Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Let your freak flags fly today, be your authentic self, share your unique talents, it is when we are able to see through someone else’s eyes that our own world gets bigger.

SLAY on!

New blog goes up Friday morning!

State Of Slay Weird People

Slay Talk Live Video

Hello SLAYERS! The first SLAY TALK LIVE just finished, it was a great hour of conversation and sharing. You can watch the broadcast below if you missed it, and hope you join us next month for the next one.

SLAY on!

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

For most of my life, I placed a lot of importance on what others thought of me. I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time, but I did. I navigated through life hiding who I really was. I may have felt like a freak, but I thought that was a bad thing, and I wasn’t going to let you see it.

Many of us present different versions of ourselves to the world. Sometimes, we need to wear different hats, especially in professional settings. For me, there’s a professional hat—the one I wear at work functions, on set, or in meetings. But there’s also the Let Your Freak Flag Fly gal—the woman I now allow myself to be, the true me.

Don’t get me wrong. My “freak flag” self is still there at work, but she’s a little more subdued until I know my audience. In my personal life, though, I am living as my authentic self. I’ve touched on this in earlier blogs, but today I want to dive deeper into what that really means.


Who Am I, Really?

When I started my journey over 11 years ago, I had no idea who my “authentic self” was. Truthfully, she kind of scared me. I had spent years crafting a persona, and I was afraid of what I might discover underneath. I had never asked myself, Who am I? What do I like? What do I want?

I was too afraid to ask. I didn’t think I deserved the answers. I was too busy pretending or numbing myself to even consider them. The more I hid behind a façade, the more lost I became. It felt like I was trapped in a black hole, and I had to fight my way out.


Say YES to New Experiences

I encourage you to ask yourself those same questions:
Who am I? What do I like? What do I want?

Don’t second-guess the answers. There’s an authentic you dying to get out, and it may take time to find that version of you. That’s OK. Life isn’t a game show—there’s no buzzer to tell you time’s up. You’re on your own timeline.

For me, the answers didn’t come right away. I was encouraged to say yes to new things, to explore and discover myself through experience. So I did. If someone invited me to do something I’d never done, I said yes—no matter how scary it seemed. What I discovered was that saying yes, even when it terrified me, became exciting. Each new experience helped me learn more about myself and gave me the courage to keep exploring.

If I hadn’t said yes for all those years, I wouldn’t have started this blog. The thought of opening up my innermost thoughts to all of you was terrifying 12 years ago, but here I am—and I’m better for it.


Celebrate Your Uniqueness

When I teach (another thing I just said yes to!), I always tell my students to “let their freak flags fly.” That’s what makes each of us unique. It’s what sets you apart. And more importantly, it’s what makes you authentically you.

Discovering and celebrating your authentic self is the foundation for honoring, respecting, and loving yourself. It’s worth celebrating. We’re all different—a big YAY to that. How boring would the world be if we were all the same? Celebrate the things that set you apart. Celebrate you.

Trust me—whatever “freaky” thing you think you have or are, there are a whole bunch of people who will love you for it. I already do, you freak! Now, go out there and discover what makes your freak flag fly.


SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Does the thought of trying new things scare you? Why?

  • What was the last new thing you tried? What did you take away from it?

  • What makes you unique? Do you celebrate those things?

  • Challenge yourself to say yes to new experiences. Discover the magic of your authenticity.


Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’re going to say yes to this week to honor your authentic self?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to embrace their authentic self, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  What weakness can you turn into a strength? SLAY on.

New blog goes up Tuesday morning!

State Of Slay Strenth

Weaknesses Become Strengths

Yeah you read that right SLAYERS, those things we consider our weaknesses will become our strengths! Crazy right? Hear me out. All of the things in our lives that challenge us, when we learn to and choose to take the right action, make us stronger and better people. I know, you’re still skeptical, I used to be as well. But let’s first start with this…have you forgiven yourself yet? If you haven’t that’s still on your list of things you need to SLAY, if you have, this concept may not seem so far fetched. I know for myself all of the things I used to hate about myself are the things that made me stronger because I was able to overcome them, or realized they weren’t weaknesses at all, they just made me feel vulnerable, and one way to weed through these things was acceptance, listening non-forgivers?

