Author: Carrie Genzel

Understanding

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand. People let us down, deceive us, have their own hidden agenda or own sickness that blurs the lines of honesty and their actions. On my journey in recovery I have managed to find a lot of compassion for most people, but sometimes I even find it difficult to try to find some understanding in what people say and do. I forget sometimes, that not everyone has the same intentions that I do, that not everyone lives their lives the way I do, or strive to, and that there are many out there who try to take advantage, use, or take without any consideration of what that may have cost someone, physically, emotionally or spiritually. I still, do what I can, using what I’ve learned, try to find some understanding, and remember what it was like for myself before walking this path when many of my actions were selfish or dishonest.

I find myself in a place where I am trying to find some understanding around multiple people. And, maybe they don’t deserve my time to figure them out, perhaps they’re behavior is just a warning to stay back next time they come around. It’s difficult for me, to trust, it always has been, it’s easier than it was, as I learned to trust myself and began to make better decisions for myself including who I let into my life. I raised the bar, as it were, eliminating those who did not live their lives by the same principles that I was now living mine. But as I’ve traveled this road, I’ve expanded it, letting more lanes in to create more of a super highway, still always being cautious, but finding compassion and understanding where I can, and, making an effort to learn the truth instead of making assumptions and then leaving them cold. I live today with a much more of an open heart, and because I do my relationships have become richer, and more vast, but it also hurts more when I do let someone in and they break that trust. My old thinking flares up and wants to close the door on anyone new and push those in question back, and, I may for a short time, until I feel comfortable again to let the door open again. Ultimately I know I will, and have to, because living my life isolated does not bring me joy and I’ve experienced too much of it this new way to extinguish it from my life. So, how do you trust when your trust has been broken? For me, it’s different for each situation or person, sometimes I’m never fully able to do it, but it always comes back around to trying to find some understanding. We all at times are in fear, we all at times do selfish things, even when we may tell ourselves we’re not, we may not reveal our motives or intentions or expectations, we may at times find it difficult to share our truth. I can relate to all if these things, so how can I judge others for similar behavior? I shouldn’t, and most of the time, don’t, anymore, but it does take me time to build up that trust again, and to find that understanding when I feel wronged.

None of us are saints, we have all been the one who has hurt someone, even in some small way, but instead of closing the door and hiding alone, look to where you might find some understanding, not to excuse them for what they may have done, but to relate to why they might have. It is within that connection that you will find forgiveness, and forgiveness that will show you how you may be like the very person who harmed you, or where in the past, or perhaps not, but finding that connection will help to keep your heart open, maybe not to that person, but to all the rest. Find some understanding in your day today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel betrayed do you try to find some understanding? If not, why not? What do you do instead? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How has this affected your relationships in the past, or even today? Do you regret it affecting certain relationships? Even though you may have gotten hurt, are you able to look at the person or situation and find some understanding? If not, what if you tried today? Sometimes just the act of looking for it in others may help you find some understanding in yourself, you never know what you’ll find on the other side of understanding.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Trust the future for your answers.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better Yes

Live Your Way Into The Answers

I’ve written before about pausing when the answers aren’t there, about focusing on something else and not trying to force a solution or answer when it doesn’t seem to be there in the moment. Many times we want things to happen on our timeline, and it seems, most of the time, they do not, so trying to force something into being when it’s not ready or not meant to be only creates frustration, anger and resentment on our part when there is an easier softer way. It can be challenging to walk away when the answers aren’t there. As someone a former, self-described, control freak, I know how difficult it can be to come up empty when you just want to move on. But what I’ve learned on my journey is that many times I am not meant to know or come up with a solution at that time, and, I can live myself into the answer.

I know this to be true in my life, when I look for the answers, when I ask for help and direction, it comes. It may not come in that exact moment, but it will when it’s meant to, and, when I’m truly ready for it. Our lives are a connected series of events, lessons, experiences and challenges that lead us to where we are meant to be and where we are most useful, to ourselves, and others. We don’t always follow the queues, and we always have freedom of choice to do as we wish, but the road map is there if we look for it and follow what is set in front of us. And, life can, and does, take it’s twists and turns, but each of those are there for a reason as well, even if they feel very painful in the moment. We don’t always know why the pain is necessary, sometimes we do after the fact, but pain typically propels us in the direction we are meant to go, unless we allow ourselves to get consumed by it and get stuck in it, even so, staying stuck may be what we need to eventually find the courage to get up and get back on track. Each journey is unique to us, and no two are exactly alike, although we may find others who have similar ones we can relate to, and jointly use as our strength and guidance. But what it really comes down to is letting go; letting go of what we think things should look like and when, accepting the place we are and trusting it looks the way it does for a reason, and, it doesn’t always have to look this way. Our life, if we live it with an open mind and an open heart is always subject to change, and just by living our lives to the best of our ability and continuously looking for and asking for direction we may just find ourselves in places we never dreamed of, I can certainly say that has been the case in my life. And I can also say that when I haven’t tried to force things into being, have paused or walked away when the solution isn’t there, the solution does present itself at the right time when I am able to, or are meant to, execute that plan of action. It also falls into the notion of acting ‘as if.’ As I started this journey I was full of fear and doubt, and I was told to act ‘as if’ it had already gotten better, ‘as if’ I already loved myself, already was leading the life I wanted and was working towards, and on challenging days, it helped, it helped to pull me through if I was able to envision where I wanted to go.

