Support

Hand In Hand Is The Only Way To Land

Before walking this path I would freely tell people, I wasn’t a “group” person. I had always had a few close friends, but rarely did I even go out with them more than one or two at a time. I kept things small. Intimate. And, back then I couldn’t tell you why, but I knew that I felt uncomfortable in groups, in fact, many times I felt more alone in a group than I did when I was actually alone. I kept to myself back then, I would share some things with friends or family, but the dark stuff, the big stuff, I carried alone. I felt like I didn’t want to burden anyone else, but I also felt like, even though they might be friends, that I might be judged or thought of as weak if I let the truth out about who I was and what I was going through. As a result, I suffered a lot at my own hand, and I suffered a lot alone.

When I made a commitment to get better, it was suggested I join a group. I shivered. Panic shot through me at the thought of not only walking into a room of strangers but that I would be asked to share myself at a time that was my darkest, something I hadn’t even been doing with those I considered close. I was told that I didn’t have to take this journey alone, that there were many others who had walked this road before me, and who, like me, where also starting their journey. I was encouraged to reach out and get to know those who I identified with. As scary as that was at first, as I had a fear that people were collecting information about me and my private life, as crazy as that sounds now, I had some major trust issues to work through, but as I reached out my hand and said hello, that fear started to leave me. What happened was, when I opened up and shared my true self with those around me, they tended to do the same, whether it was new friends or old, that honesty closed the gap I had always felt between me and everyone around me. And, I started to become a “group” person, in fact, today, over 13 years later, I love those groups, and even if I don’t know anyone in it, I know we all sit there for a common purpose and we all share our truths because it helps us to get better and it helps those who may be just starting their journey and need to hear themselves in our stories, and, that it gets better.

Life will always do it’s thing, we have no control over what comes our way, but we can arm ourselves with a team of people who love and support us, so when things do hit the fan you’ve got as many helping hands as you may need. And the trick is to use them! For the support to work you have to reach out for those hands, and, take them. It doesn’t magically happen just by thinking about it. We are not mind-readers, ask for what you want and need. But also remember, that doesn’t mean that everyone is always able to be what you want and need exactly when you need it, so that’s why it’s important to build up that group, that network or extended family, so when you do fall, you’ve got those extra set of hands to help you back up.

It took me falling down as far as I did to realize that I didn’t have to fall that far, I could have reached out for the hands that were already around me, and even though they might not have understood exactly what I was going through, they would have understood I needed that hand, and I could have saved myself a lot of pain and misery.

No one walks their road alone, unless you choose to, but we’re not meant to, our lives, and the people in them come to us for a reason, and together we are stronger and capable of anything. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to keep to yourself or do you share what’s really going on for you? If you don’t share, what stops you? Have you shared in the past? What was the result? If it was good, why have you stopped? If it wasn’t good, why do you think that was? Did you reach out for help from the wrong person? Did you not share your total truth? Did you expect too much? What can you do differently next time for a better result? SLAYER, I could not have the life I have today without the support of others. And not only do they help me when I need a hand, but I get to do the same for them, which again helps me, it’s just how it works.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Live With Intent Not Out Of Habit

Before stepping on this path I lived out of habit. I was unhappy with the way I was living my life, but I did nothing to change it. Each day was like Groundhog Day, I just kept repeating the same behaviors and getting the same results, and yet, somehow, I hoped each that things would be different. They never were. Well, except they kept getting worse. My intent every day, back then, was to just disappear, to ignore the things I didn’t want to deal with and find ways to distract or numb myself so I wouldn’t feel. Now, I’m sure a few of you out there know ignoring something typically doesn’t make it go away. I had to learn to stop that cycle if I had any hope of getting better. Or even surviving the endless cycle I was in.

When I got on a path of recovery I realized I had a lot of habits I needed to break. I was told it takes 90 days to break a habit, I figured it probably took longer than that, but 90 days seemed like manageable number, so I set off, focusing on making positive changes to my life in those 90 days like my life depended on it, because it did. I did everything that was suggested, many things for the first time, or through anxiety or fear. But as I started to make better choices, and break those old habits, I started to feel better, it was tiny little steps at first, but they were there, and I could feel a shift. It wasn’t all easy going through the 90 days, the old me, and that negative self-talk in my head, wasn’t going to go down without a fight, and it got loud up there, but I learned to practice contrary action, to do the opposite of what my head was telling me and do what was right. Each time I did that, I not only took my power back but I took away the voice of that negative self-talk. I started to feel stronger, more confident and proud of taking my life back as I started to live with the intent of well-being, of peace and of better choices. It was within that space that I learned to love myself, something I had never done up until that point, because it was through those loving acts to myself that I found a love for myself, and on days when it slipped away I had the love and support of those around me to remind me how to find it.