Acceptance is really the answer to all our frustrations, and that doesn’t mean being a door mat and letting people walk all over us, it means, looking at things for what they are, truly are, with the facts, not our feelings, and then deciding what the next right thing to do is. There are always going to be things that we don’t want to accept, for instance I don’t really want to accept that someone I trusted betrayed me, fraudulently used my name and personal information for his own gain and now I’m paying the consequences of that, but I have to, and I have. Once we know the facts we are safe. We’ve already established that we are not in control of all things, we’re not, or we would have everything we want, and everything would look exactly how we think it should look, and well, we’d probably be on a really awesome vacation right now, but alas, we don’t control all things, but we wouldn’t be SLAYERS if we did, we wouldn’t get stronger, we wouldn’t learn how to accept when things don’t go our way, or when people don’t behave the way or how we expect them too. There are many things we just have to accept.

For me acceptance goes along with my spirituality, if I believe in something greater than myself, something that is looking out for me, it’s easier for me to accept things for what they are, because really, I only have my one perspective, I only know how my actions affect those immediately around me or myself, I have no idea what the bigger picture is or how what I do may affect others out of my immediate circle who are supposed to be affected by something I’m doing. I trust that, if I am connected and paying attention, that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to be doing, it’s a leap of faith I know, but you have to agree that when we are on the right path and doing things for the right reasons, ie: not for just ourselves, that things seem to go smoother, that people seem to come into our lives who can help and support us, or who are just of like mind, it’s those times, the times our “gut instinct” tells us to do something, that we are one with our purpose, so for me, when things don’t go my way, I try remember that it wasn’t meant for me, or I’m supposed to go through something for myself and quite possibly the other people in involved.

Great example of acceptance. I was stuck on the 405 in Los Angeles, late for a meeting, my frustration and anger were at a boiling point, I was 25 minutes late, I hate being late, when I finally get to my destination I see a fire truck and ambulance parked out front. I found out that a woman had lost control of her SUV and rammed right into a car parked behind the spot where I would have parked, about 25 minutes before I got there, meaning if I had been on time she would have slammed into my car, and quite possibly me getting out of it. I try to remember that story when I get stuck in traffic and say to myself, “you are exactly where you are supposed to be.”

We don’t always know or understand why things happen to us, but finding a way to acceptance saves us a lot of heartaches and is one of the ways that I have found peace, and a way I turned a weakness of trying to control or manipulate situations into a strength. I can now find patience when things are out of my control and trust the process. This can be done for any of those attributes we think are our weaknesses, even just the awareness of them make us stronger, but asking yourself if that attribute really does make you weak, or if it just gives you the illusion of weakness because it makes you human, vulnerable, or soft, if that’s the case, it’s not a weakness at all, but what makes you a loving caring individual, something to be proud of, and the more tools you get in your SLAYER chest, the more you’ll have the courage to wear them like a badge of honor. If they are truly something that is hindering you from living as your authentic self, then the work begins to throw them away, or at least keep them in check, these are old ideas that no longer serve you, and even though they may pop up, even in SLAYDOM, they can be told to take a hike because their services are no longer needed. It’s all part of the process SLAYER, be patient, loving and kind to yourself during your journey, but in the end, if it doesn’t serve you, you don’t need it, throw it away and own your power and strength. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Make a list of the things you have a hard time finding acceptance about. Ask yourself why? Are the reasons selfish or because of fear? What attributes or habits stand in your way of you living as your authentic self? Make a list, ask that those attributes or habits be taken away, light the list on fire and watch the burn away.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!

Look inward today to love and celebrate yourself, you have the power to change things, don’t give that away to outside things.

New blog goes up Sunday morning.

