In the past I placed a lot of importance on what you thought of me, I would have never have let you known that, but I did. I also navigated through life hiding who I really was, I may have felt like a freak, but I thought of that as a bad thing, and I wasn’t going to let you see that. I think for many of us we have a few different versions of ourselves that we let the world see, and sometimes we do have to wear different hats in our lives, for me, there’s a professional hat, the one I wear when I’m at a work function , on set, or a meeting, and then there’s this gal, the LET YOUR FREAK FLY gal, who is the woman I now allow myself to be, the true me. Now don’t get my wrong, the freak fly gal is still going to work with me, but she’s a little more subdued, until I get to know my audience, because in a professional setting I need to be, well professional, but what I am most proud of now is that in my personal life I am living as my authentic self. Now, I’ve talked a little bit about that in earlier blogs, but today I wanted to talk about it in more depth.
When I started out on this journey over 11 years ago, I had no idea who the heck my “authentic self” was, and truthfully, she kind of scared me, I’d spent most of my life crafting this persona, finding out who I really was could mess all that work up. I had never asked myself what I wanted, what I liked, or who I was, because I was too afraid to ask, I didn’t think I deserved it anyway, and, I was too busy pretending to be someone else or numbing myself that those questions never seemed to get answered, and the more I pretended to be someone else, the more my authentic self was lost. It was like I was in a black hole, and I had to fight my way out.
I encourage you to take the time to ask yourself the questions above, who are you, what do you like, and what do you want, and don’t second guess the answers, there’s an authentic you dying to get out, and it may take time to find that you, but that’s OK, life is not a game show, there’s no buzzer that’s going to sound off because the time ran out, you are on your own timeline, and sometimes it takes, well, time. But take the time to ask yourself those questions. For me, I didn’t always get answers right away, so I was encouraged to say yes to new things so that maybe I might find out, and that’s what I did. If someone invited me to do something I had never done, I said yes, no matter how much it scared me or how little I knew about it, I just said yes. What I learned from that was what I liked and wanted to do, and, that saying yes without knowing everything can be scary, but doing things that scared me started to become exciting, because the more I did them the healthier I was becoming, I was stepping outside of my comfort zone, and, the more more I stepped out, the more I was learning about myself. Say YES. If I hadn’t said yes for all those years, there is no way I would have started this blog. The thought, 12 years ago of opening up to all of you and telling you my innermost thoughts was terrifying, cringe worthy, and yet, after all these years of saying yes, here I am, and I am better for it.
When I teach, another thing I just said yes to, I always tell my students to “let their freak flags fly” because that is what makes us all unique, it makes you different than everybody else and what sets you apart, and, what I’m really saying is, it makes you authentically you! Discovering what makes you authentically you is what is going to give you a part of your foundation that’s going to allow you to honor, respect, and love yourself, it’s something to celebrate. We are all different, a big YAY to that, how boring would the world be if we were all the same, so celebrate those things that set you apart, celebrate you, and trust me, whatever freaky thing you think you have or are, there are a whole bunch of people who will love you for it, I already do you freak! Go out and discover you, and, what makes your freak flag fly!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Does the thought of new things in your life scare you? If yes, why? What was the last new thing you tried doing? What did you take away from doing that? What is it that makes you unique? Do you celebrate those things? Celebrate them and challenge yourself to say yes to new things.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you