Good morning SLAYER! Staying in love with our sadness holds us in the past, when we let go and learn to live in the light we begin to see the beauty there, and the potential of what lies ahead.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
slay
Are You In Love With Your Sadness?
I have to admit, I was. I had a total love affair with my sadness. I loved it. Sat in it. Relished it. It was my identity, the cloak I wore to protect myself from the outside world, a cloak that I thought kept me safe, but was slowly killing me, keeping me alone, and more and more disconnected from the world around me.
I used to wear my sadness like a badge of honor, I thought it made me a martyr, that I would get up and grace anyone in the day made me a hero, that I could overcome my sadness just long enough to participate in life made me a superhero I thought. But it was all self-indulgent bullshit. My sadness was within my control. My sadness was my choice. My sadness didn’t make me a martyr, it made me prisoner, but a prisoner of my own prison, that I had made. I would tell myself I was safe there, better off there, and deserved to be there, I thought it protected me from getting hurt, but it was holding me back from living life, from exploring new things, and from moving forward from the pain of my past. Looking back it was selfish, I cheated, not only myself, but everyone in my life from getting to know the real me, from me fully being engaged in my life and theirs, and from ever opening my heart.
When I look back at those years now I feel, well, sad. I feel sad for that girl who thought she didn’t deserve better. I feel sad that she wasted so many years hiding in the darkness when she could be been shining bright in the light. I feel like I never want to go back to being that sad girl and give up what I have now.
We get to choose, we get to say who we are, and how we’re going to live our lives, and today I choose happiness, gratitude, and light, to be brave and step out of the shadows, to connect with others like me, and to challenge myself to walk tall and be proud of who I am. Sometimes that sad girl creeps back, she finds me, and sometimes she’s hard to shake off, but I’m not her anymore, that dark cloak doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel safe anymore, it feels dangerous, and heavy, and suffocating. Thankfully that cloak doesn’t stay on too long today, my love affair with it has long past, even though the voices in my head will tell me that’s who I am, where I belong, I know different, I feel different, so I work to leave it behind. We have the power to leave it behind. We hold the key. And that key is light, a bright shiny light. When we let our light shine that dark cloak starts to disappear, the sadness starts to disappear, and we feel the warmth of our hearts, and who we are, who we are meant to be, anything else is a lie, a lie that we tell ourselves when we are afraid and we try to romanticize the darkness to make it OK to live there.
For me it took drastic changes to lose my love of my sadness, and it was hard to start, but just by doing loving things every day, for myself and others, the cloak of sadness slowly started to slip off, it slowly lost it’s place in my life, and it slowly went away.
It takes far more courage to live in the light than to bask in the darkness of our own sadness. We as SLAYERS don’t fear the light, we don’t back down from challenges and the work it might take to have a life that have dreamed of, a life full of goodness, love, and light. It’s there for us, if we choose to take it, and if we choose to shed our sadness for something brighter.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a love affair with the sadness in your life? Is your sadness a place that you feel safe? Do you let it define you? Do you see how it can be keeping you from connecting with people and living life? What’s stopping you from letting it go? Is it worth giving up living a happy and full life to continue loving your sadness? What do you think you would gain by letting it go? Is your sadness even valid, or is it events from your past? You have the choice SLAYER to linger in your sadness, or to let it go and live your life. It’s your choice. Stand in the light and let it go, the love you may feel for it doesn’t compare to the love that is waiting for you if you let it go. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
You Are The Author Of Your Own Story
True story! You, and only you, are the author of your story, no one else gets to write your story, or tell it. You decide what your story is and how it’s going to unfold. We are not our past, or what’s happened to us, we have the power to walk tall, leave the past behind and start a new chapter, or a whole new book! Now as we were children we didn’t have a say in our own story, life rolled out in front of us without our consent most of the time, but as an adult we get to choose, we get to decide and we get to take control of our own story and choose what we want our story to be, we hold the key, our life is our story to tell.
Before stepping on this path I was always the victim. I always believed the life had it out for me, that it was out of my control and I was constantly being punished, and even if something good did happen, I thought it was really just life’s cruel little game so it could take it away from me later because I didn’t deserve it. None of that was true. Well, I made it true because I believed it. But the truth is, when I decided to get help, to live my life in acceptance, self love, and honor myself I realized that all of those blank pages in the chapters ahead were within my control and I could start telling a new story, my life wasn’t some runaway train that I was constantly trying to catch, or not get hit by, I was driving that train, and I had the power to slow it down and change tracks.