Until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happiness

 

Outside Fixes For An Inside Job

Oh I tried a lot of things to make myself “feel better,” or worse, if I was in the mindset to torture myself, which would come around often, but I had always felt like there was something missing, a void, or black hole somewhere deep inside that made me different than everyone else, I always felt like something was missing. That, coupled with my need to control all things lead me down some dark roads. I just wanted to feel better, whole, perfect. I tried doing that with food, drink, sugar, shopping, moves to new cities, relationships, work, but nothing I did seemed to fill that hole, I was trying to solve an inside problem with outside things.

We all have our crutches, something we use to make ourselves feel better, or to forget, and sometimes it’s just nice to “get away” from the rumblings in our heads or that feeling of doom, but for me, as those rumblings got louder and the doom seemed overwhelming so did the crutches I was using to “get by,” I had stopped using them as a “crutch” and I was really using them as a way to live, and not actually fixing the problem.

The problem for me was not having an inner peace, not having self-love and acceptance, acceptance of myself and everything around me. It was hard for me to be quiet and just sit with my thoughts. In the past I had found that yoga had helped me and then I had stopped going for many years, never asking myself why. I would go to new studios, pick up the schedule, and never go to a class. It wasn’t until I made a conscious decision to work on myself that I realized why, I was afraid to sit quietly and listen to what my head was telling me. It was like all of my self-hatred, fears, and resentments had a microphone and a venue to scream at me. I had to learn, as I was healing, to sit in the uncomfortableness, to tell those thoughts and voices to shut up because they were lying to me, I had to replace them with positive affirmations, and at the very least, focus on my breath, I often would breath in and out saying to myself, “breath in the good shit, breath out the bad shit” and visual that, visually seeing white light coming in and the black coming out. It took time, and some days were better than others, and those voices can still pop up from time to time, usually if I am in H.A.L.T., Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, more on that later, but I know now to focus on the good and let the lies my head tells me pass, they always do.

For me, also, it was finding a way to ground myself spiritually, which is different for everyone. I found it’s a belief in something greater than myself looking out for me, I’ve had far too many examples in my life of something or someone stepping in when I could not or would not help myself, to not believe in something, even if it’s the universe around us, or a group of people in your life, you alone are not “God” or in control. When I was able to find something that worked for me, and connect with it, I was able to fill that void, and I no longer felt the need to try to fill it with the vices or crutches from my past because I was feeling fulfilled. I also found that giving back filled, and does fill, that void, which was my motivation for starting this blog, you have to give it back to keep it.

Today I make sure I do the things I need to do connect to my spirituality, whether sitting in silence, walking in nature, taking a yoga class, yes I’m back, or reading from books that help me to see things in the right perspective. It’s something that felt strange with at first, but the more I did it, the connected I felt, and do feel. Nothing we grab for on the outside will fix our inside, trust me, I tried. Today I want to be present and aware of my feelings, not hide from them, hiding from them nearly cost me my life, I won’t ever give them that much power over me again.

SLAY OF THE DAY: What does spirituality mean to you? Is it something that makes you uncomfortable? If so, why? If you could create someone or something that is looking over you, what attributes would they have? Why can’t you believe that is or what is looking over you today?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYERS!

When we love ourselves we exude love, we are able to share our love with others, love is all around us, and the love we share starts a ripple effect of love that touches everyone, even those we don’t know or have actually met.

I had someone come up to me years ago at a support group I attended weekly. This man walked up to me and said, “I want to say thank you.” I couldn’t remember ever really seeing this man before, it was a big group, and I knew we had never been introduced. I asked him “for what?”  He told he wanted to thank me for always being there. That for the first few months of coming there, the group, and me in particular, were the only consistent things in his life. Everything in his life was unpredictable and unstable, but that he knew if he made it there I would be here and that I would share your truth, and that gave him hope that everything was going to be alright.

It was a reminder how we affect everyone around us, even those we don’t know. Without even knowing, when we’re living as our authentic selves and giving out the love we have and want for ourselves, we can change someone’s day or life, without even knowing it.

