truth

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! We all make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt someone as a result of our actions, but it is how we take action after the fact that defines who we are. If and when it’s possible a simple ‘sorry’ isn’t always enough, it’s taking responsibility for the damage caused, and making amends to correct the behavior in the future or fixing the damage. We may think that we’ve done permanent damage, but miracles happen when we are open and honest about what we’ve done, the relationship may even strengthen where it had been weak.

New blog goes up Friday until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flowers

SLAY TALK LIVE Video

For you SLAYERS who weren’t able to join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!

When Sorry Isn’t Enough

OK, we’ve all said it when we didn’t really mean it, when it would make us look good, we wanted something, or just wanted someone to go away, but, sorry isn’t good enough, even if we do mean it, what we need to do is amend the behavior that caused the incident in the first place. All too often we throw out ‘I’m sorry” without giving it much thought, like putting a band-aid on something without treating the wound. What we really should be doing is striving to do better, and to amend what got us there in the first place.

This falls under a lot of the things I’ve already talked about, was it acceptance, did we not accept a person or situation, did we manipulate, lie, or steal, or is it our people picker, is our “people picker” still off and we chose to get involved with someone who is not honoring our authentic selves or the way we’re living our lives, did our expectations get us in trouble, did we have expectations around something or someone and felt let down, what were our intentions, were our intentions true, and did we get the facts to find out what the other person’s intentions where? All of these things, and more, can get us in sticky situations that may need to be corrected, but sorry isn’t enough.

Sorry to me is something you say when you bump into someone, or speak over them by mistake, not in situations that involve decisions we’ve made or situations we’ve chosen to participate in. If we’ve made a conscious decision to engage and we’ve messed up we need to make an amends, not just say sorry.

So, what is the difference? Making an amends to someone, or yourself, is making a commitment to do better in the future, to work on not getting yourself in that situation as you move forward, and to repair any damage you may have caused. Sounds heavy right? Well, here’s the deal, it may sound like heavy lifting but what it truly does is lighten the load. Making an amends to someone is really the gold medal of apologies because it not only says “I’m sorry” but it takes it one step further by saying, “and here’s what I plan to do about it.” An amend takes action! And, that’s what we’re all about SLAYERS, taking positive action in our lives. I have seen firsthand in my own life how, seemingly irreparable relationships, or situations become not only fixed, but stronger after an amends. It can be scary to stand in front of someone and say, “I messed up, I’m sorry my actions caused, x, y, or z, but, here’s what I’m going to do about it.” But, I’ve seen miracles happen. Now, in making this declaration at no point do we make excuses for our behavior, we, using the “just the facts Ma’am” approach, declare what our part was, and then what we feel we can do to make it better. We also don’t point fingers at anyone else, remember, we are in charge of our own lives, who we are, what we feel, and what we do, so it’s not anyone else’s fault but our own if we messed up, and we all mess up, it’s how we deal with it after that makes us SLAYERS, or slackers. It’s about keeping our side of the street clean. We’ve worked hard on our streets, we don’t want to run around throwing garbage all over it.

Now, there might be times that we cannot, or should not, make an amends, oh, now I got your attention now, those of you looking for a way out, but we should not make an amends if it will hurt or do damage to the other person or persons involved, there’s a special amends for those things, a living amends. In those cases you can make an amends to yourself and make the commitment to yourself to change that behavior, continue to do better while moving forward. We may also find ourselves where we are not able to make an amends to someone because they are unreachable or have passed on, again a living amends works in those circumstances too, and, what I’ve done in the past is written a letter to that person then burned it to let it go.

No one is perfect, but a SLAYER doesn’t back away when ownership of a mistake needs to be taken, we stand up, explain what was done, and we take responsibility to do it right the next time. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Write down the names and situations where you think you owe an amends. Is there a person or institution you own an amends to? Are you hesitant to do it? Why? Next the names you’ve written down, what can you do, moving forward, to better the situation that has you owing an amends? Make a commitment to watch out for those as you move forward and instead of repeating it, do the next right thing.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

I’m Not Perfect, I’m Flawsome!