When you are not sure how you are going to get to where you want to go, or don’t seem to be coming up with the answers, take a step back, focus on something else or act ‘as if’ until the answers come. Sometimes we are meant to stay where we are, or use our faith that we will find a way instead of muscling through and forcing a conclusion. If we are forcing something into being it is probably not for us, or where we are meant to be, so let it go and continue to live your life knowing the answers will come at the right time. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you aren’t able to come up with the answers, do you try to force your way into a solution? What is the result? How has this hurt you in the past? Have you found that letting go will sometimes present a solution even when you are not actively looking for it? Give an example. Have there been moments in your life, not having the answers, or solution, you’ve moved forward with what you know and could and found a solution later? Give an example. Our lives, our story or journey, are meant to unfold in a certain way, when we try to force a solution or conclusion we throw off that timeline and the natural flow of things and we can possibly delay where we should be as we work through the place we got ourselves into, so, trust the process, and trust that if the answer isn’t there, it will be, continue on living your life with the answers you have.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you feel strong, nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace Disturbed

Are You Disturbable?

Some days I’m more disturbable than others. When I’m taking care of myself, I’m practicing self-care, I’m eating right, getting rest, doing things in my day that give back to myself and others, I’m not very disturbable, but when I’m not doing those things I leave myself open to being easily disturbed by people, places and things. When I feel like I’m not solid in my foundation I can be disturbed by the smallest things, and at times, I’m not even aware of it when it starts, and then all of a sudden it’s there. I can judge how well I’m doing by my disturbability.

When I started on my road to recovery I was told that when I was disturbed that no matter what the cause, that the problem was with me. Now, as a recovering, well many things, but, victim who’s first reaction to any problem was to point fingers, that was a tough one to swallow. How could every disturbance be my problem? The truth is, it is always my problem if I am taking responsibility for my actions and reactions to what is around me. No matter what happens, even if it is beyond my control, I still have the responsibility to react in a way that is honorable to myself and those around me. It is easy to lash out in retaliation, and in some instances we may seem we have the right to, but at what expense? Does that behavior really solve anything, or, does it make it worse, because we now have become a part of the problem and may have harmed ourselves in the process. No matter what, we have a duty to ourselves to react, or not, based on who we are and what is better for our higher good. And that’s what it’s all about, practicing taking actions that support our higher good, and sometimes that means taking the higher road and not engaging with someone even when they are baiting you to do so.

When we live in a place where we feel fulfilled, where we feel connected or spiritually fit, we are far less disturbable. Things may come our way ubt we are like ducks, we keep swimming and the water just rolls off our back, and when we find we are highly disturbable that should be an indication that something is off, missing or we might need to step up something in our lives that makes all of those disturbances much less important. For me, when I am doing all of the things I need to do to be at my best, nothing can really disturb me, nothing seems worth the disturbance and I can’t be disturbed, and the trick is, when I’m not able to do all of the things I need to do to be in that place, when I do get disturbed, to recognize it and instead of immediately reacting, to check in with myself to see why it’s disturbing me so much, and, that’s not to say I’m perfect at this, there are times I do react quickly and then need to apologize later, but I’ve learned to use my level of disturbance to gauge where I am in my mental health, physical health and spirituality.

We have control over how disturbed we can be, it is within our power to not let things bother us, we always have the choice to walk away, to not respond, or to use that moment to look within. Next time you find yourself disturbed, before you react, ask yourself why you’re letting yourself be disturbed and what the better choice is, give yourself the power to walk away and let things go. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get disturbed often? Why do you think that is? How does that hurt you? What can you do to be less disturbed in your life? Do you notice that you are more disturbable on certain days? What type of days are those? Is there something that triggers you to be more sensitive to disturbances on certain days? What are those triggers? So knowing what your triggers are, that gives you some power over your disturbances, if you know what makes you more susceptible to them you then have the protection against falling victim to them, and instead of just reacting, arming yourself with the knowledge of why you’ve been triggered and then doing the next right thing. It’s all in your hands.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! No one else can fix all your problems, but they can offer that you don’t walk alone.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Together So Much

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Anything is possible when you have the right people supporting you.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Candles

Find Your Saviors

I always had friends. I typically had a small group of friends growing up, one or two girls, large groups made me feel uncomfortable, shy and nervous. As I grew up that continued, my circle of friends got bigger but I usually spent time with one at a time, it was rare that I went out in groups. I also enjoyed spending time alone, and fancied myself as a lone wolf who reached out to her friends when she felt like leaving the den. When my life was in a downward spiral I hid it from my friends, and many of them, although they had seen glimpse of troubling behavior or changes, did not know the extent of what was going on, I kept most of it to myself. Some of those people in my life were my saviors in different ways, in moments when I would let them in enough or they would shine their light in my direction giving me a moment or two of rest from the internal battle I fought every day. But when I made the decision to seek help, that is when they, and many others stood by my side as I fought for my life.

