you are willing to give, you, like everyone else, deserves to be heard, and deserves to know the facts. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you