The photo that accompanies this post is one I never thought I’d share.

I’ve had it since 2003, and aside from the person who took it, I showed it to only one other person for years. Before I stepped onto this journey, there was no way I would have let anyone see it. In truth, it’s taken me more than a decade of healing to feel ready to share it at all.

That photo isn’t a picture of someone who had it together.
It isn’t the version of me I worked so hard to present to the world.

It’s a picture of a woman in pain.
In fear.
Holding on by a thread.

I look at her now and I recognize her immediately. She’s still inside me. But today, I feel compassion for her instead of shame. I understand what she was carrying. I understand why she was afraid. And I appreciate her—because she didn’t stay there.

She kept going.

And that’s what made her flawsome.

What Flawsome Really Means to Me

Flawsome isn’t pretending we don’t have flaws.
It’s not polishing them up or hiding them better.

Flawsome is learning to celebrate them.

It’s letting go of the impossible standard of perfection and choosing something real instead. Because perfection doesn’t exist—and chasing it only keeps us stuck in self-judgment.

Flawsome is turning the parts of yourself you once hated into sources of strength. It’s living authentically, loving yourself fully, and recognizing that who you are—right now—is already worthy.

Perfection isn’t attainable.
But flawsomeness is.

How I Learned to Become Flawsome

This didn’t happen overnight.

It came from learning who I actually am, not who I thought I needed to be. From loving myself unconditionally—even the parts I wanted to reject. From letting my freak flag fly instead of trying to tuck it away.

And yes, it came from forgiveness. Again.

Forgiving myself for the choices I made when I didn’t know better.
Forgiving myself for the years I spent believing I was unlovable.
Forgiving myself for thinking my flaws made me less-than.

Letting go of that judgment freed me in ways I never expected.

Loving Yourself Is the Work

I had to learn to look at myself with love—the same love I so easily offered to others.

To stop living in the past, replaying mistakes that couldn’t be undone.
To stop living in the future, chasing a version of myself I thought I had to become.

The only place healing actually happens is now.

I learned to focus on what I’m good at. To celebrate my strengths instead of obsessing over what I thought was broken. To build on my talents and share them with others.

One of the most powerful parts of being flawsome is letting other people see it. When we own who we are, we give others permission to do the same.

The Woman in That Photo Didn’t Stay There

There’s nothing flawsome about the woman in that photo—except this:

She didn’t give up.

With every bit of strength she had, she fought for herself. She started a journey toward healing and self-love. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t fast. And yes, she put herself through hell for years after that picture was taken.

But she got there.

And now, that woman is me—writing these words.

That’s flawsome.

If You’re Struggling Right Now

If you’re feeling lost, empty, beaten down, or hopeless—please hear this:

Today can be the first day of the rest of your life.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to decide that you’re worth fighting for. The journey won’t be easy, but I promise you—it’s worth every step.

And you don’t walk it alone.

You have all of us SLAYERS walking beside you.

So go out there today and be flawsome.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What parts of yourself have you labeled as flaws?
L: How have those “flaws” actually shaped your strength or resilience?
A: What would change if you looked at yourself with compassion instead of judgment?
Y: How can you begin turning what you’ve judged into something flawsome?

Make a commitment today to stop judging yourself. When something comes up that you usually criticize, pause. Smile. Ask yourself how you can respond with love instead.

You’re learning.
Be kind to yourself on the way to SLAYDOM.
And never forget—you are flawsome.

 

Slayer Say

Good Morning SLAYER! When our intentions are in the right place, and we know what other people’s intentions are, we are less likely to cause or run into problems because of miscommunication or lack thereof. Make sure you let your intentions be known and don’t be afraid to ask what someone else’s are. Everyone has their own reasons for getting involved and when you know the facts, you are safe.

New blog goes up Sunday…until then, SLAY on!