As I stepped on this path of recovery I was terrified. I knew that my life had to change or I would lose my battle. Standing at this crossroads with the gift of fear and desperation, I confessed my secrets and opened up to those in my life about the darkness I had been living in. They rallied around me in support, but I was told to seek out others, like myself, who were fighting the same fight and who I could walk next to on my journey to a better life, I was encouraged to join a support group. My first reaction was, I’m not a group person, I’m not going to like this, but, knowing doing it alone didn’t work, I took the suggestions and nervously sought out these groups. I was terrified, but found that what I had actually discovered was a new home. A place with like-minded people who understood what was in front of me, or were, just like me, starting this new way of life. Those people welcomed me, supported me and loved me long before I loved myself. They, all, became my saviors. And that’s not to say that those friends and family who had stood by me all those years weren’t, but there is nothing like someone standing by your side who understands what you’re going through, someone who’s been there, and said and done the things you have, those people, who walked before me, and showed me that there was, and is, hope, saved my life.

Our saviors can take many forms. As mentioned, they can be family, friends, co-workers, those like yourself who you meet through clubs or support groups, they can be clergy or members of religious or spiritual groups, or even fan clubs or conventions, anyone who lifts up your spirits and encourages you to be your best self and to move forward. And we may find that our saviors change as we do, we may look for different things, attributes or inspiration in those around us, that is OK, it means we’re learning and growing on our path and we’re looking to the next chapter of where we want to go, or what we want to work on next. Trust that you are being drawn to the people you are for a reason, and look at what you can learn from those people.

We are not meant to walk our journey alone, as someone who believed I could only trust myself, I had to learn that there are many trustworthy strong individuals out there who I could learn from, and, that trust, started with me. Having walked this path for over 13 ½ years I have had and have many saviors in my life, whether they are in my everyday life or I see them sporadically, or maybe not even at all anymore, they all have lifted me up, inspired me and encouraged me to move forward, and every one of them has played an integral role in me getting to where I am right now.

Find your saviors, hang on to them, listen to them, learn from them, and know they have been sent to you for a reason. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have what you would consider saviors in your life? Who are they? How did you find them? How have they saved you or helped you? How have you done the same for them? If you don’t know, ask them. What do you look to your saviors to help you with? How has what you look for changed? How have your saviors changed? We walk our paths with many others who are walking theirs, and together we help each other walk the sometimes challenging road as we navigate through life. Thank your saviors today for all they do for you, or have done, to get you where you are today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means you decided to look beyond the imperfections to find your own brand of happy.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blue Prevent Happiness

Accepting Happiness

We say we want to be happy, but how many of us are not accepting of it when it appears? Or, even know what happiness truly is?

When I was living in the darkness I would say I just wanted to be happy. But my idea of happiness back then, most of the time, was getting what I wanted when I wanted it, something that wasn’t going to happen most of the time, even on the best days. I also had never really asked myself what makes me happy, outside of material things or career goals, I placed all  my happiness in those to areas, the first, which was fleeting because the happiness I first experienced from that material item quickly vanished, and the second, my career, which, for the most part, was out of my control a lot of the time. Those were two tough places to solely make responsible for my happiness, and ultimately, are rather empty.

I realized in my recovery that my happiness was actually contingent on me believing I was deserving of it. Up until that point, as much as I longed to be happy, I didn’t really believe I deserved to be, well, at least that’s what my disease told me, and I had believed it for far too long. It was time to find out what truly made me happy, and what happiness truly was! I set out to find out, and started with the things I was most grateful for, those things made me happy, and using those as a foundation I was able to look for more things, and as I trained my brain to work from a place of gratitude I started to find happiness, for, low and behold, it had always been within my reach, I had just directed it in the wrong places. Even when things were dark, I still had it within my power to find happiness, to let some light in to that dark place with acknowledging the good, even if it was only one good thing, I could let it in, plant it, and let it grow. Knowing that I had the power to accept, have and nurture happiness made me feel good, and I started to look for it everywhere in my life, even in the smallest of things, even just being there for a friend or someone in need. I learned that it was within those selfless acts that I found an unexpected happiness, to have thought or acted outside of myself to show kindness to someone else, and as I did that I became more accepting of happiness in myself, because I knew I deserved it, but I also learned that the more happiness I had, the more I had to share.

We all want to be happy, but what is happiness to you? And, do you believe you are deserving of it? You are, we all are. But if you don’t believe you are you may, like I did, look for it in the wrong places, or not accept it when it’s there. Ask yourself what truly makes you happy, start there, seek more of that, share your happiness with others and watch it grow, you never know, you may one day find yourself, you guessed it, happy! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you consider yourself happy? What makes you happy? Do you have many things in your life that make you happy? If not, why not? What can you do to find more happiness in your life? Do you have trouble accepting happiness? Do you feel you deserve it? If not, why not? You do SLAYER, we all deserve to be happy, and our happiness is conditional on us believing we should be happy, finding happiness and sharing it. When you find happiness in your life, let it in, and know it’s there because it should be and, you should be happy.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you