This blog has been a part of that story, and a way to combine the two, to share where I came from and how I live my life today, my current story. When I made a conscious decision to get help and do the work to heal and find a better life for myself, I changed my story, and took control of it. You also have that power, to take where you’ve come from and use that to tell the story you want to tell, one of survival, one of growth, one of love, and when you share your story you connect with other people who also have a similar story, or people who may find hope in your story and through that you find support and even more strength.
It’s also about doing the work. You, as the author, have to do the work to tell the story you want to tell, to have the life you want to live, otherwise it will be told by other people, places and things. Take ownership of your story and no one gets to tell you what your story is, or gets to tell it for you. The pen is in your hands and it only changes when you do. If you don’t like the story you’re telling right now, change it, do what you need to do so you are telling the right story, the right story for you, whatever you have to do. For me, my life depended on me changing my story, the story of my past was only going to lead me to one place, death, I had the gift of desperation to help me start a new story for myself, and once I started to believe I held the power to change my story, I got excited about it, I was no longer living as a victim, I took my power back because the power was all mine. And, it’s all yours.
When you think about your life, what you dreamed it would be, what you’re passionate about, who you’re passionate about, are you being true to your own story? Are you telling the story you want to tell? Are you the protagonist of your own story, the hero we’re all rooting for? Are you rooting for you? I certainly hope so. If not, you have some work to do SLAYER, but that’s OK, and, hopefully exciting because it’s time to start writing a new story, one you’re proud of, one your excited to share with others, and one that may unfold beyond your wildest dreams. It just may. But, you won’t know if you keep writing the same old tired story that isn’t serving you, and isn’t showing you in the best light, or your potential. Turn the page and start fresh.
Many times we don’t realize that our lives and stories are in our own hands, they are, and SLAYER, it is up to you to write the story you want to live and share with others, one that inspires you, excites you, and maybe helps someone else do the same. What do you want your story to be SLAYER? Start writing.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your current story reflect the story you want to tell? If not, why not? What’s stopping you from having the story of your dreams? What can you do to start writing the story you want to tell? Take action SLAYER, it’s up to you to do the work, and when you do, a new story will unfold, it’s on your hands. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! You deserve to find happiness, go out and find what makes you happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, if it makes you heart smile, that’s exactly where you want to be.
New blog goes up Friday!
SLAY on.
Slayer Say
Good Morning SLAYER! It’s a new week, what are you going to say yes to?
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Say Yes!
I was never a yes person. Before starting on this journey when I was asked to do something new, something I wasn’t sure about, especially with people I didn’t know, I would say no. It was too scary. What if I wasn’t good at it? What if I looked foolish? What if no one liked me? It was all too risky to jump into something without knowing the outcome. This comes back around to letting go and not having control of any given situation. Consequently I missed out. I missed out on trying something different, maybe something I would have liked, and perhaps I would even have liked the people and made some new friends, perhaps, but I wasn’t open to new people in my life, unless I could tell they were just as messed up as I was, or maybe more, at least then I wouldn’t feel so bad about myself. But when I decided to make an effort in my life to be positive and to do things differently, I was encouraged to always say yes. ALWAYS say yes I thought, that’s crazy. A series a “buts” came after that suggestion was made, we’ll get to those “buts” another day, I thought of every scenario of what I might be asked to do and it gave me anxiety to even think of saying yes to things when I didn’t know what would happen, but I had made a commitment to get better, so I took the suggestion.
As scary as it was, I started say yes. And, I can’t say that I loved everything I got involved in, or all the people, but I realized that I had closed myself off to so much of the world because of fear, and had pretended to be who I thought you had wanted me to be for so long, I didn’t really know what I liked or who I wanted to hang around with. I began to look at saying yes as an invitation to get to know myself, an adventure of learning about me, suddenly the thought of saying yes seemed exciting, and abundant, there’s a whole world out there I never opened myself up to. Saying yes became something of an adrenaline rush, like going over the first drop on a roller coaster, or learning to fly on a trapeze, I knew I couldn’t get hurt, but I felt the rush of trying something new. And, because I started doing that, I started to learn about myself, who the real me was, what I liked to do, and who I wanted to do it with. I also started to trust that the opportunities that were being presented to me were not happening randomly, they were all part of my journey and growth, and I started to look forward to them trying to figure out why they had come my way, or doing it anyway and looking for the reasons later, even if the reason turned out to be that I had just tried.