State Of Slay Intentions

Intentions: The Truthseeker

Oh yeah, there’s no hiding from this one. Intentions. Just as important as it is to know someone else’s intentions it is also important to know our own, and to own it! Before stepping foot on this journey my intentions were always self seeking, they were, looking back it was always all about me because I was the victim, I was the one wronged who was owed something from life, and even though I would twist my intentions in my mind and always have a favorable answer to make myself look better, the truth of the matter was, my intentions were always self motivated, whether to try to manipulate the outcome or to tear someone else down to make myself look and feel better. Yup. Pretty huh? But, that’s the honest truth. The good news is I’m not that person anymore, and neither or you. When we decided to walk on a path of self love and living as our authentic selves we left our old selves behind, and even though they may run up behind us sometimes wanting in on the action, and sometimes might even get in on the action, we now have the power to tell them to take off, we don’t need them anymore, and quite frankly, they’re dimming our light!

Intentions can be tricky, especially when the heart or ego get involved, we may tell ourselves we have the best of intentions but we have to look at the cold hard facts. I’ve mentioned before that feelings aren’t facts, feelings like to come in and muddy up our thinking, and they’re really convincing at times and talk a good game, but what we need to do is ask them to step aside, they’ll probably get their feelings hurt, they’re feelings, that’s what they do, but what we need to to do is look at the facts of the situation. Whenever we are in doubt, we need to ask ourselves, what are my intentions in wanting to do this, or for doing it? If they are self-seeking, manipulative, or damaging to us or anyone else, stop, do not proceed, step back and take a breath. You should not be doing what you are doing. If you are doing something only to get a response, stop. Do not proceed. Step back and take a breath. You should not be doing what you are doing. For example, if you are telling someone you love them just because you want or expect them to say it back, your intentions are off, you should only be telling someone you love them because, well you love them, and you want them to know it, regardless of how it’s received or if it’s returned or not. Those are the right intentions. On this path we should only be doing things we want to do, because we want to do them, OK, there are some things we don’t want to do, taxes being one of them, but that’s something we are required to do by law, so do that, but I’m talking about the choices we make every day to engage with other people, who we engage with, what we decide to get involved with, those acts, acts of “charity,” friendship, love, encouragement, etc, all of those things that can be disguised as good things, but can have ulterior motives. Be honest with yourself. Why do you want to do those things? Why do you want to get involved with that person or group? Why are you volunteering? If your intent is because you want to do it and not because of the result or how you could benefit, then you have the right intention. Anything else, abandon ship. Living as our authentic selves we want to keep “our side of the street clean,” to be honest and transparent with those people in our lives, it’s how we cultivate trust, and if we can trust ourselves with our intentions, we can start to trust others, and trust that we are also picking the right people and situations in our lives. A part of that, and the second part to intentions, is knowing, or asking what the other persons intentions are. I know, scary right? But, here’s what we’ve already talked about, when we know the facts, we are safe.

If we are clear on someone else’s intentions then we know why the other person is involved with us or the situation, and what they are willing to contribute, and if that isn’t in line with what our intentions are, then a conversation needs to happen, and perhaps, things shouldn’t move forward from there. I, myself, used to get into many awkward, or angry, situations because I would “assume” that everybody had the same intentions that I did, or knew mine, without ever asking or expressing them. As much as we are not mind readers, neither is anyone else. Speak your truth! You may not always hear what you want to hear, but at least you know the truth, then you can make the best decision for yourself. You are safe.

Intentions can be difficult, cunning at times, but if we are honest about why we’re doing something, and have the courage and self respect to ask others what their intentions are, we don’t run the risk of problems or disappointments down the road. We also don’t carry around guilt or are deceiving others about why we are really there. What are your intentions?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Before you agree to do something or take on a new project, do you ask yourself what your intentions are? Are they self-seeking or manipulative? Are you hoping to get something out of it? Are you afraid to ask others what their intentions are? Why? Do you do things to look good to others? Why do you do that? My challenge to you SLAYER, is to do something nice for someone today without them knowing about it, or telling anyone else what you’ve done, if they find out, or you tell it doesn’t count and you have to try again. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you