It’s easy to live life as we always have, or as our parents have, or friends or co-workers have, but is that really in line with how you feel or what you want for yourself? Have you even asked yourself what you want? I know I had, but then never took the steps to go and get it. And sometimes it’s a matter of knowing what we want and not knowing how to get it, that also rang true for me, and the thought of not knowing can paralyze us and keep us where we are. My journey has taught me that if I take the first steps, the steps I may know, and I make my intent clear, that the next few steps will appear in front of me, or someone will who will show me the way. It’s the intent that sets us in motion and then from there we need to take action and build that momentum to where we want to go. And, we may get in our own way and try to convince ourselves what we want isn’t attainable for us, but it is, one step at a time. I know, because I did it, and I am no different than you are.

We all walk this road together, and it’s easy to follow the pack, but ask yourself where it is you want to go on your journey, and instead of just walking on the same path you always have, walk with intent of where you want to go next. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live your life with intent or just do what you’ve always done? Have you asked yourself what you would like to do? Is that in line with how you’re living your life today? What steps can you take to live your life with intent? Where have you made mistakes in the past or gotten lazy in your resolve? What can you do to change that? Start each day with intent SLAYER, and if you’re unsure of what steps to take to get there, ask for help or look to someone who is living with intent that you may know for inspiration. We are not meant to stay stuck where we are, get yourself on a path that excites you and allows you to find and be your best you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Are Worth The Effort It Takes To Make You Feel Good

It’s difficult to believe you are worth fighting for if you hadn’t been taught that, have been in an abusive relationship, or believe you may have fallen too far back to ever see the light again. I know for myself, I wasn’t sure I worth fighting for, or, that I could come back from where I was. It’s tough to believe you are worthy of happiness when you feel so badly about yourself, or in my case, even hated yourself. How do you stop making choices that hurt yourself when that may be the only thing you’ve been taught, or, have become accustomed to living that way? It starts with you making decisions and choices that allow you to experience your own sense of worth and get you on a path of believing you are worth believing in.

For me, that journey started by joining a group that allowed me to be honest and open about who I was, what I had done, and where I wanted to go. It was that group that taught me to love myself, they showed me love before I was able to love myself, and through their love I was able to find some of my own. I also found, in identifying myself in their stories and struggles, I was able to find love and compassion for them, and ultimately, for myself. I knew I had a long road ahead of me, and truthfully, it’s a journey that never ends, it’s a daily effort to stay on this path, but it is much less laborious than it was at the start. With the help of those people, with the love of friends and family, and the guidance of professionals, I found a plan of what needed to be done to get me feeling stronger, better and brighter. And, I started to believe I was worth it. I started to focus on that work I know I needed to do, even the tough stuff, but I also focused on the stuff that made me feel good. I started to change my vocabulary, replacing I can’t, with I can, I will and I am, and I started to use that self-destructive energy I had been using to hurt myself for good, and started to practice saying the words to myself that I needed to hear, replacing the negative self-talk with positive encouraging words, enforcing that I was worth the work that needed to be done. As I did this I began to notice things change, shift, and those changes encouraged me to keep going. Today, knowing where I came from, I protect what I’ve worked so hard for, and am not willing to jeopardize it for anything or anyone. What I have today was earned. It started with a small amount of hope that I could have it, and has turned into the beautiful life I have today.

Find the words to say to yourself that you need to hear. Find a group of people, or maybe even one to start, to encourage you to be your best self. Do it because you’re worth it. Do it because you deserve it. Do you it because you believe in yourself, or believe you may believe in yourself one day. Make choices that show yourself that you believe in all of these things, and, believe in you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe you are worth the work? If not, why not? If you do, what have you done to improve yourself or your situation? If you are still working on believing, what can you do today to start to believe? Are there times that you have believed in the past? What changed that belief? What can you do to change it back, knowing you’ve had it before. If you explained to someone who didn’t know you, what words would you choose to describe yourself? How many of those adjectives are positive? How many are negative? What can you do to change those negatives to positives? SLAYER, you are worth the work. You deserve to be who you are meant to be. To shine bright, to share your beautiful unique spirit with the world, and to inspire others to do the same. Do things today that will convince you that you deserve the best.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for what you need the answer will always be no.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight? Don’t worry I’ve got you covered. I also wanted to say thank you to those who have participated and watched SLAY TALK LIVE over the past few years, this was my last scheduled livestream…time to move on and bring in some new ways to SLAY! Stay tuned…

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Missed us today for SLAY TALK LIVE? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Family isn’t always blood, it’s those people we choose to have in our lives who want us in theirs, who accept us for who we are, and would do anything to see us smile.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!