New blog goes up Friday morning, until then….SLAY on!

State Of Slay Not Alone

Slaying Live Next Week

I’m going LIVE! That’s right SLAYERS, the second Wednesday of each month I’m going to go live and video chat with all you SLAYERS and talk all things SLAY!

You have been so inspiring and courageous in sharing your stories and struggles here on the blog and on social media, I want to open up the floor, or the web as it were, to take your questions and to talk about what the topics you want to talk about.

More details to follow on how to watch and participate so make sure you subscribe and follow so you don’t forget to join us for an hour of live SLAYER talk at 5:50pm PT / 8:30pm ET Wednesday June 14th.

To follow State Of Slay click on the menu button at the top right of the screen, pop your email address in, and you won’t miss a thing.

Until then SLAYERS….SLAY on!

You Are Not Alone

I used to feel so alone. I could be in a stadium full of people and feel completely alone. I didn’t realize that it was because of my actions that I felt alone. I had family, friends, and people I looked forward to seeing at work, but I always felt alone. It wasn’t until I started to work on myself and started to open up that I realized I could change that.

I was feeling alone because I wasn’t opening up to anyone, so even though I might be out with friends, and even having a good time, I had put up a barrier to keep people at a distance, again, I didn’t think that you would like me if you saw everything, so I had to keep the act going of everything being fine so you wouldn’t ask too many questions. After doing this for years and years, and things being anything but fine, that barrier seemed like an ocean, and I was standing on an island all by myself watching a ship go by full of people have the time of their life.

This ties into what we’ve already touched on, I had to let go. I had to stop worrying what people where going to think if I said I wasn’t OK, that I needed help, and needed someone to listen, I had to stop worrying that if I didn’t appear to be “perfect” people would still like me. I took a leap and trusted that the people I had so carefully allowed into my life would understand, that they wouldn’t judge me, and it would be OK. So I took the leap. I was terrified. I had never really told anyone anything that I perceived as “bad” about myself, I really didn’t know how this was going to go, but I knew that if I continued on the way I was, keeping everything in, that it would kill me, literally, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and there was just too much to stuff down, it just wouldn’t stay down.

I was shaking, but I reached out to a friend and spoke my truth. This was new territory for me, and I waited for a response. What happened was an outpouring of love, and because I let down my walls I felt closer, more of a connection to this friend, someone who had been in my life for many years, and I had never really let in. It felt so good to come clean and be honest that I called all the people in my life and told them what was going on, I suddenly felt like all of those people had formed a circle around me, supporting me, and offering me their strength when I needed it most. I realized that letting someone in and sharing, what I may think is something awful or challenging, helps us to connect to those around us, whether it’s because they’ve also shared that experience, or they just can understand. It’s those human experiences that connect us and make us stronger. It felt freeing to let it all go, and for those who didn’t understand or backed away, there weren’t many, but they weren’t meant to continue to be a part of my life, our story together had come to an end, but my journey was to continue surrounded by people who did want to listen, who cared, and loved me no matter what. It has been through their strength, and others, that I have been able to walk through some really challenging times because I know I have an army around me, and, I really am not alone because I choose not to be.

It can be difficult to find this in our lives, sometimes circumstances, or geography, make that hard, but we have so many ways to reach out nowadays, and so many ways to connect with like-minded individuals, it’s easier than ever to go and find your tribe, if it’s not already in your life, or expand the one you have, whether bonding over common interests or hobbies, or joining groups who share your goals. I also hope we can start our own circle of SLAYERS, to share our common experiences and support one another. As I’ve said, there is strength in numbers, we alone can accomplish a lot, but we as a group are unstoppable!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What stops you from reaching out to others? What do you think will happen if you do? Is this a fact or a fear? What can you do to overcome that obstacle? If you have a difficult time opening up I encourage you to do it here, to reach out, we are just like you and, we want to welcome you to the fold.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you