Some years back I got offered an opportunity to teach. I thought it was crazy. I had never taught anything, ever, and hadn’t been in any class since my one semester of collage before I dropped out to start my adventure into adulthood many, many, years ago. Even though I was well into my years of saying yes, I had some reservations, how the heck was I going to teach a 104 hour workshop? I explained that I had never taught before, and the response was that I had a lot of experience in my field and that was more important than having teaching experience, they said they would give me a syllabus and I would figure it out. I’m not going to lie, I think I was shaking a little bit. But, what my journey had taught me was to suit up and show up, I did the footwork and stayed out of the results. I asked for advice from friends who taught, I audited their classes, and I used the guidelines I was given. I said yes, jumped in… and it was incredible. Having now taught since that first workshop, I cherish the times I’ve had the opportunity to teach and work with others, to see their potential and growth, and to be able to encourage and champion that is such a gift. I still stay in contact with many of my students today, and they all inspire me. Had I said no, I would have cheated myself that experience.
This blog is another example of me saying yes. I have never, in a public forum, discussed any of the thoughts and ideas I have here, but all the signs seemed to point to this place, and instead of bowing down to fear, I said yes, and like teaching you all amaze and inspire me, and I cherish every one of you who have chosen to walk this path with me. Thank you for saying yes and joining me on this journey SLAYERS. And, keep saying that, YES!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you afraid to say yes to new things? Why is that? What are some of the things that you have said yes to in the last year? What happened when you did? If you didn’t say yes, what do you think would have happened. I challenge you to say yes this week, say yes to new things and see what happens. Things are changing SLAYER, I can feel it. YES!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Want Without Work Is Dead
We all want things, and there are days, or nights, that we sit and dream about the ways we would like them be, but wanting them and working for them are two different things. You have to take action. I used to sit at night and dream up all kinds of things that I wanted for myself, I could visualize it, then I would go bed, wake up, and do the same things I did the day before, never getting anywhere. I did that with a lot of things in my life and wondered why things didn’t change, they didn’t change because I didn’t change. Doing the same things that haven’t brought you happiness, self-love, and fulfillment are going to continue bringing the same thing, nothing, nothing but frustration, despair, and depression. It is up to you to do the work, and yeah, I know that sounds crappy, I mean, isn’t there some kind of pill or magical potion that you can take to make it better, no, no there isn’t. You have to roll up your sleeves, put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, and work, and talk, for things out to move forward.
I was famous for reading all kinds of inspirational things and walk around feeling, well inspired, ready to do something, and then I wouldn’t. So, my challenge to you, and hopefully you have, but my challenge to you is to do the work, the writing at the end of each of these blogs, they’re there for reason, and they’re all things I do and have done, questions I’ve been asked, and work I’ve done that has helped to get me to the place I am today. It’s hard sometimes to sit down and answer these honestly, without any bullshit, but there’s a reason for it.
For too long we have hid behind our disease, or being a victim, or our fear, no more! It’s time to pick up our swords, or pens, and go to battle. Go to battle for ourselves, fight through the fear, and maybe the cold hard facts of what we have done or not done, how much we may have harmed ourselves, but hiding from it, stuffing it down, numbing it, isn’t helping us, trust me, it almost cost me my life, and to that I say, I am not going down because I couldn’t get honest with myself, that is the ultimate loss, loosing you to you at your own hand because you didn’t fight for the most important person in your life, YOU.
I’m not going to lie, things might seem shaky, they will probably be uncomfortable, and they might feel upside down, THAT’S EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO BE! That means you are changing, shaking things up, breaking the patterns you have made in the past, that’s progress! We have to learn to get comfortable in our uncomfortableness, and you will, I did, I mean, there were days I felt like I was going to crawl out of skin, but I didn’t, it passes, and the more we do it, the easier it gets, and, the more we do it the more uncomfortable we get when we don’t do it. True story.
I know you have it in you SLAYER, you’ve come this far, and as I’ve said before, there is nothing that you have done, or a situation you’ve been in that hasn’t been done or happened before, people have managed to move passed it and make better lives for themselves, I have, and know many who have as well. If you find it’s getting too overwhelming or need help making sense of it all, ask for help, seek out someone, or a professional to help you put the pieces together, I have many times on my journey SLAYER, there’s no shame in asking for help along the way. The point is to move forward, learn from our past, our present, and find new tools for our SLAYER chest to move us forward with love and strength.
So, pick up your sword, call out your battle cry, scream, shout, summon all your strength and go to battle, for you! SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: My challenge to you SLAYER is to do the work. If you haven’t been doing the writing, go back and start, and if you have, re-read what you’ve written and see if what you’ve written has changed, if so update your answers, and be proud SLAYER, that’s growth. We SLAYERS don’t shy away from the truth, we are truth seekers, from ourselves and others, because when we live in truth we are safe. Don’t forget to smile, you are a SLAYING IT!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! You are special, so the people you pick to be in your life should also be special in their own ways. Choose people who honor you and love you for all the things that make you authentically you. If they don’t, their story in your life should come to an end, to make room for some new ones with happier endings.
New blog goes up Friday…until then, SLAY on!
People Picker
Yup we all have ’em, but a lot of ours are broken. I used to complain about the “awful people” in my life and the horrible things they did to me, but, it was me who let them into my life, and, participated in those relationships. When we’re not living in our truth, as our authentic selves, and we’re not loving and nurturing ourselves, we’re not making the best choices as to who we let into our lives. It’s not those people’s fault they are wreaking havoc in our lives, or disrespecting us, we’re the ones who invited them in, and, have let them stay!
There are certainly times when we don’t have a choice, but today we’re talking about most of the time, when we do, and honing your people picker starts with you, I think you may have started to see a trend here, everything starts with us, we have to manage who and what we let in, and for me I run that through some tests. What is this person’s intentions? Do they respect me? Do they listen? Do I like them? What do I like about them? Can I trust them? (oooh, that’s a big one, if they fail that one they have to go, no matter what else they may bring to the table). Trust, yeah. Before I started on this journey I did have people in my life I didn’t trust, because my people picker was based on wants and needs. What did I want or need from this person, there were a few people who I just wanted friendship, but there were many that had a purpose, and when they didn’t behave and do what I wanted them to do, or they didn’t fulfill that purpose, well, I got mad, and resentful. But, let’s go back to trust for a moment.
How can we trust someone else when we don’t trust ourselves? That’s the ticket really. We have to learn to trust ourselves, to honor ourselves, and know that we deserve to be surrounded by good people who love and respect us, but we have to honor and respect ourselves first. We have to get quiet sometimes and really ask ourselves for the truth, we know what it is, we just don’t always want to believe it or hear ourselves say it, but that “gut” instinct we all have, if we listen, it tells us, and sometimes it’s quite obvious we just choose to look the other way, or hope it will change. It won’t, until we change. It’s our job to trust we know what’s right, and, who should be in our lives. People tell us who they are, they show us, and it’s now SLAYER that we have believe them. We can’t make excuses for them anymore and let them in, or stay in, when who they are and what they are doesn’t fall in line with our authentic selves, we are living in our truth, and if someone else isn’t, or doesn’t respect yours, they have to go. And listen, I have a lot of compassion for someone who is trying, if I can see they’re doing the work, I can give someone a lot of leeway, but if they’re just spinning the same story over and over and it’s tampering with my peace of mind or my way of life, then they have to go. No, they have to go, there was no ‘but’ after that sentence SLAYER. Now, that doesn’t always mean forever, sometimes your path might meet up with that person again, if you both are on the same path, never say never, but for the time being, it’s the end of that story.
People, relationships, have chapters and stories in our lives, and sometimes they have to end, or are supposed to end, you know when that is, when it becomes the same struggle time after time, or they let us down over and over, or betray us, that story is meant to end, we are the authors, write THE END, and close that chapter.
As we learn to do this, and as we become clearer in our thinking, we become more and more protective of our hearts, are people picker gets better, more exact, but always looks for the facts, what are the people in our lives showing and telling us, believe them, you may need to move on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: How do you choose the people in your life? Are there people in our life you think shouldn’t be there? Why? Why do you think you’ve let them stay? Are you afraid to let them go? Why? Make a list of all of the people in your life, make pros/cons after each name, it should be obvious after you complete your list who should stay and who should go. If who should go scares you, know SLAYER, you are now honing your people picker, and even though it’s hard to say goodbye to who and what you know, you are starting a new chapter, a chapter filled with good people who love you for who you are. SLAY ON.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! Start off the week expecting the good, when we look for and expect the good, the good appears. The good may start just with you expecting it, or looking for it. Life still rolls along, challenging us, but when we honor ourselves, choosing carefully the people, places and things we get involved with, surrounding ourselves with things that honor us, we start to see life with a new belief and worth.
SLAY on!
New blog goes up Tuesday morning.
